Conflicting Emotions
Calleigh felt movement in the bed. She blinked away the morning haziness from her eyes, and saw Eric sitting up. "Sorry, I was trying not to wake you," he said. "Emily's up." Calleigh just gave a quiet nod, brushing the hair out of her face as Eric got out of bed and headed to Emily's room. Calleigh rolled over, glancing at the alarm on the nightstand. It read 7:58 am. She closed her eyes again, giving a soft groan. It was too early to be up after yesterday's long day.
Eric opened the door to Emily's room. As the twenty-month old saw her father, she smiled. "Hungry dada," she said, sitting up and looking at him. Eric gave a warm smile, going over and picking her up. He set her on the floor, heading for the kitchen. Grinning, she teetered after him. Once he got to the kitchen, he strapped her into her chair, going to grab some food. "Here, start with this," he said. He grabbed a small handful of Cheerios, placing them on her tray. Emily smiled, reaching to put one in her mouth. Eric turned back to the pantry to put the box away, then went to the fridge to grab some eggs and milk. While he scrambling some eggs, he kept peering over at Emily as she ate. As he was finishing, she ate the last of the cereal "Dada, Jen play," she said. In the middle of placing the eggs in a bowl, Eric nearly dropped them. He set the bowl down, then looked at Emily. "Sorry, sweetie. She's not here." "But Jen play!" Emily said again, indignant. "No, Emily, not now. Here," he said, scooping some of the scrambled eggs into a bowl and placing them into a smaller bowl. He set them in front of her with one of her plastic spoons. "Eat," he said. Emily huffed, but did as he said. As Emily ate, Eric noticed Calleigh hadn't joined them. "Probably fell back asleep," he said. He placed about half of the remaining eggs onto his own plate, grabbing a banana from the counter as well. He ate his breakfast, then waited for Emily to finish. Once she had, he picked her up, taking her and setting her in her playpen. He went to the bedroom, poking his head inside. He smiled. Indeed, Calleigh had rolled over and fallen back asleep. He went back to the kitchen. Not wanting to toss out the extra eggs, he looked out into the living room. "Emily, want more eggs?" he asked. "No," she answered, distracted by her toys. Eric shrugged. "Can't let them go to waste," he said before grabbing another fork to finish them himself. Once he was done, he cleaned up the kitchen before going to play with Emily.
Calleigh's eyes drifted open, and she looked again towards the alarm clock. 1:08 pm. "Shit, I slept five more hours? I swear it felt like five minutes," she said. She hastily climbed out of bed. "Eric, how could you let me sleep so late?" she asked, irritated, as she walked into the living room. She stopped in her tracks. Eric was extended on the cough, asleep. Emily was curled up on his torso, and Eric had his arms around the sleeping child. Calleigh smiled. Without a word, she headed into the kitchen. She grabbed a yogurt from the fridge, and the leftovers from last night's dinner. Eating the yogurt as she reheated the food, she peered back out at her sleeping family. Again, she gave a gentle smile. She grabbed the food once it was hot, sitting to eat it. By the time she was done, she heard rustling coming from the other room. By the time she got over there, Eric was stirring as Emily crawled out of his arms and headed back for the toys. Emily saw Calleigh first. "Mama, play!" she said with a smile. "Sure honey," Calleigh said, going to join her daughter. She sat on the floor, as Emily brought over a ball to roll back and forth. As the two of them played, Calleigh looked over to Eric, who by now was sitting up on the couch. "Why didn't you get me up? You looked peaceful. I know it's been ages since you've gotten a good night's sleep, so I figured I should leave you." "Well that was sweet of you," Calleigh said with a smile before she sighed. "I need to go see Adam today. The doctors keep stressing how important it is he has human interaction and contact." "Well… why don't I go? You stay here with Emily, and I'll go see Adam. It's been a while since you and Em have gotten to enjoy some alone time," he said. "are you sure?" Calleigh asked. "Yeah, I'm sure," Eric said. "Ok, yeah, that'll work," Calleigh said. Eric nodded, then stood up. "Alright then. I'll change, then head that way." He headed to the bedroom to shower and get dressed.
Once Eric had left, Calleigh and Emily continued to play. Eventually getting bored of the ball game, Emily raced off, soon reappearing with a book. "Mama, read to me!" Calleigh smiled. "Sure," she said. She crossed her legs, and Emily settled into her lap. Calleigh read the book, Emily listening and paying close attention. ""Just try the green eggs and ham, you may like them Sam I am!" Emily squealed, giggling as Calleigh read through the book. Calleigh couldn't help but smile, even finding herself laughing as she watched Emily have a blast.
Meanwhile, Eric walked into the NICU. He saw Adam's nurse, and she walked over to him. "How is Adam today?" "Actually doing well. Took him off the breathing assistance, and he's breathing on his own. Still on the feeding tube, and only up to three and a half pounds. Slow improvement there, but the breathing was a huge step." Eric nodded. "Alright, thanks." The nurse smiled, then headed on towards a different incubator. Eric walked over to Adam's spot. The little baby was awake, moving slightly inside the isolette. Eric walked over, reaching his hand through. "Hey buddy," he said. Adam's hand moved upwards, and his small fingers struggled to grasp Eric's pinky completely. Eric quietly watched. Sure, Emily had been small at birth, but not this small. And, while she had seemed every bit as fragile, particularly after her harrowing birth, Eric knew Adam was much luckier to have survived. "I really need you to pull through, Adam," he said. "Not just for you, but for us. For Jen. OK?" He looked at Adam, who was still holding onto his finger. For a long time, Eric stayed with him, softly talking to him. Finally, after several hours, he headed home.
Calleigh was setting dinner on the table as Eric walked in the door. After dinner, the couple stayed up with Emily until it was past her bedtime, and the toddler showed no sign of tiredness. Eric took her to bed as Calleigh cleaned the kitchen. "Dada, read story!" Emily said, not ready to settle down. "Ok," he said as Emily handed him a book. He set her in her bed, snuggling her under the covers before he read the story to her. She squirmed out, sitting up. "But you have to lie down," he said. Emily seemed to debate it, then laid back down. Eric smile, then read the book to her. "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." After reading the last page, Eric closed the book. Grinning, he saw Emily asleep. He leaned over, placing a tender kiss on her forehead before putting the book away and going to join Calleigh.
Calleigh watched as Eric came into the bedroom. "She go down easy?" "Yeah, already asleep." "Finally. Ever since the power nap you two had, she's been going non-stop. I thought she was never going to go to sleep and calm down." Eric grinned, joining Calleigh in bed. "Well, what can I say? I have that effect on women." Calleigh laughed, shoving his shoulder hard. "Oh, stop it," she said. He smiled. "It's nice to see you laugh again," he whispered. "It feels good too," she gently said, leaning her head against him. She closed her eyes, letting out a long, drawn out sigh. Eric looked down at her, and noticed her staring off at the wall. Several moments of silence went by. "Querida?" he asked. She looked up at him, head still against him. "Talk to me, Querida. What's on your mind?" "Emily asked about Jen today." "Yeah, I know, she did with me too." "I don't know what to tell her, Eric." "Cal, she won't remember forever. You know that." "What if she does?" "She won't, I promise. She'll move on. You and I will too. Differently, but we'll all move on." Calleigh was quiet for a few moments. "How was Adam?" "Off the assisted breathing. He's going to pull through, Calleigh." "Good," she said softly. "Look at me," Eric said, and Calleigh raised her glance. "He's going to be ok. We're all going to be ok." Calleigh gave a hint of a smile, nodding. Eric pressed his forehead against hers. "I love you," he whispered, before he kissed her softly. She smiled, kissing him back. "I love you too, Eric." He smiled, kissing her deeper and running his hands down her arms, then moved them to her sides. He felt her body give an involuntary jerk as he moved them lower, and her eyes darted away from him as she flinched. "Shh," he murmured, resting his hands on her hips. His eyes locked onto hers. "I'm sor-" He cut her off with a kiss. "Don't say that. You don't need to," he said, pressing his body close to hers slowly, only as he felt no hesitation from her. She closed her eyes again. "I trust you, Eric, with every fiber of my being." Eric's mind replayed back to the last time she had said those words to him. At the time, he and Ryan had been bickering constantly, and Calleigh had seemed to always be playing mediator. And, to Eric, always seemed to jump to Ryan's defense. After Eric confronted her, Calleigh told him that he was the one she trusted with every fiber of her being. Now, Eric pulled her close. "You just have to say the word," he whispered. Calleigh quietly nodded, before Eric's hands went back to roaming as Calleigh's arms found their way around his neck.
Later, Eric closed his eyes as Calleigh snuggled close to him. He knew she trusted him, especially after tonight's passionate events. "I love you Calleigh." "I love you too Eric," she whispered. After several moments of silence, Calleigh felt the vibrations of a silent chuckle coming from Eric. "What's so funny after tonight?" she mumbled. He kissed the top of her head. "I definitely have that effect on women." Calleigh just shook her head. "Good night, Eric." "Good night love," he whispered, before they both drifted into sleep.
"Do you ever forget?" "I've known people who in a few years they can go back to living their lives normally..." "But what?" "I think it depends on the person. I know someone who... she remembers every night before she goes to bed. It's getting a little better after three years, but it's still there. She loves her husband, and wants to give him the things he occasionally wants, but when it comes down to that time, the pain emotionally is often too much." Jennifer rolled over to look at Calleigh. "This person wouldn't be you, would it?" "You're a smart girl Jen, and you can do anything you set your mind on. I've known people to give up after less than what you've already had to go through, and I promise that things don't get easier quickly. But you have more heart than a lot of people I know." "Calleigh, one more thing. I think... I think that the woman you were talking about should go home and try to talk to their husband and let them know how they still feel. And maybe then things will change for that woman. I think that woman needs to shed her tough shell, and let the soft part underneath be exposed for a while."
Calleigh woke abruptly, mind replaying the conversation again. "My tough outer shell..." she murmured. She had definitely done that tonight, not letting her fears and walls stand between her and Eric. Now that she was slowly learning to stop blaming herself, she found that the images in her mind seemed less powerful. For the first night in a long time, she had slept soundly without any issue. She sighed. "Oh Jen, I miss you," she whispered. Mind full of conflicting emotions over the night's events, she shut her eyes again to sleep.
So... not sure what exactly I was trying to portray with this chapter. Kinda went off in a few different points. I pretty much have Calleigh at a point where she's finally starting to really move on from the past, but, at the same time, the trauma she went through is still refusing to let go. Please note, I'm not a psychologist. ;) I'm mostly just writing it how I personally feel the story should go.