Kittenn1011: Happy (belated) birthday to Allysen! It was on Saturday.

Allysen: Which is why we didn't post until today. I've been busy with birthday stuff. Sorry. My Immortal Chapter 16 has the second Matrix-glitch. Dammit, Nero, stop destroying the Matrix. We need to finish this abomination, first. Then, please annihilate it forever.

Kittenn1011: Remember, Brittany is an American transfer student, so forgive any Americanisms in her POV. We had some problems with MCR and GC because they weren't actually known things in '96 (when this story takes place)… so forgive us, any GC fans if we've made a research error (Wikipedia told us they played in small bars and stuff in '96, so we gave Brittany that knowledge.) MCR now exists in Enoby's mind, and everyone else only knows about this hallucination because she often speaks of it.

Of Mary Sues and Mind Slavery

A dark force is working within Hogwarts in the form of a deluded teenage vampire. Now it's up to the most mismatched group in Hogwarts history to save it. This is the real story of My Immortal.

My Immortal Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Twelve: Comrades in Arms

Brittany's POV

Brittany had never felt more relieved in her life. Nothing could compare to the sheer glee of finding another mind that had, like hers, resisted the control of Ebony. Then again, this Remus Lupin fellow might have simply not been around long enough for it to take effect, and his sanity was a ticking time-bomb ready to detonate.

"So," said Brittany to her new comrade-in-arms, "why haven't you left if you're not a student obligated to stay?"

Lupin simply shrugged. "I went to school here. And I taught here not too long ago: I'm obligated to protect these students." He gestured to the statue-like bodies sitting around the room in a mindless trance.

"So, you plan to take down Ebony?"

"Even if it kills me." He paused. "And it probably will."

"What's your plan, then?" asked Brittany, her voice almost excited.

He winced. "I haven't figured that out yet. Right now I'm gathering intelligence to base a plan off."

"Well," said Brittany. "Good luck with that."

He shook his head. "No way are you going off on your own while that crazy lunatic is running around. She might eat you."

Brittany winced. "Yeah, she might."

Lupin admitted, "It's not that I want to follow her—"

"Then why are you following her?" Brittany interrupted.

"Because despite the fact that last time I tried to figure her out all I got was a bullet wound to my dignity, the only way to stay ahead is to stay informed."

"You got a bullet wound to your dignity?" inquired Brittany.

"And to my shoulder as well," he said.

Brittany stared at him as if he had grown a second head. "And you want to follow her again?" She paused. "Are you sure you're not under her influence?"

"I'm certain," said Lupin. "Now follow me."

They exited the room and immediately found Ebony and Malfoy standing outside it, arguing.

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" Ebony was shouting. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them."

"What happened last time?" Brittany whispered to Lupin.

He shrugged. "There was an MCR concert?"

"No," said Brittany. "I'm pretty sure it was Good Charlotte last time."

"I'm not familiar with either band," he said.

"I'm pretty sure Good Charlotte is a muggle band that plays in bars around the area I live— my older sister likes them— not exactly record hits yet, if ever," she replied. "I've never heard of MCR, though."

Somehow, Ebony and Malfoy had failed to notice the conversation going on behind them and continued with their own.

"What cause we…you know…" Malfoy fidgeted.

"Yeah cause you know!"

"You know?" asked Lupin. "What are they talking about?"

"I could… hazard a guess," she mumbled.

"We won't do it again," said Malfoy. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

"OMFG wtf/"

Did she just say 'forward slash'?

"Are you giving into mainstream?" yelled Ebony. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?"

"Malfoy had a sex change?" exclaimed a female voice. A girl wearing blue with long blonde hair had entered the hallway outside the transfiguration room without either Brittany or Lupin noticing. She looked vaguely interested in the discussion before her, which continued as if not interrupted.

"NO," yelled Malfoy.

"R u becoming a prep or what?" yelled Ebony.

"Ebony! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He then fell to his knees and began to scream another song.

Brittany covered her ears and began her escape, racing in the direction of the strange girl in a Ravenclaw uniform— she had not known anyone still knew Ravenclaw house existed except for her… well, now, her and Lupin. When she reached the stranger, she gave Brittany a bright smile, looking unfazed by Malfoy's 'singing'.

"Hello!" she said. "I don't think we've ever met." Her gaze focussed behind Brittany and she added, "Hello Professor Lupin."

"Hello Luna," said Lupin. "How are you doing?"

"I've been better," said Luna. "I prefer our normal class schedules to whatever this is, and I didn't think I'd miss people stealing my shoes all the time, but it gets lonely in the Ravenclaw common room now that everyone has defected to other houses."

"The Ravenclaw tower is empty?" asked Lupin. More to himself than to Brittany, he mused, "That would probably make a great hiding place. No way does Ebony have the mental capacity to solve a riddle to get inside."

"And neither do her mind-slaves," said Luna, "which is why it gets lonely. Not that mind-slaves seem to make good company."

"No," said Lupin. "I suppose they wouldn't."

Quietly, Luna said, "I wish everything was back to normal."

Malfoy's screeching ceased. Ebony was lying on the ground, as if the sheer force of his disgusting voice had knocked her off her feet. "OK then I guess I will have to," she said, and then she jumped up, climbed into his arms, and began making out him.

Brittany turned her eyes away. "Not again," she mumbled. "You know Malfoy would not consent to this."

Lupin shuddered.

Ebony fell from Malfoy's body, and then began waltzing away towards the staircases, probably heading to the Gryffindor tower to change her… costume.

"Should we follow her?" asked Brittany.

Lupin shook his head. "She's taking the stairways. We have lots of time before she does anything… interesting."

"But we have to take the stairways, too," Brittany said slowly. Was it beginning to affect him, too?

He shook his head. "Help me find my wand, and then we can summon brooms."

"That's brilliant," said Luna.

Brittany raised her eyebrow. "Isn't that against the rules?"

Lupin shrugged. "The rules don't matter when the teachers who enforce them are all being mind-controlled."

"You're a terrible role model," said Brittany. "You know that, right?"

"I used to be a teacher," replied Lupin. "I dropped my wand when they kidnapped me a few hallways away from here."

Lupin took the lead, and Luna cheerfully trailed after him. Brittany followed them both until they stopped directly outside a broom cupboard.

Lupin turned to them and pressed his finger to his lips. "Pretend we've been taken," he whispered.

"Why?" whispered Brittany.

"You'll see."

He swung the door open, and in a monotonously he moaned, "Professor, it's time for Advanced Biology. Teach us—"

Luna and Brittany chimed in, "Teach us!"

Professor Snape pressed himself against the wall and tried to merge with it.

Lupin cracked a grin. "Snape, it's time to come out of the closet."

Brittany giggled.

Lupin glanced over to her quizzically. "What?"

"Nothing."

Snape glared at Lupin. "You brought two back with you?" He scowled. "You can't keep people as pets— even these ones— stupid werewolf."

"Wait," said Brittany. "What?"

Lupin shrugged. "I used to be a teacher," he said, as if that explained anything.

"They let a werewolf teach at Hogwarts," she said slowly.

"I told you, we've never seen this particular brand of crazy before," replied Lupin. He looked to Snape. "If you can't tell already, they're clear."

"Are you certain?"

Lupin nodded. "Ebony isn't clever enough to make mind-slaves that seem sane enough to spy on people trying to take her down. As far as she seems to be concerned, everyone is under her control."

Snape looked to Luna. "Well, that would explain why Miss Lovegood hasn't been in any of her classes," he said.

Luna simply smiled at him. "I've been hiding in the Ravenclaw tower. It may be infested with nargles, but at least it's not infested with mind-slaves."

"Snape," said Lupin, "are you going to come out of that closet or not?"

Snape brushed past them. "Where are we going to be going, then?"

"Ebony's on her way upstairs, so we can go spy on her through a window."

Snape stared at Lupin as if that was the stupidest thing he had ever heard. "Remember what happened last time we tried that? All I got was a bullet wound to my dignity."

"You got a bullet wound to your dignity?" inquired Brittany. Where have I heard that before? she wondered sarcastically.

"And to my leg as well," he said.

"Then how are we going to spy on Ebony?" asked Lupin.

Snape shrugged. "We can hide in her closet."

Lupin stared. "Yeah, she'll never go in there," he replied dryly.

"Well, I doubt we'll be able to fit under her bed," said Snape.

"She has a coffin."

"Exactly."

Lupin sighed. "Alright. But if she goes in there, I'm hiding behind you. You threw me to the wolves last time—"

"I'm sure you fit right in," interrupted Snape.

Lupin growled at him.

"See, exactly my point."

Brittany finally had enough. She stepped between them and held her arms out. "Ladies, ladies, get a room."

Lupin glared, and Snape immediately responded with, "Fifty points from Gryffindor."

"Like that matters anymore," mumbled Brittany.

"And a detention that you will serve when everything gets back to normal."

"Whatever our normal is," added Lupin.

Brittany sighed. I really miss Salem, where normal means exactly what is sounds like.

Hey Allysen, do you know where my sweater is?