Chapter 12: Both Foul and Fair
There was a day on Elsa's calendar circled in red. It was a day when her schedule had only one thing on it.
Hans's Trial: Beginning.
That day was only a week away.
It was impossible to predict precisely when she would be called to testify. The prosecutor, Mistress Swenhaugen, had promised to call her, Anna, and Kristoff to the stand on the first day if possible, but she could make no guarantees. So Elsa was trying to get as much work done as she could ahead of time, making it easier to keep her schedule clear for as long as necessary.
Unfortunately, that sort of thing was difficult to accomplish when Chancellor Tennfjord had pulled Madam Voll into Elsa's study for an impromptu meeting.
"Your Majesty," Chancellor Tennfjord said as soon as she and Madam Voll had seated themselves, "Hans Westergaard's trial is only a week away—"
"And I shouldn't even be here," Madam Voll muttered. In accordance with tradition, she was acting as judge in Hans's trial.
"Shush, Lovise. Your Majesty, I have had every source I have searching for an answer. And none have found one. We still don't know who is paying for Leiv Oveson to conduct Westergaard's defense."
Elsa swallowed. "Chancellor, is it not possible that Master Oveson is taking on Hans's defense in order to …" She groped for an answer. "Increase his reputation? Perhaps he can't resist one last turn in the limelight?"
"Ha!" Madam Voll had been fishing around in her reticule, presumably for her knitting, but she stopped. "I'm sorry, Your Majesty, but that's not possible. No, no, no. Leiv is not doing this without being paid and paid handsomely."
Well, so much for that idea. Elsa rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I'm not entirely certain it's proper for us to be investigating this. Doesn't Hans Westergaard have a right to counsel? Even good counsel? Would we be endeavoring to determine who was paying for Maser Oveson's services if this was any other criminal—alleged criminal?"
"There have been three more pamphlets in the last week," Chancellor Tennfjord replied. "And do I need to mention the snowmen?"
Elsa winced. "The snowmen" were a series of anatomically-correct snowmen (they were most emphatically snowmen) that had been placed along the causeway leading to the castle. "Chancellor, I'm not entirely certain that those were not the work of … well, people who had more liquor in their bodies than sense."
"Or just teenagers," Madam Voll suggested helpfully.
"Do I need to point out what one of those snowmen was doing?" Chancellor Tennfjord challenged.
Elsa winced again. There had been one snow-woman among the bunch, one that bore as close a resemblance to her as could be managed, and what the snowman had been doing to her was … not pleasant.
"That could still be teenagers," Madam Voll pointed out. She finally found her knitting, and the needles were clicking together industriously. "If you think a grown man's mind spends at least half its time in the gutter, then a teenage boy's mind spends at least seventy-five percent of its time in the sewer."
Chancellor Tennfjord leaned her head back, stared at the ceiling, and took a deep breath. "Thank you for that supremely pleasant image, Lovise."
"I try."
"However, even if we write off the snowmen as the work of youths with too much time and entirely inadequate parental supervision, that still leaves the pamphlets. Furthermore, Captain Vilmarsen's men are being called into roughly double the amount of tavern brawls as is usual for this time of year. There is even a group of women knitting sweaters for Hans Westergaard and trying to bake cakes for him!" Chancellor Tennfjord exploded.
"Gudrun, he's a handsome young man," Madam Voll protested. "If there weren't a few young women losing their heads over him—"
"They're not all young women!"
"When it comes to a young man with Hans Westergaard's good looks, all women are young women, if only in their minds," Madam Voll shrugged. "As I was saying, if there weren't a few women of varying ages acting like love struck schoolgirls, we should be having far bigger problems than one treason trial."
"And what would those problems be?" Chancellor Tennfjord snapped.
Madam Voll actually paused in her knitting. "… Ragnarok?"
"Oh, for the gods' sake, Lovise!"
"What?"
Chancellor Tennfjord shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I would ask you to be serious, except I'm very much afraid that you are being serious." She turned to Elsa. "Your Majesty, I would like permission to question Leiv Oveson directly and ascertain who is paying for his services."
"No," Elsa replied.
"Your Majesty! I truly must insist—"
"No, Chancellor. Hans Westergaard's trial has to be fair." Elsa swallowed. "If—if we can get a guilty verdict from twelve ordinary citizens, then that might do a great deal to calm down the … fervor in the city. If, however, it gets out – and it will – that officials of the Crown attempted to bully Hans's counsel, it will throw the whole trial into doubt, and everything that's currently happening will just get worse."
"See. I told you," Madam Voll muttered to whatever it was she was knitting.
"I know," the Chancellor sighed. "Your Majesty, I must ask you to reconsider. I do not like the mood in the city. This trial may have been a mistake. It's bringing up … a great many bad feelings that were buried for the past six months."
Elsa glanced out the window. The snow was gently falling. She took a deep breath. "Chancellor … the snow can bury a great deal of ugliness. But when the spring comes and the snow melts, the ugliness is back again."
"Meaning, Your Majesty?"
"If all Hans Westergaard's trial is doing is bringing out feelings that were already present, just masked, I'd much rather those feelings were brought to the surface and dealt with. Otherwise, who knows when they might come out?" Elsa shrugged. "We know that the mood might be sour now, and we're expecting it. It might be easier to deal with these problems now than in the future."
Chancellor Tennfjord sighed. Madam Voll clucked her tongue and shook her head. "I told you."
"Yes, yes, you did, Lovise. Your Majesty, I apologize for trespassing on your time."
"To say nothing of my time," grumbled Madam Voll, though she caught Elsa's eye and winked. She followed Chancellor Tennfjord out the door, trying to stuff her knitting back into her reticule and having limited success.
As soon as the door behind them closed, Elsa leaned forward, cradling her head in her hands.
Her concentration was gone. And – she glanced at the clock – she only had five minutes until her meeting with Minister Falk and Nick. Ambassador Solberg, she reminded herself. She couldn't go calling him Nick in a formal situation.
That left her with time to do – nothing. Except … one thing …
Elsa smiled.
She opened her desk drawer, the third from the top, and pulled out the one thing inside. It was a brown box, marked only with a J on the top. Tall enough to hold a double layer of chocolates, but narrow enough to always leave Elsa wanting more.
And it was a brand new box. A brand new sampler box of chocolates from Jorgen's! There was truly something to be said for the simple pleasures in life.
She could drive herself wild with the anticipation. However, she only had – she glanced at the clock – four minutes until her meeting. So slowly, reverentially, she took the top off the box.
She expected to see two neat rows of chocolates – dark chocolate, white chocolate, and milk chocolate – before her. She expected to see chocolate decorated with icing or maybe with nuts sticking out. She expected to have to play a guessing game to figure out where the caramel-filled chocolates were, or perhaps grab a white chocolate and enjoy the sweet flavor.
She didn't see that.
For a moment her brain seemed to be operating on two different speeds. Part of it noticed what was in the box – two rows of slick, slimy, raw meat, in vague triangle shapes with pins stuck in them – but all it thought was, Huh, they almost look like little hearts …
Then the rest of her mind caught up, and she screamed.
The door to her study flew open the moment the first scream came out. "Your Majesty!" cried out Minister Falk. A guard followed him in, sword already drawn, and Nick was right behind. Elsa barely had a chance to jump up, eyes trained on the sword, when Chancellor Tennfjord and Madam Voll stumbled in behind the three men.
"What happened? We heard a scream!" said Madam Voll.
"I'm fine. I'm fine!" Elsa said, even though her hands were shaking, her heart was racing, and she couldn't take her eyes off that sword. The guard saw where she was staring, looked around, and carefully sheathed the sword. "It's j-just – my chocolates—"
She pointed, or tried to. A small line of ice spikes grew on the desk.
Elsa shrieked, her hands pressed against her mouth to muffle it. No, no, no, no! I can't lose control! I can't! She stumbled backward, hit her chair, tripped on the hem of her skirt and fell.
When her rear hit the floor, a circle of ice formed beneath it and started to spread.
NO! Elsa scooted back against the wall, her hands still clamped over her mouth. Her breath was coming in short pants and every part of her was trembling.
Can't lose control—can't—conceal, don't feel, conceal, don't feel!
The ice still spread. The wind outside picked up.
"El—Queen Elsa!" Someone was coming closer. Elsa curled into a ball and tried to hold the ice in.
"Queen Elsa." Someone came around the desk. Nick. He crouched in front of her, trying to smile. "It's all right. You're all right. You're safe here."
Safe? I'm not worried about me being safe! You're not safe here! Get out before I hurt you! Like I hurt—
Anna …
Love will thaw!
Elsa closed her eyes. Love will thaw …
She focused on Anna, thinking of snowball fights in the courtyard, impromptu "slumber parties" in her room, even that one day when Anna had somehow twisted Kristoff's arm into teaching both of them to drive a sled. Her heart didn't stop racing, and her breathing didn't slow. But the room grew warmer. She heard the wind outside die down.
When she opened her eyes, the ice was gone. Elsa went limp against the wall, her hands finally falling from her mouth.
Nick was still crouched in front of her, still – smiling? It was the kind of smile one would give to a spooked horse or a frightened child, a desperate attempt to reassure the other party that everything was all right. "See? You're safe."
Elsa didn't trust herself to speak.
"Here." He extended a hand to her. "Do you need help getting up?"
Elsa stared at the hand and gulped.
"Did you hurt yourself when you fell?" asked Nick.
She looked into his eyes. They were still warm and friendly, even behind the spectacles. Elsa shook her head.
"Then let me help you up. Please?"
Slowly, Elsa reached out and grasped his hand. Touching him was like touching a doorknob on a frigid day; the sudden spark made her gasp.
His grasp was firm, though, and he was able to help her up. "There. Everything all right? Nothing hurting now?"
Her rear was a little sore, but that was only to be expected. Elsa shook her head. When she did, a glint of metal caught her eye.
The guard. His sword was half out of the sheath. Elsa squealed and stumbled back again. Nick caught her around the shoulders before she could fall.
Chancellor Tennfjord saw where she was looking. "You! You, get out!" She actually shoved the guard, though it didn't move him so much as an inch. "Get Captain Olhouser!"
"Do we really need the Captain of the Palace Guard?" asked Minister Falk, even as the guard saluted and ran into the corridor.
"I'll say," replied Madam Voll. Somehow she had seized the opportunity to get closer to the desk. "Have a look at this!"
Elsa didn't want to take another look. She closed her eyes and buried her head on Nick's shoulder. He hadn't let go of her, and the thought of asking him was not one Elsa wanted to contemplate.
She heard two sets of feet coming closer. "What on …" Minister Falk started.
"Chicken hearts," Madam Voll answered. "With pins stuck in them! Oh, Your Majesty, you poor dear! No wonder you got a shock!"
Nick started to rub her arm, almost absently.
"How …" Something in Chancellor Tennfjord's tone made Elsa look up. The Chancellor's face was ashen, and she was staring at the box. "How did they get in here?"
Three sets of eyes turned to Elsa. Her mouth went dry, but she knew she had to speak. "I … I keep a box of chocolates in my desk … in the third drawer …"
A sudden laugh – from Minister Falk, and three murderous gazes turned to him. "No, no! It's – Your Majesty," he turned to Elsa, "that's where your father kept the brandy! That's all!"
"Oh for Asgard's sake!" Chancellor Tennfjord rolled her eyes. "Of all the times …" She reached forward and grabbed the bell pull. "Someone is going to have to answer for this," she muttered.
Somewhat irrationally, Elsa found herself hoping it wouldn't be her.
"Elsa?" murmured a voice close to her ear. She looked up to see Nick smiling nervously at her. "I think you need to sit down. Can I help you get to the sofa?"
The sofa. Elsa looked across the room at the sofa placed perpendicular to the fireplace. Her father used to nap on that sofa. When she was little – before the accident – sometimes her mother would send her and Anna into the study to wake him up with tickles and snow if he threatened to be late for dinner.
Elsa nodded. Nick guided her across the room – her councilors seemed to barely notice they were moving – and he settled her on the sofa. Elsa scooted down to the far end, which still had the pillow her father used to rest his head on, grabbed that pillow and clung to it.
"Queen Elsa." Elsa looked up to find Nick frowning down on her. "Perhaps I ought to—"
"Don't go!" Elsa whispered. She glanced at her councilors, but they were clustered around the box and conferring with each other. "Please?"
Nick looked startled. "Of course not. Not if you don't want me to." He slowly lowered himself to the chair across from her, his eyebrows knit together as he watched her.
Elsa couldn't meet his gaze. She stared at her lap and hugged the pillow.
"… Elsa?" he whispered. "It's all right, you know. Having a bad … reaction." Elsa still didn't have it in her to look up. "It's only natural."
She didn't feel natural. Nothing about this felt natural.
"Will—will you tell me if you need—"
He never got to finish the sentence. "What in Niflhel is going on here?" cried a voice like a booming trumpet as the door slammed open. Elsa squeezed her eyes shut and covered her ears like a child. Pounding footsteps followed the voice. "I was told there was a security breach and there were no guards on the Queen!"
"That would be correct, Captain," Chancellor Tennfjord snapped. "The fool who was in here first kept waving his sword and was only making the situation worse."
"Worse? Worse how? And where is the Queen?"
"Right behind you," said Madam Voll, "and don't touch that sword!" added all three of the councilors.
Elsa dared to open her eyes just in time to see Madam Voll grab Captain Olhouser by the epaulets, pull him down and whisper something to him. Captain Olhouser's eyes went wide, then narrowed, and then he scowled.
"And keep that in mind, you big oaf!" Madam Voll finished, finally letting him go. Captain Olhouser was still scowling as he straightened. Elsa looked away before he could say anything to her.
"And this security breach?" the Captain sighed.
Chancellor Tennfjord waved to the box. Elsa watched the Captain stride to the desk.
He didn't speak at first. Then Elsa heard him sigh. "What I see here is a nasty prank. Not a security breach."
"Captain, do I need to spell it out for you? It was a nasty prank today, but tomorrow it could be poison!" Minister Falk snapped.
"What?"
"This is a chocolate box!" Chancellor Tennfjord's finger jabbed toward it. "She keeps one in here!"
"What?" Even though Captain Olhouser's back was still ramrod straight, Elsa could see the shock ripple through him. "What is Her Majesty doing keeping food in an unsecured location?"
"How in the gods' name is her study not a secure location?" Minister Falk fired back.
If Captain Olhouser had an answer, Elsa didn't hear it. She groaned and rested her head in her hands.
There was a long moment of silence when she did that.
"Your Majesty …" Elsa dared to look up when she heard it was Chancellor Tennfjord speaking. "Perhaps it would be best," the Chancellor didn't meet her eyes, "if you went somewhere … quiet for a while."
"Kai should be here in a minute. Where is Kai?" asked Madam Voll. She wandered over to the door and looked from side to side.
"Yes. He could take you to your chamber—"
"I could take her."
Every eye in the room turned to Nick. Elsa watched as he turned red from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. "I—that is, you'll probably need to ask Master Andersson some questions, and, er … I could take Her Majesty to—not her bedchamber! But …" He glanced sidelong at Elsa. "The library?"
"The library!" Elsa agreed. She probably would have agreed to a trip down to the dungeons at this point. "Yes—yes, that would be ideal."
"Your Majesty …" Chancellor Tennfjord started, her eyes narrowing.
"Are we truly considering allowing a foreign national—" started Captain Olhouser.
"Well, I think it's a grand idea!" Madam Voll interrupted. "Ambassador, if you would be so kind, please do bring Her Majesty to the library, and stay with her until—until Princess Anna …"
"She's visiting the orphanage today," Elsa filled in.
"Until Princess Anna comes home from the orphanage!" Madam Voll said. "There. That's all settled!"
Nick glanced at Elsa, biting his lip, unsure. Elsa nodded. He extended a hand to her, helped her up, and tucked her arm in the crook of his. Without another word, he led her from the study.
As soon as the door closed behind them, Elsa could hear the argument resume. But somehow …
She still found it much easier to breathe.
"Sorry about this," Nick said, settling her down on another sofa. "The library, I mean. It was the first room I could think of that was going to be quiet and where we – I mean you – probably wouldn't be disturbed."
"No—no, this was a good idea." Elsa's heart rate was almost back to normal, and her breathing had slowed to something other than a desperate pant. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, focusing on breathing in and out slowly and carefully. It felt wonderful being able to do that.
Her eyes opened. "Thank—thank you, by the way. For everything."
Nick's cheeks and ears started to turn red again, but what Elsa was looking at was his grin. "Oh—don't bother to thank me. I just did what anybody else would have done."
There were four other people in that room. They didn't do that.
"Do you want me to open a window?" Nick asked suddenly. He was already striding over to the window. "I wanted to suggest taking you to the little courtyard, but, well, I figured that would go over with them about as well as …"
"A lead balloon?" asked Elsa.
Nick chuckled. "Something like that. But do you want the window open?"
Elsa looked around. All she could imagine was snow blowing in, landing on a precious book, and ruining it. "I'll be fine. But thank you."
"It's no trouble!"
She glanced at Nick. Then she frowned. "I … I don't think that window even opens."
"Ah. Perhaps that would be a bit of trouble."
"It would. And I don't want to have to explain to Gerda why we broke a window," Elsa chuckled.
For some reason that made Nick turn to her with a frown. Elsa twisted her hands together. "… What?" she whispered.
"Oh! Nothing, noth—" Something, perhaps the expression on her face, made him pause. "Elsa …"
She tried to smile.
Slowly, Nick lowered himself to the sofa across from Elsa. Her hands were twisting and turning as he watched her, that frown back in place, brow furrowed. "Elsa … you're the Queen. Why shouldn't you break a window in your own castle if you want to?"
Elsa blinked. "Are you seriously asking me why I don't go around breaking windows?"
"Er—well, no, I mean—obviously there are plenty of good reasons why you shouldn't go around breaking windows—but on the other hand …" Nick sighed. "What could Gerda – or anyone else – say to you if you did break a window?"
"I … well, I don't suppose there really is anything she could say … but …"
Nick leaned forward, an expectant look on his face.
"… I don't know what you want me to say," Elsa admitted.
"I'm just … trying to figure something out." Nick caught his lower lip between his teeth, and Elsa caught herself staring at it in time to look away.
What is wrong with me?
"… What?" she finally asked.
"Well, I …" He sighed. "All right, you have to understand, the only reigning monarch I've had a great deal of experience with is my uncle," he started. "And while I understand that his style of leadership is hardly ideal, I …" Nick rubbed his chin. "He's the Duke. He's the most important person in the realm, and he knows it. He does what he pleases, and the rest of us have to put up with it. Now, let me repeat, that is not an ideal style of leadership, but on the other hand …" He sighed. "If he found a chocolate box full of … something nasty, the first words out of his guard's mouth wouldn't be to ask why he had food in an 'unsecure location.'"
Elsa groaned and rested her head in her hands.
"Elsa … I'm not trying to criticize."
"Really."
"No, I mean – blast, this is all coming out wrong." She listened as Nick got up and started to pace. "I guess – what I'm trying to say is – my uncle is the most important person in his world. He works for Weselton, or he did, but he would never suggest any course of action that benefited Weselton but hurt him. You … are in some ways the opposite. And …"
Elsa dared to look up.
Nick was still frowning at her, but now he looked sad, not angry or even puzzled. "I'm not sure what to make of that," he admitted. "Anyone can see how much you care about your people, how you'll sacrifice anything for them—"
Elsa snorted. "I doubt it's that obvious."
Nick didn't say anything, not at first. Then he said. "Elsa … do you know that the room always gets colder when you see my guards?"
Elsa's heart skipped a beat. "N-N-Nick …"
"Don't be frightened!" he said. He slid back onto the couch opposite her. Almost before Elsa realized what was happening, he'd taken her hands in his and was holding them. Elsa's eyes went wide – she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so warm.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd liked feeling that warm.
"What—what I'm trying to say is—they make you uncomfortable, don't they?"
Elsa swallowed, but she nodded.
"Your own guard … made you uncomfortable …"
Elsa's throat was dry. She had to swallow a couple of times before she could speak. "The … sword."
Somewhat to her surprise, Nick was nodding. "And my guards – they wear the same uniform as … those other guards, aren't they? The Duke's?"
Elsa nodded.
"You … you can dismiss them at any time," Nick pointed out. "This is your home. You could have said that your guards were perfectly sufficient. But you didn't."
"That would be unreasonable."
Nick tilted his head a little to one side. "… Why?"
Elsa blinked. "Why? Those weren't the same guards. And I'm sorry, but even the Duke is bright enough to realize that a second attack on my person—"
"Your person," Nick repeated, eyebrows raised.
"… What?"
He let go of one of her hands only long enough to push his hair back from his face. Elsa watched as it flopped right back where it had been. "That's … that's awfully legalistic, isn't it? Your person. As if your person was separate from … well, you."
Elsa felt the temperature of the room drop. She drew her hands back, and though Nick's grip tightened for half a second, he let her go. She cradled her hands to her body, clutching them as if she was cold.
She could feel Nick watching her. She didn't look up, not wanting to see what he was thinking, or how he was looking at her.
But she had to say something. "I don't like talking about it."
"That's understandable."
No, that's just it. You don't understand. "It's not just …" Elsa swallowed. It wasn't just this, but this was enough to give her nightmares on its own. "It's not just what they almost did to … me." She swallowed and licked her lips. "It's what I almost did to … them."
"Elsa?" asked Nick. She dared to look up to find him looking thoroughly confused.
"I—surely you received a report?" she asked. Her hands were starting to shake now, and the expression on Nick's face had morphed into alarm.
"Elsa—look, I'm sorry for bringing it up, let's change the subject—"
"No. No." Elsa shook her head. "You—if they didn't tell you, you have to know. You have to! Why didn't they tell you?"
"Elsa, I'm not sure what you—"
"I almost killed them!" Elsa shouted. She threaded her hands in her hair, eyes squeezed shut. It was more than just her hands that were shaking.
But she wasn't thinking about that now.
One guard pinned against the wall with ice spikes, growing. The other trapped behind a sliding wall of ice. The walls of her ice palace yellow and furious.
Only a few more seconds. That was all it would take. Then they'd be gone, forever, and she could be in peace. Where everyone was safe from her and she was safe from everyone.
There were footsteps pounding up the stairs, and while Elsa heard them, she didn't hear them. Still, it did not occur to her to be alarmed when the footsteps came closer and stopped.
"Queen Elsa!" Prince Hans. What was he doing here? She turned to look. "Don't be the monster they fear you are!"
She came to herself, panting.
Monster …
Monster …
I'm a monster …
Then a crack of ice, she looked up and the chandelier was falling. Elsa grabbed her skirts and ran –
And everything went black.
"Monster," Elsa whispered.
She heard a gasp. Nick. She couldn't look up.
"Elsa … who's the monster?" he asked quietly.
Somehow she found it in her to laugh. "Who—who do you think?" Then, as if there was any room for doubt, "Me."
"What? No," Nick murmured. She heard the sofa creak as Nick stood. "No. Elsa, you are not a monster."
Footsteps—then more creaking. Her sofa.
She looked up. Nick was sitting next to her. There was just enough space between them to be decent – but it wouldn't take much to close it.
His hand reached for her. But it stopped midway. Elsa expected to see him move it away, remembering what he would be touching.
He didn't. Instead Nick caught her eye and smiled.
She saw the hand for what it was. An invitation. One she was free to accept or reject.
Slowly, she reached for his hand. When he grasped it, there was that electric shock again. This time Elsa was expecting it; this time it made it easier for her to breathe. She watched as Nick's thumb started to stroke the back of her hand.
He followed her gaze. "Oh—um—"
Elsa squeezed his hand. "Don't stop. Please."
"As—as you wish, m'lady." He swallowed, pulling at his cravat with his free hand. Then he felt her watching and smiled.
Elsa's gaze dropped. "Did … did you mean it?"
"Did I mean …?"
"That I'm not a monster." Before he could answer, she added, "The only reason I didn't kill those men is because Hans Westergaard stopped me! Hans Westergaard!"
"He probably had his own reasons for doing that," Nick pointed out. "But that's not important. No, really, Elsa, it's not." He frowned, pushing his hair back again.
Elsa bit her lip and watched as he thought.
"Elsa …" Nick blinked, staring somewhere in the vicinity of her knee. Then he looked up and his eyes met hers. "Let's say there's a … man. He's in his home, minding his own business, not hurting anyone. Then, without warning, a pair of ruffians burst into the house and start shooting at him with their crossbows. Somehow he grabs a weapon and—"
"It's not the same thing, Nick."
"—and he's able to return fire," Nick continued, stubbornly. "Somehow he manages to pin the two of them down, but the town guards run in before he can kill them. They say one sentence, and that's enough to stop him. Would you call that man a monster, Elsa?"
Elsa shook her head. "It's not the same."
"Elsa. Just answer. Please?"
"But it's not the—"
"Elsa."
Elsa's lips parted. She swallowed. "No. No, I wouldn't."
"And if the guards didn't get there in time and the man killed those other men? Would you call him a monster then? The ruffians came in and started firing right away."
"Well … no …"
"How is what you did any different, Elsa? Do you really think that the act of using ice and snow," he turned her hand over and started to stroke her palm, "instead of a crossbow or sword makes it any different?"
Elsa shook her head.
"Then why—"
"The winter," Elsa whispered.
"Eh?"
"The winter. That I caused. That's what makes it different." Elsa gulped. "Your uncle – the Duke – when he gave his orders to his men, he was heard. End this winter, that's what he said. That's what they were trying to do."
She heard Nick swallow. "I … see," he said.
So he finally saw. Elsa tried to withdraw her hand, sure he wouldn't want to be touching her any longer. But he didn't let go.
Instead, he inched closer. Not much closer, and Elsa had plenty of room to retreat. But she didn't.
"Did they try to talk to you, Elsa?" he asked. "Try to reason with you?"
Elsa shook her head.
"Did anyone try to talk or reason with you?"
Elsa gulped. "Anna …"
Nick looked surprised. "She was there?"
"No, no—she came earlier. She—she told me what I'd done. I …" Elsa closed her eyes. "I lost control. I—I didn't mean to. But I hurt her all the same …"
"Did these men know?"
"What? No, no. They would have had no way of knowing." Elsa sighed; she had been over this with the prosecution in Hans's trial a dozen times. If she didn't know the timeline by now, she never would. "Anna actually got back to the city after I did."
"So then as far as the Duke and his guards had any way of knowing, you hadn't harmed anyone, and if your powers were going a little … out of control, they hadn't tried any way peaceful way of stopping you. Elsa, even knowing what you accidentally did to Princess Anna, none of this justifies murder."
Elsa flinched and looked away.
"Your murder." Nick gently laid a hand on her cheek and just as gently turned her to face him. "Hurting you. Killing you. They had no justification for that, Elsa, none."
Elsa swallowed. She found she couldn't look away from his eyes, narrowed in concern but watching her with an expression she couldn't read.
"And what I did kill them?" Elsa whispered.
"That wouldn't have been murder. That would have been self-defense." He grinned, his thumb stroking her cheek. "Surely I don't have to explain the difference to a Queen?"
Elsa rewarded that with a weak chuckle. "It's only a legal difference."
"No, Elsa. I think the moral difference came before the legal one." Nick caught his lip between his teeth again. "Elsa, I think you should … find some soldiers, or guards, that you can trust. Men who have been in—bad situations, who had to make the choice to kill or be killed. Ask them if they ever lost control. Ask them if they ever had to be pulled back from the brink when they had just been fighting for their lives and hadn't realized that the fight was over."
There—there are other people that have been through this? Elsa's eyes went wide. I'm not the only one?
"Being afraid, fighting for your life doesn't make you a monster, Elsa," Nick whispered. Somehow his hand had found some of her hair, and he was twisting it gently around his finger. "It makes you human."
Human …
They were so close together now, practically—no, they were touching. Shoulder to shoulder and leg to leg. Nick was watching her face like he'd like to draw it, and Elsa couldn't have looked away if she tried.
She didn't want to.
She watched Nick's Adam's apple suddenly bob up and down. He inched closer.
Elsa closed her eyes and leaned toward him, knowing on some level deeper than thought what would happen next—
It didn't. The door to the library flew open and somehow she and Nick sprung to opposite sides of the couch.
"Elsa!"
That was Anna, panicked Anna. She hadn't even taken off her cloak and hood. She ran across the library and jumped onto the couch, sandwiching herself between Elsa and Nick. "Are you all right?" She grabbed Elsa's shoulders and looked her up and down. "I got a note from Gerda telling me to come home! She said it was urgent!"
"I'm—I'm fine, Anna. I got a … nasty surprise, but …" She looked beyond Anna, to Nick. He was leaning forward, rubbing his face, and seemingly working hard to control his breathing. "Nick helped me."
Nick looked up, surprised. His eyes met Elsa's. "I—I did?"
"Nick?" Anna murmured, raising an eyebrow at Elsa. When Elsa looked away, she turned to Nick.
Nick didn't last a second under that inquisitive gaze. "I—I should go. Now that you're in—in far more capable hands than mine. It—it was an honor to assist, Your Majesty."
"Nick—"
He smiled at her, then bowed once to her, once to Anna, and hurried from the library.
Elsa watched the door after he had gone for far longer than was proper.
"So …" Elsa was drawn from her reverie by Anna. Anna was fingering one of her plaits, playing with it as she eyed Elsa. "What was it that I interrupted?"
Thank you very much to all of my reviewers! Hope you enjoyed this latest installment, and please, review if you have the time or the inclination!
(And don't worry, Anna won't be bursting in at the worst possible moment forever.)