Chapter 12: Undone

I remember every look upon your face

The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste

You make it hard for breathing

–

Zack had never traveled with a more subdued group before. Granted, he rarely traveled in groups to begin with. Aerith had barely spoken a word to him since they had left. They had made their way discreetly down to Junon, where they were able to pay for and board a ship to take them across to Corel. Zack had plenty of experience traveling incognito, and he helped the others disguise themselves. He was certain that Shinra would have their eyes out for them since they had escaped.

The trip on the boat was already a few days along, so now the group was left aboard the ship, waiting until they hit land again so they could pick up where they left on in their search for Sephiroth. It wouldn't be much longer now. Tifa was pacing on the deck, fingering her now dramatically shorter hair. She'd been convinced to cut it to keep her identity hidden, but she hadn't been pleased about it. Her hair was now a little longer than shoulder length, long enough that she could still pull it back and keep it out of the way.

Cloud's hair had also been changed; they'd dyed it, and now it was dark like Zack's. They looked similar enough to be brothers. Because their eyes and hairstyles were so distinctive and recognizable, they had also picked up hats and shades to cover themselves with. Zack and Cloud had also shed their clothing to go for something more subtle. They looked like everyday people now. Tifa continued to wear her regular clothes, as they were inconspicuous enough to blend in.

Aerith, perhaps, looked the most dramatic. She had also cut her hair, but willingly. It was severe, so short that it barely curled anymore, except for a few strands around her face that twisted like spiraling columns. The rest of her hair had been sliced off, barely reaching her shoulders. Aerith had changed out of her dress, opting for clothes far more suited for a man than a young woman. From a distance, she looked boyish, but her features were too soft, her hands too feminine and uncalloused. She had also removed her bow, the one Zack had gotten for her. Aerith had isolated herself from everyone, far enough that she didn't have to speak with them, but not far enough to stray out of sight.

Zack had never seen anyone look so lonely.

It made his heart ache. He had never thought that his actions would have caused such discord between them.

On the other hand, Cloud and Tifa were getting along better than ever. Cloud was much less agitated with Barret gone, and he no longer seemed hostile toward Zack – possibly because he knew Zack had no real romantic interest in Tifa, though he would never admit that was the reason.

However, the very idea of returning to Nibelheim seemed to make Tifa anxious and cranky, and Zack could tell that she was only returning because of Cloud. Zack didn't know what to think about Cloud's idea of Nibelheim, having been away from the town for many years himself. He couldn't rightly say if Nibelheim had ever been burned down, though Tifa seemed strong in her convictions. But, both Cloud and Tifa seemed sure in their own stories, and Zack wondered which one was confused, and why.

So, it was one topic the two never brought up, because it seemed to rub them both the wrong way. They avoided the subject, just like Aerith was avoiding the rest of them. Zack sighed heavily and continued to sharpen his blade to keep it in good repair. That was one thing Angeal had taught him well, until the lesson was ingrained in his mind. Of all the things the group had with them, their weapons were the most conspicuous, but still far from alarming – these parts could get dangerous, and a person would be a fool to venture into such wild lands without protection. Even Aerith had acquired a weapon, a heavy staff that she wielded somewhat clumsily, but it got the job done.

Zack grunted in irritation. No matter where his thoughts took him, he kept returning to Aerith. The fact that she was ignoring him so diligently was festering at his soul, an itch he just couldn't scratch. It was annoying, but most of all, it hurt. Every time he had tried to talk to her, she had found some excuse to get away. She wouldn't let him apologize. She preferred the company of roguish sailors, who once they got past her new appearance, would whistle and eye her appreciatively, making hot blood course thick through Zack's veins, anger clouding his vision. He had to restrain himself from hurting the men.

Cloud, on the other hand, had no such scruples, and made it very clear that Tifa was off limits. He hadn't gotten into any fights – he chose instead to stare at the offending sailor until the man quailed under Cloud's frigid gaze and got the message. Zack sorely wished he could vent his frustrations on something, though. His energy continued to build, and now he was restless with it. He needed an outlet.

Instead, all he could do was watch. He carefully watched Cloud and Tifa, and their now somewhat playful banter, sided with their own anxieties about the upcoming journey through Nibelheim. He watched the sailors at work, using their well muscled arms to haul things up and below deck. Mostly, he watched Aerith, his eyes becoming familiar with the way she stood, her hand folded behind her or on the rail of the ship, how her stance belied her femininity despite her masculine clothes – Zack had never seen anyone make guy's clothes look so appealing. Her right hand often went up to her hair, combing through the shortened length, only to let her fingers trail down her cheek and drop off at her jawline. Her lips sometimes moved softly, as though she were having a whispered conversation with someone, but no one was around.

Zack shifted again, aware that he was staring again without meaning to. She was looking silently out to sea, one leg bent and curled around the other, her hands gripping the railing firmly. Even without doing anything, she demanded his attention. He cursed under his breath and tried to concentrate on sharpening his sword.

-

He was watching her again. She could feel his eyes on her, a feeling so familiar now that it was almost second nature. The day hadn't truly started until she felt him watching her. It was a ritual he took part in daily. She had been annoyed with the staring at first, irritated that he had to watch her. But she grew accustomed to his watching, and it became more of a comforting presence as the sailors aboard began to look at her a little too appreciatively. The fact that it comforted her, his apparent looking out for her, also annoyed her, because she wanted to stay angry with him, for reasons she didn't quite understand.

Perhaps it was just a stubborn streak showing, but she wanted to prove to him that she could take care of herself. When it had come time to disguise themselves, she had willingly parted with her hair and usual attire in a desperate attempt to discard her image of innocence and naivety. She didn't want to look helpless; she didn't want to feel helpless either, and so she'd also gotten a staff to defend herself with.

A part of her regretted her hasty decision – it had taken a long time to grow her out so long, and now it was gone. Presently, instead of curling, it lay mostly flat against her head, except for a few pathetic waves where her hair tried – and failed – to capture its previous magnificence.

But it had done the job – she felt far removed from that girl in the slums, who had been pretty and mostly happy. Now she felt lonely and isolated, though in part, a lot of that was her own fault. She couldn't fully trust them – Cloud, Tifa, or Zack. Cloud and Tifa had been part of a group just as intent to get their hands on her as Shinra had been, and even though they had let her go, in a sense, she couldn't be certain they didn't have ulterior motives.

As for Zack...she wanted so badly to trust him, to believe he wouldn't leave again. She had fallen too hard, too fast over those beautiful eyes and his charming personality, and it was clouding her judgment. She felt so confused. She didn't know what to do, so she kept herself away from him, away from temptation. It had already been established that bad things could happen if they were together, even as friends, because he was dangerous, and she...she didn't even understand who she was.

Even knowing these things, though, he kept looking at her, and she kept waiting for him to. She never looked his way when he did it, pretending she didn't notice, instead, conversing quietly with the planet. Out on the ocean, the planet's responses seemed moodier, and somewhat far away. The actual soil and earth was many miles away, and the waters were the only part of the planet to talk to. The voices of the planet were far more fickle here, cheerful one moment and raging the next. Aerith didn't mind. It was someone to talk to.

"Who are you talking to out here?" Zack asked her suddenly, making her jump, startled. He had sneaked up on her.

"No one," she said quickly and evasively, stepping away from him. She fervently wished he would leave. Fortune wasn't smiling on her, though, because he stayed.

"Huh," he said, turning to look out at the ocean. "Some Ancient secret?" he mused, scratching at his chin. "I suppose you could be talking to the Planet. I read about that in the file," he added needlessly. She didn't reply, keeping her lips closed tight.

"...are you going to stay mad at me forever?" he sighed, finally breaking the silence. "I was only doing what I thought was best."

"I don't think so," she answered honestly. "Maybe. We'll have to see."

"Are you serious?" he asked incredulously. Aerith nodded. "Come on!"

"How is running away the right thing?" she finally demanded.

"I wasn't running away," he said defensively.

"You were. I don't think you were protecting me at all. You were protecting yourself."

Zack turned to face her, lifting the shades he had taken to wearing ever so slightly, so he could look at her clearly.

"Is that so?"

"Yes," she declared, not daring to meet his eyes. He sighed and dropped his shades back down.

"Maybe you're right," he agreed, and Aerith looked over at him finally, in shock. "I don't see the point in denying it – something about you scares me. I don't know what to think about you...or...how to feel about you. And I'm afraid I'll hurt you."

Aerith opened and closed her mouth wordlessly. Zack pulled off his shades completely and looked her directly in the eyes, that brilliant blue making her heart contract and quicken.

"I'm attracted to you, and you're attracted to me," he stated. Aerith opened her mouth again to protest, to try and deny what was already obvious, but he held up his hand.

"I know why you're angry with me. I betrayed you and I also know exactly what that feels like. It was wrong of me to do that to you. And I've been trying..." he trailed off, slapping the metal railing with the palm of his hand. "I've been trying to give you your space. I've been trying to stay away from you as much as you've been staying away from me. But its hard."

"...I know," Aerith said softly, her heart pounding in her chest erratically.

"I've been fighting with myself about you for a long time. Maybe I should stop fighting. I don't know. Fighting is all I really know. But I also know that you – you're different, and not just because you're the Ancient. I knew it when I saw you. So...I guess what I'm trying to say is, please, don't stay mad at me. I was wrong, but we all make mistakes."

Zack gave her one last, long look, and then walked away, leaving Aerith with a lot to think about.

-

Zack walked quietly up next to Cloud, who was looking out intently at the waters, his now dark hair ruffled in the wind. His brow was drawn together in concentration, as though he were trying to remember something. Zack stared at him critically for the hundredth time, still unsure what to make of the stoic man.

"I used to get motion sickness," Cloud finally said, breaking the silence. "Especially in helicopters. But here I am, out at sea, and I'm fine."

"Maybe you got used to it," Zack suggested, rolling his shoulders in a shrug.

"I suppose."

Silence fell between the two of them again, and Zack shook his head in amusement. For two people who seemed to have a lot in common, they had little to talk about. Maybe it was just because neither of them were willing to talk about it, though.

"Why'd you leave Shinra?" Zack broke the silence, his curiosity getting the better of him. Cloud didn't do anything at first, keeping his eyes locked onto the blue waters, but then he turned and stared hard at Zack. Zack just stared back.

"I used to know," Cloud answered finally, averting his gaze. "I can't remember now. Just that they did something wrong to me. I think it was the experiments Hojo did back then...now my head's all fuzzy."

"Hm," Zack grunted, licking at his chapped lips. "You left Shinra for a reason you can't remember. And you still think Nibelheim's standing, while Tifa's insisting that it was burned to the ground."

"So?" Cloud said flatly, his face going blank.

"So, a 1st Class SOLDIER doesn't leave Shinra for something small. I should know," he added. "In any case, I think something is wrong with your head."

"I'm no mental case," Cloud defended.

"I didn't say mental. If you can't remember things, I think someone's messed with your memories. Shinra wants you to forget something, no doubt." Zack scratched at his chin, frowning. "Shinra has no qualms about killing people, though, so I wonder why they haven't yet."

"I killed them," Cloud said simply. "I killed everyone they sent after me."

"Oh. Makes sense, I guess." Zack wasn't perturbed by Cloud's nonchalance. A lot of SOLDIERS started to get that way; they killed a lot. "Do you really think Nibelheim is still there?"

Cloud's eyes flashed behind his sunglasses, unknown to Zack, before he replied. "Of course I do."

"What about Tifa?"

"She's wrong. Or confused. I don't know," Cloud replied, turning away from Zack. "Why are we talking about this?"

"...I'm just trying to figure things out, Cloud. Nothing is meeting up, and one of you is wrong."

Cloud turned sharply, scowling fiercely, but their ensuing fight was interrupted.

"What are you two up to?" Tifa asked, watching them both carefully. Zack kept his smile to himself. Tifa was babysitting them – making sure they didn't brawl like children on the playground.

"Zack was just going," Cloud replied slowly through gritted teeth.

"Yeah. I was just on my way," Zack agreed, smiling thinly. He paused as he heard soft footsteps behind him, accompanied by the flowery smell that was Aerith.

"Zack?" she asked softly, and he turned, looking at her seriously. She was uncertain, her eyes darting back and forth between Cloud and Tifa. "Can we, um, talk?"

"Of course," he agreed with one last look at Cloud and Tifa. He followed Aerith to a more secluded spot on the ship.

"What is it?" he asked, feeling a little apprehensive. He still felt foolish after his rather uncalled for outburst earlier.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you. And for being mad with you."

"So...you forgive me then?"

"Yes," she nodded, smiling uncertainly.

"Good," Zack stated, sighing. "What about the other thing?"

"The other thing?"

"Yeah, you know," he said, leaning closer to her. Her cheeks flushed prettily at his proximity.

"Oh," she squeaked as she caught on. "That." He raised his eyebrows in a silent question, smiling. She shrugged, her own lips curving upward.

"What do you want me to say? You've already told me that I'm attracted to you."

"You are," Zack pointed out, chuckling. He couldn't help it. He couldn't distance himself anymore. Loneliness, while it had never bothered him unduly before, was now intolerable, and it was the worst when he was away from Aerith.

"I thought you said not to fall in love with you."

"You said the same thing to me," he argued.

"I thought this was a bad idea," she continued feebly, her voice hardly a whisper.

"Did I say that?" he asked genuinely, staring into her bright green eyes, his head spinning. He felt lightheaded.

"Maybe, I can't remember."

"It seems like a good idea now," he said, reaching forward and cupping her cheek softly. "It seems like a good idea to kiss you right now."

"Yeah," she breathed, her eyelids fluttering closed as he leaned all the way in, capturing his lips with his own chapped ones. Had he been more aware, he might have been more self conscious of his dry lips – but he couldn't think. He could hardly breathe. As his lips moved over hers slowly, his world seemed to spin while his head exploded. He had kissed very few girls before – he'd never had time, so he wasn't exactly experienced. But kissing Aerith was as natural as breathing. In fact, it was like kissing her had taken the place of breathing, because he couldn't remember how to at the moment, and his lungs were burning in protest, but his heart was pounding euphorically. He was hypersensitive to every nerve in his body burning, his blood coursing through him hot and thick, his every appendage alive with sensation.

Aerith made a small noise in his mouth, and her slender fingers slipped up and curled into his hair as she pulled herself closer. A thrill coursed through his body. She was better than mako, his whole body buzzing like he was on a high. A feeling he couldn't name swelled up inside of him, followed by one he was more familiar with. Like the beginnings of his episodes, he could feel his mind begin to shut down and give in to its desires. He felt unsteady and shaky, panic shooting through him. He tried to pull away, but he couldn't, his hands and lips already moving with a mind of their own. He waited for the blood lusty urge to take over, for his mind to scream at him to rip her apart, but instead he was obliged to pull her closer so that she was pressed firmly against him, her every soft curve making his skin burn.

This was familiar, but different. It wasn't blood lust. It was just...lust. A low growl escaped him, and he remembered how to breathe. He pulled away, sucking I breathe, before he dived back in, trailing hot kisses along her neck as she gasped, whether in surprise or pleasure, he didn't know. His nimble fingers found their way to the hem of her shirt, tugging at it insistently.

Too many clothes.

"Zack," Aerith gasped, her hands grasping his as he pulled upward. "Zack," she repeated, pulling away from him. He saw her, but he didn't. His mind was still buzzing, and it was telling him to continue. He smiled lazily before crushing his lips to hers again. She stumbled backwards until she hit a solid wall, and he pressed up against her urgently.

"Aerith," his whispered haggardly, his lips leaving soft kisses under her ear. He inhaled deeply, breathing in her heady scent.

"Zack," she repeated more firmly, pushing him away so that she was looking him in the eyes. Her figure flickered hazily in front of him as his brain tried to make sense of what was going on, fighting his urge to surge back into her.

Too many clothes, he thought again.

–

"Zack?" Aerith asked with concern as she looked him in the eyes. His pupils were dilated, and he was giving her a smoldering look, one that made her knees weak and shaky, one that almost made her reconsider her reluctance...but she could tell he wasn't himself, that he wasn't thinking straight. Still, her eyes fell back to his lips, which were red and swollen, and completely inviting, and she almost let him kiss her again as he leaned in once more, but she quickly snapped out of it and tenderly grabbed his face, rubbing a thumb over his cheek.

"Zack," she said quietly, and he focused slightly, his pupils contracting momentarily. "Zack, look at me. Look in my eyes," she instructed, and he slowly let his eyes roam from her lips upward until their eyes met again. "Good," she smiled, stroking his cheek. "That wasn't so hard, was it?" she asked, remembering how she had calmed him after his blood lust. It seemed to be working, this time, too. She leaned in and kissed right above his mouth, then again just below his ear, and finally right above his right eye. Each time her lips made contact, his skin glowed green briefly. When she pulled away, his eyes were back to normal, and he seemed aware again.

"Aerith?" he asked uncertainly, his hands dropping to his sides. She continued to cup his face, mostly to keep him from running away. She was afraid he'd be upset. "What happened? I lost control, didn't I?"

"A little," she said with a smile, still trying to catch her breath. "But you're okay now."

"I don't understand," he admitted, looking downcast. "I didn't think – I didn't know that would happen. I never felt anything like...it was familiar, but different, you know? I thought I was having one of my episodes, and I started to panic, but I couldn't stop..." he shook his head slowly, her hands still holding his face. "But I didn't want to kill you, I wanted to..." he trailed off, his face growing warm as he left the statement unfinished. She didn't need him to finish though, because she had an idea of exactly what he had wanted. She had been feeling a bit of it herself, and now she felt a bit foolish – it had only been their first kiss, after all. Surely things were happening too fast?

But the way she had felt when he kissed her. Like hot butter on toast. Or maybe the way peanut butter and jelly must feel when they meet on a sandwich. The perfect combination. Or like a cookie, good by itself, being dipped into cold, crisp milk, to make it even better. Like an old favorite, except that it was brand new. She didn't know why she was making so many food analogies, except that food and flowers had been some of the small joys she'd experienced, and she had little else to compare the sensation to.

His lips had been slightly chapped, but it wasn't like she had known better anyway. She hadn't minded. The very planet seemed to rejoice, and it hummed merrily, vibrating deep in her soul. Or perhaps that had been her, humming. She couldn't recall clearly, but she thought she had made a noise at some point, and then he had pulled her closer, and she had been enveloped in his warmth. The want – no, the need for him had risen up in her, stretching up like a flower does for sunlight and then blossoming in her chest, until her heart felt like it would swell and burst.

She could understand exactly what he had wanted, because for a moment, she had wanted it, too.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "For getting out of control."

"Everyone loses control, sometimes," she said simply, finally letting his face go, reluctantly. She loved the feel of his face, slightly rough from the stubble beginning to grow in. He hadn't shaved for a few days, but she figured that was to keep in disguise. She thought he looked handsome either way.

"But I should know better," he sighed. "I should have guessed."

"You couldn't have known. Fighting and kissing, well, they're two very different things, aren't they?" she asked, brushing a loose strand of hair from her face.

"Still..."
"Don't be sorry. It's okay to lose control sometimes. It's no good to bottle things up. And if you lose control, I'll be here to help you back down."

He stared at her hard, but she kept his gaze, staring right back into his beautiful eyes, so hard with determination and regret. Then his features softened, and he sighed lightly. "You're wonderful."

Despite the fact that they had just kissed very intimately, his compliment made her blush and look down. He lifted her chin up with his finger and kissed her lightly on the lips, and her body tingled.

"I miss my hair," she said, for lack of something better to say.

"It'll grow back," Zack comforted, smoothing her hair down.

"Um, excuse me, but we're nearing Corel now, sir," a sailor interrupted, and Aerith was suddenly very aware of how public they had been. She blushed fiercely and turned away.

"Right, thank you," Zack said calmly, regaining his composure like the expert he was. "Shall we go find Cloud and Tifa?"

"Alright," Aerith agreed, and Zack took her hand gently, pulling her along. She smiled to herself, and squeezed his hand lightly, only to get a squeeze back.

-

"What were you two talking about?" Tifa asked Cloud, who was staring angrily out at the sea.

"He's so nosy. Thinks he needs to know everything. It's none of his business," Cloud muttered, hitting the railing restlessly.

"Doesn't need to know what?"

"Any of it!" Cloud snapped, glaring at Tifa.

"No need to take my head off, Cloud," Tifa replied scathingly, narrowing her eyes at him. He was so moody lately. Back and forth, his moods would swing from completely fine to irritable in a split second.

"God..." he groaned, rubbing at his head and pulling at his dyed hair. "I'm sorry, Tifa. He just bugs me, you know?"

"No, not really. I think Zack's nice. Most of the time, any way. Nicer than you most of the time," she added, feeling disgruntled.

Cloud shook his head in disgust. "If you like him so much, why are you hanging around me? Go find wherever he flounced off to. Probably to stare at Aerith again. What a creeper."

"Cloud," Tifa said firmly, grabbing his wrists and forcing him to look up at her. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's pathetic."

"I do not-" Cloud began hotly, but Tifa didn't let him continue.

"I didn't follow Zack because I want to be around you, but apparently you're too stupid to figure that out. Why do you keep trying to pick fights with everyone?"

Even with his sunglasses on, she could tell his face was hard and tense, and that he was close to exploding. But then his entire body sagged and he relaxed, a whoosh of air expelling from his lungs.

"I don't know. I'm kind of confused lately. My head hurts a lot, too. I think I'm still a little motion sick, and this headache is the side effect. At least I'm not throwing up overboard." Tifa dropped his wrists and took a step back.

"Don't throw up on me," she warned, smiling a little. He chuckled lightly, his darkened locks dancing about on his head.

"I won't. I'm sorry, Tifa."

"I know you are. You're still stupid, though." He grunted at her assessment, but shrugged.
"I guess I am."

"Hey, you two, we're nearing Corel now," Zack's voice carried over the ship as he pulled Aerith along behind him.

"Looks like they made up," Cloud said, looking sour at the sight of Zack.

"It looks like they made out, more like," Tifa noted, observing their mussed hair and flushed faces.

"Figures," Cloud snorted. As Zack neared, Cloud straightened up, his cold facade slipping over again. "About fucking time," he said loudly.

"Jeez, Cloud, you'd think you were anxious to get off the ship, or something," Zack joked, much more lighthearted than Tifa remembered seeing him for days.

"Fuck off," Cloud swore.

"And such a foul mouth, too. You're going to offend the ladies, Cloud." Cloud deigned not to reply after that. Tifa watched Cloud closely, the way his muscles in his face were tight and tense, his eyes scanning the bustle aboard the ship as they neared land. She wondered what it was about Zack that set Cloud off so much. Was it the competition? Or maybe it was because Zack was just so much more personable. She sighed to herself, feeling absently at her short hair. The missing weight left her feeling a bit lost and nonplussed. There was nothing she could do about it now, though.

The ship was navigated expertly into the dock, and the sailors set to work dropping the anchor and getting the plank ready for the passengers. As Tifa left the ship and set her feet on solid ground, she swayed ominously, a rush of nausea coursing through her. The ground felt like it was swaying, and she might be pitched to the side at any second. A pair of hands grasped her arms as she lurched forward, keeping her from falling flat on her face.

"Steady there," Cloud's voice whispered in her ear, sounding much less angry than he had moments ago. "Just give it a second." Tifa craned her neck to look back at him, and he gave her a warm smile. "It used to happen to me, too. You get used to it once you travel between land and sea enough."

"It's been a long time since I traveled," Tifa agreed, remembering that it had happened the first time she had traveled, from her ruined home to Midgar. "I just forgot about it."

"You okay?" he asked, his hands still resting on her arms, though no longer holding her up. She noticed how warm they were.

"Yeah," she said, casting a glance over in Zack and Aerith's direction. Aerith was actually sitting on the ground, Zack kneeling next to her, speaking in hushed tones. "Looks like Aerith has had some trouble, too."

"I doubt that girl has ever traveled in her life," Cloud said. "Or if she has, it's been even longer than you." Tifa nodded in agreement. They waited until Aerith was steady on her feet again before moving away from the dock.

"So, what now?" Tifa asked the group, looking between Cloud and Zack. They were the ones familiar with the territory.

"We won't stay here long," Zack informed her, readjusting the sword on his back. "We'll have to keep up with the disguises for a while longer. Shinra will no doubt continue to search for us. We should separate once we get on a train. They'll probably be looking for all of us together, not for two couples."

"We're taking a train to Nibelheim?" Aerith asked.

"Yes. It's much faster than walking – that would take weeks. However, security aboard the train will be much tighter than on the ship, another reason we should separate."

Tifa watched Cloud to see his reaction, but his face was as blank as ever.

"We'll meet up again once we reach Nibelheim, right?" Cloud blurted suddenly, earning him bemused looks.

"Yeah. Why, are you going to miss me, Cloudy?" Zack teased, and Cloud scowled, but held his tongue. Tifa had to agree, it was rather strange for Cloud to worry about meeting up again – she thought he'd be rather relieved to be rid of Zack, based on his moodiness surrounding the other ex-SOLDIER. Then again, maybe he would feel better facing Sephiroth with another man who could fight as well as he could.

"Nice blade you got there," a man on the dock said to Zack, his eyes wide with greed. "You ever think 'bout fighting up at the Golden Saucer?"

Zack shrugged, one hand on the hilt of his sword. "Never really thought about it," he replied evasively, and Tifa wondered if he was playing it down because of his...episodes.

"There are some great prizes for people who do well," the man continued, his eyes darting to Cloud. "I reckon you two could both do well in the Battle Square. Some say there's rare materia for the best."

"We're actually on our -" Zack began, but was interrupted.

"Really? Rare materia?" Cloud asked eagerly, a strange, hungry look in his eye.

"That's what they say," the man grunted, scratching at his stomach. "It ain't too far, though, the Golden Saucer. Just right over that way," he said, pointing.

"I guess it isn't that far off course," Zack muttered, mostly to himself.

"We should go," Cloud said firmly, his eyes staring off into the distance, where the Golden Saucer would be.

"I've never been there," Tifa said ponderously.

"What's the Golden Saucer?" Aerith asked Zack quietly, gazing out at the empty horizon with everyone else.

"It's kind of like an amusement park, I suppose," Zack said. "There are prizes and activities...it's about the only tourist attraction around."

"Sounds fun," Aerith said wistfully. Tifa guessed Aerith hadn't had much fun in the slums.

"It's not much of a detour," Tifa said, echoing Zack's earlier sentiment. "We should go."

"Especially if there's materia involved," Cloud put in, bouncing on his toes eagerly. Tifa watched him, narrowing her eyes. Sometimes, at times like these, she almost saw the old boy she knew back in Nibelheim. When he saw she was watching, though, his face fell blank again, like a slate wiped clean, and that boy was gone in an instant.

"Fine," Zack relented, though a grin was tugging at his lips, as if he couldn't resist the allure of the Golden Saucer either. "But we're still separating on the train. We want to draw the least attention as possible."

–

Zack was almost regretting his decision to separate into two groups. Cloud and Tifa had gone on their way, and were riding on a different, unknown part of the train. Now, Zack was alone with Aerith, and without the distraction of something to do, his mind kept wandering back to their kiss on the ship. Granted, it had almost become more than a kiss, and he had lost control of himself. That's why now, he was sitting firmly in his own seat, sharpening his sword methodically.

Aerith was sitting across from him, her gaze shifting from the sparks on his sword to the view outside, drinking in all the sights. Her flowery scent invaded his senses, twice as alluring in the confined train compartment. He tried to ignore that, focusing on his blade instead, which in truth, was already sharpened to perfection.

Perfection. Zack glanced back up at Aerith again, and this time her eyes caught his, and she smiled shyly. His heart forgot how to beat, and then started again with a loud thump, pounding away at a runner's pace to make up for the beat it missed. He swallowed and set his sword aside, realizing that he wasn't focused enough to be messing around with sharp objects at the moment. He could feel Aerith watch him, and he met her eyes again as he settled back into his seat. She stretched one foot out – granted, it wasn't a great distance to cross – and wrapped it around his, smiling to herself.

"It's like holding hands, but with your feet," she said, a faint blush spreading across her cheeks. Zack smiled. She was so wonderfully innocent, even when she was being so forward. It was extremely attractive, in Zack's opinion.

"Feet holding," he said, and she nodded in agreement. He bit back a groan. She made it so hard for him.

"Do you want to kiss me again?" She asked boldly, but Zack detected a hint of nervousness in her words, as if he would reject her. How could she think that? Hadn't his wild abandon earlier been proof enough?

"Of course I do," Zack said slowly, taking his free foot and mimicking Aerith's actions, hooking his foot around her own.

"Then why aren't you?"

"Because I need to stay focused, that's why," he grinned.

"Are you saying I'm a distraction?" she asked, laughing softly in a way that sounded wonderful to his ears.

"Of course. Very distracting," he added, nudging her with one of his feet.

"Shoot," she sighed and leaned back, staring out the window again. Then, "Was I always very distracting?"

"Yes," Zack laughed. She rubbed absently at her cheeks, thinking.

"What exactly do you need to stay focused on again?" Aerith demanded, frowning slightly.

"I've created a monster, apparently," Zack mused aloud, earning him a sharp kick from Aerith. "Ow," he muttered, rubbing his shin.
"Answer me," Aerith said firmly, but she was smiling.

"I need to stay focused on a lot of things," he said slowly, glancing out the compartment window. "Shinra could do a mandatory train check at any moment, and then we'd be sitting here...caught unawares."

"So what are you focused on right now?"

Zack paused, listening to the train wheels clack on the tracks, then closing his eyes and breathing deeply before answering. "There's a man two compartments over, sleeping. I can hear him snoring, and his breathing is slow and deep. Four compartments away, a family is traveling together. Two kids. The mother and father are talking softly. Another man, one with a slight limp, he's walking up and down the corridor. His heart rate is accelerated. He's nervous. He's probably conspiring."

Aerith looked at him, surprised, but also smiling triumphantly. "That doesn't sound so dangerous. A sleeping man, a family."

"What about the nervous guy? What if he's planning something?"

"Or what if trains just make him nervous? There are a lot of what if's, Zack. Just because someone's nervous doesn't mean they're plotting to blow up the train, or something."

"Where I come from, they usually are," Zack defended. Aerith didn't answer, opting instead to look out the widow again.

"It's quiet out here, you know?"

"It is the desert," Zack noted. "Not a lot going on. Except for the Golden Saucer."

"Even the Planet's kind of quiet," she said, a sad expression crossing her face – like a girl who'd just lost her puppy. But then the look vanished and she changed the subject, which Zack was glad for, because he didn't know what to say to her. "So what's the Golden Saucer like?"

"Honestly, I don't know," Zack admitted. "I've only heard things about it – I've never gone myself. I've been too busy...no luxury time. I used to get paid vacations from Shinra, but the Golden Saucer was only an idea then. I went to Costa De Sol."

"What have you heard about the Golden Saucer, then?"

"Oh, plenty of things. Drunks gambling their money away, the poor getting lucky and winning – and then losing it all again."

"That doesn't sound like much fun," Aerith said.

"I guess that's a kind of negative outlook. There are some fun things, I suppose. Chocobo races. The Battle Square. Gondola rides and theater." Aerith's eyes lit up as he described what little he knew.

"It sounds wonderful."

"I bet you haven't gotten out much, have you?" Zack said, feeling a little bad that he'd seen most of the known world, while Aerith had probably spent most, if not all, of her life in Midgar.

"No...my mother and I came to Midgar when I was very young. She...she died."
"Er...Elmyra?" Zack asked uncertainly, confused.

"She adopted me. She's my mom, don't get me wrong...just not my real mother. Elmyra, she's not a Cetra...not even a part Cetra like me. She's just a regular human being. That's why Shinra has no interest in her. Just me."

"...I'm sorry," Zack said, reaching forward and taking her small hand, curling his fingers around into her palm. "My parents don't even know I'm alive," he said. "They live in Gongaga, you know? It's not actually that far from here. Down south of the Golden Saucer. But...I can't go see them. Not yet. Not until my work is done, and I figure out what's going on with me. I can't put them in danger."

Aerith squeezed his hand sympathetically. "We'll figure things out." She reached up with her other free hand, tracing the scar on his cheek lightly. "How'd you get this?"

He shivered lightly at her gentle touch, but he didn't pull away. "Just a little sparring duel with Angeal. He was my mentor, before he died."

She smiled. "I'm sure you did very well."

"I got my ass kicked," Zack laughed, and Aerith let her hand drop. They fell into a comfortable silence. Zack focused his mind again, listening to everything around him. The nervous man had stopped pacing. Presumably, he was seated I his own compartment.

"So," Aerith interrupted his focus. "I can't get even one kiss?"

Zack burst into laughter, leaning forward and cupping her face with his hands. "You're persistent, aren't you?"

"It's the voices in my head – they tell me it's a good idea," she insisted.

"Ah," Zack said. "Then I'd better not disappoint," he said, and he kissed her gently, first above her mouth, then again right below her ear, and on her brow, and finally a soft one on the lips.

"That was four," she said when he pulled away.

"Well, you deserved them." She beamed at him, unwrapping her ankles from his and moving herself so she was more comfortable in her seat. She yawned slightly, resting her head against the headrest.

"What, you're going to go to sleep?" Zack asked, laughing in disbelief. "You get me to kiss you just so you can take a nap?"

Aerith laughed, closing her eyes. "I thought you needed to focus, Zack. I'm trying to be...un-distracting."

"Sprawling out in a train compartment will help," he said, but she missed the sarcasm, nodding sleepily.

"Exactly," she murmured. "Wake me when we're..." she yawned widely, then stopped talking.

"Aerith?" Zack asked gently. No response. She had fallen asleep! He smirked to himself, shaking his head. Normally, he might have been a little miffed or put out that someone had just fallen asleep on him, but, with Aerith, it was rather cute. He closed his eyes again, allowing himself to fall into a meditative state, letting his surroundings wash over him.

–

Sometimes Cloud felt out of place, like he'd just woken up and didn't know where he was. He felt a bit like that now. He knew he was on a train, but not why; he knew he was with Tifa, but he wasn't sure where Zack and Aerith had gone, or exactly why they were traveling together. Sometimes, his thoughts slowly fell back into place, and he remembered all of the why's, so he didn't ask questions right away, hoping that he'd remember everything.

He had suddenly been aware that he was rocking back and forth lightly as the train rocked on the tracks, and he was staring out the window absently. He waited, and slowly he remembered that he – no, they – were headed to the Golden Saucer. Something about materia. Prizes. His head remained stubbornly fuzzy on all of the other details. Zack and Aerith were somewhere on the train while they all traveled incognito, under the radar of Shinra.

He tore his eyes away from the window and glanced at Tifa, swelling happily with his good fortune to be riding with her. He remember with a guilty lurch how Hojo had taken her away. How it had been his fault. Cloud had no idea what had caused him to act so rashly. In fact, he couldn't explain a lot of things, lately. He was confused. But anytime he thought too hard about it, he would disappear again, and then seemingly wake up, with no idea what was going on, again.

So, he didn't think too hard about it.

"Hey," he murmured to Tifa, who's eyes were closed as she rest her head against the back of the seat. As he spoke, her eyes popped open, and he smiled as her crimson brown eyes met his.

"Yes?" she asked – she seemed a little irritated.

"Er. Sorry. Just thought I'd make some small talk."

"You? Make small talk?" Tifa laughed lightly. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Better than I have for a while," he admitted truthfully. "And what's that supposed to mean? I can't make small talk?"

"I'm sure you can, but from what I've seen lately, you aren't inclined to." Cloud frowned, rubbing at his head. Why wouldn't he want to talk to Tifa?

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry then. Something must have been on my mind. I'd like to talk now."

Tifa eyed him warily, lowering the brochure onto her lap. "Oookay...about what?"

"What'd you do after I left Nibelheim?"

Tifa laughed again, shaking her head. "Talk about bringing up the past. I didn't think you liked to talk about Nibelheim."

"I'm not talking about Nibelheim, I'm talking about you," he pointed out. "So tell me."

"After you left...well, I continued my training with Zangan. I became a tour guide for a while, too, showing tourists around. My father...my father was killed when Sephiroth came to town. I don't know how it happened. Things got a little crazy...the town was burned to the ground. Sephiroth, he disappeared. There was nothing left for me there. I left. I went to Midgar, and I started working in a bar. And then you showed up."

An image flashed in Cloud's head, and for a brief second, he could see Nibelheim, burning. How could he know though? He wasn't there. He had been...he couldn't remember where, now. Why couldn't he remember?

"Are you okay, Cloud?"

"Sorry. I'm fine. And, I'm sorry about your father." Tifa shrugged, clenching her fists.

"So, what did you do once you left Nibelheim? Besides join SOLDIER?" she asked, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"I..." he took a deep breath. "Just like you said. I joined SOLDIER. And I fought. But Shinra's full of liars...full of webs of deceit. I don't...I couldn't take it. I left." The words came easily to his mouth, sprouting form his tongue, when only hours earlier, he had been telling Zack that he couldn't remember why he'd left SOLDIER. What was happening to him?

"And you became a mercenary bent on destroying Shinra?" she asked, her brow raised – attractively, Cloud noted.

"Well, yes."

She stared at him seriously, and then she burst out into laughter. Cloud couldn't stop himself from laughing too. When they both ceased their riotous laughter, wiping weakly at their eyes, Tifa spoke again between gasps of air.

"I haven't...laughed like that...for a long time."

"Me neither," Cloud admitted. "I'm glad I did." Tifa sighed, her smile fading away.

"What happened to you? You're acting like...well, like the Cloud I used to know. Why were you acting so...so cold before?"

"I..." he stopped, his throat stuck. "I'm sorry, Tifa. I can't really explain." She just shrugged again, tucking her shortened hair behind her ear. "I liked your hair longer," Cloud said after a moment, missing the length.

"Me too. And I liked your hair better blond, chocobo head," she teased. He laughed dryly, rubbing at his dyed hair.

"We're incognito, remember?"

"You look like Zack, now," she said, reaching across and ruffling his hair, pausing and pulling away slowly when she realized what she was doing.

"I suppose there's nothing wrong with that," he said at length. "He's cheerful looking. I'm rather serious."

"I don't mind serious," Tifa said, looking pointedly out the window. Cloud smiled and reached over, taking her hand. The last time he'd felt so nervous was when he was back in Nibelheim, just barely sixteen.

"I also missed you, while I was gone."

"I missed you, too, Cloud," Tifa said, drawing her eyes away from the window to look back at him again, smiling beatifically. And then Cloud was gone and everything went dark in his head.

–

Zack watched Aerith take in the grand sight of the Golden Saucer. He had to admit, it did look rather awe-inspiring, towering in front of them, lights flashing invitingly. Cloud looked almost as eager as her, but it was all in his eyes – his posture gave none of his excitement away. As Aerith and Cloud wandered closer to the Golden Saucer, Tifa came up behind him, placing a hand on his arm.

"What's up?" he asked, shooting her a look. She was staring at Cloud, a frown pulling at her lips.

"Something's wrong with Cloud."

"I don't have to make him jealous again, do I? Because I don't think I can make that kid see sense," he said lightly, smiling in jest, but his smile trailed away when he saw that she was serious. "What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know," she answered truthfully. "On the train...he was acting like himself again, for a little bit. He took my hand, and then...nothing. It was like he went blank. He pulled away and stopped answering me after that. I don't know what's happening to him. Do you think that Hojo did something when we were back in Midgar?"

"It's possible..." Zack said, rubbing his chin slowly. "When I got there, it hadn't looked like Hojo had done anything yet, but perhaps he was just starting round two. I think the best thing we can do for now is keep a close eye on Cloud. You can handle that, can't you?"

"Of course," Tifa said, nodding. "What else can we do?"

"We wait until we find Sephiroth, I suppose. Maybe he'll have all the answers. I hope somebody has the answers."

"Come on, Zack!" Aerith called cheerfully, looking back at him expectantly, her eyes shining exuberantly.

"Coming!" he called back, turning back to Tifa quickly, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "It'll be okay, Tifa. I promise."

"You can't promise that," she said, smiling weakly. "Besides, that's hardly a promise you could keep. Trust me. I know about promises."

Zack sighed, patting her shoulder and pulling away. Despite all that had happened, with Avalanches betrayal, he still liked Tifa, and it bothered him to see her so distraught.

"Come on, Aerith looks ready to explode from excitement. And Cloud...well, I suppose he's excited, in his own special way."

"Right," Tifa laughed lightly, letting Zack pull her toward the others.

"It's so big," Aerith said breathlessly, looping her arm through Zack's. "I've never seen anything like it."

"It's quite the sight," Zack agreed, smiling at her wonder.

"Where's the Battle Square?" Cloud asked aloud, to no one in particular it seemed. "I suppose it's up to me to win the materia."

"What makes you say that?" Zack demanded, raising a questioning eyebrow in Cloud's direction. Cloud had a smug look on his face.

"How can you fight in the Battle Square? You'll go nuts and lose control at the sight of blood." Zack scowled.

"I don't have to kill anyone to win," Zack retorted.

"Want to bet?" Cloud asked haughtily, an almost feral smile creeping onto his features.

"What?" Zack asked, folding his arms over his chest.

"I bet you can't make it through the Battle Square just fighting with the blunt side of your sword. And even if you could, I bet that I could finish more quickly than you. In fact, lets make it a competition. Whoever makes it through the Battle Square first gets the ultimate prize. Let's see who's better."

"So, you want me to fight my way, while you fight your way, to see who's a better fighter?"

"Yes," Cloud declared, grinning triumphantly. "What, are you scared to lose?"

"Hardly," Zack shot back. "I was just making sure you knew your terms, because you're going to protest when you lose."

"You're on," Cloud challenged.

"See you at the finish line," Zack finished, hurrying inside. He'd had the final word – that gave him the power, psychologically. A competitive thrill coursed through him, and he grinned in excitement. Finally, a challenge! In the back of his head, a part of him realized that Cloud wasn't acting himself, at least according to Tifa – but he could hardly deny a challenge!

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Zack?" Aerith asked beside him, her feet moving swiftly to keep up with him.

"Why not? I'm not going to kill anyone or any beast. I'll prove that my way of fighting is just as efficient, without the loss of life."

"It's probably dangerous," she pointed out.

"I was in SOLDIER. I can handle danger," he assured her.

"What if you have to kill to compete? Do you think knocking out your enemies is good enough?"

"Sure it is," he said, glancing around the large building and wondering where to go. "The point is to defeat your enemy, not kill them. It's not a show of who can murder. It's a test of strength and daring, and whatnot."

"If you say so," she said, her eyes spanning over the flashing lights. "Oh, look, a gondola! We should go on a ride!" Zack stopped his hurried pace to look at the ride.

"Yeah, sure," he agreed, even though his competitive side was urging him to rush to the Battle Square and show Cloud what was what. The other part of him, though, the part that was far fonder of Aerith than Cloud – no, not that part of his body, though it certainly reacted to her – made him stop, made him want to please her. "Want to go right now?"

"What about your battle thing?" she asked sweetly, and Zack shrugged, brushing a strand of hair from her face.

"It can wait. Cloud's hardly more important than you." Aerith flushed beautifully, but she smiled at his reply.

"Okay. Let's go now, then." She slipped her small hand into his, tugging him gently toward the gondola. Zack paid for the ride, letting Aerith through first, proclaiming "Ladies first," before trailing after her. Instead of sitting across from her in the empty seat, he slid next to her, slipping his arm around her. She sighed contently and rest her head against his chest. After a moment, the carriage lurched, and they were tugged slowly upward.

"What do you think?" he asked, gesturing lazily out the window, the view of the Golden Saucer filled the window.

"It's very pretty," she noted, pulling away form him to lean toward the window. "I feel like a bird up here." She glanced up at the night sky, the stars twinkling back at her. "And the sky's not so scary," she murmured to herself.

"What was that?" Zack asked, but she turned her head back to him and smiled.

"Nothing," she said. She jumped as a loud firework went off outside, startled by the sudden noise and light, but then she relaxed, laughing at her own jumpiness.

"Nice show," Zack said admiringly, enjoying the firework display. "Don't see many fireworks in Midgar."

"No. Midgar's not very pretty," Aerith concurred.

"Nonsense," Zack said, and she gave him a questioning look. "Okay, well, Midgar's not pretty. But your church is. Your flowers are. You definitely are." He delighted in making her blush again, though it was only apparent when the fireworks' flashes lit up her features through the window, casting reds, greens, and yellows on her face. "Definitely beautiful," he repeated.

"My eyes aren't as nice as yours."

"They only look this way because of Mako," he retorted. "Your eyes glow without Mako. They're much better."

"They glow?" she asked in wonder, and Zack nodded.

"Positively." And then she flashed him one of her enchanting smiles, and his heart fluttered in his ribcage madly.

"You're just saying that," she protested.

"I'm not!" Zack said, slapping a hand over his chest. "You wound me with your words."

She laughed loudly at his antics, then sobered almost immediately. "Sorry," she apologized. "Do you need a kiss to make it better?"

"Again with the kissing," Zack teased, poking her nose lightly with his finger.

"Kisses make everything better, didn't you know? That's why mom's always kiss owies."

"Owies?" Zack asked incredulously.

"Yes," Aerith said firmly, without a hint of embarrassment. "Owies."

"Okay. I guess a kiss wouldn't hurt."
"Of course not, kisses don't hurt," Aerith said, and then she kissed him lightly on the lips as the fireworks continued to shoot off around them. Zack almost laughed. When Aerith kissed him, it was like he had his own personal fireworks going off inside his head, and now there were real ones going on outside of it. It was weird how things worked out that way. She started to pull away from him, but he pulled her close again, kissing her firmly and soundly on the lips. He lost track of time, letting his lips slide along with hers, inhaling her heady scent as he breathed in, and suddenly the ride was coming to a halt. He finally pulled away, opening his eyes lazily, a stupid smile adorning his features.
Aerith looked a bit dazed as well, her lips swollen, her cheeks flushed. Then she laughed again.

"I told you. Kisses don't hurt."
"Definitely not," Zack agreed. "But now, I believe I have a point to prove," he said, taking her hand and helping her out of the gondola.

"Ah, right, a battle," Aerith grinned, stepping out in front of him. "Try not to get hurt, okay?"

"I'll be careful," he promised as they walked away from the gondola ride.

"Good. If you get hurt, how can you protect me from all the trouble I'm sure to get in?" she asked mischievously, giggling lightly.

"What, it's my job to protect you again?" he teased.

"Of course. You're my bodyguard, aren't you?" She halted in her tracks, looking up at him, her smile lingering, but he could see the question in her eyes. She had forgiven him, but did he forgive her?

"I'll always be your bodyguard, Aerith."

–

And you've already got me coming undone

I'm thinking two is better than one

AN: Long chapter to make up for my absence. Review, please and thank you to everyone who has already done so, as well as to those who have fav'ed. (;