Chapter 11
In which Hotch and Rossi debate Zack's mental state, Reid makes hot chocolate, Zack wonders quite how they've ended up here and Garcia gets a hit on some handwriting.
Hotch and Rossi only intended to drop the files back at the BAU. But then Dave found the bottle of scotch he kept in his office and they ended up on Hotch's chairs having a stiff drink. After the day they'd had, it was no wonder.
Hotch downed his first glass before pouring himself a second. Rossi shot him a look of concern. "Rough day?"
Hotch took a sip of his drink before answering. "You should have seen Zack," he said, thinking back to the horror he'd seen in Zack's eyes, the concern and hurt that had been mirrored in Reid's. "I'm amazed that he could sit there at the end of the day and listen to us discuss it."
"Only attached to Reid as a safety blanket, though," Rossi commented, and Hotch had to admit it was true. "That's not healthy."
"I know," Hotch replied. "But if Cam's right and he's got five years of untreated PTSD I'm amazed that he's held it together as well as he has. He's seeing a bureau psychiatrist tomorrow morning, no matter what fight he or Reid put up."
"Why are we only hearing of this now?" Rossi asked. "Surely it would make it into his file?"
"Remember how little information we got sent when Strauss originally handed us the files? Nothing on him was written down, they didn't want it in the system, they thought the best way was to handle it themselves."
"And we've seen how well that went." Rossi placed his drink down on the table. "We need to make sure Reid doesn't take too much of this on, Aaron, it's not just Zack that's close to breaking point."
"You think I don't know that?" Hotch responded. "I've spent half my day watching them out of their minds with concern for the other. Zack isn't terrified about what they'll do to him, he's terrified of what they'll do to Reid. I knew that sending Reid off with Zack's case file was a bad idea, but I never thought it would get this far." Hotch reached for the bottle. Rossi took it, paused a moment, and then poured Hotch a small measure.
"None of us did," Rossi said as he placed the bottle out of Hotch's reach.
Hotch knocked back the measure in a clean motion, and then placed the glass firmly on the table. "It's not going to end well, is it," he said, more as a statement than a question, but Rossi answered it anyway.
"No Aaron, I don't think it will."
-x-
Reid didn't know how he'd have managed to get him and Zack both home in one piece on the metro – it would have ended in tears – so he was grateful when Cam offered to drive the pair home. He ignored the piece of his brain which told him it was out of her way, and instead let the part of his brain which was looking at Zack, still too pale, still too wide eyed, take over.
Cam was sweet, told them to call her if anything came up, if they needed anything, and gave Zack a warm hug (which he wasn't expecting) and embraced Reid as well, before driving off.
It took them a while to stumble up the stairs to Reid's apartment door, fumbling with keys. They were both tired yet wired on tension and fear and anxiety. Last night had been bad, but it was different tonight.
"Are you hungry?" Reid asked quietly, as he dumped his leather satchel and coat.
"No," Zack answered. He looked at the couch, but there was a part of him that knew if he sat down on it he'd never get back up again.
Reid caught the glance towards the couch, along with the look of utter exhaustion on Zack's face. "Bedtime then. Do you want cocoa?"
"Please," was Zack's simple answer.
"I'll go make some then," Reid responded, heading towards the kitchen.
Reid went through the motions of cocoa, remembering how Zack liked it; a little bit of extra sugar, milk not scalding. While doing it he started to understand the attraction it held for Zack, the charm of making something for someone else.
He exited the kitchen, heading for the bedroom, only to notice that Zack was stood by the window. "Zack?" Reid asked, approaching cautiously.
Zack turned around. "I don't know if I can sleep tonight," he said.
Reid placed the mugs of cocoa down on the table next to the window before stepping over to Zack's side. Reid looked at him; his bleak pallor, moonlight hitting his skin in such a way to make him look even more ghastly pale than he usually did. The dark bags under his eyes, and a redness to them which showed how much of the day he'd spent near tears. "It'll be okay," Reid said, but his voice betrayed an uncertainty at the idea. "Sit down, drink your cocoa, you'll feel better."
Zack shook his head, and returned to staring out the window. Reid retrieved Zack's mug and wrapped the other man's hands around it. His fingers lingered, and Zack's gaze was drawn downwards to where their hands were entwined. "Trust me," Reid said.
Zack brought the mug up to his lips and gently blew on the cocoa before taking a sip. Reid smiled at him, and the corners of Zack's mouth tugged into the smallest smile back. "Thank you," Zack said.
"It's alright then?" Reid asked, before taking a sip from his own mug. He'd been concerned; Zack was the one who was responsible for such things.
"It's good," Zack said in return. He busied himself with the course of draining his mug. Reid did the same, only kept a careful watch on Zack. The day's events had unsettled him as much as they had unsettled Zack. There was a part of him still hoping that he'd wake up tomorrow morning and find this was all a dream.
Zack drained his mug, but made no move to set it back down. Instead, he gripped it tight. Reid could see him thinking hard, but he didn't want to disturb the delicate silence that had settled between them.
"I do," Zack said, breaking the quiet. Reid looked at him, with an eyebrow raised. "Trust you," he elaborated. Reid paused, wondering how on earth he could respond to that, but Zack got there first. "I trust you more than anyone else I know." He turned from looking out the window to meet Reid's gaze.
"And you still couldn't tell me?" Reid found the words escaping from his mouth before his brain caught up; an unexpected bitterness present in them.
Zack's eyes went wide as he winced. "I was scared," he said. "I'm still scared," he admitted.
Reid took a step forward into Zack's personal space, reaching out a hand to Zack's shoulder in a comforting gesture. Zack lent into the touch, and Reid found his hand sliding up Zack's neck to cup his jawline. His thumb caught a small wisp of hair behind Zack's ear. "I understand that," Reid said. "I think I'd be more concerned if you weren't." He removed his hand from Zack's jaw and averted his gaze. "I just—" He ran his hands through his hair, causing it to stand oddly on end. "I want you to feel like you can tell me everything. That you don't need to keep secrets anymore."
"I know that," Zack blurted.
Reid shot an accusatory glare back at Zack.
Zack wilted. "I do know. The execution's a little shaky," he said, looking up earnestly. "But I promise. I'm not keeping anything else a secret."
Reid bit back the laugh that almost rose in his throat. The weight of the last remaining secret - Zack's feelings - lay heavy between them. Zack cocked his head. A look of concern passed over his face. Reid got to it before Zack could posit the question. "I'm fine," he said. "Come here." He reached out, taking the mug from Zack's hands, placing it down and then wrapping Zack up in his arms.
Zack nuzzled into the nape of Spencer's neck. Reid pulled Zack tight to him with one arm, fist clenching in the back of his tee, his other hand cradling Zack's head. The sharp, clean smell of Zack's shampoo was all around. Zack clutched at the back of Spencer's shirt, the same way he had in Brennan's office earlier. He buried himself in the other man, trying to eliminate every iota of space between them, and Reid was quite happy to let him, embracing him back just as hard.
"I'm always going to be here for you," Reid whispered, his voice low in Zack's ear. "Always."
Zack pulled back. His hands lost their tight grip, and came round to fasten themselves to the front of Spencer's shirt. Reid lent into Zack unconsciously, trying to close the gap between them once again. When Zack tilted his head up to look Spencer in the eye, they were perilously close.
Reid could feel the ghost of Zack's breath on his lips. He was suddenly aware of every line of Zack's body, every part which was pressed against him, the fact that they were closer than they'd ever been and destroying every boundary of personal space which had ever existed between them. He still had one hand tangled in the ends of Zack's hair, and feared that he was clutching too tight in an attempt to ground himself.
If Zack was in pain, he didn't show it; he simply stared at Spencer as if enraptured. No one had ever looked at Reid that way. One of Zack's hands started a slow glide up the plane of Spencer's chest, with trepidation; it settled, curled, around Spencer's neck.
"Zack?" Reid asked, attempting to break the spell that has settled over them. It didn't work; Zack leaned in even closer. Reid was aware that he needed to step back, sever the connection between them before either one of them did something they'd regret. His brain screamed it at him, but he couldn't take his eyes off Zack, couldn't tear himself away.
Zack looked for acceptance in Spencer's eyes, that he wasn't imagining what was happening between them. "Spencer?" he breathed. He used the hand he had round Spencer's neck to tug him closer, but it was Reid who closed the gap to brush him mouth against Zack's.
Zack responded eagerly, pressing back into Spencer, using his hands to pull the other man close. Reid broke the kiss, taking a deep gasping breath, and then Zack's mouth was back on his. Reid cradled Zack's head as they exchanged a series of chaste open mouthed kisses, neither one of them willing to push too far.
They rested their foreheads against the other when they separated. Zack looked part giddy, part terrified, utterly unsure of what to do next. "And that secret—" Reid's words were shaky. "When were you going to mention that?"
Zack dropped his head, suddenly much more interested in the juncture of Spencer's neck and collarbone. "It didn't seem important," Zack muttered, mouthing at Spencer's pulse point. "I couldn't afford to lose you."
"You won't," Reid said, rubbing a circle between Zack's shoulder blades. Zack settled into Spencer's shoulder, slowly depositing more and more weight onto the other man. "We need to get you to bed."
Zack consented to be led towards Spencer's bedroom; there was no thought of them sleeping apart that night, even before their kiss. They undressed each other; Reid languidly sliding Zack's t-shirt over his head, and if Zack spent too long undoing the buttons on Reid's shirt, no one mentioned it. Spencer handed Zack another tee to sleep in, giving him another soft kiss when he pulled it over his head.
They settled into bed tangled up in each other; Spencer's fingers in Zack's hair, a leg slotted between a pair of thighs, arms that clung to each other. Wrapped in each other, it really was almost possible to forget the troubles of the day.
-x-
Reid experienced a strange trepidation as he and Zack rode the elevator up to the sixth floor. Zack, who was feeling stable after a restful night in Spencer's arms, took Reid's hand and squeezed. Reid smiled back down at him.
Their hands dropped as soon as they exited the elevator. They weren't ashamed of their relationship, but now was not the time to discuss it with the team. They'd barely had a chance to discuss it between themselves.
Rossi was waiting at the glass doors for them. "Reid, the rest of the team's already in the conference room," Rossi indicated. "Zack, you've got a psychiatric evaluation in twenty minutes, I'm going to take you over there now."
Zack's eyes went wide, and he looked desperately over at Reid, who had stopped dead in his tracks. "Why?" Reid asked.
"Hotch's orders. Even if he hadn't I think Strauss would be calling for one now," Rossi said back. "You should have had one when you came back from Iraq, so just consider it five years overdue."
Zack still looked like a deer caught in headlights. It didn't change the fact that Rossi was correct. Reid attempted to placate Zack. "Zack, it's just routine. We're just trying to make sure you're alright. Remember what I said last night?"
Zack nodded. "Of course Spencer." The promise that Reid would always be there for him.
"Good," Reid smiled. He walked into the BAU, leaving Zack in Rossi's capable hands.
"He's right you know," Rossi said, as he and Zack backtracked towards the elevator. "We are just trying to make sure you're okay. Nothing more than that. No one wants to send you back to the institution."
"I know," Zack said. "It's just difficult to remember that when I spent three years thinking I would never leave."
The Elevator dinged and Rossi and Zack stepped inside. "Kiddo, even if anyone actually thought it was a good idea – which we don't – Reid would never let it happen. Just let someone help."
Rossi hoped some of this was making it through to Zack. The last thing anyone needed was a repeat of yesterday's episodes.
-x-
When Reid walked into the round table room, everything was normal. He slid into his seat and he could almost pretend that it was a normal case. At least, until he saw the photographs of the Gormogon skeletons tacked to evidence boards.
"Now that we're all here," Hotch said, sitting up front as he always did. "Strauss has given us permission to stay on this case. The potential body count is too high for anyone to consider risking it, and Garcia—"
"We found something," Garcia blurted. "The handwriting recognition that we didn't think was going to get us anywhere?" She looked around at them all and only received blank stares back. "We totally got a hit."
She pressed a button and the case pictures appeared on screen. "1986, Las Vegas, Louise Chester went missing. Two weeks later her friend, who had been vigorously campaigning for her return, received a note telling her she'd never see Louise again."
"Vegas PD are pulling everything they have on her disappearance, and the local bureau office is waiting for our arrival," Hotch said.
"Is this all we got from the letters?" JJ asked. She'd left before they'd gotten into the letters the previous night.
"So far," Hotch confirmed. "We're still looking into them, but I consider this our most pressing lead."
"I'm running other missing persons cases in Vegas with a similar pattern, and I'll take it nationwide once that's done but I don't know how much use it will be," Garcia said. "The Victimology is so wide that we could potentially have hundreds of cases to look into. In addition, seeing as how ViCAP only started in 1985 tracking anything earlier than that is going to be extremely difficult."
"The Jeffersonian team are also reinvestigating whether they can tie identities to any of the D.C. Gormogon victims," Hotch said.
"With a little help from yours truly," Garcia said.
Hotch gathered the files that were before him and stood up. "Wheels up in thirty minutes." He turned to leave but then returned his attention to the team, stating, "Wendell Bray from the Jeffersonian will be joining us, we have him on permanent loan until this case closed."
