This is chapter 12 everyone!
I am planning to update a lot later than usual for the next chapter because I plan to upload 2 chapters at once. I'm somewhat superstitious so I don't want to end the chapter at the "unlucky number."
Don't worry, I have an idea of where my story is going and I have the ending and epilogue already written out. I just don't know how many more chapters I'll write to get to my ending.
I'm not planning to watch the final season. My hectic university life has disabled me from doing so anyways, even if I wanted to (which I don't)! However, the one thing I will miss from the show is: Dorota's hilarious remarks matched with her Polish accent! Man, I love Dorota! I wish I had my very own Dorota!
Song lyrics in this chapter: "Where Did We Go?" by Andrew Allen and Carly Rae Jepsen, "Foolin' Around" by Usher, and "What's a Man to Do?" by Usher.
Disclaimer: Don't own GG, just this story and the mistakes that go along with it.
I love all of the support! As usual, R&R please!
"Where is Blair?!" was all Dan boomed to the other side of the door that his knuckles had been bashing.
"How the he…hell did y-y-you get passsst ssssecurity?"
The response Dan was greeted with was a slurring bellow from Chuck Bass. Dan noticed that Chuck could barely stand-up straight; in order to support his own weight, Chuck had to lean against the doorframe.
With a certain air of arrogance and smugness to him, Dan simply stated, "I'm from Brooklyn, remember? I channeled my inner hoodlum."
"I'm not going to ask again Chuck – at least not without physicality – Where is Blair? I'm not in the mood for your egotistical bullshit with that damn creepy whisper of yours! Tell me where she is or so help me God I'll brutalize the answer out of you!"
Dan Humphrey, the level-headed man who can oftentimes be a judgmental prick, was never one to advocate violence. However, Dan couldn't constrain his resentment whenever he was around Chuck. Having just read Blair's "letter" practically listing off reasons why he was never good enough and why Chuck was, Dan was a little more than peeved at this point. Feeling slightly buzzed from his wine certainly did not help Dan calm down, either.
"H-how did y-y-you know w-we lived h-here?"
"You guys are ChuckandBlair. BlairandChuck. C'mon Chuck, you don't remember? You and Blair were interviewed on TV by interior designers on the decorum of your home. People wanted to know how to get that "mansion" look with limited space and without spending like a millionaire. You guys practically basically advertised your house! For several weeks, security teams had to weed out all of the burglars, creepers, and paparazzi on your property. There are people out there who basically worship you, as if ChuckandBlair were France's version of Will and Kate! It wasn't that hard to find where you guys lived – a simple Google search could attest to that!"
Apparently Dan's speech seemed to have woken Chuck up from his drunken stupor – at least a bit; instead of slurring, Chuck has worked to growling in that hideous and unnatural whisper voice.
"So what do you want, Brooklyn?"
"I already told you Chuck. It's quite simple: let me have a word with Blair then I'll be officially out of your lives for good! You can even celebrate with an endless flow of bourbon, afterwards."
"I do like that proposition but I'm sorry to burst your bubble and say that Blair is not here."
"What? Then where is she then? Evening stroll with Audrey? Late night drinks with other business-mommies?"
"I'm not sure. She could be doing all of those things or none of those things. None of that is of my concern though… at least… not anymore, Brooklyn." Chuck's voice had softened at the end, which did not go unnoticed by Dan.
"Ok, I get you're drunk but I have absolutely no clue what you mean, Chuck."
"What do you think it means, Humphrey? She left me dammit! And this time for good!" Chuck snapped.
Eyes widened in shock, Dan's facial expression was priceless. After a moment trying to swallow Chuck's admission, Dan still couldn't comprehend and needed reassurance.
"Wh-what did you just say?"
Chuck, punctuating each word as if he were speaking to a young child, reiterated his sentence.
"Blair. Left. Me. For. Good. I. Even. Have. The. Harry. Winston. Ring. To. Prove. It."
Chuck certainly did prove it as he took the engagement ring that just sat haphazardly on the bar, right next to a near empty bottle of scotch, and shoved it in Dan's face.
Regaining some of his Bass demeanor, Chuck continued, "Hmmm… and people consider you a writer? Ha! Can your Brooklyn simpleton mind understand that, now that I've broken it down as a master would to his dog?"
With the added commentary, Chuck's words finally registered to Dan.
Blair finally let go of Chuck.
With that thought however, a million questions seemed to arise in Dan's head.
What will happen now? What will happen to Audrey? Could there still be hope for the two of us?
No! Dan shook that last and unnecessary thought. He had to constantly remind himself that he was engaged to Sienna and that even with this new development of Blair leaving Chuck, nothing should or will change that! Dan just focused on the situation with Audrey, instead.
Knowing Blair the way he does, with all of her greatness, faults, and even her vulnerabilities, Dan knew this situation would be hard on everyone. Both Blair and Chuck have grown up without much guidance from their parents due to divorce or business; they both understand the affects that are strung along with the lack of parenting. Hell, Dan and Jenny have even experienced that first hand with their mom's absence. Dan knows that Blair would never ever want that for her child. Dan even knows Chuck doesn't want that either, because even if Chuck is a total tool, Chuck still has a capacity for compassion – it's just buried very deep inside of him.
"Blair's taken Audrey and herself to a hotel for a few days – so things will get arranged in as much peace as we can muster."
"Well… aren't you going to tell me where she is?"
"Why? So you can act as her knight in shining armor… or whatever it is you are, pauper? Need I remind you, that you are, shall I say… preoccupied with someone else? A certain red-head, if I remember correctly."
"Of course! Just because the demise of ChuckandBlair has occurred that doesn't mean I'm going to save her… again. Whatever happened between us, that hasn't changed the fact that I still wanted her to be happy, even if it meant she was happy with" Dan cringed, "Chuck Bass." Well… I did think that… until a recent development occurred" Dan said vaguely, leaving out the crucial piece of information that was Blair's "letter. Which is why I need to speak with her, so I think it would be in your best interest Chuck that you tell me where her hotel is."
"Fine." Chuck blustered. "Only because I've seemed to accept my defeat – and that is probably because I've had more than enough to drink this evening."
Scribbling the details and handing the paper to Dan who was on his way out, Chuck had to get the final word in by stating,
"You know she still loves you. That's what ended us. I...I just can't believe I lost to a goddamn toad! If I had lost to another prince who could give her a fairytale then that's a different story… but…. But someone from Brooklyn?"
Chuck violently shakes his head while he heads back to that bottle of scotch.
As Dan walked down to flag another cab that evening, Dan's thoughts swirled of what everything meant. Chuck and Blair were finished and apparently her unwavering love for him was the root of it all; however the letter he just finished reading gave Dan a whole different impression of where Blair's heart truly lies.
What the hell was going on?
He needed to find out the truth once and for all from the only feasible source.
Blair Waldorf herself.
There was a great chance that she would just feed him more lines of bullshit, but what or who else could he go off of, right?
By the time Dan stood in front of what was supposedly Blair's hotel room, his wine buzz had subsided and was replaced with a mixture of anger and sympathy. He was cold and wet because Dan had been drenched in a shit storm. Paris was raining uncontrollably, reflecting the shitty evening Dan was already having.
Dan's knuckles rapped on the door gruffly,
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
Dan could hear that Blair was inside and scrambling to answer the door. In a last ditch effort to group his thoughts, he turned around so that his back was facing the door.
Blair, without looking through the peephole first, opened the door. As she did so, Dan slowly turned himself around and came face to face with Blair, once again.
The moment their gazes locked onto each other's, time stood still.
Blair's breath hitched as she examined a very handsome and a very wet Dan Humphrey at her door.
Dan tried to still his beating heart, which was thumping loudly in his chest, afraid that Blair could hear it as well.
Breaking eye contact, Dan spoke first – a little hoarsely though.
"Blair…"
"Dan! What are you doing here? Oh my god, you're going to get hypothermia like this, come inside!"
He did what he was told but, begrudgingly. "I don't care if I get hypothermia or not, Blair."
Sitting on her ottoman, hesitantly, he was surprised how his demeanor had changed so quickly just by seeing her. He was pissed but somehow, staring at her calmed him down considerably. He was entranced by Blair grabbing a towel for him. Dan did not take notice of Blair's hotel suit for he had his eyes glued on her, and only for her.
Returning with a towel for Dan, Blair was not mistaken by the way their fingers lingered slightly longer than necessary as the towel was exchanged. She watched as his eyes made his way down her body and a blush rose to her cheeks. It was only know she became aware that her robe was somewhat undone, revealing a risqué baby-doll slip underneath. She realized in horror (or what she feigned as horror, though later she would think it was quite a turn on) that she was practically half-naked in front of Dan, who was fully clothed but sopping wet (which defined his muscles in all the right places – also a turn on).
Just as she was enjoying this "moment," things escalated to a serious tone rather quickly, thanks to Dan.
"I know."
"You know what, exactly?" Blair asked timidly, trying to remain innocent by fiddling with her robe.
"You know what I'm talking about, Blair. I know what went down between you and Chuck and the supposed factor being me. So by the looks of you setting up shop here in this suite, I guess it's true. You left Chuck."
"Yes I did." Blair answered with great confidence that it made Dan's heart nearly melt and almost made him forget his intentions of showing up. Almost.
"Where's Audrey?"
"I just put her down for a nap."
"Ok good." Taking a deep breath, Dan had enough of the pleasantries and got down to the matter at hand.
If I could read your mind
I would of thought we're doing fine
With no one better beside me
No no
So baby baby where did you go?
If you could read my mind
I've been talking to my pillow every night
Cuz I've been waiting for something more then
The way that we've been going
So baby now I'm going
Baby baby where'd you go?
I-I've been waiting for you
Maybe maybe you should know
That I look back but you never look back
And maybe we can talk it through
Cuz' I'm still living my life for you
Baby baby
Where did we go?
Ooo
Oh oh
Well I don't see what's wrong (you were so so right)
I never did and now it's gone
But if it's not me it's not you
Tell me how we got you
The way that we've been going
So baby now I'm going
Baby baby where'd you go?
I-I've been waiting for you
Maybe maybe you should know
That I look back but you never look back
And maybe we can talk it through
Cuz' I'm still living my life for you
Baby baby
Where did we go?
Ooo
Oh oh
I never saw the sign
Open up your eyes and recognize me
Would you recognize me?
It's harder to define
What it is inside
That's what that guides me
What is it that guides me from you?
Where did you go?
If I could read your mind
Baby baby where'd you go?
I-I've been waiting for you
Maybe maybe you should know
That I look back but you never look back
And maybe we can talk it through
Cuz' I'm still living my life for you
Baby baby where'd you go? (where did go)
I-I've been waiting for you
Where did we go?
I-I've been waiting for you
Where did we go?
I-I've been waiting for you
Baby baby
Where did we go?
Ooo
Oh oh
"I know supposedly everything, but I never wanted to know any of it, nor do I actually believe it. I went to the mansion because I needed to clear the air about a few things with you but my conversation with Chuck lead me here. I don't believe that I was what came between you and Chuck because of this letter that I had just finished reading," Dan solemnly states as he opens the inside pocket of his jacket and reveals the envelope with Blair's letter folded – but was previously crumpled in anger – inside.
"Wait…what? I thought you said you burnt that letter in the damn fireplace! You liar!"
"Yes, I lied! You know why? I didn't want to fess up to the fact that I had originally misplaced the letter to you, because you would get the impression that I was longing to read your words, which I wasn't! I finally found the letter and being the decent guy I am, I gave a moment to read it in respect to you taking time out to write it! And do you know what I found, you know what… why don't you take a look for yourself!"
"What the hell do you mean, Dan?" Blair responded curtly. As she began to read the contents of her letter, a bewildered look crept upon her face.
Dan,
As you read this, you are probably thinking this is going to be some sappy letter about how much I miss you and me constantly trying to apologize for my actions. Well, I'm here to warn you that this letter is the complete opposite, so get over it!
What we had was fun but it was never going to be a serious relationship. I never had thoughts of us settling down or anything of the sort. You know full well, like everyone else, my destiny lies with Chuck, and only Chuck. If you thought otherwise, than you must have been in a state of delusion deeper than I had initially thought.
I was bored. I conjured up this little experiment to amuse myself, seeing how far you would go as my little lap dog. I may have acted selfish but I found satisfaction in destroying the remnants of your relationship with Serena.
You are a good guy, I will admit that much… but there's no excitement with good guys in comparison to the bad boys, like Chuck.
You: too nice, plaid and flannel, unruly hair, and a Brooklyn pauper that will never fit in.
Chuck: schemer, designer suits, can fit in at galas, and a Manhattan bred socialite.
Can you spot the differences, Dan? Which of the two do you think I need in my life?
Although I appreciate the letter you had written to me, I think it is the best for everyone that we cut ties, here and now. This means we cannot be friends and that you may not contact me in any situation. I will miss our banter and the fact you think Carey Grant is better with Katherine Hepburn than with Audrey (which is so not true) but I need you to stay away.
And to answer your question Dan, my simple answer is "No." No, I don't think about you anymore and you should stop thinking about me… it's necessary.
I'm sorry, but this is how I feel and I know that you will respect my wishes. I can't have any distractions ruining my bet on Chuck and myself and Audrey. Do yourself a favor Dan, please… walk away with dignity and just let me be happy because that is where I am with Chuck… happy.
Blair
Finishing the letter, Blair, with a snail's pace, turned to Dan. She was trying to decipher what he felt in that moment. Reading his face, it was apparent he was confused and enraged. The whole time she was reading, she could sense the dreadful silence that ensued, and occasionally glanced to observe Dan pacing hysterically.
"Do you really th-"
"What? Do I really think you wrote and meant every word of that damn letter? Honestly Blair, I have absolutely no clue what or who to believe in this instance. Conversing with Chuck revealed that you still love me and for that reason you returned his ring. On the other hand however, this letter, that piece of paper that is still in your fingers, represents Constance Blair. The Constance Blair that once thought I was some sort of leech that desperately wanted to be an insider just to get in Serena's pants. Constance Blair makes a reappearance in this letter by mocking how much of a fucking fool I was!"
As he made his little speech, Dan continued to pace around and only stopped when Blair ran up to him. Dan avoided meeting Blair's gaze and fought his male hormonal urge to do something really fucked up. Blair was having none of it this evening and made it clear to him. Her hand made contact with his jaw as she forcefully pulled it towards her so they could lock eyes, like they had done so earlier. Staring at him, she could see Dan was on the verge of tears, which broke Blair's heart having to see him in such a state.
"Listen to me, Dan Humphrey. I DID NOT WRITE THIS LETTER AND THESE WORDS DO NOT REFLECT MY FEELINGS FOR YOU!"
Pulling away from Blair's contact, Dan replies crossly, "If I were to believe you – I am not saying I am – then who do you think did? Some sort of Blair alter-ego, much like Nicki Minaj's trillions, including Roman?"
"I have an idea but you are probably going shut it down so when I say it, you can't judge me."
"Oh, I know exactly what this theory of yours is, but I can't promise I won't judge."
As if they reach each other's minds, they simultaneously said, "Sienna"
"I know you think she holds some sort of grudge towards you, Blair… but"
"But you can't see Sienna doing something so selfish and rotten. That's because you place her so high up on a pedestal that she can do no wrong."
"Whoa! I did not say or even imply that so stop putting words in my mouth."
"Why? I know that's what you think. You think you've finally found the perfect woman! Your fiancé, the red-head who doesn't scheme or lie like Serena or me, or even like Vanessa, certainly could not have done it! Like I've said before Dan, she's not all butterflies and rainbows!"
"But she's not some sort of evil and vindictive bitch, like…" Dan stopped before proceeding any further but Blair was no idiot and understood that reference was meant for her.
Blair brought her hand back far enough to where Dan knew the slap would sting… because Blair Waldorf never did anything half-assed. Without a moment's hesitation she flung her hand forward until it came in contact with his cheek. The noise that the slap had made radiated off of the walls and back to both their ears.
They stood in complete silence before Blair started to tear up and began to babble,
"I'm… I'm"
"Please don't apologize, Blair. I'm the one who is sorry and I certainly deserved that." Dan said this with his softest tone yet as he enveloped his arms around her to show that no real harm had been done.
Dan's simple gesture had changed the course of this evening.
Though Dan was not fully dry yet when he was hugging Blair, she did not mind at all. She reveled in the fact that Dan was wrapping himself around her, like all those times years ago.
Getting comfortable in his warmth even when Dan was actually freezing cold still, Blair mumbled into his chest,
"That letter is not the truth, Dan."
Replying into her hair with a melancholy tone, "Why should I believe you Blair? You've lied to me, ran behind my back, and left me. I felt as if I had been hooked up to an EKG and you just unplugged all the cords, leaving me to die."
"That was never my intention, Dan. You have to know that. You have to trust me know."
"Give me a reason to, Blair."
Pulling away slightly, Blair peered into Dan's eyes to see seriousness of his statement. Doing the only thing logical to her at the time, in giving Dan his reason, Blair crashed her lips with Dan's.
She could tell he was surprised and hesitant, but that didn't stop him from kissing her back with such heat that matched Blair's yearning. They were like that for several minutes – Blair's arms wrapped around Dan's neck; Dan's arm wrapped securely around Blair's waist and pulling her closer, while the other twirled within her hair; their tongues dancing for dominance; moaning and panting – until they needed to take a breath. As Dan pulled away however, he noticed Blair's swollen lips and that seemed to have reality crash down on him.
"That shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry, Blair… I…I should go."
Before he could make his way to the door though, Blair latched onto his arm and yanked him back towards her, which quickly led to another searing make-out session.
She wanted and needed him and knew for certain, Dan felt the same way; he just needed a push in the right direction.
Blair whimpered, as yet again Dan tried to move away.
"Please… please Dan… I want this… I need this. Please let me have this, at least for tonight?"
I know I vowed to never do this again but I
I guess this seems to be the only thing I'm good at
Got something that you need to know
You're the realest shit I never wrote
Can't hold it gotta let it go
Know, that I mean every note.
Yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), listen baby.
Let me start by saying that the way I
Feel for you has never once changed
And the games I played, mistakes I made
Leave me sorrier than you'll ever know
We got a problem baby I can't lie
Coz lately I realize that I
Never knew that we was on the same (playing field)
Knew that it was wrong but we (let it be)
And I know you never knew when you said "I do"
That you would have to face all the (pain you feel)
And it's killing me girl that you have to live with this
Live with the lies I tell
Live with the pain you feel
Knowing the man you love is fooling around
Oh baby said it's killin me girl
Said I just don't understand
Why you wanna be with this kind of man (ooh ho)
Why would you love a fool
With all the things I do
I know it's hard for you
Hard for you to live with this
Trade memories from moments
Treat love to be lonely
Guess that's just the man in me
Blame it on celebrity
When the night time feel like the right time
And then spotlight feel like the bright light
But it's really just my fears
And it still don't dry your tears
When I, say she ain't you
When I, really love you more
When you, say if it's true
Why'd you do it for?
And I, I really don't have no excuse
I break you heart, make you cry
I just wanna say goodbye
And it's killing me girl that you have to live with this
Live with the lies I tell
Live with the pain you feel
Knowing the man you love is foolin around
Oh baby said it's killin me girl
Said I just dont understand
Why you wanna be with this kind of man (ooh ho)
Why would you love a fool
With all the things I do
I know its hard for you
Hard for you to live with this
What I feel I don't even gotta write it
It's like poison in my body and there's now way to deny that my heart
Is a time bomb
When seconds left to explode
But I gotta let you know before it blows
That it ain't on you, it's my fault
All the gossipy talk, behind your back when you walk
By the time you will know
Before long you will see
That you deserve more, you derserve more
You derserve so much more
That what I'll ever be
And it's killing me girl that you have to live with this
Live with the lies I tell
Live with the pain you feel
Knowing the man you love is foolin around
Oh baby said it's killin me girl
Said I just don't understand
Why you wanna be with this kind of man (ooh ho)
Why would you love a fool
With all the things I do
I know it's hard for you
Hard for you to live with this (uh)
Live with this
Can you, live with this, girl (ohh)
I just want you know...
Got something that you need to know
You're the realest shit I never wrote
Can't hold it gotta let it go
Know, that I mean every note. (yeah)
Yeah [x5], hhmmm
He held his breath for a moment, wondering what he was going to do was the right thing to do. Dan made no attempts to leave this time and after locking eyes with Blair, Dan made a split-decision – throwing his inhibitions carelessly out the window, without another moment of thought. His head was spinning and he couldn't have cared. He was going to cheat on his fiancé with his ex (the same ex who left him even when he wrote a whole novel professing his love for her), and he was sure he wasn't going to have any regrets in the morning.
Moving backwards, Blair was thankful that Dan gladly took the hint as he picked her up – his body flush with hers – towards the bed, as she hooked her ankles around him.
Blair was also thankful that Audrey was a deep sleeper because she did not want to scar her daughter so early in life with her moans of appreciation.
They were lovesick teenagers, their hands all over each other while they giggled and laughed like school children, their fingers fumbling with their attempts to shed their clothes. Clothing was littered everywhere, but neither cared as their only thought that evening was becoming one.
Coming down from their high, Dan caught his breath slowly before he looked up into Blair's eyes, knowing that he had definitely done something wrong. But he couldn't have cared less.
As she drifted off to sleep, Blair felt as if the puzzle pieces of her life were slowly fitting in a manner that a happy picture would emerge, instead of just jumbled pieces being forced together.
As Dan succumbed to the night his thought was: Dan Humphrey was not the sort of person to go around sleeping with other women behind his fiancé's back. That was never his style or his personality, but this evening he couldn't help but find himself falling into bed with the sharp tongued brunette. Why did he do it then? The logic was quite simple:
It was utterly impossible for Dan Humphrey to simply say "no" to Blair Waldorf.
Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh yeah
Listen
I'd be a liar if I told you
That I didn't see it coming
Be more of a liar if I said
Hey I didn't want it to be something
You deserve much better
For the love that you have shared
I know you won't believe it
But girl I swear
That I got love for you
Big love for you
Even when I'm tripping
The fact remains that
You will always be my baby
My baby
But dig the truth
Baby, dig the truth
I can't hide my feelings
Especially when the whole world can see
That my heart is in two different places
I got you in my life and I wanna do right
But it's hard to let it go
When my love has two different faces
And I can't break ties cause they both look right
Someone tell me what's a man to do
When he's loving two
And he don't wanna lie
But he can't tell the truth
What's a man to do
When he's loving two
But he can't keep his heart
In two different places
In two different places
I know you feel it cause you stay
There is much more to this story
But I'd be a fool to say
I trust her and I'm always gonna love her
You know that you don't wanna hear
I been living on the edge baby
So I guess yea baby
She ain't nothing but she is real
But why take her through it
When I still got love for you
Big love for you
Even when I'm tripping
The fact remains that
You will always be my baby
My baby
But dig the truth
Baby, dig the truth
I can't hide my feelings
Especially when the whole world can see
What's a man to do
When he's loving two
But he can't keep his heart
In two different places
Not in two different places
I wanna tell you it's over
That I ain't thinking of her
I wanna really mean it
That I want you to see it
That I'm really trying to leave her behind
And I'm trying not to make you cry
I wanna tell you that
I ain't playing games and I'm dedicated to receive a change
But when I look in the mirror
It's the same old man
What's a man to do
When he's loving two
But he can't keep his heart
In two different places
Not in two different places