Note: This one is very dark, in many ways. You have been warned.
Blood Ward
I'm sorry. I failed you.
After almost five months of planning and implementing new wards, we were finally ready for the last one, and this one had taken time. It was a blood ward, basically dark magic, tying all of us to that stone structure in the middle of the North Sea. We had been at it for nearly two weeks and today was the day we were going to implement it. It had been mentally and physically exhausting getting to this point, and it was no less exhausting draining our blood and doing the incantations.
At midnight every night since the last full moon, we had all put twelve drops of our blood into a vial. Twelve nights later, there were twelve full vials. And all twelve of us were out there out on the island, on a Saturday because of the timing. This was the strongest ward ever put on the prison, supposed to ward off dark and intrusive magic from within and outside. And it was like the Dementors knew, because all through these last weeks of preparation, they seemed to almost try to sabotage us in the way several of them were hovering near where we worked or floating after us through the prison. It was very unusual behaviour for them, and to be on the safe side, we called in a few Aurors and a couple of people from the Being Division to keep an eye on them during this ceremony. The strength it took to keep up the Patronus Shield was enormous on any ordinary day and we couldn't afford any slip-ups on this particular ward, it could kill us all.
At twelve carefully calculated points throughout the prison, we found ourselves. Each with their own vial of blood, their wand and a knife, facing the outer stone wall. At twelve past noon, it began, my vial hovering in front of me as I cast a spell, hearing the exact same words echoing around me. It seemed even the prisoners knew something was up, as they were all unusually quiet. The blood in the vial rose like a thin rope, divided itself in the middle and floated left and right until it connected with the next person's rope of blood, creating a red helix up through the prison. A new incantation echoed off the stone walls, wands drawing intricate patterns in the air. Our voices grew louder and louder with each repetition of the words, reaching a booming crescendo at the twelfth repetition.
I whipped my wand up towards the rope of blood, and it rose quickly through the levels, the helix melting into a whole circle at the top. It glowed an eerie red for a moment, and then it dropped like a waterfall, colouring the walls a deep red. Then I switched my wand for the knife, setting the sharp goblin-made-blade against the inside of my left hand. I glanced quickly at Walter, who stood at one of the three corners and saw he was ready. Then all as one, the twelve of us pulled the knives down. Pain shot through my hand, but before I let myself get distracted by it, I placed my bleeding palm on the wall in front of me. It was unnaturally warm to the touch and kind of soothing for the pain. The first incantation echoed around the prison now as we repeated it together. And as the last syllable ended, the red on the walls faded away and the stone cooled down.
It had taken three hours and the effort had drenched me in sweat. My hair was plastered to my head and my sweater clung to my back underneath my cloak. We had all managed to cast the spell and set the ward while keeping up our Patronus Shield. Everyone was just as exhausted as they packed up their things to go straight home. I had volunteered to file the paperwork on the wards at the Ministry and was gathering all the parchments when everyone left.
I was so exhausted, but I cast a spell to fit the rolls of parchments into my pocket. I could feel the Patronus Shield wavering a bit, so I focused harder on the happy memory and walked out the door to the brooms. Then I cast the usual charms to keep the wind and the rain away. But as the last spell took effect, I felt the Shield drop.
A chill that had nothing to do with the weather crept over me. It seeped into the very marrow of my bones, and fear clutched at my heart. I felt the Dementors gliding closer from every corner and level. They felt that my Shield was down, they knew I was finally an easy target for them to feed on.
I stood paralysed. I felt a literal block inside my mind at even thinking about casting a simple Lumos, there was no way I could erect the Patronus Shield again. There were spells in place to keep me from Apparating from here, not that I thought I could manage it. There were no means to call for help. Apart from the prisoners, I was the only human left there.
The rattling breaths came closer, I could hear it. Forcing through my petrified state, my arm reached out and took hold of my broom. Unable to throw my leg over it to mount, I just rolled onto it, trusting the magic in it would keep me from tumbling to the floor. If I could make it outside the wards where the Dementors couldn't affect me, maybe I could manage to Apparate to the Ministry.
They were getting close. A chance to get at one of those that had denied them any kind of feeling for so many years must be a great victory for them. I don't think anyone who had ever worked as an Azkaban Security Official had ever been a victim of the Dementors, accidental or otherwise.
The broom rose in the air and the motion nearly unseated me. I leaned forward and it accelerated, the Dementors picking up speed as well. Every inch forward felt like it took forever, and I leant as far as I could, urging the broom on but also because I didn't have the energy to sit upright. The edge of the wards was getting closer and the thought of it had adrenalin surging through me. Time sped up and I was close, closer...
A bony hand landed on my shoulder and I shrieked in panic. I whipped my head around and looked right into the face of a Dementor. The decayed, soulless face somehow triumphant. A lipless mouth open in a large hole, ready to get the thing it had always been denied.
This was it. I'm sorry, Albus, I thought. I failed you.
But then suddenly the hand disappeared, scratching through my cloak as I slipped away from it. The shock and pain made me and the broom drop several feet. Arms and legs clutching the stick of wood for dear life, I managed to balance it. I must have reached the end of the wards; they couldn't follow through it unless we let them.
An immense breath of relief left me and then everything was black.
"She's coming to," I heard a muffled voice say.
Gentle, but calloused hands began touching my face – feeling my forehead, checking my pulse, opening my eyelids. The short moment each eye was open, I saw Madam Pomfrey hovering over me. "She's not awake yet," the matron declared.
"But her eyes fluttered and she made a sound." Was that Tonks?
"Her vitals are good, but she isn't awake," Pomfrey repeated and I felt her retreat.
I was awake, I just couldn't open my eyes, they felt like they were glued together. I tried to speak. My mouth opened, but I couldn't get the words out, tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth it was so dry.
"There! See!" Tonks cried out and I felt her presence come closer, the surface I was on shift.
Madam Pomfrey leaned over again and I felt something moist in my throat. I opened and closed my mouth a few times to get rid of the sandpaper feeling. "I'm awake," I managed to croak out. "I just..." I fought hard with myself to open my eyes, it was like trying to tear a stone in half with my bare hands, and what felt like minutes – but was probably just seconds – later, I finally managed.
I blinked a few times, and Tonks and Pomfrey came into focus, both right next to my bed, the first looking relieved, the latter apprehensive.
"How do you feel?" Madam Pomfrey asked.
"Like I've been trampled by trolls," I said and Tonks chuckled nervously. "What happened? Where am I?"
"We're at headquarters," Tonks explained. "You crashed your broom into the Apparition station outside Azkaban. You never showed up at the Ministry, so I went back, and you were unconscious. I brought you here and sent for Madam Pomfrey, not sure it was safe for St. Mungo's to get involved. What happened before you crashed?"
"Don't answer anything yet," Pomfrey ordered. "You need to get some strength back into you. You've had a concussion and quite a few bumps and bruises, a dislocated shoulder among them. Here." She held out a goblet with water. Tonks gently helped me to sit up, packing pillows behind my back. My head spun from the effort, but as soon as Pomfrey poured the cold drink past my lips, the world righted itself. A few potions were held out in front of me as well, and I was ordered to drink them all. Each one made me feel more and more like my old self, even though my limbs were a bit stiff and slow.
There was a knock on the door and Tonks opened it. Kingsley was there, worry etched across his face. "You're awake. A few of us are waiting in the kitchen when you're ready."
"For what?" I asked.
"The condition Tonks found you in was most grave. As soon as she delivered you here, she sent me a message and I went to Azkaban to check, and what I saw was quite... interesting. I think we both need to tell our stories of the day's events."
I nodded gravely. "I'm ready." As gracefully as I could, I got out of bed to Madam Pomfrey's huffs, but she helped support me as I followed Kingsley out and down two flights of stairs into the kitchen. Not many were there, thankfully. Albus, Remus, Sirius, Mundungus and Hestia. Tonks and Kingsley found seats, and Albus straightened up as Madam Pomfrey guided me to a seat.
My old headmaster looked at me with concern behind his half-moon spectacles. I gave him a weak smile. "How are you feeling?"
"Sore and weak. Like I've been trampled by trolls." The familiar feeling of someone's eyes on me burned on my skin, but I refused to look at anyone else. I felt like I couldn't keep it together if I looked at those eyes now, and I hated that.
Albus nodded and reached over to squeeze my hand quickly. "Madam Pomfrey will see to it that you recover quickly. But first, we need to hear. I've already informed everyone that you were found unconscious after crashing into the Apparition centre at Azkaban. But that is all I've been told. What happened?"
"I'm sure you're all aware that we were setting up the final ward today. It's a blood ward, and it's really complicated. All of the wards are, but this one is the most intricate I've seen my entire life. I... I think I overspent myself. The others left, and I was going to file the paperwork at the Ministry before I went home. And when I went to get my broom, I..." My voice faltered. I had looked at Albus during this entire time, but now I found my eyes wandering, and as they passed Remus' face, I nearly lost it. Grinding my teeth and collecting myself, I managed to continue. "My Shield fell." It felt like I had failed at life by saying it, but I had to tell the truth. "They came after me, but I didn't have the strength to cast it again. I took off on my broom and could barely stay on it. One of them almost got me. It... Mouth open... But I reached the edge of the wards and it fell back." Subconsciously I lifted my left shoulder and felt something sting slightly.
"The Dementor's fingers scratched through her cloak and clothes," Madam Pomfrey explained. "I can't heal a dark wound like that. You'll have the scars, dear."
I nodded, I could live with a few scars, as long as I still had my soul. "That's all I remember," I finished, looking down at my hands in my lap. "Until I woke up here."
"I found her," Tonks said. "She never showed up at the Ministry, so I went back to check. She had crashed through the window and headfirst into a table there. She can't have laid there for long, but she was drenched and ice-cold from the rain blowing through the broken window."
"I must have fainted the moment I passed the wards," I muttered. I hated this, being the centre of attention, and for something like this, something I failed at... The fear I had felt being chased by a band of Dementors... No, I forced it down.
"I brought her here immediately and sent for Albus and Kingsley, and Albus sent for Madam Pomfrey."
"Her magic was spent," Albus explained. "Having worked on the ward all day, while keeping up the Patronus Shield. The Shield alone takes a tremendous amount of strength. Imagine a Patronus Charm, ten times over, for hours every day."
The room held a quiet awe and it made me feel more uncomfortable.
Madam Pomfrey hadn't told me about the magic. The idea that I had spent it all, was terrifying. If it had happened only seconds later, I wouldn't have been here. I would have been Kissed and then fallen soulless off my broom and drowned in the North Sea. Ice-cold fear gripped at my heart, and I looked up to catch Remus' eyes, but he wasn't drilling his gaze through me anymore. He was looking intently at Albus, who was explaining about depleted magic before Kingsley told everyone what he had seen at Azkaban. I should have paid attention, but I couldn't concentrate anymore.
"The next meeting stand as is. Good night, everyone." Albus ended the impromptu meeting and swept out of the room with a quick squeeze on my uninjured shoulder before I even knew what had happened.
Everyone else began climbing the stairs too, Madam Pomfrey hovering behind me. Up in the hall, Hestia, Kingsley and Mundungus gave me a "feel better" and then left. I moved to walk up to the room I woke up in to gather my things, but Madam Pomfrey stopped me.
"I would have liked to take you back to the Hospital Wing, but that might lead to questions we don't want asked. I want you to stay here overnight, so they can keep an eye on you and alert me immediately if your condition changes. But I don't expect it will."
"Of course," Remus said immediately. Sirius nodded next to him.
"I'll check in on all of them in the morning," Tonks said. "Can't trust these wizards to be good nurses." She winked at me, and I smiled weakly.
"You also need to take a week off work," Madam Pomfrey continued. "I can't in good conscience send you back until I'm sure your magic is fully restored. I'll come back at lunchtime tomorrow, and I want to see you here for another check up on Tuesday."
I just nodded, starting to feel antsy and anxious, needing to get some time alone to let all this sink in.
Madam Pomfrey left, and I said goodnight to Sirius, Tonks and Remus, finally catching the latter's eye. I saw concern there and the need to get away grew. I didn't want concern – I didn't deserve concern. I hurried as fast as I could up the stairs to the room that was now my home for the night.
The door closed behind me with a faint click and I finally had the chance to take in the decor. It was just as dark and dreary as the rest of the house. Dark green, dirty curtains pulled shut over the windows. Dark, worn furniture and the typical large canopy bed with winding, sneaking snakes carved into the four pillars.
I sat down on the bed, glanced at the potions Madam Pomfrey left for me on a tray on one of the bedside tables. One had the label Pepper-Up Potion, one said Dreamless Sleep and the last read Sleeping Draught. Dreamless Sleep might be needed tonight.
I saw my wand next to the potions. My magic is depleted? "Lumos." A barely-there wisp of light blossomed at the tip of it but was gone in less than a second. Even as the Dementors chased me, it hadn't made me feel as defenceless as I did now. You-know-who could come bursting through the door and I didn't even have enough magic to cast the Tickling Charm on him.
With disgust, I threw the wand onto the bedside table so hard it slid right off and clattered against the wall, then I crawled further onto the bed, sitting against the headboard and staring blindly at the intricate snakelike circles that adorned the wallpaper. An Azkaban Security Official who had nearly been Kissed by Dementors. What a failure. What shame. It was the most useless I had felt in my entire life. What good was I anymore.
I don't know how long I sat there, but it must have been well past midnight when I suddenly jumped off the bed, arranged the covers to make it look like I was sleeping there and hurried up to the third floor as quietly as I could, knocking gently on the fourth door on the left.
It swung open to reveal Remus still fully dressed. "Hi," he said and stepped aside to let me in. The moment the door closed behind me the need filled me. I ran over to him and he opened his arms just in time for me to crash my lips upon his and start ripping off his clothes. He kissed back with earnest, but when I reached his pants, he grabbed my hands and held them still as a shield between us. "Do you really want this now?"
I nodded.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"You're well enough for this?"
"Yes, dammit."
He looked me in the eyes for what seemed like forever and my patience was growing thin. But then he let my arms go and began tearing at my clothes too. The ache between my legs grew to new heights as our skin made contact, and I groaned when Remus pressed himself against me. He was growing harder by the second and I wanted to taste and touch him, but something deep inside me needed to fuck first, drive the fear out, empty my mind of all about my failure.
Almost as if he could read my mind, Remus grabbed my thighs and lifted me up. One simple movement and he was inside. I forced myself further down on him. He spun us around and we fell onto the bed, the impact of it pushing him so deep it hurt and the breath was knocked out of me. That's what I needed.
Before I could catch my breath, I urged him on by lightly kicking his butt with my feet, like urging on a horse. He started moving fast, the sound of smacking skin loud. But it wasn't enough for me.
I begged him to go harder. He quickened his pace, but it just wasn't enough, not this time. "Dammit! Make it hurt!" To emphasise my point, I buried my nails in his back and arched against him.
Remus looked down at me without losing his stride, as if checking if I was serious. In the back of my mind, I knew it was wrong, so, so very wrong. There were so many healthier ways to deal with my feelings, but I couldn't take any of them. I needed this pain as much as the pleasure, and the desperate hunger must have shown in my eyes because he stopped and pushed my thighs apart. Then he grabbed my hands and laid them on my knees. "Keep your legs outstretched," he said breathlessly. I had no idea where he was going with this, but I obeyed. And was greatly rewarded.
Remus laid his elbows near my waist and lifted his knees to get into a better position. Then he went off at a punishing pace, but body had no choice but to yield for him. It hurt, but in a good way. I mewled and he took it as a sign to keep going, faster and faster. I kept up a chorus of high-pitched moans. Somewhere in the back of my mind, behind the pain and the pleasure, I knew that Remus did this for my pleasure only and I was ever so grateful for it.
We stared into each other's eyes and it felt so intense, so all-consuming. It was almost too much. A drop of sweat rolled down his forehead, to his nose and landed on my neck. My climax was getting close.
It was violent, it was rough, the roughest I'd had in my life, driving all the demons out of me. And as I came – not able to separate the pain from the pleasure anymore – my demons left my soul for now. I became one with the mattress, arms and legs falling limply onto it, and barely noticed Remus take what he needed to reach his own end. When he groaned into my ear, satisfaction, peace and thankfulness replaced agitation, pain and failure in my mind.
Remus collapsed on top of me, the sweat from his body cooling mine. When he rolled off, I was finally coherent enough to remember how loud I had been. "Didn't silence the room."
"I did it before I opened the door."
"Good. Thanks."
"Had a feeling it might be needed, one way or the other."
We lay in silence for a while, getting our heart rhythms and breaths back to normal.
"Thank you," I mumbled finally, eyes on the ceiling.
"You're welcome." Silence filled the room again, but then Remus turned to his side and rose up on his elbow, looking down at me. I saw his eyes dart to the claw marks the Dementor had left on my shoulder and his arm twitched as if he wanted to touch it. But he looked up into my eyes instead. "I know you see this as an outlet for everything, but I can't take it that far again. I don't want to hurt you. The sex always good with you, but there are some things sex can't fix."
"I know," I mumbled. Remus was probably the only person who really knew how much fear I kept repressed all the time, and for that performance, he deserved the whole truth. But I wasn't sure I could give it to him. "I just felt... like a failure. I needed to feel something else."
"You needed me to punish you for failing."
I was struck dumb. He had summed up everything that had gone on in my brain since I gained consciousness. I wasn't sure how to reply, and he seemed to sense that too.
"As long as I don't have to do it again, I don't mind. I also hope you don't turn to anyone else for that kind of treatment. If you need to talk about it, if you need comfort, I'm here."
"Thank you." Something entirely different was about to bubble up inside me now, and I had to get out of there. I stood up and began gathering my clothes and holding them up for Remus so he could repair them before I put them on.
"You don't want to stay here tonight? You're already spending the night in the house, why not here with me?"
"Someone might come to check on me."
"Yeah, Tonks said she'd be back early in the morning. She seemed very worried. And reluctant to leave. I was worried too."
"I appreciate it." I didn't want to hear about him being worried, I had to get out of there. "See you in the morning, Remus."
"Until then."
To the anonymous reviewer: You inspired me to turn this chapter into so much more with your review. It wasn't going to be anything about the actual wards, but you inspired me to write it and I had a blast doing it!
All your reviews were lovely, and I love you so much!
Your other questions (some will be answered in later chapters, some I don't have the answer to yet, some you will get the answer to here):
- She definitely is able to see what really makes a monster, working in Azkaban, so she is open-minded about werewolves
- Yes, you will hear more about wards in the story :) This chapter in particular! And these blood wards will come up again most likely in chapter 15, along with a huge surprise!
- About her relationship with Harry and the younger crowd, I'm planning on exploring that a bit in 14 :)
- She is half-blood, but her family has been magical for generations now.
- If her being there will change the plot at all... In some ways, it will. Especially because of the whole Remus/Tonks thing. How much it will change in other ways, I'm not sure yet, as I'm not sure I want this story to go past Harry's fifth year. But we'll see :)
- "When Voldemort inevitably comes to free his imprisoned Death Eaters (...)" You'll love chapter 15 :) And you're giving me lots of good ideas with review on chapter 6 :)
- She won't have any wolfish tendencies, mostly because I think Greyback has embraced the wolf in a way that makes the human/animal side blur. Remus hasn't.
- I answered this in the note on the last chapter, another anon asked, but she does not have a name. I'm trying not to describe her appearance either, because I want the reader to picture her any way they like. It's sort of like the precursor to reader-inserts that is so popular today. I started the story like this long before I knew about reader-inserts and all the goddamn rules you have to follow so you don't insult anyone, so I kinda regret it now. But I don't want to go back and change it, so I'm keeping it like this, but in my own way.
- Her Patronus has not been revealed. Yet :)