Chapter eleven: Distractions, distractions

January 2007

The absolute last semester pretty much figured itself out, because I couldn't for the love of me concentrate on anything. Angela gave up on me and kicked me out of most group meetings because I'd end up doodling on our circuit plans. Four days out of six I was allowed to be scatter brained, thank God, because I had classes only on two. Masen left me alone for the most bit, because I think he could tell that I had no idea what happens next, but when he didn't, I felt like he wanted me to become a part of him, and I suspect that isn't something you can do between watching YouTube videos and cooking dinner.

And if I thought kissing Masen would ever feel any less intense, I was wrong, because he never let me out of his sight and eventually we just stopped going out. When I had to work, his hands would be all over my legs because he'd volunteered to look over the bar and without Riley there, Victoria needed all the help she could find, so eventually he just got a semi-shift, if there exists such a thing. But we didn't want to be at the bar, not even when we had to, because Masen wasn't there four out of the five nights I had to be there, and even when we were there, we just wanted to be home. He quit just at the end of that month, but not without insisting that I quit, too. "There's so much we could be doing with some free time. And God knows we need it." He tells me as he drops me home, and I ponder on it. Later in the privacy of my apartment I realize I can't quit, not when there's some decent income for the time being, not when the recession's looming on all of IT, not when I desperately need that new laptop, to make sure the rent goes to where it should go while leaving me some extra cash to manage the rest of my expenses. How do I explain that to someone like Masen, though, someone who looks like money isn't really a problem, and probably never has been?

But all that doesn't concern me. I was happy, I really was. If not, I'd convinced myself I was because really, who wouldn't be with a guy like Masen in their life?

There was so much to do indoors now, without clothes, with just him, between my legs, on top of me, and I knew I would eventually lose my virginity to this man, and I would've never had it any other way.

And I'm so glad every other day that he mauled me in the men's restroom because really, my life would be so very incomplete without that one moment taking up every waking thought, because I think about it all the time, because it's how I know Masen has no words for what he feels for me.

"I'm originally from Chicago, but you know that."

I look up at him between scoops of ice cream in my mouth. "You told me that during dinner."

"I was adopted. You know this, too."

"No I do not. You never told me this." I drop my spoon into the bowl.

"You were drunk." He chuckles. "I remember telling you about Carlisle and Esme, too, but I'm not sure how much you registered. You probably don't remember."

I don't. I really don't. But it doesn't bother me, so I think I do. "You told me nothing happened that night."

He leans over me and kisses my nose. "Not that night, no. But two years later..."

I elbow him. Hard. "What else?"

"Well, my father was of some British aristocratic heritage, but I'm told it's a very distant connection. My mother was from Chicago, as well. They died in a car accident."

"Oh."

"Jasper and Rose are the Cullens' biological children. At six Carlisle found me.

"And... Alice is my twin."

This makes me leap. "What? Your twin?"

"We were adopted together. I didn't even know I had a twin till the system finally allowed that she be adopted by the Cullens when we turned nine. Invaded my room without my say so. Changed my life, she did. She knows me better than anyone. She remembered me as I was, and she's the only link between my biological parents and me." He looks at me emphatically. "And she adored you that night, at Larry's, that pest. Warned Jasper to keep it in his pants and everything."

My eyes bulge. "You... you liked me then?" I hadn't even guessed. "You were with that girl... what's her name?"

He doesn't tell me her name. He doesn't explain himself the way I hope he will. "I didn't care if I did, but Alice knew. She knows everything. It's a wonder how such a small person can keep so much to herself. She insisted I try with you, even if you don't feel the same way."

I remain silent. "What about Jasper and Rose?"

"Can't we chitchat later?" His hands roam until I groan, frustrated, and we don't talk for hours after that.

When I don't see Masen, I'm either on campus trying to finish my part of the project report, or desperately trying to pay attention to people who want drinks at Larry's. I run to James to tell him there's been a mix up and table eleven wants the chicken burger not the lamb, and that's when Victoria catches hold of me, right between the men's restroom and the kitchen exit.

"So, you and Masen?"

It doesn't occur to me that I could tell her off. For some reason, the first thing I do is succumb to her intimidation. Because, let's face it, Victoria is many things, and intimidating is one of them.

"I should warn you, he was with me two days before he decided he was done."

"Did he tell you that?"

Victoria shrugs, probably surprised that I could still use my voice. Quivering, I bring my legs together, reminding myself that she can't do anything but fire me. "Left me a voice message, but he did tell me. At least you won't be left hanging."

I guessed it was because Masen's messed around with a lot of girls that they decided they needed to take it out on me. The fact was that I'd never been in love, and this time I was falling fast, so I stand my ground and wonder what'll happen if I tell her I'm not interested in whatever she has to say about Masen. Of course, then I wonder how much of what she has to say has any ground to it, because I've seen Masen with girls, just not with any in the recent past. That's got to count for something.

And I realize that Victoria's got what she wanted.

"I don't know what you want from me."

"Nothing," she shrugs. "I guess I still want Masen, and I guess you know that by now. When he's done with you he'll come around here to find someone else. And I'll be here."

"Okay."

I move to walk out, but something about that irritates Victoria. "That's it?"

"Yeah." I sound sullen. I feel like shit. "I guess so."

February 2007

"Have you ever been in love?"

"Maybe." His eyes are wary, and it looks as if the L word has set off alarm bells. "What's up?"

I pick at the salad while deciding to cut to the point. "Victoria may have insinuated some things."

Without eating his salad, he puts his hand in mine, the setting sun falling in his eyes and face as he leans in and kisses my neck, then my lips. "Victoria is a possessive freak. I can't say I'm surprised. Quit."

"I can't. I'm used to some luxuries." I shrug.

"Like?"

"Well, I get to buy a laptop in a month if I keep this up. Just a month's salary left and I can quit."

The apartment grows eerily quiet. "You joined Larry's to buy a laptop?"

"I joined Larry's to keep myself occupied. The laptop is a bonus."

"Let me buy you one now."

I roll my eyes. "Even if that was an option, I'd be quite insulted if you felt I can't take care of myself."

"I know you can. I know you're more than capable." He pauses. "What about me taking care of you, though?"

It doesn't matter if he wants to take care of me, and if that makes my belly warm and happy, because I already know what to ask next. "Are we there?"

"Where?"

"At a place where we can talk about this?"

"You mean at my apartment, or at the men's bathroom in Larry's."

"It's washroom." Why do I correct him? My big mouth. "Not bathroom."

He sounds amused. I'm glad he sounds amused and not enraged, because I'd be angry if all he cared about was semantics. "You just never trust anything you can't control, do you?"

I want to smile, but it feels like an insult to give in that easily. "I don't want to control everything. I just don't like things uncertain."

"Well, can you stop acting like I'm going to get into your pants and run for Neptune the second I do."

I quietly focus on the salad in front of me, suddenly not so hungry, wondering why the room was so dark when I realize I haven't turned on a light. Moving to do so, I trample over the rug and then steady myself against Masen. When he doesn't let me go, I end up on his lap. I didn't realize the raging murmur that was coursing through my veins because as it dulled, right here, in Masen's arms, I realize how on edge I was.

"You don't have to act like you're okay with my past. I guess I see the point you were trying to make in La Vienna that night." His fingers trace my face, but I'm disgusted at how easily he's distracting me from the point.

"What did I say that night again?"

He smiles, and I feel it on my lips. "That I should be a real feminist."

"Like you are a real flirt?"

"Exactly like that."

Note: It has been sometime, and not because I didn't have this chapter, or the next fifteen chapters, even, ready a month ago. That's just how masters degrees work. You go back to study and then just fall off the grid. But thanks to Fran for relentlessly pursuing me and making sure I remember that even if I think this story is so so, other people probably don't think it is worth that judgment just yet, not when it hasn't even reached half point.

So, how has the new year treated you so far?

Thanks for reading! Do review! xo