A/N:
Wow, I am immensely apologetic for not updating. I wish I could give a legitimate excuse as to why I've went MIA but I don't have one, I'm simply uninterested in this story anymore :( I will be trying to find a way to end it soon to your guys' satisfaction though for I find it unfair to leave you without an ending but until then, I'll write another chapter. Sorry again and thank you for your continued support.

Chapter 12:

The next day left Dean feeling anxious and uneasy, a large part of him was disappointed when he didn't see that familiar mop of messy brunette hair sitting in class, but another, smaller part of him was relieved. How was he supposed to face Castiel after all of this? He had a reputation to maintain, and not only that, it was hardwired in his brain that what he was feeling wasn't normal, and there wasn't a shadow of doubt that if by chance he did succumb to these growing feelings, his father would react less than favorably. His mind toyed with the idea of talking to his mother about it, she was always the more understanding of the Winchester parents but he knew she would make a big deal out of it, so he did what he always did. He repressed his feelings and swallowed down, hoping, praying that this "phase" he suspected he was going through would pass.

His efforts to keep Cas off his mind the first few classes of the day proved to be fruitless, his eyes always landing on the older Novak's empty seat, and it didn't help his situation anymore when the teacher would be calling attendance and when Cas' name was called, one of his obviously mature friends would make a quip along the lines of "he's too busy at home sucking dick" or "he probably can't walk after jerkin' it so much to gay porn" causing bouts of laughter to erupt from their classmates, and waves of apprehension to roll through him. He would be shunned by everyone, bullied off the football team, frequently tormented if anyone even knew he was entertaining the idea of being something more that Cas' bully.

The first two periods went by excruciatingly slow, and he was completely unfocused, staring at the clock like it had the answers to all life's questions. He was just eager for the lunch bell to ring, to get out of the school and take a drive or something so he could actually breathe for 5 minutes.

It wasn't hard to see that something was off about the green eyed boy. He didn't join in any of the conversation with his teammates, and attention was drawn frequently to him when the teacher would sigh in annoyance, asking him if they were boring him due to his blatant lack of disinterest in whatever the teacher was rambling on about. He would just shrug and say he wasn't feeling to good, and since his teachers were so used to him goofing off in class and socializing, they bought his excuse thanks to his uncharacteristic silence.

After what felt like forever, the lunch bell finally did ring, much to Dean's relief. He once again blew off his friends who had invited him to join them for a trip to some disgusting sushi place that the cheerleading team was all gung-ho about, and since the males on the football team wanted to get it in with the cheerleaders, they of course agreed to go. He politely declined, though and opted instead to go to his car and take a trip down to the small lake he usually ended up at when he needed to think, and that's what led him to the parking lot, letting out a groan when he seen a small, unimpressed blonde girl sitting on the hood of his car.

"What can I do for you, Jo?" he asked enthusiastically as he approached the car, standing in front of her and raising an eyebrow. He hasn't spoke to Jo since the incident with spray painted locker, the one that earned him a slap in the face and a firm lecture. He was surprised that Jo kept quiet about it to her mom and Bobby, but he had a sinking feeling that he wasn't going to be let off the hook that easily this time around.

Jo crossed her arms across her chest and started at Dean for a good moment, sizing him up like a boxer would before a fight. "You gonna tell me what happened with Castiel?" she asked sternly. She meant business.

Dean felt his heart skip a beat at the mere mention of Cas' name, shrugging his shoulders dramatically. "Don't know what you're talking about," he replied languidly, "now can I go, because I'd really like to grab a burger. You're cutting into valuable lunch time here, Harvelle."

Jo scoffed and slid off the hood of his sleek black car, stepping closer to him and poking her bony finger hard against his chest, her jaw clenched and lips pressed into a hard line. "You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. I know you know he wrote you those notes."

Dean ran a frustrated hand down his face, his mind racing thinking of a million different ways he could get away from Jo and avoid the interrogation. "Yeah, so what. Fag wants my dick, big deal. No surprise there." He mumbled, the words tasting bitter on his tongue.

Unsurprisingly, Jo's hand reeled back and laid a sharp slap against Dean's cheek, her eyes full of rage. "You do not get to talk about my friend that way, you dick wad. I swear to God, Dean. You are so fucking thick headed. Your mother did not raise you to be such a douche. I'm done with you making Castiel feel like shit. And if you tell anyone, or you so much as lay a finger on him, I will kill you myself" she threatened, seriousness lacing his voice.

Dean's hand flew up to touch his now burning cheek, a humorless huff of laughter passing his lips. He just couldn't deal with any of this Castiel business anymore. He was losing his mind. How was it possible for one nerdy little messy haired doe eyed kid to have such a damn effect on his life?

"Wow, okay. First of all, I wasn't going to tell anybody. Don't want that shit getting out. I was stupid enough to think someone real and you know, female wrote those letters. I dumped Lisa for those letters. I fucking begged the person to come out because they made me feel good. And all along it was the school gay Cas." Dean spat out, the emotions he has been attempting to bottle up coming to the surface.

Jo shook her head in revulsion, biting the inside of her cheek and forcing herself to hold back from hitting Dean again. "Are you stupid? Whether you like to admit it or not, you cared about Cas. Maybe not directly but out of every person you've ever come across, his opinion meant something to you when you didn't know who he was. His words made you feel special. For some fucked up reason beyond my comprehension, that kid was fucking head over heels for you. He thought the sun shone out your ass. Was he stupid for writing those notes? Hell yes. But he lives in world where if he told you directly how he felt, he would get a punch in the face and a truck load of insults and death threats. Just because he has a cock, and also enjoys cock, doesn't make him any less of the person your stupid ass fell for. Just some food for thought, ass hat." Jo said bitterly.

Dean stared at her for a minute, trying to come up with a come back, some insults, some more homophobic remarks toward Cas, but he couldn't do it. Her words hit him like a ton of bricks and it took the breath right out of him. "I...I didn't fall for him." he mumbled, looking down at his shoe as he scuffed it on the pavement below.
Jo blinked at him, sucking in a breath. The puzzle was slowly starting to come together. She had heard Dean has been weird all day, refusing to join in on the daily gay bashing of Cas. She softened her expression and put a hand on his shoulder, surprised when he didn't jerk out of her hold. "You have feelings for him, don't you?" she asked.

Dean took a deep breath, closing his eyes and slowly exhaling. Fuck. This is so what he didn't need. He wanted to go on a long spiel about how ridiculous she was being, as if he'd have feelings for Castiel fucking Novak. But all that came out of his mouth was a quiet, broken "no" that even he could hear the lie in.

Jo sighed sadly, gripping his shoulder comfortingly. It didn't take a genius to know Dean was lying, he either had feelings for Cas or he was confused about his feelings on Cas, but either way, there was something there. Some level of fondness that he refused to admit. "Look, Dean. I get it, I really do. You're the big stereotypical hunky womanizing Dean Winchester, popular and feared and respected. Of course you aren't going to admit you have any interest in another guy, especially one as bullied as Cas. But before I leave to let you wallow in self-pity, think of how Cas made you feel. Nobody else is ever going to adore you the way he did. Of course now he hates you but that's because you were so busy putting on a big manly macho front that you masked who you really are. You may never get a chance with someone like Cas again in your life. Nobody may ever make you feel that special, that admired, that loved again. So he has a dick, big deal. He also has a big heart, he's smart, funny, he's damn hot, too. I mean if that boy was straight, I'd be on that like white on rice. So, my point is, you can either keep lying to yourself, make yourself and Castiel feel like shit so you can finish your senior year in peace, being respected by people you'll probably never speak to again after graduation or you can grow a pair and fight for Cas, fight for love, fight for happiness. The choice is yours, Winchester." she ranted, leaning in and pressing a kiss against his previously slapped cheek, patting his shoulder and walking off back into the school, leaving Dean to stand there lost in his thoughts.

He stared down at the ground, biting his lower lip in thought. He didn't care about Cas. He didn't care about his stupid notes. The way they made him feel like he was the only guy in the world. He wasn't memorized by those stupid big blue eyes. And there was no way that head tilt he did when he was confused was adorable. He didn't even notice how good he smelled, like fresh grass and summer time. He didn't want those pretty, soft pink lips pressed against his. He didn't. Because he was Dean Winchester. Quarterback and womanizer. Popular, macho, respected dude who was...fuck. Totally in love with Cas Novak.

OoO

A/N:
Here you are sweet nuggets. Hope it was okay. I'll try so hard not to wait so long to update again and you guys are my sun and my moon for sticking with me and giving me constant feedback and encouragement. Big hugs and kisses for all of you!