A/N: Oh hai. Uhm...squeezing the depleting creative juices. I'm not even going to ask you for forgiveness. I'm just going to basically keep writing until this story is finished. Believe it or not, I know where I'm going with this. This is why writing should be left to the professionals.

THINGS I OWN: A fuckton of books.

THINGS I DON'T OWN: Twilight & White Stripes.

"I'm bringing back ghosts
That are no longer there
I'm gettin' hard on myself
Sittin' in my easy chair
Well, there's three people in the mirror
And I'm wonderin' which one of them I should choose
Well, I can't keep from laughin'
Spittin' out these 300 mile per hour outpour blues"

- White Stripes

Chapter 12 – 300 mph Torrential Outpour Blues

Ice-skating with Jasper was a painful and embarrassing experience. He was quite adept and graceful on ice. He told me he used to play hockey with his brother - his brother whom he'd avoided talking about. But I didn't push for information. I figured that if there were things in his life he didn't want to talk about then I was fine with it. Because heaven knows there are things in my life that I'd rather kept hidden.

I'd fallen on my butt so many times that I'd lost all feelings back there. It took a hundred tries and a million laughs but I eventually got the hang of it. Jasper was very quick to help me up. I'd say he was a gentleman but he laughed at my expense one too many times to ever consider him as one.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow," I groaned as he helped me to a bench. "I think my butt is now two inches thicker than when we got here."

His eyes lit up playfully. "You want me to check?"

I threw my woolen mitts at him. His honest laugh was so contagious that for the first time in a long time, it felt good to be laughing with someone.

He sat down beside me and started making work of removing his skates.

"You had fun, though, yes?"

"Yeah…believe it or not, I did,"

"I'm starving," he grumbled as he stood up. "Let's get a bite to eat—but not at Carmen's. I'm not ready to face her wrath yet." He held out his hand and I grabbed on to it eagerly. I could barely walk straight. The entire lower half of my body felt like they'd lost all capacities.

"I can carry you if you want," he smirked.

"Ugh. I can't believe I let you talk me into skating. Thank goodness I've got no classes tomorrow or you'll be taking them for me."

"Hot, hot bath when you get home and a couple of Advil should cure what ails your glorious butt."

I tried to hit him but he dodged at the right moment, laughing at my feeble attempt to retaliate.

We rode in his car; the same black beast that made my heart skipped as soon as I saw it parked in front of the apartment when he picked me up. I don't think I'd ever get rid of the paranoia and I've resigned to the fact that it's going to take a while before my nerves get used to its familiar sleek lines.

We ended up at a hamburger place where Jasper devoured meat equating to a whole cow. I've never been one those people who showed utter disgust at other people's penchant for consuming meat. I'm a vegetarian by the simple reason that I prefer it and not because I have some belief that eating meat was inhumane.

I ordered a salad with a simple vinegar and oil dressing while Jasper moaned excessively in meat euphoria.

"So, what do you do when you're not a slave to your family business?"

He chewed his food deliberately then took a sip of his soda before answering my question.

"I'm one of those, man's man, adrenaline junkie," he said as he chomped on a fry. "I can never stay inactive. I'm either surfing, spelunking, hiking, climbing, diving—you name it, I'd done it. This is probably the longest I've stayed at home in a while. I'm usually wasting my meager trust fund somewhere in the world looking for the next adventure."

"Oh? What happened? You ran out of mountains to climb?" I said, teasing him.

"Nah. My older brother—" he paused and furrowed his brows as he searched his mind for the right words. "Well, in a word, I guess he had a breakdown of some sort."

I watched the sadness washed over his usually happy, smiling face. I reached out and tentatively touched his hand as he looked away, staring outside.

"He was a hard ass before he fell apart. To this day, no one really knew what happened. This guy was successful at anything he sets his mind to. The one who can never do wrong…but I guess there comes a point in your life when the pressure of being a god gets to you sometime."

He smiled sadly then squeezed my hand in gratitude.

"Anyway, I'm just picking up the slack. He used to flip his shit at me for not helping out. It's too bad that nowadays, he's either passed out or too drunk to notice."

He shook his head, trying to dislodge the gloom of his family woes.

"I'm so sorry," was all I could say.

"We're all right," the smile was back on his face. "It's a good thing and a bad thing. I think it was time anyway that everyone realized he can't be everything and be anywhere all at once. We depended far too much on him. I'm more than happy to work even if being a desk jockey kills me one brain cell at a time."

"Can't be that bad, is it?"

"No, not really," he played with his fries, smearing ketchup all over his plate. "He's so brilliant and so good at what he does that the company, err, the companies were air tight. He's been an absent CEO for almost a year now and thankfully none of the holdings had yet to falter."

We eased into a quiet companionship for a few minutes. Jasper just seemed so easy going on the outside. Who knew that there was a part of him who could be serious when he wanted to?

From the lack of practice, I've always had hard time comforting someone. Words just don't come easily to me and I shy from any kind of physical comfort. All I could really offer him was sincere hope that whatever demon his brother was fighting, he'd meant to fight it alone. That all Jasper could do was to not give up on his brother. I told him as such and he looked at me with such reverence, it made me feel small.

"What?" I finally blurted out when his stare got too uncomfortable.

He chuckled as two pink spots appeared on his cheeks. "Nothing," he mumbled. "It's just…you're so refreshing and so easy to talk to that I could be telling you all my dark secrets and I wouldn't even know it."

My brow quirked, intrigued. "Secrets huh?"

"Yeah, you know—secrets. Everybody has them. I've told you mine so it's your turn." His stare was challenging. I looked down on my half eaten salad as my mouth pursed grimly.

"No?" he murmured.

My fingers twisted on my lap. To go back and reminisce about those times was to be swept away in a dark river of despair.

"Hey," he leaned forward and touched my cheek, reading the misery in my eyes. "I was just kidding."

But I don't want to be that person anymore; the one who stupidly thinks that voicing out your fears is a sign of weakness. I refused to be alone anymore when a friend was sitting in front of me, offering his ears and his understanding.

"Last spring, I almost died…" I swallowed a vine of thorns down my throat. "For a time, I could've sworn I did."

And so I told him my story.

I told him how in a matter of days, I'd fallen in love so hard I thought that death was the only answer when he left.

I told him how my father changed from a miserable, closed man to the father I hoped I had instead.

I told him my reality – that sometimes, being alone felt much better than being surrounded by people.

I told him that inside me beats a million pieces of a shattered organ that was supposed to know love and give love. But I've got nothing. Just emptiness and a will to fight everyday against my own demons.

"So I can understand where your brother is coming from," I told him.

Sometimes it's much easier to just let the tide take me away. And I know it sounded like a coward's way out but when you're sick of the carousel of misery that you find yourself in, it's easier just to lie there until you're too dizzy to get up and get off.

And he sat there – eyes wide, full of understanding and I never knew that I was clutching on to his hand tight – with my voice heady with bitter ache.

And when I was done, my breath hitches with dry sobs but the tears won't come. I think it finally dried out.

I watched his throat bobbed, as if he was fighting some emotion to surface. But he just stared at me with an ache that mirrored my own. I'm desperate to understand it. How someone like Jasper can be so full of empathy for someone he'd just met.

"Listen, thank you for telling me about your past," he started. We walked out of the restaurant and had begun our walk back to my apartment. "I think I'd like for my brother to meet you." He stopped and turned to face me. "I think maybe he just needs to see people other than us. Who knows, maybe he can actually make the effort to stay sober even just for a few minutes."

I bit my lip and looked everywhere but at him. "I don't know, J…"

He reached for both my hands and looked down at me.

"Please?" his eyes and his lips begged.

"I don't think I'm ready to meet your family, J."

"It's just going to be my brother and my mother. Don't worry, you'll be fine," he stepped in closer until we were standing toe to toe. "Please, B?"

"Why?" I wanted to understand his logic. How much could I help his brother when I was damaged myself?

"It's just a feeling I have. Once upon a time, he used to be my best friend. I'd like to think that somewhere in his dark depression, still lives the person that I know and love. We shared everything – talked about everything. Even the type of girls we like. I just know that once he sees you, he'd remember the days when he'd chased girls like you."

"Jesus, J!" I broke away from him, huffing. "So now, you're going to set me up with your brother? Where the hell is your shame?"

"I'm not setting you up with him," he followed me in a distance. "I'm just—hear me out, B," he was beside me again, looking down on my profile with desperate, burning eyes. "We're just clueless, you know? At this point we'll do anything since nothing had worked for us."

I finally turned and looked at him. "Jasper, how in the world did you even come to the conclusion that two depressed people should come together and have one depressing party so they could be finally happy?"

"I didn't say that, B," he took my hand got moving again. "Do you know the first thing that came to my mind when I'd seen you staring at my car that day?"

I kept quiet.

"I thought, wow, that girl is a dead ringer for my former sister in law."

"What?" I was too stunned to form any other reaction.

"I know, I know—my brother was married to Lauren who died from a brief bout with cancer. He's never been the same and then he took off and disappeared for two weeks and came back even worse. Something happened to him, B. I'm desperate—we're desperate. I'm hoping that if you met him, I don't know…" he paused and blew out a breath. "Forget it, it's dumb. I know," he forced a smile upon his lips and started walking again.

"So do you want to see a movie tomorrow?" He asked like the last few minutes of our conversation didn't happen. I had the urge to run away and never speak to him again.

"Are you serious, J?" I asked mockingly.

"What?"

"Oh, don't play dumb. You can't just say something like that and take it back."

"I'm not taking it back. I'm just—just forget it okay? It doesn't matter. I don't think anything or anyone can help him. He's a lost cause."

And I felt bad; because for a while Jasper listened and he made me feel better. He made me smile and forget with his easy attitude that never asked for more. What's the worst that could happen, anyway?

Simple. He could suffer a relapse and worsen.

"J, what if—I can't even believe I'm considering this—what if we go and have dinner then he gets worse? Are you and your family going to blame me?"

His face lit up, hope shining through like a beacon to a ship. "Don't be silly! Why would we blame you?" He tugged me in his arms and engulfed me in a warm embrace. "B, you have no idea how much this means to me. I can't even begin to tell you."

"Oh stop, Jasper," I said, my voice muffled against his chest. "You are doing this all wrong, you know," I squelched the anxious pang in the pit of my stomach. "If what you're saying is true, then I am the last person your brother would want to see."

"What do you mean?"

"If I truly looked like someone your brother had loved in the past, then I'm probably a ghost he'd rather not see."

A/N: You can sort of tell, what's coming don't you? *sniffs the air* I smell the wrath of Bella in 3..2...

NEXT UP! Edward Cullen. I miss this man.