Sins of The High School Flesh. Christmas Special.
Yes, it's back, one year later.
And sorry for this being late.
December 2012. Magenta's POV.
So now that the whole 2012 thing has been proved a hoax, I can safely say I'm definitely screwed in terms of Christmas shopping.
I haven't babysat for a while so I don't have any money from the creepy goldfish family, and my mom won't let me take any out of the bank. Nor will she give me any. I'll just have to get people cheap things.
...
Denton High School, December 10th.
The kids get into class and Ms Ratishki starts to write something on the board,
Ms Ratishki: I-C-E-B-R-E-A-K-E-R-S. What's that spell?
Betty: I'm not a baby, okay? I know how to spell Prindle.
Ms Ratishki: That's not even close.
Janet: It spells ICEBREAKERS. Ooh I'm so good at these, Hi, y'all, my name's Janet, you've known me since kindergarten, I'm Catholic, my favourite colour is pink, I collect kitchen appliances shaped like woodland animals and one thing I dislike is the fact that Magenta hasn't been expelled yet.
Magenta: I'm this close to hurting you.
The class starts to buzz until Ms Ratishki turns over Eddie's desk,
Ms Ratishki: OKAY, kids, back on track.
Betty: Randy's a sex train. And we had sex on a train once.
Ms Ratishki: I'M SICK OF THIS.
Brad: Can we get to the point?
Ms Ratishki: Yes, okay, the school is throwing the whole 10th to 12th grades a party for Christmas, all night. On the 20th.
Columbia: First, I'm Jewish, and second, are the refreshments apples and water? Because this school is-
Ms Ratishki: Don't question it, little child.
...
December 16th. The party is starting at the school, from the looks of it, it looks like Principal Ratishki decided to see how her precious pupils would react to alcohol. The second floor of the school has been transformed into a coked-up STD factory and Brad, Randall, Rockford, Ralph, Frank and Eddie are sitting in a row in the hallway.
Frank: Why in the hell are we here anyway?
Eddie: A lot of people are just doing it in the pool.
Frank and Rockford look at each other and run away down the hall.
Brad: Where are the girls anyway?
Randall: They're all getting high in the ladies room. Apparently Columbia got ecstacy from her cousin.
Brad: Wow, fun, I guess tomorrow I'll be dealing with a coked-up Magenta on Christmas Eve. That sounds great.
Ralph: Magenta wouldn't get high. She wouldn't, right? She said she was my friend... She said she wouldn't do that!
Brad: You're a child. I'm calling her.
...
Principal Ratishki is suddenly barged in on by her daughter dragging Frank and Rockford by their hair,
Principal Ratishki: Double-ya-tee-eff.
Other Ratishki: I caught these two doing it in the pool.
Rockford: Also, I confessed to Frank that I possess the ability to talk like a regular person. It's weird, y'all thought I couldn't.
Other Ratishki: Yeah, I wondered why you could sing and not talk.
...
The boys are sitting against the wall when the Dentonvale gang come and stand over them, Nation takes her top off and puts it in her back pocket,
Cosmo: Well if it ain't the Island of Misfit Toys.
Randall: Why the fuck are you here?
Cosmo: We ran out of Viagra at our party.
Eddie: You're 15 and you need Viagra?
Cosmo: No, but I take it to give Nat here what she deserves.
Randall: THAT. IS. YOUR. SISTER!
Brad: Randall, she's a girl.
Randall: She's an IT.
Nation: I ain't no It, not even in tag.
Brad: That wasn't funny or clever and neither are you.
Nation: I have a snowball in my back pocket with your name on it, sweetcheeks.
Eddie: YOU'RE WEARING A DRESS.
Nation: Did I say back pocket? I meant back pocket.
Ralph: You misunderstood girl...
Ralph stands up and hugs Nation as the other DVA children run away to the bathroom to find the girls.
Cosmo: THAT'S MINE, YOU STANK-ASS-
Ralph: No swearing in my school, this is a clean school, even though Rocky and Frank just had an adult playdate in the pool. They got caught, poor darlingses.
Nation: You have a pool?
Ralph: Didn't you see the banner outside?
Cosmo: Let's go have an adult playdate!
Ralph: All of us?!
Brad, Eddie and Randall: No, please.
Cosmo: Just me and this thing.
...
Ansalong comes into the bathroom,
Ansalong: Hi bitchies I want some coke.
Betty: It's ECSTACY you fatty-cake-fatty-cake-baker's-hoe.
Janet is sitting in the sink and sobbing.
Janet: PleaseGodletmeoutpleasepleas epleaseIwontsinoranythingify oujustletmeoutofhere...
Magenta: I'm taking off all my clothes.
Columbia: Okeydokes.
Magenta: Don't you order me around.
...
Back in Principal Ratishki's office,
Principal Ratishki: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LITTLE ASSCAKES, LYING TO US LIKE THAT.
Rockford: I'm a shy little cat so I just told everyone I never learned basic English.
Frank: I thought it was kind of hot, he could never tell me I looked fat in anything, even if I looked like my cousin Dennis.
Other Ratishki: Dennis?
Frank: Dennis Lord, we call him DeLordy though. He's in elementary school with Brad's brother Steve, he's really in love with Magenta and he can't seem to lose weight even though he's like ten.
Principal Ratishki: I didn't need to know that and your little cousin seems like someone I don't want to meet.
Frank: Yeah, he's a little creep.
...
Brad: So what you're basically saying is that you think it's normal to use Viagra at the age of 15?
Nation: It feels magical.
Randall: I hate you and everything about you.
Nation: And your house smells like celery but you don't hear me passing judgement.
Randall: You're shallow, and stupid and you're mean, so why are you still here?
Nation: Aren't we getting the brutal truth today.
Nation pulls a snowball out of a pocket in the back of her dress.
Nation: Majors is getting a face-full of this sexy nut-nut.
Brad: It's snow.
Brad gets a face-full of snowball.
Brad: ARE YOU ON CRACK?!
Nation: No ma'am, but you 'bout to, 'cause you just did.
Eddie: That's a line from The Help.
...
At the end of the party, the girls are all passed out (all except Janet of course) in the flatbed of Brad's mom's truck, the boys are all mushed in there too.
Brad: Is it rape if I kiss her right now?
Ralph: Potty-mouth. Swirl-swirl-swirl-flush. Aaaand paper, and don't put too much, it'll clog.
Brad: Randall, your sister is so beautiful.
Randall: You fucking pervert.
Frank: Are you still pissed because Nation wrapped her thong around your face?
Randall: It was red and it had lace, Genta has the same one.
Rockford: That teensy kid wears thongs?
Randall: When did you learn your ripped little ABCs?
Janet: I ate a pink pill. I ate it sooo good. Merry Christmas kiddles. And a Happy New Year...
