Chapter 12
Tears. Blood. Sweat. The dwelling realization that you're stuck and can't get out. The heaving chest and the broken heart beating so rapidly, fighting for every remaining moment. The lungs closing in, and you're struggling to take that breath, knowing all too well that it will be your last one. Your feeble hands reach for the seat belt digging into your rib-cage, you're pulling with all the strength that is left in you, but that damned button doesn't click and it's too stern to rip it up. Your neck is sore as you try to move your head and you wince in response, the tears well up in your eyes and you can't help it, so you let them out. They run like the river down your face and you refuse to open your eyes, because it will all be too real. The shattered pieces of glass lay scattered around you, some have even dug into your skin - allowing the red liquid to pour out. The sharp sting of pain lingers in your tummy, so your hand cradles it protectively - like you want it to know that you're still there, that everything is going to turn out just fine. But with every cramp that follows, and every silent scream of pain that escapes your lips, you know all hope is lost...
So you're stuck, unable to free yourself from the clutches of death, and you hate yourself for it. You hate yourself for that fight, for getting angry when deep down you knew he wasn't to blame. You hate yourself for driving away in that storm, when he begged you not to. You hate yourself for being so goddamn stubborn and for always having to be right. You hate yourself for not realising what you had, whilst it was still yours...If only you knew.
Elena's eyes snapped open, she instantly sat up straight and threw the covers off her. Her heart-rate was rocketing as she struggled to catch a breath. Another panic attack. Another one of those dreams. She quickly ran into the en-suite bathroom and turned on the tap, gathering the cold stream of water and splashing it onto her sweaty face. She sat down on the edge of the bath, her small face cradled in the wet palm of her hands as she tried to calm down her breathing.
It would help to think that it was just a nightmare, a stupid trick of the mind that you could just brush off and never speak of again. Most people could do that, but not Elena. She found the courage to look up and observe her own reflection in the mirror - there was no blood in sight, no visible distress on her face, no wounds to patch up… yet the devastation was evident, it hadn't faded one bit. The bad memories get repressed simply by no longer being acknowledged, but feelings? Especially those of crippling guilt...they never leave.
She sighed and reached for the white hand towel and gently patted her face dry. The clock showed that it was only 2 am - still too early for that inner monologue going on in her head. She switched off the lights and followed back into the bedroom, reaching for the duvet which was messily scattered over the empty bed - as she sluggishly climbed back under it, closing her her eyes.
Sleeping alone didn't feel right anymore. Not when she knew what it was like to fall asleep with Damon's arms securely wrapped around her and feeling his body heat radiating onto hers. It was her own safe little haven that gave her a piece of mind, created an illusion of belonging. To something, to someone. So she switched and turned, kicked off the duvet and pulled it back up, until she finally drifted off to sleep.
"So you're planning on keeping him in the dark, for how long exactly?" Caroline asked with a hint of seriousness in her tone.
"But does he really need to know?" Elena drawled.
"Well if you want anything remotely serious with him, than yeah - duh!" Caroline put her iced coffee aside and sighed. "You've been seeing each other for how long now? You spend almost all of your time together, you've been so much happier since you met Damon. Don't you think he deserves to know?"
Elena rolled her eyes and continued picking at the paper sleeve of the coffee cup in her hands. "Well the minute he finds out he'll get out of the picture and reality will kick me back in the face, Care."
"Why would you even think that? Give him a bit more credit Lena." She countered with her gaze drilled into Elena, awaiting a reaction.
"Since I don't want him to be stuck in this mess with me. Why would a perfectly good guy like Damon tie himself to a woman like me?" She asked arching her brows. "I'm full of all sorts of issues. It's enough that I've ruined one of my exes happiness."
"Oh god, you did not ruin Elijah. He was just so damn in love with you and caught up in you, that he forgot how to function in a reality without his Elena in it." Caroline pointed out with determination, turning to look at her best friend. "He'll get over it eventually, perhaps seeing you with Damon could actually speed up his healing process."
"Are you trying to make this sound like a good idea? Cause it really isn't." Elena shook her head scuffing in a small laugh. "You didn't see Elijah's face when Damon came to pick me up on our date. If looks could kill, we'd both be dead."
Caroline rolled her eyes at Elena's stubbornness. "The guy needs a wake up call. You left him, you said you didn't want to be his wife, you claimed he's just not the one for you. Yet here you are like a year later, never once been serious with another guy - it's only natural that Elijah still counts on you changing your mind and realising that he is the one for you." She argued releasing a long breath at the end of her speech.
Elena's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "So you expect me to hire a fake boyfriend or even better to use Damon just to get 'Elijah off my back? Just because I haven't met anyone yet doesn't mean that I made a mistake leaving Elijah - I don't love him Care."
"I know that, we all know that. I'm just saying that you should accept your feelings for Damon and let him have his way with you. That way you'll get to be hooking up with the beauty that is Damon Salvatore and Elijah will finally see that you really are over him. It's like killing two birds with one stone, you know?" The blonde declared confidently with a smile.
"And then I should get married and have kids and we'll all live happily ever after, right?" Elena countered sarcastically.
"But why are you thinking so far ahead, just give Damon a chance, he won't hurt you. Sure, the guy is not a saint, but the way he looks at you and talks about you, you can't fake that." Caroline cocked her head to the side. "And before you come up with any more excuses!" She silenced Elena by putting the index finger against her lips. "You won't hurt him either."
The brunette whined and threw her head back. You just couldn't argue with Caroline, she had an answer for everything.
"Enough about my soggy love-life." She jumped up from the bench, threw her bag over her shoulder and stuffed her hands into the back pockets of her blue jeans. "We are going to be late for your dress fitting!"
"Aha! So you do have a love life." Care smiled brightly and followed Elena's movements in suit. "And don't think we're finished with this conversation. You are going to call him, apologise for being an ass and have him come over and ravish you all night!"
Elena burst out laughing, as they started to walk towards her car. "Yes, because in a perfect world sex solves all problems."
"In my world it sure does." Caroline chuckled, linking arms with the brunette.
"Wow..this dress really was a good choice!" Bonnie gawked with amazement.
Elena looked up from her the screen of her phone to see Caroline standing in a beautiful white mermaid silhouette dress - it featured a skirt with low waist that opened out at the knees into a lower skirt of tulle decorated with beading. The bodice perfectly hugged the body, outlining a sweetheart neckline edged with sparkles and shimmers matching the skirt.
Caroline smiled and did a little twirl in front of the mirror, clearly taken by the dress.
"You really think so? I mean I do love it, but I keep having doubts somewhere in the back of mind." She squinted her eyes unsure, checking herself out from every angle.
Elena placed down her empty water glass on the table and walked up to her friend, giving her a warm smile and placing her head on Caroline's shoulder.
"Bonnie's right - it's perfect." She nodded her head in agreement. "You look like a princess."
"Aw stop it, you're gonna make me cry!" She giggled and wiped away a tear from the corner of the eye. "Do you think Klaus will like it?"
Elena stood back and looked at Caroline, rolling her eyes. "Are you kidding? That man literally worships the ground that you walk on, he'll die when he sees you in this dress."
"Exactly. You look stunning Care, this dress couldn't be a better fit for you." Bonnie chuckled and walked up to the girls. "Now come on, we need to capture this moment!" She pulled out her phone intending to take a selfie with it.
Elena quickly pulled away from the blonde and put her hand in front of the camera. "Have you seen the bags under my eyes today? Thanks, but no thanks."
Bonnie gave her the side eye and rested one hand on the hip, feeling something is up with her friend. "Lena, you've been really off guard recently, is something bothering you?"
She shook her head and sat back on the cozy velvet armchair, crossing one leg over the other. "Nope. I'm just feeling a bit crappy today. That's all."
Care carefully leaned against the golden framed mirror with arms folded over her chest. "Good luck getting anything out of her, her lips are sealed."
Elena felt both of her friends pair of eyes bore down on her, which made her feel feeling backed into the corner.
"What? There's nothing going on with me." She finally gave in with a deep sigh. "It's just that Care's getting married, she's the first one of us to actually start a family of her own, have her prince charming.. A house and all that. And you're like a day away from getting engaged to Enzo."
Bonnie half smiled. "No one's proposed yet, you know."
"But we all know it's going to happen sooner or later. And I'm so happy for you both." She said sincerely. "But I guess this has all been a little rough on me. I feel like I missed on my turn to do all of that, and I'm scared that I'll never be ready for those things."
"Hey, married or not - this," Caroline gestured at the three of them. "Never changes. We will always have each other. It's not a race as to who gets married first or whatever, just because I'm ready for this step - doesn't mean that you have to be ready."
"Totally. We are always here for you, whenever you need us." Bonnie added in agreement. "You'll get your happy ending too, God knows you deserve it."
Elena smiled appreciatively and strolled over across the room, to pull both of them into a tight hug. "Aw I love you guys."
"We love you too!" Bonnie exclaimed happily.
"Be careful not to ruin my dress!" The blonde exclaimed, as all three of them burst out laughing.
"Okay, now let's get to work!." Caroline said as she pulled away and gave them a stern look, confidently placing both hands on the hips. "The selection of bridesmaids dresses is ready, so you'll need to try each dress and pick the winner!"
Elena's shoulders slumped at the thought. "Oh Care, you know I'll just wear whichever one you like best. It's your wedding after all." She proposed, hoping to get away with it.
"Which is why I picked the colour, so you and Bonnie pick the style. Now chop-chop, the clock is ticking!"
Elena groaned as she lazily dragged herself away from the comfort of the cozy armchair, and turned her attention to Bonnie. "Remind me why we're friends with her?"
Bonnie pretended to contemplate before answering, furrowing her brows. "She's always stocked up on the wine." She gave a shrug of the shoulders.
"Yep. That must be it." Elena sighed, making her way to the changing room.
"I heard that." The blonde shouted after them, throwing one of her flats at them.
Bonnie and Elena both burst out laughing and quickly shut the door behind them.
"Love you really!"
Caroline shook her head smiling and tiredly collapsed onto the sofa. "Dorks."
Elena hesitantly lifted up one hand, her eyes glued to the door in front of her. Gosh, since when was knocking on the door so damn hard? 1..2..3..
First Knock.
Second Knock.
Third Knock.
Great. All the contemplation on whether she should have come see or him or not proved to have been completely useless as he wasn't even home. Just perfect.
"Elena?"
She heard Damon's voice coming from behind, which caused her to abruptly turn around.
"I thought I might have missed you." She said glancing over at the door and pulling her lip into a tight smile.
"Doughnuts?" He gestured at the Krispy Kreme paper bag in her hand, walking up to the front door.
"And coffee." She smiled lifting up the other hand in which she was holding up a tray accommodating two paper cups.
She almost forgot the reason for her visit when her eyes landed on Damon and his effortless way of looking so damn good in simple jogging clothes. Black looked good on him, especially when the material clung so deliciously tight to each curve of his muscles. She finally caught a glimpse of his gaze and the arched brow - he was confused.
"You're probably wondering what I'm doing here.." She broke the silence nervously, as he reached for the apartment keys in his pocket.
She cursed herself for not preparing some sort of a speech before dragging herself here and wasting his time.
"You can't blame me for being surprised at seeing you, after all you've been ghosting me all week." Damon said reaching for the door knob and swiftly opening it, before sparing a glance at Elena
Elena shook her head in a feeble attempt to defend her actions. "Damon, that's not what it was.. I know-"
"Come in." Not giving it much thought, he simply invited her in.
"So you're-"
"An idiot. I know." She butted in, as she placed the coffee and doughnuts on the counter. "I came to apologise for being such a bitch to you, and for running out on you like that.. for no reason. I'm sorry."
"Mhm, I'd say there's a reason or two that you're choosing not to tell me about." He countered dryly, leaning his back against the wall.
"Even if, that has nothing to do with you Damon..I know you've been nothing but patient with me, and I love you for that."
Her eyes instantly widened at the words that apparently she just spoke, and judging by the look on his face - he was just as shocked to hear them.
"I mean, fuck, no. That's not what I meant." She quickly corrected herself, suddenly feeling a little out of breath. "I just really appreciate it. And I know that you care about me.."
He sniggered. "So what's the but Elena, that I care too much about you? Is that a problem to you now?"
"I never said that, Damon." She bit her lip nervously. "I guess I never anticipated that this things between us would get this far.."
"Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't realise that I was supposed to fuck you once or twice and leave." He countered as the frustration pent up in him. He couldn't even begin to pinpoint exactly how angry he was with her for being so goddamn oblivious to everything.
"Don't act like you've never been that guy."
"Well you know what Elena, if you wanted to be another notch in my belt then you should have just put out on the first day. Would have saved us some time."
"But I didn't! Just because I'm scared of whatever this is between us, doesn't mean that I don't want it Damon.. I'm sorry I overreacted when you called me your girlfriend, I'm sorry I ignored you for 5 days straight, I'm sorry that I freaked out and ran the moment that things got serious.." She blurted out with a heaving chest, as she walked up to stand closer to him.
"But I'm not sorry for having these feelings for you. And I came here to tell you that I can't ignore them any longer." Her voice was breathless.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Damon studied her face curiously. The warmth of her body emanated onto him due to the sudden proximity between them.
She reached out to touch his cheek in a gentle, unsure gesture. The stubborn pricks of hair brushed against her fingers, it was evident that he hadn't shaved for the past few days.
"I'm ready for us." The words came out a mere whisper.
His eyes eyes seemed to have lightened up and his lips slightly parted in surprise. Elena climbed on the tip of her toes and softly pressed her mouth onto his. The palm of her hand curved around the nape of his neck and she felt Damon reciprocate the kiss, as his lips hungrily began to devour hers. He rested both hands on her hips and slammed her body against his stern chest, making her lose her breath.
He nipped and sucked at her bottom lip, meanwhile her hand reached for the zipper on his jacket and she pulled it down. Damon eased her struggle and shrugged the jacket off his shoulders, dropping it into the floor. Their clothing was being discarded one by one, each piece flying off to a different corner of the room as they hungrily undressed one another - and their tongues continued to dance together.
"Shower." He mumbled in between the kisses impatiently motivated by the desire to be buried deep inside of her as soon as possible.
Elena simply nodded in agreement without breaking their kiss, as she backed him into the bathroom. She was now left wearing just her panties, as Damon knelt down onto the tiled floor in front of her and began to place frenzied kisses on her flat stomach, before slowly shifting his attention to her lower belly. He felt a shiver run through her body and her fingers dived into his thick hair, as his lips trailed further down her shapely thighs. He hooked one finger behind the lace of her panties and gracefully pulled them down her body, and when they reached her ankles Elena swiftly stepped out of them discarding them to the side.
Damon pressed the button on the wall allowing the hot stream of water to flow from the shower head built into the ceiling. The steam quickly began to build up and the room turned into a sauna, their skin glistened and they exchanged one last longing look before their lips reconnected. The kiss deepened as he pushed Elena against the cold tiled wall and took her ass into his hands, giving it a tight squeeze as she wrapped her slender legs around his waist. His manhood proudly rested against his stern stomach and its head teasingly nudged at her core. A whimper escaped her lips as her arms grasped tightly around his neck in a desperate attempt to bring him closer.
"Damon please." She pleaded in anticipation of finally having him fully to herself, hungry for the loving and powerful strokes of his love.
He briefly nodded and pecked the tip of her nose, before tightening his grip on her body and carefully thrusting deep into her until he was fully submerged. A simultaneous moan escaped their lips at the sensation and after a brief moment of pause he slowly began to thrust in and out of her, slowly bringing her to a blissful release.
A/N: Hey guys! I'm finally back with a new chapter - I realise how awfully late this update is and I am sorry about that. For those of you who stuck around and are still interested in reading - thank you so so much. I hope you enjoy this one. I promise to work on the next update much muuuuch sooner. But sometimes adulting really does get in the way. Anyway, thank you for your support! Have a great week x