All the life was draining from me. My emotions sat in the pit of my stomach like a brick. My world was well and truly fucked and there was nothing I could do about it. I walked to the window and watched the sun rise over the buildings downtown. It had been so long since I'd watched a sunrise. I'd say it was beautiful if it didn't also make me want to die.

It was done. Part of me didn't believe it was real. I went running out of my room, down the hall and up the stairway to the roof. I met Sookie on the stairs as she was turning to come back inside. I could see her tears and knew it was real. I grabbed her and held tight, crying into her shoulder.

"Let's go inside," she said.

"No. Just give me a minute."

She followed me as I went up onto the roof. It was empty. I slowly walked over and found his shirt lying on the ground. Picking it up, I sat there for a moment where it had been. I clutched it to my chest and my face went blank. I'd cried myself dry. Empty inside.

"I'm so sorry, Ellie."

I was done talking too. We went back inside and she came with me to my room. She sat on the bed as I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I just wanted to be alone. My pain started to turn to anger and it took over. I was furious at him. At the Fellowship. At the entire world. Furious and completely alone. Our blood bond had been broken and I felt so empty. I didn't realize how strong it had been.

The last thing I remember before it starts to get a little fuzzy is punching the walls. And the mirror. Somehow I had smashed it with something and the glass shattered all over the floor. I faintly remember Sookie's voice outside the door trying to get me to let her in but I didn't. It went quiet, I sat on the cold bathroom tile, picked up a piece of glass and started cutting. I'm not sure what I was doing or why. I certainly hadn't planned to commit suicide.

I sat there, stone cold faced and watched the blood pour out of my arms and legs. You get used to the sight of it hanging around vampires for so long. My eyelids got heavy and I must have passed out.

The next thing I remember is Eric holding my head up and yelling at me to drink. Sookie had woken him and he'd come and bashed the bathroom door in.

"Drink, dammit," he shoved his wrist into my mouth and I swallowed. He pulled away, picked me up off of the blood soaked floor and put me into my bed.

"Don't leave her alone. I need to rest," he left the room and Sookie sat with me at the foot of the bed. I wasn't going to get away with anything with a telepath keeping watch. I lay there, catatonic, with my eyes open until I finally gave way to sleep. The one good thing about sleep since he's been gone are the dreams. He's almost always in them and we are always happy. We talk. He smiles. I don't believe in any of that mystical afterlife shit but there is definitely something to this dream thing. Maybe it is what's left of our blood bond, I don't know.

I awoke to the sight of a hotel security guard in my room and discussions of suicide watch. Part of me sincerely hoped it had all just been a bad dream. But it wasn't. I was awake in a new reality that I had no idea what to do with. My arms and legs were back to normal like nothing had happened and I had no idea why Eric had bothered to save me. The security guard wouldn't let me close the door when I showered.

"Just following orders."

"Ugh."

I got cleaned up and dressed and realized I was starving. I ordered some food and ate while the security guard watched. I had no idea what I was going to do with myself. I had no home without Godric. I didn't want to go back to the nest without his protection. Aside from Isabel, I couldn't stand the rest of the Dallas vamps. The thought of moving back in with Johnny and the band wasn't a pleasant one either. I'd gotten used to life in something other than a bachelor pad and didn't want to go back. Fuck.

My wallowing in self pity was interrupted by Eric who came into my room and sat next to me. I couldn't look him in the eye.

"What do you want?"

"Just checking in," he said flatly. "They didn't give you any sharp objects with that meal did they?"

Funny guy. I rolled my eyes and continued to eat. He watched me silently for a while until I finally decided to clear the air.

"Why did you bother?"

"With?" he played stupid.

"Saving me, jackass. Why did you bother to save me? Did Sookie just beg you or something?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"You didn't want to die," he continued to dodge my questions.

"You don't know that. Quit fucking with me."

He smiled. I think he enjoyed my little tempter tantrums. I amused him which was condescending and frustrating. He finally decided to cut the shit and answered with a straight face.

"Godric told me to take care of you and that's what I'm going to do."

All the air went out of the room.

"Come with me to Shreveport. I'll give you a job at Fangtasia."

"Don't you own some sort of strip club? Do I look like a fucking stripper?"

"Yes," he said with smug, satisfied grin.

"Oh shut the fuck up. No thanks."

"You can play music. With the piano or with the full band, whatever you want."

"Really?" I was shocked. He was serious about this. About taking care of me and giving me a job. An actual job that didn't involve taking my clothes off.

"You don't have to do this, I can take care of myself." I was lying through my teeth.

He stood up and walked out the door. "Pack your stuff and be ready to leave in an hour."

I sighed and knew it was really my only option. I called Isabel and Johnny and explained the situation. They weren't happy to see me go but understood.

As I sat on the bed and waited to leave I finally started to feel, something, again. It was good to feel anything. You have to hit rock bottom to start going up, or however the saying goes. I missed him so much it hurt, but there was some comfort in knowing that he hadn't abandoned me entirely. I don't think you ever get over losing someone you love. There are always bits and pieces of you that are broken. It's just a matter of how well you hide them during the day, or night as it were.


I'm leaving the ending open to add more in a separate story. Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading. :)