And the suspense begins…*rubs hands together*

Oh, and KimberAnnBRAND wrote meh a HardPunkzanin one-shot. (Matt/Phil/Jeff/Mike) Yummy foursomeness! Oh, and here's one thing I NEVER expected, like…EVER. MATT HARDY IS TOPPED BY CM PUNK! Oh hell yeah. Jeff & Mike top CM Punkers & Punkers tops Matt? YEZ! YOU MUST READ! X3! IT MADE ME THINK THAT MATT IZ TOPPABLE. SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN IN MAH LIFE.

ChapterEleven:CIsForCrying

Phil moves slightly, feeling Matt grip onto his body, hard and his soft breathes onto Phil's ear.

He doesn't know how he'd gotten here.

In truth, he knows that that night, after Matt's talked to Jeff, Phil had been looking through the check book and Matt looks horrible, pale, scared, and Phil doesn't ask him what he'd seen as Matt takes Phil to bed after a chaste kiss, and he'd fallen asleep quite quickly but Phil's thoughts still linger.

What did Jeff say?

What does Matt know?

When he feels Matt moving and he feels eyes set on him, 'what happened, Matt? Last night?"

Phil turns around to face Matt's face who still has a ghastly pale to it. He looks as dead as Jeff now. "I saw him in his cuts, remember…the ones he'd gotten from Verrel?" Phil's hearts stops at the thought of Verrel as he nods his head. "I didn't expect them to be so bad and they scared the shit out of me. I asked him what was wrong and he didn't answer me. I don't know… how can he lose so much damn blood? How can you look at it?"

Phil's eyes are now watering. "Dammit, Matty…you're talking to a person who'd been in a million street fights…that seemed normal to me. I was used to seeing it. I didn't know that was bad…hell, Matty, what do I know?"

Matt runs his hand through Phil's side, pressing the body close to him.

They're both in Matt's room, battered in colors of slightly dark blue. Pictures, games, posters of bands, Slipknot, Three Doors Down, Three Days Grace. Phil moves around to look at Matt's face once more, kissing him and Matt kisses back, letting his tongue roll around Phil's mouth.

"Are we a real thing, Phil?" Matt asks.

They stop talking about Jeff instantly and start talking about the 'us' that doesn't seem to be there.

"I don't know," Phil whispers.

He'd broken apart this family.

'All because of me…disgusting, disgusting me…' this wouldn't have happened if he didn't come in. Then Verrel wouldn't have done what he did to Jeff, then Matt wouldn't be worried…everything would've been perfect for them.

Matt feels Phil's hands go down towards his pants.

This is the only way Phil knows how to forget.

Phil plays with the waistband of Matt's pants, feeling the warmth of Matt's skin against his own, the feeling is beyond impossible to explain.

"Phil…" Matt says his name, in annoyance but Phil only looks up at him before starting to bite and suck at his neck, tasting the flesh of Matt, the unique mixture of flesh and sweat, it's astounding and before Matt can stop him, Phil's hands dig down Matt's waistband, through the orange-banded purple boxers, and Phil giggles. "I thought purple was too girly."

And he grabs onto Matt's cock, feeling the hard and firm organ and Matt's lips are trailing along Phil's neck.

"Matty, 'Phil giggles out the name.

"Are you just using me for sex, Phil?" Matt's eyes are now dead serious and Phil's eyes are wide, with horror and terror as he pulls his hands out of Matt's waistband, 'are you just with me because Jeff isn't?"

"Matt!" Phil's eyes are still wide. Precious olive eyes solidifying with pain. "Why would I do that?"

"Some people just do, 'Matt says, breathing in and out. "I mean, you did say that Verrel raped you but you act like that doesn't matter…does it matter to you, Phil? If I rape you right now?"

"It matters, 'Phil says, trying to avoid eye contact with Matt. "It matters-"

"But why are you acting like it doesn't? Like nothing matters? Phil—I just don't get you. You stay strong through the hardest of things but just break at the simplest of things…why is that?"

"I was a child of the streets, Matt. Everyone raped me…it didn't matter when Verrel did it! But I knew it matters to Jeff if he did it, so that's why I took it easy but I do care. When you're used to a certain type of pain, you're used to shunning it too and…why do you like hurting me so much?"

Phil's eyes are now bubbling with unshed tears.

"Phil…"

"Why do you like hurting me so much?" Phil repeats the question, his voice raw and broken. "You didn't answer me."

"I don't like hurting you, Phil."

"Then stop hurting me, Matty…stop it…please…" Phil responds, feeling Matt's hands on his face, holding him, and then placing a soft fluffy kiss on his mouth. "You hurt me so damn bad…"

Matt runs his hand through Phil's hair. "I'm sorry, Philly."

Matt doesn't want him that that's the same reason that he has Phil around. He feels nothing for the ravenette but he needs him around, for the comfort, for the sweetness, it's not sex, but hey, it's something to keep Matt occupied from his concern over Jeff—Matt doesn't want to admit it to himself that he's using Phil around like a toy, that he absolutely feels nothing for him—

Phil stands up and moves away, breaking Matt from his thoughts as he says that he's going to go shower.

Matt nods his head and goes downstairs to make breakfast but when he comes downstairs, he's not too shocked to find out that his phone buzzing. He opens his message and stares at it.

'I need to talk to you, Matthew.'

It's his father.

Matt responds quickly. 'Sure, I'm just gonna eat something before coming over, okay?'

He places the phone down for a moment and walks over to the fridge to get milk, making his usual coffee, making sure it's as bitter as bitter can be before he drinks it and by that time, his phone is buzzing again.

'I need to talk to you. Now.'

Matt puts his cup in the microwave and walks out, quickly scribbling onto the board on the fridge that he's going out for an emergency and coming back soon, a habit that he'd done whenever something like this comes up before rushing out the door, dropping the black marker to the floor.

A moment later, Jeff walks into the room and picks up the marker, putting it on the table as Phil walks inside.

Jeff stares at him for a moment, closing his eyes for that moment. "I'm sorry."

"What?" Phil asks, confused before Jeff pops a pill into his mouth and puts the bottle onto the table. Phil's still confused as he sees him sitting down, legs crossed, staring up at Phil with a look of sympathy. "Why?" Phil tries to get an answer out of him.

"For this."

"For…?" Phil turns around to make a cup of coffee for both him and Jeff and Jeff doesn't say anything as he watches Phil move around.

"He's using you."

"Who?" Phil asks, blinking once before turning around to see Jeff's face laced with sympathy.

"He's using me. He's using you."

"Who?" Phil repeats, slightly agitated.

"Matt." Jeff purses his lips. "He uses me and you to get his mind off things. He doesn't like thinking about things. He just does things to ignore them and he's been doing this all my life, you know? I'm like his thing for him to make him stop caring about it all, you know? After my mother's death, hell, I was sad but Matt…Matt was torn. I was the only thing that kept his mind off things like that."

Phil sits down now, pushing the cup towards him.

"He hates it when I start talking about things about her, then about Dad, he hates me talking about him, too… just cause he knows that our family isn't the same as everyone else's. That we're demented. He cares about me, yes, but he's still using me as an object to try and push everything else at the back of his head and he's using you because he can't use me anymore."

Phil's eyebrows raise.

"He's using you for comfort. That's the only reason why he kisses you. He claims to think that you're the one who's using him just for the sex but in truth, it's him."

Phil shakes his head. "No…"

Jeff takes a sip of the coffee, 'look at me, Phil. I broke up with you because of a title and I was blunt and straight about it and I'm gonna fight for it. Gonna fight in the storyline…but behind that, I still like you and I admit that and you still like me because you know that's who I am—blunt, straight…yes, I'm a kid and hell yeah, I'm now taking anti-depressants…"

Phil's eyes go towards the bottle and Jeff throws the bottle towards him. Phil catches it and looks at him, smiling softly at Jeff.

"…but I don't let it stop my life."

"Why do you need anti-depressants?" Phil asks, sipping his cup of coffee, trying to forget what Jeff's said about Matt pushing everything else away from him and using them both as objects.

"Depression. The Doctor says it's a symptom of HIV so he gave me some medicine. It's all cleared up now…I think… I'm trying to help myself through it but I sorta like it that Matt's trying to pretend that he cares about me. He doesn't care about anything but himself. That's Matt for you. Selfish. That's all he's ever been…why do you think I'm always looking for attention? He pretends to care but he really doesn't. I know. Dad knows…"

Phil looks down. "And how did you know that he told me that he's using me for—?"

"I was by the doorway. I was just eavesdropping, just once…I saw you both kiss and that kinda shocked me. Walked in, heard this, and felt sorry for you…because he's using you the same way he's using me but now, since he knows that I'm off limits."

"He… he's really using me?" Phil says, looking down at the cup of coffee in front of him and suddenly, not feeling as if he wants it anymore.

Jeff's eyes are now bubbling with tears as he stands up, walking over towards Phil and Phil stands up as well, both embracing as tears fall out of their eyes, leaking out badly. "Circles theory, 'Jeff says, chuckling sadly.

"Circles theory?" Phil repeats.

"They say these seven things is what makes us up. C for Crying. I for Irritation. R for Redemption. C for Care. L for Languish. E for Eternity. S for Serenity. The 'Circles' theory. They say that these things make up life…it makes it sad and it makes it good at the same time…the 'Circles' theory."

"I don't feel good about anything anymore…" Phil says, looking down at the floor. "I just feel so damn sad."

"I know how you feel…"

The two look at each other before sharing a fit of laughter, broken laughter, and then embracing once more.

Matt stands there, walking in to see Gilbert, sitting down, sipping a cup of tea and he sits down, trying to understand why he'd called him.

"I'm sick of seeing you do this to him."

"Hmm?" those words knock Matt out of his trance, eyes widened.

Gilbert puts the cup of tea down and looks at Matt, sighing. "You're using Jeff, aren't you? Didn't you get rid of that old habit back in high school? Hell, it's become so obvious that even John Morrison called me up yesterday about it."

Matt's eyes widen. "I just have a lot of things on my mind—"

"Same excuse you used in high school?"

Matt nods his head and listens to his father sigh. "I don't like seeing Jeff like this. I know he's a very happy and perky person and I don't want you to break that. You know how Jeff is. He's so sensitive."

"Yeah, he is." Matt nods.

"And anything just hurts him. So how long before Jeff realizes this? And when he does, how do you think he's going to react?"

"I think he knows…"

"Why do you say that? Nothing happened to him, right?" Gilbert says. His words quick and concern laces his words.

"He came inside yesterday and he was wearing boyish clothes and looked like he came from a fight, 'Matt licks his lips. "It's unlike him. You know how Jeff can be, girly and perky and happy…but God, he looked so damn dead. It was like a wake up call…and I still don't know what's wrong with him."

"Do you think I should talk to him?"

Matt shakes his head.

"Look at me, Matthew, if this isn't straightened out, then I'll have Jeff move back with me. I don't like seeing my son hurt. I know that may be a drastic change for you but you have to learn to cope and move on." Gilbert tells him, patting his son's back and Matt nods his head, unable to understand how he's going to cope but he knows that he has to, or else, he'll have to live alone for a very long time…

Here's a little of the next chapter…I don't know why I like doing this right now. Perhaps, it's because I'm organizing my ideas.

Matt stands there, looking at the fire igniting the building in front of him before John runs up to him…

Matt: where's Jeff? Where's Phil—?
John Morrison: still inside the building. No one can find them both…

Poor, poor things. XP!

X Sam.