Her throat was burning and her palms sweaty as they clasped to the rim of the toilet seat. She switched off her mind, terrified what thoughts might run through her head yet she was still in control, forcing herself to do these things.
But suddenly, lost in the pain and sorrow, Danielle heard a voice and a creaking of a door. She didn't need to turn around; she knew she wasn't imagining it; Ronnie was standing right behind her. The thought that Ronnie now knew the truth crossed her mind and part of Danielle was relived, the burden of carrying around such a painful secret had been lifted. Whilst at the same time she was terrified about how Ronnie would react; how disgusted and ashamed she would be. Ronnie had caught Danielle at her lowest; hurt and vulnerable and she didn't have the strength to fight or deny the truth any longer if it was now out in the open.
Ronnie froze, almost paralysed by the sight of Danielle crouched over a toilet coughing and shaking. Her legs wanted to move and her mouth wanted to speak yet they didn't, instead Ronnie stood and with her eyes fixed on her little girl. "Sweetie" Ronnie managed to say, her voice trembling with fear and shock.
Danielle still had her back to Ronnie as she lifted her head up and leaned forward to flush the chain, watching as the blood and sick got swept away. Danielle took a deep breath and tried to get to her feet but she felt so weak and frail, her legs shaking uncontrollably. She managed to lift herself up and stand over the sink, splashing her face with water as one hand stayed firmly gripped on the edge of the sink.
But as Danielle glanced up to look in the mirror she almost fell back as her sweaty hands slipped off the sink rim. Ronnie reacted instantly, lunging forward to catch Danielle in her arms. "What's wrong" Ronnie cried as she rocked Danielle back and forth in her arms; mother and daughter lying in a heap on the bathroom floor. Danielle got lost in Ronnie's arms for a second, the words and truth nearly spilling out, but she managed to stop herself. "I...I just don't feel very well" Danielle muttered, struggling to speak because of the excruciating pain in her throat.
"Sweetie, its more than that" Ronnie said, she had tried to pretend everything was getting better but the sight of Danielle so upset and fragile made her realise the true depth of Danielle's anguish, even if she was still unaware of the problem behind it. "Look at you" Ronnie said, resting her hand under Danielle's chin so she could lift her head to face hers. Danielle started to struggle, her legs twitching as Ronnie realised she was trying to pull away and get up. Instead of holding her close like she wanted Ronnie wrapped her arms around Danielle's shoulders and helped her to her feet, moving her over to the sink.
Danielle shuffled around as Ronnie pulled away, taking a long gulp of water in the hope it would ease the burning in her throat. Danielle spat some of the water back out, traces of blood again lined the sink but Danielle immediately washed them away, careful to keep Ronnie's sight blocked so she couldn't see the evidence she was so desperate to hide.
Danielle took a deep breath and turned again to face her mother, their eyes locked together. Danielle tried to control her breathing, steady herself. Her heart was beating out of her chest and her throat raw, yet Danielle forced a weak smile to form across her face.
"Come and sit down" Ronnie said gently as she guided Danielle from the bathroom onto the sofa. Danielle carefully sat down, her weak limbs collapsing into the cotton cushions. Ronnie was terrified at the sight of Danielle still shaking so she placed her hands firmly on her knees, forcing her palms down in an effort to stop Danielle shaking uncontrollably. She knew that it wasn't the best course of action but she struggled to find the right words and she couldn't bear to see Danielle so distressed.
Danielle could see how Ronnie was struggling, her brow furrowed and eyes wide and tearful. "I'm fine, really" Danielle croaked. "You're not fine, you look and sound terrible" Ronnie stated firmly, not wanting to take Danielle's excuses when the truth sat before her.
"I just don't feel great, I think it's something I ate" Danielle replied, unwittingly dragging the issue of food into the conversation as she acted defensively against Ronnie's insistence that something was wrong.
"But you have hardly eaten anything for days" Ronnie replied, confused by Danielle's weak excuse. Danielle froze, Ronnie had noticed. This was her chance to tell Ronnie everything, explain and make her understand. It was Ronnie's chance to work out the truth, let the pieces of the puzzle slip into place. But before either had a chance Danielle's guard shot up. "That's because I have been feeling bad for days, think it was something I ate before that" Danielle said weakly.
Ronnie wanted to argue, find fault and untruth in Danielle's answer but instead she let it pass. Danielle was too weak to disagree and fight anymore and her answer made some sense, Danielle hadn't been eating a lot, looking ill and weak for some time. "Well we should get you to a doctor then" Ronnie said. She wished she could be more firm and authoritative, insist firmly on Danielle getting checked but she didn't want to force or push Danielle, not when she was ill and weak. That bossy and controlling side of Ronnie still remained yet with Danielle; she always felt it slip away uncontrollably.
"Just help me to bed, please" Danielle pleaded weakly. Ronnie nodded her head in acknowledgment. Neither said a word, they shared a brief glancing look before Ronnie wrapped her arms around Danielle shoulders and helped her up, almost dragging a limp Danielle to her room.
She lay Danielle on her mattress and watched her daughter drift off to sleep, giving in to the exhaustion as she found a place where she could finally switch off and relax, if only for a few hours. Ronnie tucked the sheets around her body tightly, straightening the duvet and pillows meticulously even though Danielle's restless sleep would soon make the act pointless. Ronnie gently pushed a strand of Danielle's fringe behind her ears and leant in to kiss her forehead.
Ronnie gazed lovingly at Danielle, the sight of her resting peacefully still left Ronnie worried but it gave her time to think. She glanced round the room, catching sight of the full plate of breakfast that sat on the floor. The issue of food lingered in Ronnie's mind; she had noticed Danielle not eating a lot recently, refusing the offer of food at nearly every opportunity. But each time she had pushed the matter further Danielle had found an answer. She didn't like to doubt her daughter but questions still remained.
Ronnie's mind exploded with questions and worries, part of her wanting to wake and confront Danielle but she knew that wasn't the answer. So instead Ronnie began to frantically think over the situation; was she really ill? Was that the innocent and truthful explanation that Danielle had insisted upon? What if she was pregnant? It had happened before with Paul and she had been with James for some time before the events in Weymouth, was this the secret that had lead to Danielle falling ill and pushing Ronnie away?
