Paradox Ending: Life of Regret

Rain sighed as he walked along the streets of New Bodhum. It was now 528 AF, back in his own peaceful world. His shift in the Guardian Corps was over for the day, but he was still in uniform and didn't have any intention of going back home to his apartment and changing- in fact he probably wouldn't be going home for a while.

His first stop was at the a local florist shop, where he proceeded to pick out and purchase a few different flowers. One of the workers smiled at him and asked if they were for a special lady. He blushed a bit, and told her yes, but clearly she was either new or didn't know the meanings behind the flowers he had chosen.

Agrimony for thankfulness, deep pink China to show that his heart was aching, lilac to show his first signs of love, marigold for his affection, pain and grief, pansies to show that he was still thinking about her, and finally Rue for his regret. All of these were for Jivana's grave.

He was silent as he exited the shop with the flowers gently in hand. He then exited the city limits and walked to the field that he had taken her too those few years ago. There was no tomb stone or obvious marker for her grave, but he knew the spot. It was in the center, the lone patch of dirt where nothing seemed to grow was where he had buried her.

"Goddess Etro, if you're there I ask of you...Is there any way for you to save her? To give her another chance of life?"

She deserved another chance to live, to be free. At first, there was no response, but then after a moment of silence Etro materialized in her throne, once again enveloped in light.

"Are you willing to give up your life for hers?"

His heart skipped a beat and he stiffened. There was no way he would go that far, but the Goddess continued before he could answer.

"Give your life force to her, and under my power you shall receive another."

That sounded better, but it was still asking a lot. He had to be sure of the circumstances before he considered it.

"And she'll live?"

"Yes. She will be free, she will have a soul."

"...And I'll still be alive as well?"

She nodded. He gulped, then glanced back down to Jivana. This wasn't about his stupid crush, that much he was sure of. No, he felt that he owed her. Not only had she kept her promise and spared Faith, but Caius had killed her because she had chosen to spare him. He had seen it in her eyes that she really did want to be free from Caius, but his conscience nagged at him that this was all a bad idea.

There was no proof that she would completely change sides like he thought. What if she attacked them again right after she was restored to life? Then his sacrifice would just come back to bite him in the ass. That, and he also knew that if Etro ever grew weak enough to die, then so would he, likely without warning.

Was he willing to risk all that just to be rid of his guilt? He silently shook his head, and glanced back up at the goddess with apologetic eyes.

"Thank you for your kind offer Goddess, but I will pass on it. Please just ensure that her soul rests peacefully instead..."

He hoped this wouldn't anger her, but she simply just nodded and faded from his sight.

He sighed as he tore his mind out of the past, and gently placed the flowers on the ground as he knelt beside it. He came here every year on the anniversary of her death, and had even moved to New Bodhum when he joined the Guardian Corps in hopes of being near her.

His life had been rather uneventful since that whole mess five years ago. After he and Faith had left Valhalla that night, he went back to their own world and buried her without another word, then had gone to his parents and explained what had happened.

Turns out that his guilt had actually effected him and his decision making more than he thought. He had gotten up extra early the next morning, grabbed his things and left a note saying he was going back to his home world for good.

He purposely had no contact with his family for a few months, just left and became a soldier not caring what they felt about it anymore. Faith had tracked him down about a half a year later, and convinced him that everything had turned out fine and that he should mend the relationships he had suddenly broken off from. He did as he was asked, and had been making frequent trips back to Bhunivelze to visit since then.

But there was one thing that always bothered him, no matter who it was asking him. "Are you ever going to get a girlfriend and settle down?" as it was more or less phrased over and over again. They didn't understand how he felt. Yes he had a date or two from time to time, but most of the time he didn't feel any connection or spark and politely ended it with them- or if there was one he still ended it with them due to his own fear. Fear that he could grow to close to them and then loose them just like Ashling and Jivana.

There were rumors that he had commitment issues, which he supposed were technically true but not for the reasons people thought. He ignored them, as well as the questions and rumors that he was in the closet, that one was definitely false.

"I should've saved you..."

He knew it was the whole reason behind his new fear that had developed, guilt and regret had really settled in since then, and showed no signs of fading any time soon. He was happy that he was being a good little soldier, able to protect people now, but he would forever live and die alone because of the choice he had made in Valhalla.

Author's Notes

Bring on the angsty paradox ending...There will be another between 14 and 15 as well.

So yeah. Mainly this is what happens when I'm dumped out of no where (It happened months ago so don't worry about it) , but also shows what Rain would've done otherwise. So if you're planning to bash me for my little OCxOC hate pairing, remember this first XD