Laser Tagged
By Dana Keylits
Chapter Twelve
A/N: Detective Murphy's first name is pronounced 'Kee-Vah" I had originally used the name Siobhan (pronounced 'Sha-Von'), but then the writers over there at Castle used it in Wild Rover. Go figure. Fortunately the Irish have a plethora of difficult-to-spell names from which I could choose.
She awoke to the sharp angry voices of her mother and father fighting, their unforgiving words echoing up the staircase, forcing her into consciousness. From the sound of it, Gram was in the middle of it, too. She wondered when her mother had arrived, and groaned at the prospect of having to have that conversation.
Alexis blinked, rubbed the gravel from her eyes and then swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She eyed the empty wine glass as it mocked her from the bedside table. She stared at it blankly as though puzzled by its presence in her room. As though not remembering that she was the girl who'd filled it three times last night - in spite of the midnight promises she'd made to her dad.
In spite of the promises she'd made to herself.
She stood up and wandered over to the closet, the heated voices from downstairs becoming nothing more than white noise, and positioned herself in front of the full-length mirror that hung on the back of the door. She was pale, too pale, paler than normal. Her eyes had dark circles beneath them and the bright blue of her irises were now a dull grey. She was too skinny.
She looked as she felt. Washed out, older, unhappy, lost. Every morning she'd vow not to drink, but by each afternoon she'd justify why she could. She'd done and said things that just weren't her. And, she didn't know why. She'd once told her father, a time that felt like it was a hundred years ago, that she was the only member of their family blessed with good judgment. She couldn't say that about herself now. No one could. And, she was consumed by an overwhelming sense of shame and fear, disappointment over the person she was becoming.
She frowned, turning away from her reflection as the disembodied voices of her parents grew harsher and more urgent. It was time to go downstairs. Time to deal with them. With her. Time to take control of her life. Time to become the girl she had always been. She didn't know when or how, but she had gotten lost. She was someone else. And, she didn't like this version of herself very much.
Taking a deep breath, as though cleansing her soul as well as her lungs, she glanced back at her reflection in the mirror and made a decision. Something clicked, it was time to change. Time to take control.
And she knew she had to start by telling the truth.
She picked up the empty wine glass.
As she reached the top of the staircase, her mother's angry words flew up to meet her.
"This is all your fault, Richard! She follows your example. She always has! She's a daddy's girl, don't you know that?"
"Mom!"
Four sets of eyes suddenly turned to stare up at her. They were all crowded around the foyer. Her dad had the bottle of wine in his hand and Alexis took a deep breath as she descended the rest of the staircase, knowing exactly the question that was going to pass from his lips.
She held the glass up and gave it to him. "I'm sorry. I drank it. I know what I promised, and..."
"Oh, honey," Meredith mooned, curling her arm around Alexis' shoulders. "You don't have to apologize..."
Alexis shrugged out of her mother's arms and backed away, tears brimming her eyes. "Yes, I do! I don't know why I did it. I don't know what's happening to me. But, I'm going to do something about it. It's time I grew up."
"Alexis, darling, you're just..." Meredith started.
"Mom!" Alexis interrupted, "Please. You haven't been here, you don't know! And, you don't get to blame Dad!"
"Alexis," Castle interjected. "Sweetie, your mom is just worried about you. We're all," he swept the room with his arm. "...worried about you."
"I know you are. And, Daddy, I love you for it. But, I've decided this is a mess I have to clean up on my own."
"Darling, you just need to relax a little." Meredith offered. "Why don't you come with me, I'm staying at the Ritz. We'll have a girl's week away together. You can forget about all of this nastiness, forget about school, it'll be fun."
Alexis sighed, her shoulders slumped. "You don't get it. I know you mean well, mom. I do. But, you can't help me. And, certainly not with shopping or pedicures or a facial."
"Alexis," Castle whispered
"Neither can you, Dad. I mean, not really. I have to figure this out for myself." He looked crestfallen and it pained her. But, she needed to do this her way.
She walked over to Kate who'd been silently leaning against the pillar observing all of this. "Detective Beckett, would you mind driving me to my appointment at school? And, I'd like to stop by my dorm room and get some of my stuff."
Kate pushed her elbows into the wall, shoving herself forward while glancing at Castle with surprise. "Sure. Yes, I'd be happy to."
Alexis nodded. "Thank you. I just need to go change and I'll be ready. Is that okay?"
"Of course, take your time," Kate replied, her face an expression that was equal parts confusion and hope.
Alexis could feel their eyes follow her up the stairs, but she didn't look back. She couldn't look at their disappointment or worry or fear or whatever else they might be feeling about her that would be mapped all over their faces.
She just wanted to move forward.
Unfortunately, she noted with a lump in her throat, she also wanted a drink.
They drove for several minutes in silence. Alexis stared blankly out of the passenger side window, lost in her own dark thoughts, the sounds and sights of the city passing her by with barely a notice. She could feel Kate stealing glances at her, questions probably just on the tip of her tongue, but Alexis appreciated the silence, the space.
There was so much Alexis wanted to say - to Kate, her dad, Gram, Max, even Lanie. But, she didn't know where to begin, how to begin. So, she stared mutely out of her window, wrestling with her inner demons, until finally she turned to Kate and said simply, "Thank you."
Kate tossed her a sideways glance, a smile curving the corner of her mouth. "For what?"
Inexplicably, Alexis started to cry, catching them both off guard. Huge sobs wracked her small body as her shoulders heaved up and down and she started gasping for breath.
Startled, Kate reached over and placed her hand reassuringly on Alexis' knee. "Oh, Alexis." Kate whispered.
She couldn't stop it. It was as if every problem, every issue or fear she'd kept bottled up over the last few months were finally surfacing, and a tsunami of emotion threatened to carry her away. She brought her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs, rocking back and forth against the seat belt.
Suddenly the car stopped moving and Alexis could hear Kate remove her seatbelt, the restraint retracting with an audible zip. She looked up and Kate had shifted in her seat to face her, a concerned look gracing her features. Kate reached over and opened the glove compartment, pulling out a packet of tissues. She handed them to Alexis, who smiled meekly before blowing her nose.
"I'm sorry." Alexis squeaked.
"Don't be sorry." Kate replied, a sympathetic smile bowing her lips. "Do whatever you need to do, Alexis. I'll be right here."
Alexis wiped her cheeks with a fresh tissue. "Don't you have to be at work?"
Kate shook her head. "I called while you were changing, told them I'd be taking the whole day off."
Alexis looked taken aback. "You did that? For me?"
Kate nodded, her forehead wrinkling. "Of course."
A fresh set of tears spilled down her cheeks and Alexis quickly wiped them away. "Kate," she started, folding the tissue in her hand into a small square. "I need to get my life back."
Kate nodded.
She met the Detectives gaze. "But, I don't know how."
Kate bit her bottom lip, her eyes squinting thoughtfully. "Maybe you start by identifying the problem. Maybe by knowing what it is, giving it a name, you can start to deal with it?"
"You want me to say I'm an alcoholic." It was a statement, not a question.
Kate gave her a quizzical look. "Do you think you're an alcoholic?"
Alexis filled her lungs with air and then exhaled slowly, deliberately. She quietly thought for a full minute before answering, appreciating Kate's willingness to let the silence simply be. She pulled her shoulders back, dropped her feet to the floor and again Met Kate's compassionate stare. "I don't know."
Kate smiled, reached over and squeezed Alexis' hand. "Well, at least you're starting at a place of honesty, Alexis. It's okay that you don't know. As long as you do the work to find out."
"But how do I do that?"
It was Kate's turn to take a deep breath. "Alexis, you know that my father is a recovering alcoholic, don't you?"
Alexis nodded.
"I called him the other night, while you were still in the hospital. I asked him what I could do for you and he suggested finding someone for you to talk to that has been where you are now." Kate scratched the tip of her nose. "Do you remember Sky Blue?"
Alexis looked up, startled. Of course she did. Sky was the sister of Haley Blue, lead singer of the Blue Pills. Haley was murdered a couple of years ago and her dad and Detective Beckett had solved the case. Sky was pretty strung out on drugs then, but had cleaned up in rehab. Alexis cocked her head, regarding Kate. "You called Sky?"
"I did. And, she's willing to meet us for lunch today. Or just you, if you prefer."
Alexis turned to stare out the windshield. She felt a mixture of relief, but also fear. She didn't want to let it get in the way, however. "Okay," she whispered.
"Okay?"
She turned back to look at Kate. "Yes." She shrugged her shoulders. "Let's have lunch with Sky."
Kate repositioned herself behind the steering wheel and put the car in gear, easing back into traffic. "I'll give her a call when we get to campus."
"Thanks."
"No problem," Kate answered, again reaching over and patting Alexis' knee. "Thank you for letting me in."
It had not ever occurred to Alexis that Kate even wanted in. They'd always had a nice relationship, even before Kate and her dad had started dating. But, Alexis had always assumed that Kate was being so attentive out of loyalty to her dad, not because she particularly cared about Alexis.
But as she thought about it, she realized how unfair she'd been to make that assumption. Kate wasn't anything like her mother, a woman who said she loved her, but rarely ever showed it.
Alexis felt a lump form in her throat and squeezed her eyes shut to hold back the unbidden tears. She looked down at Kate's hand as it still rested against her knee, and tentatively covered it with her own. Kate flipped her hand so it was palm side up, and Alexis grasped it, squeezing gratefully.
They rode the rest of the way in a healing, comfortable silence.
Kate couldn't believe Alexis was letting her in. It had been too much to hope for for so long, and now all of a sudden, seemingly out of the blue, Alexis was opening up to her. Even holding her hand. As she pulled up to the campus building in which Alexis was about to have a meeting with her counselor, she offered up a silent prayer of thanks.
"I'll be back in an hour to pick you up, okay?"
Alexis grabbed the door handle with one hand and her purse with the other. "Okay, thanks." Then she hopped out of the car.
Kate watched her run up to the front door of the building and waited until she was inside before pulling away from the curb. Ten minutes later she was parked in one of the "guest" slots of the Campus Police headquarters building. Before getting out of the car, she quickly texted Castle to let him know that Alexis was in her meeting and that she'd agreed to meet with Sky. He texted back with a smiley face, then said he was still "dealing with" Meredith. Kate didn't envy him that. The two had exchanged some pretty bitter words, words that clearly represented deep seeded resentment for them both. Kate was more than happy to be out of there. She had no desire to be in the middle of that argument.
Kate flashed her badge to the officer at the front desk and asked to speak with Detective Murphy, the lead investigator on Alexis' case. She was ushered to a large room, similar to the bullpen at the 12th and was instructed to have a seat on one of the cold plastic chairs that lined the long glass wall. Within a few minutes a tall fifty-something woman walked up to her, her hand extended. "Detective Beckett? I'm Detective CaoimheMurphy."
Kate stood up and shook the Detectives hand, following her to a large desk housed in the middle of the room.
"What can I do for you?"
Kate crossed her legs, folding her hands in her lap. "As you already know, Alexis Castle is the daughter of my partner."
"Detective, let me stop you right there. As I've already explained to your colleague Detective Ryan, we've turned everything over to the D.A. and from what I know, the lawyers for Mr. Marshall and the two girls are already talking plea negotiations."
"No. I know that. But, I suspect this thing is bigger than just a freshman prank gone wrong. I suspect this Peter Marshall has not only done this before, but that he's done even worse."
Detective Murphy scooted forward in her seat, frowning. "What makes you say that?"
"Something Sheila Forstrom told me. She said she was afraid of Peter, afraid of what he'd do to her. I thing he's used this drug on her and when he did, it wasn't so he could take pictures to post on Facebook."
"Have you questioned her about it?"
"No. If it's true, I didn't want to scare her off. I'm a homicide detective, not SVU."
Detective Murphy nodded. "Okay. I'll have someone talk with her. In the meantime, the DA will be contacting Alexis for her statement. Is she ready for this?"
Kate took a deep breath. "I'm not sure." She paused. "I hope so."
"She needs to get ready. This kid has wealthy parents with good lawyers. Given Alexis' recent, ah, troubles, those lawyers could have a field day with her."
Kate nodded again, all too aware of what Peter's lawyers could do to Alexis on deposition. "Don't worry, her father and I will make sure she's ready."
They met Sky Blue at the Lincoln Diner near the Columbia campus. Kate joined them for a quick soda, and then excused herself, telling Alexis she had some errands to run, but she'd be back to pick her up. Alexis assumed the Detective wanted to give Alexis time to talk with Sky on her own, and although she'd have been okay with Kate joining them, she appreciated the space.
The conversation was stilted and awkward at first, but then Sky broke through the ice and got to the heart of the matter. "You've been drinking. A lot. Right?"
Alexis had been taking a sip of her soda and nearly spit it out. She set the glass down, coughing, then wiped her mouth with the napkin from her lap. "Um. Yes. I guess."
"Is it yes? Or you guess?"
Alexis blushed, unaccustomed to Sky's directness. "Yes."
"Your friends like to party?"
"Some of them."
"You ever use drugs?"
"No. I mean, yes. But just pot."
"Pot is a drug."
Alexis rolled her eyes. "I know."
"Do you drink alone?"
"Not really, I mean, mostly I'm with…"
"But you do," Sky interrupted. "You've used alcohol when you're alone?"
"Yes."
"When was the last time you had a drink?"
Alexis blushed.
"Last night, right?" Sky asked.
Alexis nodded.
Their food arrived and a silence fell over the table as they took the few first bites, then Sky put down her fork, took a sip of her iced tea and asked, "Alexis. Why do you drink?"
Alexis opened her mouth to answer, then closed it. She thought for a long time without knowing how to answer the question. Finally Sky reached across the table and tapped the back of Alexis' hand.
"It's okay if you don't know. But answer me this." She paused, waiting for Alexis to meet her gaze, and when she did, continued earnestly. "Do you wantto stop drinking?"
"Yes." She didn't need to think about it. The answer was yes. Nothing good had come into her life as a result of drinking.
Sky leaned back in her chair, picking up her fork. "Okay. Good. I'd like you to go to a meeting with me tonight, if you want to. And then I'm having a private concert at 9:00, and I'd love for you and a friend – or just you – to attend. I've got a couple of front row seats available. Waddya say?"
"Wow, I, wow. I don't know what to say."
"How about yes?"
Alexis bit the inside of her cheek. Don't turn back now, she thought. Do the hard stuff. Do the hard stuff and you can get your life back.
"Yes, I'd like that. Thank you."
When she got into the car, Alexis was quiet but seemed well. In fact, she seemed quite well, better than Kate had seen her in months.
"How'd it go?" Kate asked, waving at Sky as the singer walked past Kate's cruiser before getting into the back of an idling cab.
"Really good," Alexis replied. "Kate, thank you so much for setting that up."
Kate smiled. "I was happy to, Alexis. So, it was helpful?"
"Yes. Very helpful."
Kate nodded. Alexis seemed, for the first time in a very, very, long time, herself.
"I want to tell you something, Kate. Before we get home."
Kate raised an eyebrow and turned to face Alexis. "Okay."
Alexis suddenly blushed, biting her bottom lip. "I don't really know where to start except to apologize to you. I haven't behaved very well since you and Dad got together."
"Alexis, you don't need to…"
"No, I do," Alexis interrupted. "I know how much you mean to Dad. He's wanted to be with you for so long and I've never seen him this," she paused, "…in love before."
It was Kate's turn to blush.
"And, I'm glad you're together, but…"
"But what?" Kate asked, a line forming between her eyes.
Alexis took a deep breath and then looked directly into Kate's haze eyes. "Dad doesn't have the best track record."
Kate gave the girl a slanting grin, not sure what she was getting at but certainly not disagreeing with her. Castle wasn't exactly known for the longevity of his relationships and it was one of the reasons it had taken Kate so long to admit her feelings for him.
"So, when you two got together, I wasn't really for it. Even though I knew it would make Dad happy, I just knew that I didn't want to be a part of it."
Kate frowned. "Alexis, I don't think I understand."
Alexis scratched her chin, "I'm afraid you'll break up! And then," She sighed. "…and then I'll never see you again!"
Kate's mouth fell open. That's what had been bothering her all this time? She didn't know what to say. "Alexis, I can't. Honey, I…" She didn't want to make promises she couldn't keep. "I can't promise that your dad and I will always be together. I want to be with him. I don't see us breaking up, but…"
"I know. There are no guarantees in life. But, I like you, Kate. I always have. And, I hate to admit this, but I like you more than I like my own mother, even though I love her, if that makes any sense. And if you and Dad break up, then I'll never see you again. So, it just seemed easier to me to not get close to you, because I didn't want to get attached to you and then have you leave. I know. It's stupid." She blushed, stopping to catch her breath before continuing. "So, I just kept my distance as much as I could, even though I liked being around you and I saw how good you were for Dad."
Kate reached over and squeezed Alexis' hand, interrupting the girls monologue. "Alexis. It's not stupid. I totally get it. Why do you think it took me so long to be with your dad?"
Alexis nodded.
"Look. I can't promise that we'll always be together. And, I can't say that if we do break up you and I will still be friends. I would like that, but the reality is that that probably won't happen."
Alexis frowned, nodding.
"But, we just need to take a risk, you know? Not let our fear of what might happen stop us from enjoying our lives, from enjoying our friendship. Okay?"
"That's what I want. That's why I…" Alexis looked up. "It's why I told you all of this. Because, I'm….One of the things Sky told me I'll need, are my friends. My real friends."
Kate smiled. "So, you think I can be one of those?"
"Yes. If that's okay."
"It's more than okay."
Alexis grinned. "Good, because I was wondering. Um. Sky gave me two tickets to a concert she's having tonight, and I was wondering if you would go with me?"
Kate could barely contain her excitement. Alexis was finally letting her in, finally reaching back, and she was beyond thrilled. She smiled. "I'd love to, Alexis. Thank you for asking."
Alexis suddenly reached over and hugged Kate.
"No, Kate." Alexis whispered. "Thank you. For everything."