TITLE: Trading Spaces 12

RATING: R (slash warning m/m)

PAIRING: HG/SS, HP/DM, HP/HG (friendship), RW/HG/HP (friendship)

Chapter Twelve: Death Eaters Suck


Severus Snape was seated at his desk preparing the first lesson of the school year. Try as he might, he couldn't concentrate on the task at hand. His troubled thoughts circled around one Hermione Granger. The girl was a marvel and it was an understatement to say that he was impressed with both her intelligence and her resourcefulness. However, his admiration didn't trouble him. This was an acceptable feeling to have for a student. Appropriate. His other feelings for the girl were decidedly inappropriate.

Severus supposed that it was only natural. They had leapt over that boundary between teacher and student the night of that meeting. They hadn't even had a chance to mull over the ramifications of those actions. And Hermione and himself were spending a great deal of time alone together as well. It was to be expected that his thoughts drifted to her. She was a beautiful young woman and he was no different than any other man. Except that he was her teacher and she entrusted herself into his care. It would be unconscionable to violate that trust by making this into more than what it was. No matter how much he might want to.

Severus was saved from his thoughts by the sound of a bird's wings. He turned around and approached what he assumed was his own owl only it wasn't. Instead, a large raven sat on the window sill. Its oily black feathers and regal bearing were unmistakable. Tied around its leg was a piece of black parchment paper . . . a Death Eater missive.

"How. . . banal." Severus commented as he plucked the message from the bird's leg. "I don't suppose your going to croak 'Nevermore', are you?" The bird was wisely silent but continued to watch him with baleful eyes. Severus pulled his wand from his robes. "Incantus Finitem." The ominous bird reduced itself to a harmless barn owl.

"The hack couldn't even train real ravens." He opened the parchment paper. "Bugger."

The invitation was written in a red scrawling script. He idly wondered if it was blood. As usual, it was fraught with Lucius' tiresome attempts to be both sinister and jovial.

Come One, Come All

To the Black and Silver Ball

Celebrate the Beginning of the End

Malfoy Manor

Midnight

P.S. Don't forget to bring your toy.


Hermione awoke early this morning or more accurately had stayed up very late. She couldn't sleep no matter what she tried. Warm milk, a sedative, and even a gentle sleep charm had no effect. She was simply too anxious. School was starting today and Hermione was excited to start her last year. She was also going to see Ron whom she'd missed. There was also that peculiar conversation she'd had with Professor Snape the previous evening. If she didn't know better, she'd swear that she had a crush.

Hermione desperately needed to talk this over with someone so she went to Harry's room. She promised herself that she wouldn't get anywhere near his bed. He wouldn't give an unbiased opinion about Snape but she could probably use a cover story. A friend of a friend, etc. . .

"Harry?" She knocked. "Are you there?"

No answer.

Hermione peeked in the room. "Harry?"

The house elves had already made his bed and took his laundry. She bit her lower lip as she tried to think of where he might be. A sly thought came to mind but she doubted very much that he was in Draco Malfoy's room. Harry was still in denial about his feelings. So, where would he go to sort out said feelings?

"The Quidditch Field." She strode out of the boy's dormitory.

Hermione skidded to a halt in front of the bleachers. Dr. Tatterton was relaxing on a bench with a cup of coffee and watching a young man practice bludger drills.

"Holy Merlin! The man is shameless." She mumbled to herself as she marched up the stairs. He seduced her professor one night and was ogling Harry the next day.

"Hey!" She said quite loudly.

Troy was so startled he spilled coffee on his khakis. "Oh, hello there, Hermione, right?" His gaze slid to the half naked quidditch player once more and he rubbed at the dark patch on his knee absently. "You have a spell to take out coffee stains by any chance?"

"That's right. I'm Hermione Granger." She said as she plopped down beside him. She waved her wand and the coffee spot vanished. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought that was obvious." He gestured with his cup. "Sipping a good cup of java and enjoying the . . . view." Troy's lips curved in a licentious smile as he sipped his coffee. "I've got to give it to those Gremlins. This is good to the last drop."

"House elves," she corrected .

"Some of the staff warned me about you," he told her conversationally. "Do you want extra homework? Honors project?"

"I came to . . . warned? Warned?" She snapped. "I'm one of the best students at Hogwarts. I'm a prefect and got all A's in-"

"Yes, Sevvie filled me in on some of that. It's all the man could talk about." He made his hand into a mouth. "Yak. . .yak . . .yawn."

"About Sevvie, er Severus." Troy gave her a crafty glance. " I mean Professor Snape. I just wanted to tell you . . . er . . ." Hermione bit her lip in indecision. What? Back off! Good luck? "I-"

"Out with it, peach pie."

"I um, saw you and him, the other day. Oh! Not that I was spying." She laughed a little hysterically. "I mean, me, a spy! Who would believe that? But I-"

"Ah, I get it." He patted her hand. "I'm sorry you witnessed that pathetic display. Honestly, how was I to know he wasn't gay? Hello! How much can one man swish?"

Hermione's face lit up. "You mean, he's not . . . and you-"

"Most definitely are. Something must be wrong with my gaydar," Troy said thoughtfully. "I think it's the English factor."

Hermione thought back to her conversation with Severus and groaned. "I'm very stupid."

"I thought you were very smart." He eyed her. "So, why are you so interested in Snape, Plain and Tall. School girl crush?" He guessed.

"Of course not! I went through that already with Professor Lockhart. I was curious. That's all." She evaded his gaze.

"I see," Troy said, scratching his jaw. "No, I don't. What are you hiding, crumb cake?"

She needed to deflect his attention. "Wow! Look at Harry go!" She shaded her eyes with one slim hand as she looked up into the sky. That's when she realized that it wasn't Harry. It was Oliver Wood, the new quidditch Coach. He'd had to join them late because he played quidditch professionally and had just quit his job as a Keeper with the Montana Madrigals. "Huh, that's not Harry. It's Wood."

"What a stimulating name."

She blushed. "Oliver Wood," Hermione hastily corrected. "I used to go to school with him."

"I'll make sure to introduce myself," Troy said, eyes still on the young man. "Tell me, do you have Muggle Studies this year?"

"Yes, I'm taking the advanced section with you, Dr. Tatterton."

"Splendid. Please, call me Dr. Troy though."

"Forgive me for being impertinent, Dr. Troy, but why are you here? Strictly speaking, Muggles are rarely allowed here."

"I thought you knew." He turned to her. "I'm here to increase good will towards Muggles. From what I understand there have been a number of . . . incidents involving the Dead Beaters."

"Death Eaters," Hermione corrected him. "It must be Professor Dumbledore's idea," Hermione said appreciatively. "The Death Eaters are attacking Muggles and Muggle-borns. It makes sense to increase positive contact."

"Absolutely. I'm going to be introducing the school at large to Muggle culture. We're planning movie nights and even a concert or two."

"Not many of the so-called pure bloods know much of anything about the culture. I'm looking forward to your class."

"Okay, bored with that topic." His eyes pinned her. "Let's talk about Sevvie. I never did get a satisfactory answer out of you."

"I'd better go. I have plenty to do today." Hermione jumped up from her seat.

"Not so fast." He yanked her back down. "Tell me, peach pie."

She couldn't tell him that she was spying with Severus. She shuddered to think of what the Death Eaters would do to a Muggle professor if they found out he had information. "Oh, you guessed it. I have a crush on him," she said as lightly as possible. "He's smart and more amusing than you would think." She sat back and a smile played about her lips as she spoke. "He seems to know everything about anything too. Very well read. His library alone is--" She broke off. "Yes, alright ,I have a crush on him." Only this time she wasn't lying. To herself or to him.

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen." She held up a hand. "You don't need to give me a lecture. I know that this is going nowhere. It's against Hogwarts rules, for one. They'd fire him and probably expel me. Sev . . . Professor Snape thinks of me as a child too."

"I'm not so sure about that. When I spoke to him the other night he praised you and told me that I needed to leave so that he could prepare for your arrival." He winked conspiratorially. "Sevvie actually almost smiled when he talked about you." Hermione grinned. "Hmmm . . . and I think the good professor might feel the same way about you." Troy watched her carefully for a reaction and was delighted to see her cheeks flood with color. So that was the way the peach pie crumbled, eh? "You know you won't always be a student here."

"I know. But I'm not sure-"

"Well, there's only one way to find out, right?"

"What are you getting at it?"

"I'm saying that you might have to test the waters. I'm not condoning anything that would get you expelled but there's no harm in flirting."

"I don't know if I-"

"Don't worry about a thing. I'm going to help you. After all, just because I can't have Sevvie doesn't mean that you shouldn't." He patted her hand again. "Just consider me your Fairy Godfather."

Hermione was dubious. "Um, thank you?"


Hermione found Severus sitting on her bed. Crookshanks was occupying the chair at her desk as was his habit. Professor Snape was wise to not disturb him. That was a clawing offense. He was perched on the foot of the bed, near the edge. He looked like a child sitting outside the principal's office. He was unaware of her notice and she almost betrayed herself with a laugh as she saw him crane his neck to peruse her book shelf.

Deciding to end his misery, she placed her hands on her hips and said loudly but teasingly, "I thought we talked about this."

"Hermione." He shot to his feet, appearing alarmed by her presence.

"I'm kidding. You wouldn't have come here unless you had a good reason."

"Yes, well, it's actually a very bad reason." He pulled the missive from his pocket and handed it over.

Hermione read it over. "Blast."

"I'm afraid we're going to have to accelerate your training."

"Why does he want me there?" Hermione's brow furrowed in consternation. "I'm not a Death Eater. I don't even have the mark."

"Malfoy's testing us both, Hermione, and we must give a stellar performance," he said as gently as he could. However, she needed to be aware of the risks. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"If we make a error it might be a fatal one," she whispered, stricken.

"Exactly." His hand seemed to reach for hers on its own volition. She gratefully took it as they stood awkwardly in the center of her room. "Come, come." He squeezed her hand. "We can outwit them." His lips twisted into a smirk. "I've been doing it for years."

"What do we need to do?" Hermione asked. She wanted a task to do, something to occupy her mind.

"The first order of the day is image. You must present yourself as one of them. Originality is frowned on." She looked at him quizzically. "They parade around in matching masks and cloaks." Severus moved to her bed, for lack of a better place, and sat himself down. He looked a bit more comfortable there. "Do you have something suitable to wear?"

"I might," Hermione said as she turned to her closet. She pulled two gowns from the back and held them up on either side of her body for inspection. One was pink chiffon (courtesy of her mother) and the other was a midnight blue satin. She had brought them to school in hopes of being asked to one of the formal dances. They were both conservatively cut and had little in the way of decoration. Hermione had never been one for frills and bows. Both of the gowns were well suited to a school function but were inadequate for this type of formal social engagement.

"I trust you are still top of your class in transfiguration?"

"Yes." It was said without vanity. "You want me to change them?"

"One of them, at least. They need to be longer, floor length. It is a black and silver ball so the color will need to be changed as well." Severus stood up and cast a critical eye on the garments. He plucked the midnight blue dress from her grasp. "You can put the pink menace away, I think."

Hermione's lips twitched. "I just want you to know that I didn't pick that one out." She put it back in the closet.

"I have no doubt."

Hermione grabbed her wand and focused on the garment. She'd seen a dress that appealed to her at the department store while shopping with her mother. However, it had been far too expensive. "Transforment vetement!" The gown spread down to the floor under a black fall of tulle which was gathered at the waist. The puffed sleeves disappeared to be replaced by a silver strapless bodice and a line of embroidered flowers. "Perfect." She pulled a throw blanket from her chair and waived her wand again. "Transforment vetement!" It transformed into a matching tulle shawl. "Very good, Hermione." Severus said. He handed her the magic garments and she hung them on the hook beside her closet. "I couldn't have done it better myself." She arched a brow. "Really. I couldn't. Transfiguration was a nightmare for me."

"What else do we need to do?"

"You realize that you and I will have to appear to be enthusiastic to a certain degree. In the social aspect at least. There may be . . . amusements there that will shock you."

"Like?"

He sighed. "They're a decadent lot, Hermione. Hedonistic. They seek pleasure in all its many forms. Drink, drugs." Severus couldn't look her in the eyes. "Sex, wealth, and power. I could try to predict what we might find there but I never do their depravity justice."

Hermione was finding it difficult to breathe. "I'm going to be thrown in over my head, aren't I?"

"And if you can't swim you'll sink us both." His expression was grave. "I'm loathe to put more pressure on you but I don't have a choice. You must appear indifferent to anything that you find unpalatable. Unaffected by what goes on. This is going to be difficult and very, very dangerous." Severus took her by the shoulders. "I'll be there to guide you, Hermione. Trust me."

"I do." She was caught in his eyes.

"They will expect us to be intimate with one another as well."

"I know."

"We haven't had time to pursue that particular aspect of your new role yet."

"I guess we'll have to wing it," Hermione said, breaking the tension between them.

Severus cupped her face in his hands. "I want to warn you, I have to be a different person there. Like I was at the meeting, only more so."

"Different? Oh, you mean evil?" An image of the book imitating him flashed before her eyes, and she held back a laugh.

"Well, yes." He frowned. "This is serious."

"I can handle it." She smiled. "I'll just pretend I'm in your class again."

Suddenly, he tugged her close to him, holding her tightly. "I'm glad you still have a sense of humor."

She stared up at him. "The sardonic position was already taken."

He leaned in, and her breath caught in her throat. Was he going to kiss her? He started to close his eyes, and caught site of her locket, lying open around her neck. In the picture, Harry and Ron were staring at him, angrily. Severus realized that they were alone in her bedroom, and reminded himself that she was a student. His student. He turned his face at the last moment and kissed her forehead instead. "It's almost time for the train to arrive."

She frowned, surreptitiously searching for snakes. No, green and blue spies. What had gone wrong? What did it take to get your teacher-slash-pretend-boyfriend-so-you-can-be-a-spy to kiss you? "Um, yes, I guess so."

"You should come to me tonight." She raised a brow at him. He cursed. "Well, I can't very well strut through Slytherin in a tux up to your room, can I?"

"And I can come down in a dress to talk potions with you?" She pointed out. He cursed again.

"You're going to have to change in my room." Severus sighed. "And I need you to let Draco in, he'll have to change there as well."

"What's wrong?"

"I just realized how this might appear to the casual observer." Severus contemplated. "We have to appear that we're dating, but try to hide it from everyone."

"I have a really bad idea."

"Yes?"

"I'll date Draco."

"No."

"It would be the perfect alibi," she pointed out. "The Jr. Death Eaters will know that it's just a front for my relationship with you, and it'll be legitimately worth hiding from everyone else."

"You're saying that you want to date other people?"

"No, I want to pretend to date other people."

"There must be another solution," Severus insisted.

"Sure, the obvious one. I doubt that you want to get a reputation, professor."

"Point taken. But you're only pretending to date me and the boy so doesn't that give you two pretend boyfriends?" He beamed at her. "That's very - "

"Slytherin of me?"

"Yes." Severus silently hoped that the rumors about Draco were true. "There will be no lying about in Draco's bed either."


"Will you two stop giggling? Show some respect." Griff-Gruff commanded yet he felt off too. It was strange to be doing this in the middle of the day, instead of night. It lost most of its pomp and circumstance. "This is a sacred duty. We are carrying on a tradition that has a long and illustrious history of-"

"Oh, shut up, Fliff-Fluff. It's not like they can hear ussss, anyway." Snippy's tail twitched in irritation.

Ahead of them, the bright red steam engine of the Hogwart's Express could be seen chugging towards them. Normally, this was a joyous sight but this year it was bittersweet. Usually, the train arrived in the magic of the night, but was now coming at an the innocuous hour of three in the afternoon for safety reasons. Earlier this morning, the professors and prefects had performed an elaborate protection ritual on the platform. Aurors, wearing robes emblazoned with the Ministry of Magic seal, were stationed on the train and beside the tracks. There was no doubt that the Wizarding World had changed around them.

All of the House mascots stared at one another, for once in their long existence, they put aside their rivalry. Griff-Gruff held out his paw in the center of the small group. Hazelheart placed his on top. Rune stretched out her wing to the pile. The snakes added their two tails to the mix.

The small but dignified griffin, who assumed he was the leader of the group , cleared his throat. "As Dumbledore said, Hogwarts to the very end!"

"To the end!" They all echoed. All of the mascots pulled away, seemingly uncomfortable about the reminder of how fragile their way of life was.

Hazelheart was the first to break the silence. "Well, peeps, I hope this group is chillier than the last. They totally crushed my start of the year groove . . ."

Rune glared at Snippy and Snarky who had burst out laughing at the memory of the three first years covered in sticky green goo after startling the badger. She started to reprimand them when she remembered that she was evil, now. She attempted a cackle. But she was knocked into by a heavy object.

"Oh, so sorry, Rune - wait, no I'm not! I'm corrupted, depraved even, and I did that on purpose."

Griff-Gruff whirled around in outraged horror. "How did you get here?"

"I walked," the book said slowly, so the feeble minded mascot could understand. "It was a sort of sinful amble, you know, not too fast, not too swishy. Rather like Snape. I've been practicing."

"You want to be like Snape? Ewww." Snarky shuddered. His eyes lit up mischeviously as he had a new bit of gossip to drop into the conversation. "I suppose you're kissing Hiney now, too?"

"What? Kissing who's hiney?" The book looked disgusted, Cover!Lockhart stuck out his tongue and made barfy faces. "I'm evil, not gross."

"Hey, Book, you're the one who wanted to be like Snape," Snippy pointed out.

"We didn't mean you were kissing butts -" The two of them broke out into laughter again at the thought of butts. "We meant Hermione."

"Hermione kisses butts?" Rune was pleased by that nugget of information.

"Can I point out how inappropriate this conversation is?" Griff-Gruff reprimanded.

"Chill, Gruffman." Haze wanted to know what was happening.

"No, she kisses Snape," Snippy clarified.

"Snape!" It was Griff-Gruff. "Why? Why would a Gryffindor like Hermione do that? I taught her better." He shook his head. "It's always the quiet ones."

"Well, we didn't actually see them kiss. Apparently, they don't like being watched," Snarky commented. "Who knew?"

"He was going to kiss Hermione!" Rune looked devastated.

"Well, he was planning on it, but he ended up kissing Tatterton instead."

"He's GAY!!" Rune couldn't believe her rotten luck. Wrong species and wrong gender.

"Well, that was kind of obvious, wasn't it?" Griff-Gruff sniffed. Meanwhile the train had pulled to a stop in front of the station. Griff-Gruff turned to the book. "You need to go away now."

"Ah, I see. A mascots only deal?" They all nodded. "So if I stayed, I would be breaking the rules." They nodded again and the book smiled wickedly. "Then I will stay as . . . as . . . the Mascot of Evil!" He tried to put his hands on his hips, but sadly realized he didn't have hips. "Whose house should I be in?"

Griff-Gruff, Rune, and Hazel answered, "Slytherin."

"You ssssuck!" The snakes shook their heads. Snarky looked at the book, "You're not riding in our boat, Book."

"No, I'm now the . . ." He paused for dramatic effect. "Mascot of Evil. And of course not! I am going to hop from boat to boat, and try to rock the first years into the lake! Oooh, and splash people!"

"Why don't you throw rocks at the Giant Octopus while you're at it?" Snippy suggested, hoping the Octopus might eat him.

"Dude, that's not cool. If you teach it to throw rocks at the Giant Octopus, how long before he turns on helpless badgers?" Hazel worried.

"Haze, you are safe from my evilness. You provide me with -"

"Shhhh!" He waived his arms. "Dude, that's a secret."

"I don't keep secrets - I'm the Mascot of Evil!"

"Then, it's like an evil secret." Haze smiled craftily.

The book caught his eye and nodded solemnly.

"Yes, and such a well-kept one." Griff-Gruff frowned. "Straighten up. They're coming." The griffin puffed out his chest and held his head high. After all, his students were the best of the bunch.

"Who cares about them? Does anybody see the candy cart lady?" Snarky craned his head to see.

"Oh, oh, oh! There she is!" The snakes took off like a shot, tripping students along the way as they raced for the leftovers.


Ronald Weasley stepped off the train, turning to offer a hand to his younger sister Ginny. After her, stepped down a blonde girl with bright hazel eyes, Madeleine Mabb. He stood, idly chatting with them while he waited for Harry and Hermione, who had promised to meet him on the platform.

"Why aren't they here yet?" He demanded. "I knew this would happen if they both made prefect. We'll never get to see them. What? They don't even have time for their best friend?"

"Nope, no one has time for full of themselves Quidditch captains," came the teasing reply.

"Wood?" Ron turned around, and sure enough, there was Oliver Wood, grinning at him from the corner. "What are you doing here?"

"Erm, escorting carriages to the Great Hall. It's a new tradition this year," Wood said uncomfortably. "All Hogwarts instructors are participating." He pointed to the surrounding carriages. Ron could see Professor McGonnagal and Professor Sprout on either side of them. They were seated in carriages with other upperclassmen. Sprout was holding Hazelheart in her lap, and they were both giggling erratically. Ron grimaced and turned to Oliver once more. "So, I'm fulfilling one of the obligations that comes with my new position." The trio looked puzzled. "Quidditch Master."

"That's great!" Ron smiled. "This is going to be our best year ever." Wood looked discomfitted again but smiled. "You're Quidditch Master, Hermione and Harry are prefects, and I'm Quidditch Captain. With Harry as our Seeker again, we're guaranteed the Cup!"

"Um, yeah. About that, Ron . . ."

"What? Harry's okay, isn't he?" Ron looked panicked. "He can still play, can't he?"

"Yes . . . but you have a new seeker."

"What do you mean?" Ron asked. "We don't need a new seeker! We like the old one!"

"Well, it's a long story. But Harry will be sharing the position this year." Oliver shifted his feet.

"With who?"

"It's a long story."

"With who?" Ron pressed.

"We should probably find a carriage. Don't want to get stuck with Snape."

"With - eww." Ron grimaced. "No, you're not getting out of it by threatening me with Mr. Death Eater Breath himself. With who?"

Wood tried again. "Ron, it's really not the right time- "

Ron grabbed him by his collar. "Wood, with who?"

"It's only half the time, so it's not really a big deal . . ." He tried to shrug casually.

"WITH WHO??" Ron shook him, desperately.

"Draco Malfoy."


Harry scanned the platform, Hermione's arm looped loosely in his, watching for flashes of bright red hair. Griff-Gruff was instructing the first years on House procedures, as they climbed into boats. Hazelheart was laughing with Sprout. McGonagall was glowering at rowdy students. As they passed by the luggage car, they saw the Book switching all the suitcase tags. To their surprise, Rune was helping him. The snakes had cornered a spider near one of the walls and Harry heard them threatening to tie it up and throw it on the tracks.

Harry spotted a commotion towards the back. Several students appeared to be circling a fight. Quickly Hermione and he ran to the group. Ron was shaking Wood and demanding that he take some statement back. "Ron?"

"Harry!" Ron let go of Oliver, who got up with as much dignity as he could muster. "You won't believe what he said!"

"Never mind about that. We should write you up, Ronald Weasley!" Hermione huffed. "Assaulting a staff member."

"You're one to talk." He grinned at her and she couldn't help but grin back. They both grinned at Harry. And the trio fell into a huge group hug. When they finally let go, he gave Harry a commiserating, if irritated, look. "Malfoy, Harry?"

"What? What about him? I have nothing to do with Malfoy! We go on patrols, and there was the venom sucking incident, but that's not as bad as it sounds!" Harry hauled air into his lungs, while Ron shot him confused looks.

"Don't worry, Harry. Plenty of people have Malfoy sucking incidents." Oliver laughed to himself.

"The only sucking thing I was talking about was Quidditch, and I'm just going to assume that you two are too." Ron looked at Oliver. "Especially you or I'm not going to be able to shower in the locker room anymore."

"As if," Oliver muttered.

Ron's eyes widened as he took in their appearance. "Wicked! You guys stole Slytherin Prefect badges!"

"Actually, we are Slytherin prefects," Hermione informed him.

"That's not even the slightest bit amusing," Ron growled . "Next you'll tell me you're friends with Snape, and have a crush on Malfoy."

"We better get going. Or we won't get a carriage." Harry turned around.

"Don't worry. I pulled in a favor and asked someone to save us one." Hermione smiled. She looped one arm in Harry's, and her other in Ron's, and led them to carriage six.

"Who'd you get to save you a carriage?" Wood reached to open the door for them. Seated in the middle of the front seat was Severus Snape. Oliver gasped, trying not to shriek, and stepped back. "Good Lord, man! Give a fellow fair warning."

"Go away," Snape scowled. "This one's taken."

"Ok! We'll find another one!" Wood turned around. "Sorry, Hermione, Snape slithered into that one."

"Severus!" Hermione pushed past Wood. "It's us!"

"Ah, Miss Granger," Severus said, using her surname deliberately. "I see your prefect status is already going to your head."

She blushed. "Sorry, Professor Snape." In all the excitement and fear she forgot that they were still professor and student to the outside world.

"Couldn't you just set him on fire again?" Ron murmured with a disgusted sigh.

"Just get in the carriage." She glared at him, though she squeezed his arm in support, delighted to be reunited again. Climbing into the carriage, she crossed in front of Snape and sat in between him and the window. Ron got as far to the other corner as he could, Maddie following, and Ginny behind her. Harry grimaced and climbed in next to Snape.

"Blast! No more room!" Oliver smiled and started to back away.

Another carriage rolled up. A man in sunglasses leaned out of the window and drew them down his nose to admire the young man. "I've got room in mine." Troy flashed Wood a smile. Snippy and Snarky peered down from the luggage rack, munching on treats from the trolley and were, therefore, too busy to speak. As Wood climbed in, Troy peered into the carriage. "Hey, Sevvie."

"Mr. Potter, if you would kindly shut the door." Snape scowled.

"Looks like you're taking my advice. If you need anything else, you know where the teacher's quarters are." Troy settled his shades back on his face as she blushed. "Good show, Peach pie."

"We are leaving now." Snape waited until Harry shut the door to add, "Fruitcake."

The first few minutes of the ride were silent. Everybody but Hermione, seemed to be straining towards the door. Ron put a protective arm around his girlfriend, pulling her close to his side, and casting suspicious looks at Snape. Hermione alone seemed to be in a great mood. She grabbed Ron's hand with her left hand, and reached over Snape to take Harry's right. Snape followed the path of her hand with his eyes. When Harry reached to take her hand, he smacked Harry's hand with his wand. "Hands to yourself, Potter."

Harry stared at him, hand paused halfway to Hermione. "I beg pardon, sir?"

"You should. Now get your hand away from my lap."

"As if." Harry rolled his eyes.

"What was that, Potter?" Then he winces as Hermione elbowed him, discreetly. He turned to look at her.

"Stop that, or I'll set you on fire at the ball to prove how evil I am tonight," she whispered under her breath. His lips twitched, as he settled back into his seat. Ginny stared, the only one to catch the exchange. Snape had almost smiled. She continued to observe them in amusement, as every time Hermione talked, Snape turned full attention on her, and anytime she tried to touch Harry, Snape smacked him with his wand.


"Mr. Malfoy. I need to speak to you for a moment." Snape paused outside the Great Hall, a hand on the blond's shoulder.

"Yes, sir." He dutifully followed him to a quiet nook.

"You will be dating Hermione," Severus announced without preamble.

"What?!"

"I need a way to get both of you into my quarters to dress and Apparate. As I'm sure you are aware, she and I have a particular association and I can not have my name disparaged. If the other students think you're dating, it'll be less suspicious," he explained. "And with the ball tonight, expediency is expected."

"But, Severus, I'm -- "

"I know. But you must do this for the cause. Think how good it'll look for the Malfoy name. Willing to date a Mudblood. Throws suspicion away from you," Severus told him, sarcastically. "The Dark Lord will appreciate your sacrifice, as will I."

"Did you tell her, yet?"

"It was her idea." He nodded.

"How very -- "

"Slytherin of her?" He proposed wryly.

"Exactly." Together they walked into the room, and Draco sat down at the Gryffindor table, and imagined the look on Harry and Ron's face when he started hitting on Hermione in potions.

Draco glanced up to see the first years march through the door into the Great Hall. Half of them were dripping wet, and appeared severely displeased. Ahead of them scampered a slightly damp book, chuckling occasionally. He should have known.

With a sigh, he turned back to his red and gold table with a sneer. Across the table sat Ron, who was currently glowering at him, and if he wasn't mistaken, growling a little. He wondered idly if he should have moved all the sharp silverware to the other end of the table. Ron continued to glower through the Sorting Ceremony, waiting for the chance to talk to Harry and Hermione. As the ceremony ended, the book stood in McGonagall's way, not letting her remove the hat.

"I demand to be sorted!" Sheldon declared. "I want to be in the evil House. Because, I am . . . dum . . . dum . . . dum . . . the Mascot of Evil!"

Dumbledore smiled. "But you see, Sheldon, there are no evil Houses."

"Oh, c'mon! There is too!" The Book whined. He pointed to the Slytherin Table. "You're telling me they're not evil?"

"Of course they're not evil," the Headmaster insisted.

"How about that one!" He pranced over to the table and pointed to Marcus Flint. "You're telling me Mr. Buck Tooth here isn't evil?"

"Why, you little cretin, I'm going to rip you apart!' Flint said angrily.

"Did you hear that? That was a death threat if I ever heard it. And death threats -" he paused for emphasis, "Are clearly evil."

Dumbledore folded his hands and said diplomatically. "But what if there are evil students in other Houses? Shouldn't you be influencing them as well?"

"I hadn't thought about that."

"Then maybe, you should remain House-free." The staff groaned. At least three of the Houses would have been safe.

Draco shot a look over to the Slytherin Table. The two prefects were sitting very close to each other, trying not to look at the Slytherins surrounding them. He noted Snape glaring at Potter. His gaze wondered the length of the table, taking in the newest editions. Looking back at the Head Table, he spotted Snippy and Snarky swaying back and forth, eyes focused on Dumbledore, snickering.

"I'm hungry, candy man! Let's go!"

Draco blinked. Where had that come from? He scanned the faces of the other students. No, they hadn't spoken. It had a distinct hiss to it. He narrowed his eyes back on the snakes.

"Forbidden . . .blah, blah, blah . . .Filch's scary red-eyed kitty . . . yadda, yadda, yadda . . .we're starving!" No, it couldn't be. Draco didn't speak parseltongue . . . but Harry did. What the . . .?

Trelawney leaned over to talk to Snape. "Severus, I have a bad feeling."

Snape glanced up from his food, despair in his eyes. Oh yes, she was going to talk to him. "Me, too."

"That sense of impending doom can only mean one thing!" Snippy cried. "Trelawney has come out of her trance."

"And she had predicted -" Snarky tapped out a drum roll. "Certain boredom!"

The snakes, spying a new target, began to circle her plate with glee. Snippy swayed from side to side. "Ohmmm . . . ohmmmm . . . wait, I have a vision . . ."

Snarky grasped her tea cup, shook it and pretended to read the leaves in the bottom. "You are going to be very hungry!"

"Someone is going to steal your chicken!"

"Wait, who is that devilishly handsome and witty pair stealing your food?"

"Why, it's usssss! Thee, thee, thee . . . ."

The Head Table was adorned with a banner that showed all of the Houses united under the heading of Hogwarts. The placement of this banner was deliberate. After he'd given the usual warnings, Dumbledore grew more serious. "As I'm sure you've noticed, you all have prefects from the opposing House." The students nodded in understanding. "It is important that you all understand that you are Hogwarts students, first and foremost. I'm sure your parents have made you aware of the unpleasant events that have occurred lately regarding Voldemort and his followers." Many students at the Slytherin table exchanged secretive smirks.

"Also be aware that there have been several changes to our policies. Your prefects will discuss everything with you during House meetings tonight. Rest assured that you are all safe here at Hogwarts." Dumbledore smiled kindly and the students relaxed somewhat.

Meanwhile, Harry stared all along the table, making note of who smirked and who didn't. Snippy and Snarky slithered onto the table and slunk down towards the center. He also noticed that the upperclassmen started grabbing forks and knives. They resembled uncouth Vikings going off to war if 'war' referred to bowls of food. Surely, they could wait a few more minutes.

"Appalling, isn't it?" Hermione whispered to him. "At least the first years are behaving."

Blaise Zabini leaned across the table. "That's because they don't know any better."

"Than to have good manners?" Hermione blurted out.

"You'll see . . ." The food appeared on the tables. At the end of the table, a first year reached for a roll . . . and was promptly smacked with a snake tail.

"Ow! Hey!"

"Who said you could have any?" Snippy bared his fangs threateningly.

"Quick, while they're distracted!" Blaize grabbed a bowl of salad and tossed it to Harry, reaching for a plate of chicken. "You have to get as much as possible while they aren't watching."

Harry and Hermione quickly filled their plates. They were astonished to see the snakes had built a fortress out of food containers and were eating noisily.

"That's disgusting," Harry proclaimed.

"You haven't seen what they're like during breakfast. All I can say is, avoid the pancakes. They might hurt you for those," Blaise said sagely.

"Well, not anymore," Harry said firmly. "We're going to have a talk about that." He scowled at the snakes. "Do you hear me?"

Snippy made a rude gesture with his tale.

Snarky's cheeks were ballooned out around a large piece of chicken. "Did you hear that, Scarface?"

The snakes liked Harry a lot. But this was about food, one didn't play favorites.

Harry shook his head but caught Draco's stunned expression from across the room and noted that the blond boy was looking right at the snakes as well. He only had a moment to ponder this, however, because of several gasps and 'oohs' coming from the student body.

The suspended candles sputtered out, leaving them in relative darkness. The stars on the enchanted ceiling began moving. They were whisked from their normal positions to another. It was clear that there was a pattern being formed. Many of the students clapped or smiled. Harry started to smile, the pattern seemed familiar somehow, though he couldn't remember the ceiling doing this before. Harry sought out Dumbledore at the Head Table. The Headmaster's expression was appalled and tinged with fear. He looked over at Hermione, and she had turned white, one hand clapped to her mouth. Harry glanced up once more and watched in horror, his hands clenching into fists, as the finishing touches were made on a Death Eater symbol.

The entire room fell into shocked silence.

And then pandemonium broke out. Harry couldn't recall this much panic since the mountain troll had walked the halls. Dumbledore shot out of his chair.

"Aurors!" He called and the doors to the Great Hall opened and they streamed in. "Prefects, escort your House to your dormitories this instant!" He gestured to his fellow teachers. "Follow me."

"And so it begins," Hermione said quietly. She seemed to shake herself aware. "Girls, come with me. Quietly and calmly."

Harry did the same and they marched to the Slytherin dorms. His eyes stayed on Malfoy until they took different staircases.

The snakes remained on the table munching happily away, both of them were in a food-induced state of bliss. Snarky snapped out of it first. "Hey, where did every body go?"

"I dunno." Snippy dove into a bowl of mashed potatoes. "But they left the food here."

"Troll?"

Snarky froze. "Spider?"

"It might be on the ceiling. . ." They glanced above. "Ohhhhh, whew." They wiped their foreheads with their tales. "It's just one of those stupid Death Eater thingies."

They blinked.

"But it's fried chicken day!"

"Death Eaters sssuck."

"And Scarface left us here to die."

They both cuddled close to each other. "HARRY!"