Better Angels
Chapter 12
Reborn
Wednesday, 7 days since Shamshel
Shinji settled into the plug which protruded from the crippled form of Unit-00. The pool of LCL which bathed all but the head of the Eva concealed the hideous wounds which had been dealt to the creature in the last battle. Shinji just hoped that it was healed enough that there would not be any problems with synchronization.
Kraken-3 gently laid Rei in his arms, the heat radiating off of her quickly suffusing his own body. He was already sharing as much of her pain as he could, hoping that he could stave off whatever was cooking her alive in that prison. As the plug closed and LCL began to pour in he prayed that he was not too late.
He also prayed that his plan, hatched in a bout of desperation, would pay off.
"We're beginning the startup sequence," Ritsuko's voice came over the communicator, "Shinji… are you sure about this?"
Shinji looked over at the projected face of the woman, "You know what's in here with us Doctor, I think it might be able to stop whatever is happening to Rei. If not, she's going to die."
Ritsuko rubbed her forehead. Shinji just didn't understand exactly what he was getting himself into. He knew that a part of Rei was in the Eva, how he knew that was beyond her, but he surely did. The thing he did not know was that the pile of blood and flesh in his arms was completely expendable. If needed, Ritsuko could simply boot up another copy of Rei. It would take several days for the suddenly freed soul to find her way to the next vessel, but she would surely be replaced.
Shinji on the other hand was irreplaceable. Commander Ikari had not been informed of this little venture, the man was off base inspecting the reclamation and clean up effort of the recent Angel. If he knew that she was risking an integral part of his plan right now…
Ritsuko shook those thoughts away. She had the latitude and the access. She could always claim to have been simply interested in the data from a double plug synchronization as Rei Ayanami died.
"Doctor…" Maya hesitated, "Can you come check these harmonics?"
Ritsuko walked over to her assistant's terminal, her eyes widening as she studied the readouts.
"Is this accurate?!" She demanded harshly.
"Yes ma'm," Maya replied, "Let me overlay it for you."
With a few keystrokes, Maya integrated the synchronization waves of two pilots and the Eva. While the Eva was still coming to full power its waveform was sluggishly rising. What was of interest to the two scientists was the fact that Rei Ayanami and Shinji Akari were already perfectly synchronized with each other.
Ritsuko glanced at the internal camera of the plug. The two hospital gown clad teenagers had their eyes closed, a look of pain mirrored on each of their faces.
"Can we get a ratio from them?" Ritsuko asked quickly.
"Not at the moment Doctor Akagi," Maya replied, tapping on her terminal, "The best I can do is estimate based on this. If I had to guess, they're running at least a 70%, if not higher."
Ritsuko stared at the two pilots as light cascaded through the cockpit.
"Maybe it's the LCL…" Ritsuko pondered aloud, jotting notes on her tablet, "Record everything you can get Maya."
"Already doing so." Maya replied, giving Ritsuko a smile, "I knew you would want this."
Ritsuko nodded absently, moving back to her own terminal and typing furiously. Whatever was happening in that plug, she needed every last piece of it.
XXXXXX
Shinji floated in darkness, the cage of light and darkness hovering nearby. The brightness which had swelled from it had begun to turn inwards, and the heat focusing on Rei was beginning to make him feel like his own skin was blistering under the assault through tenuous connection he was managing with her. He was suddenly grateful for the cooling effect of the LCL re-circulators, which were keeping Rei from cooking herself alive under the influence of whatever was trying to kill her.
With suddenness which made him gasp, he felt the presence of Unit-00. It's questing tendrils reached towards him, sensing his presence. He felt its need to be complete, to be joined once again with a pilot and brought to life. He hesitated for a moment, then reached out to embrace the rush of emotions which roiled within the spirit of the Eva.
'I need your help' He whispered.
Willingness flowed through the link between him and the Eva. The image of a naked Rei flashed before him. He could feel her struggling against her own madness for his sake. He felt something creep through the bond. Something powerful, larger than life itself. That feeling terrified him as much as it gave the Eva the power to protect him from itself.
Turning away from that, he reached deeply into the power of the Eva. The presence of the giant was light, as bright as that of the cage which held his friend. He felt within her the power to crush mountains, or level valleys. Endless power which laid before his fingertips.
'I… need you to come through me' He thought, 'Rei is in trouble'
Confusion flowed through the bond. Unit-00 was Rei, the one who he held in his arms was… Rei?
'This is you,' He explained, bringing the memory of tearing into his mind and pushing it towards the Eva's spirit.
It shied away from the memory. Such pain had been the catalyst that had driven the creature mad, and it would not easily forget the experience. Nevertheless, Shinji began to feel a trickle of that indomitable light begin to seep into himself as it responded to his need.
"Synch ratio is spiking above 100%," someone called through the communicator, "Everything okay Shinji?"
Shinji ignored the voice and reached out to touch the cage, his other ethereal arm touching the spirit of the Eva. A line of power arced through him light a lightning bolt moving at a snail's pace, burning his soul wherever it touched. A scream of pain escaped the lips of flesh which inconveniently wanted to voice the agony searing through him.
'Keep going!' He whimpered as he felt Unit-00 drawing back, 'Please.'
A hesitation, then that bolt of lightning tore through him, touching the cage which held Rei captive. He/She felt the power of the cage, a thing forged from the soul of an Angel and a Lilim. Understanding from some ancestral memory flowed through Shinji/Rei's mind as they howled in fury, tearing at the prison which held their precious one captive.
REI!
The thundering roar echoed through the darkness, bringing light into a place where it was anathema. Flashes of the world beyond flesh lit the area. Figures pulled away from that cry and everyone within several dozen yards of Eva staggered as a physical and spiritual storm swept out from Unit-00.
Ritsuko Akagi, recovering more quickly than the rest of the staff, hammered down on the emergency eject sequencer. Whatever was going on had to stop now, she was certain the Unit-00's AT field had just sprung to life. By some miracle they were not all rendered into base elements, but another such blast might be the end for her and everyone within the control center. Her eyes widened in amazement as the system reported a catastrophic failure. All the clamps hold the plug in place had been released, but the Eva itself was rejecting the command.
"Cut the power!" She yelled, "Get that thing offline before it kills all of us!"
Shinji/Rei felt the sudden severing of the source of life which sustained him/her. Deep reserves hummed to life, but their time was limited now.
Rei
Something cried from within the prison. Shinji separated himself from the bond long enough to punch a hand of darkness deep into the portion of the cage formed by darkness. Rather than try to force his way through, he let himself slide into that darkness. A flood of fear, confusion, and pain flowed through his already tormented spirit.
'As one!' He cried out.
Unit-00 arced through him again, racing across the bridge between him and Rei Ayanami. With a shudder that sent the void trembling, the connection between Eva and Rei was forged, using the soul of Shinji as a portal.
Duality settled over the young man. He was both inside and outside the shell. The power of light and darkness swirled through him, pumping itself through the small breach of Rei's prison. The cage began to distort as matchless light and endless darkness poured into it.
CRACK!
The cage blasted apart, waves of power sweeping past the three connected souls in a torrent. The being of light sheltered the two creatures of darkness, drawing them closer to her. Shinji felt her need, the need to be whole, sweeping through him.
'Not this way…' He gasped, 'Please, not this way.'
The Eva ignored him. It was so close to being one with itself again, all it had to do was strip the spark of light from one of the small dark creatures. That spark which would finally complete it. The fleshly spirit of Rei Ayanami struggled, but her efforts were as naught before the power of the juggernaut upon which they rode.
Thinking quickly, Shinji reached out to both of them, drawing a line between them. The being of light paused briefly, watching as Shinji quickly found the ragged ends of the small dark soul that dwelt within that light. Gently as a lover, Shinji drew the ragged portion of his Rei through himself to meet that severed darkness. The two torn parts met, and recognizing each other, began to draw together.
The smaller part was constrained, held to the being of light by bonds which Shinji could not understand or break. As he struggled, he felt his Rei start to slip through him towards the Eva.
'No!' He cried out again, causing the powerhouse to pause again.
Thinking quickly, Shinji took a part of himself, a part of Rei, and a part of the being of light. Preparing for the pain, he rent off a small part of his own soul with a blade of light. The agony was excruciating, but no more than what he had already endured today. Quick slashes of the light he still wielded severed portions from the other two beings who reached through him towards each other.
Using his own soul as the outline, he forged a simulacrum of the Rei which was now almost a part of him. It was an incomplete, almost dumb thing, but it resonated with the presence of the three spirits which were joined as one.
Carefully, he broke the simulacrum in an exact replica of the damage which had been done to Rei's own spirit. He sent the half of Rei he knew best, the girl who felt nothing and was ruled by both logic and duty, into the creature of light. The part which had raged through him twice now, that mad half which felt too much with not control whatsoever, flowed through to the Rei Ayanami who dwelt in the flesh.
The two simulacra hummed as they attached themselves to the two broken souls, each pulsing in time with the half that was the 'real' soul of Rei. It was incomplete, a slapdash job which would have embarrassed Shinji if anyone but the three of them had seen it. It was also the best he could do without being caught up in a tug of war with a being whose power far eclipsed his own.
The being of light regarded itself for a moment, then morphed into an image of Rei, a smile gracing her lips. She reached out tentatively, running a hand across his cheek, then faded as the power to the Eva finally ran dry. An echo of that terrifying thing within the Eva washed across him, easing him back into his own body, the final act of a friend before sleep.
Shinji opened his eyes. The red light of the plug's emergency lights showed him that the Rei in his arms was aware, her eyes boring deep holes into his head with the intensity of her look. A look which was filled with more than simple apathy.
"Hello Rei Ayanami," Shinji gasped out, "My name is Shinji Ikari, it's nice to meet you at last."
In reply, Rei threw her arms around the boy and pulled him into a fierce hug.
The plug technician, his tablet hooked up to the internal backup camera, quietly pretended to run several more diagnostics, humming softly as he granted the two another few moments of privacy and happiness before they had to face the world once again. In his opinion, if anyone deserved it, it was those kids.
XXXXXX
Shinji leaned his head against the wall of the shower stall as warm water cascaded across his body. The built up filth of almost a week spent in bed, with only sponge baths to clean him, was slowly being stripped away by the cascade. He had started off with freezing cold water to counteract the fire he still felt burning inside of him, but the desire for something to loosen his eternally taut muscles won out after a time.
As he stood beneath the rain of warmth he tried to compartmentalize the various aches and pains which had begun to make themselves known. When he had first entered the shower he had unconsciously started doing everything with his left hand, his brain informing him that his right was unavailable to perform any of the tasks to which it might be put. He had to glance twice at the limb before his eyes even acknowledged that anything below the wrist was there.
Though discomforting, that was the least of the problems drifting across his mind. Occasionally sharp, stabbing pains would shoot up his right forearm, the pain dulling quickly before marching up another five centimeters or so. Shinji shuddered as he remembered pulverizing Unit-00's stump against the core of the Angel. The madness which had taken him then had probably been the only thing that allowed him to keep up the assault.
Raising the limb to gaze at it as random muscles twitched, he failed to notice that somebody had entered the room before they spoke.
"Psychosomatic feedback syndrome," A familiar voice said, "One of the many side-effects of piloting an Eva."
Shinji whipped his head around, spotting the form of Doctor Akagi over the tile partition of the shower stall he was in.
"D-doctor!" He yelped, ducking low, "This is the men's locker room!"
Ritsuko Akagi waved a dismissive hand, "We've been through this song and dance before Shinji. I can't even see anything."
Shinji peeked his head over the partition again, glowering at the woman.
"Something you wanted?" He asked.
Ritsuko tapped a finger on her chin before speaking, "How did you know?"
Shinji decided to play dumb, "Know what?"
"First, how did you know that the OS of Unit-00 was a partition of the soul of Rei Ayanami?" She asked, raising her fingers as the list went on, "Second, how did you know that a double synchronization experiment would fix whatever happened to her. Third, how on earth did you synchronize with the girl before the Eva even came online?"
Shinji's glower deepened to a scowl, "All you have to do is look at the combat footage from my plug to know how it is that I know exactly what is inside that thing!"
"Did she talk to you?" Ritsuko asked, her tablet rising to take notes.
"She bled her pain all over me!" Shinji snarled, "You and your endless notes. Your scientific curiosity. Do you ever pause to think that you might be brutalizing someone before you press one of your shiny little buttons?"
Ritsuko raised an eyebrow at him, "3,546,235,000."
"What?" He asked, taken aback by her answer.
"Give or take a couple hundred thousand, that is the current census of the world population. That is the number of people who will die if I don't do what I have to do." Ritsuko explained, "So ask me again if I consider the side effects of what I do."
"How about one?" Shinji asked, "Have you ever stopped to consider what your actions might have on one?"
Ritsuko took a moment to push a lock of hair over her ear before replying.
"Honestly Shinji, no I don't." She replied flatly, "If I had stopped to consider one, dozens, hundreds, or even thousands before now, we would probably all be dead."
"A million deaths is a statistic then?" Shinji shot back, "But not even one death is a tragedy to you?"
"If it helps, your life is statistically significant."
The stool which shared the shower stall with Shinji went flying through the air, cracking as slammed into the tile of the wall opposite Shinji. His nakedness forgotten, Shinji stalked over to the doctor. He grabbed the front of her powder blue top, one of the buttons popping off under the strain as he pulled the doctor to him. Shinji rested a hand curled into a claw against the side of her face and he drunk in the sudden fear which flitted through her eyes. Fear, and something else, something darker.
"You want to know how statistically significant my life is?!" He roared in her face, spittle flecking the woman's face, "You think that you can hide behind a shield of indifference to the world?! You think that you can justify the agony that you bring to the me and the people I love?!"
Slipping into darkness, Shinji slammed a spiritual hand onto the presence of Doctor Akagi. The woman was so startled by the sensation that any defense she might have mustered faltered.
"Maybe it's time you felt what we feel." He muttered coldly.
In that moment, Shinji mustered everything. Almost a dozen years of abuse, of loneliness and pain which had characterized his life in the waking world. He reached deep for the memory of the pain which had flowed through Rei Ayanami. More and more piled up in his soul, tormenting him even as he shoved the sensations through the link between them.
Ritsuko had tried to scream, but the pain had come too sudden as she was exhaling. Instead, her mouth opened, trying in vain to push air that was no longer present out of her chest. Her eyes bulged out of her skull as every last drop of agony which had touched him coursed through her frame.
In moments it was over. Shinji shuddered along with Ritsuko, each leaning on the other after the ordeal. In pushing what he felt on the woman, Shinji had been forced to experience the same again as it flowed from him to her. They both sunk to the floor gracelessly, managing to keep themselves from harm only through sheer instinct.
Minutes passed away before Ritsuko finally spoke.
"Where the hell did you grow up?" She asked finally.
"With a man whose job was to break me." He replied simply, "After you know what's happening, it's a little easier to resist."
Ritsuko was quiet again, then turned her head to look at the young man laying beside her.
"This doesn't change anything," She announced, "Either between us, or about my work."
Shinji turned his head to meet her eyes, "Doesn't it?"
Ritsuko looked into those blue eyes. She had thought to find the blaze of anger in them once again, or maybe the bitterness of hatred. Instead, all she saw was compassion. Not pity, but pure, uncomplicated, understanding of the cold logic that drove her to do what she must. Ritsuko Akagi felt something inside her, something long withered and dead, stir with the echo of life.
Long moments later, almost an eternity to the blond on the floor, Shinji released her from his spell as he dragged himself up. He drew on a drab NERV uniform which had been provided for him before walking out, leaving the doctor on the floor still contemplating what had just happened to her. Though his feet shuffled slightly as he left, his back seemed a little straighter than when she had first seen him that day.
XXXXXX
Shinji spent most of the rest of the day waiting while Rei was closeted with Ritsuko, at least when the blond finally reappeared, a new set of clothes adorning her body. The woman avoided his gaze more than normal as she walked Rei into her lab. Shinji simply sat opposite the door, a borrowed tablet giving him all the reading material he needed.
Almost done with his voracious consumption of credible sources of post-second-impact history, Shinji turned his attention to energy storage. Scholastic articles on the subject had exploded ever since the beginning of Project E as funding from state agencies all over poured into grants covering the subject. There was one article written pre-impact which spoke of something called an S2 engine.
The article itself was short, not because what had been written was not extensive, but because it had been abbreviated to almost nothing by the black lines of redaction. More interesting was the name listed as the primary author, T. Katsuragi. When Shinji looked for more articles by the man he found that most of those had been redacted as well. More and more curious.
Leaving that lead for the moment, Shinji went back to more conventional storage devices. He recognized some older papers discussing what he figured was the current iteration of the batteries which resided in the Evas right now.
Before he could contemplate the sudden halt in progress on the thing which had almost gotten him killed last week, Shinji heard the door opposite him open. Rei stepped out of the lab, her own NERV uniform slightly baggy in spots and… less so in others. Shinji realized he had been staring when a flush quickly suffused his cheeks.
Strangely enough, Rei's own cheeks flushed in response when she realized where he had been looking. Both remained silent for a long moment before Rei cleared her throat, then stepped up to stand before him.
"Shinji, I…" She began, unable to complete her thought.
Shinji shook his head, standing to meet her, "I'm sorry."
Rei regarded him for a moment, then shook her head, "No Shinji, I am afraid I am the one who must apologize. If I had not been so weak, I never would have accepted the pact with that… creature."
Shinji raised a hand to forestall further speech, "No Rei. I was so wrapped up in my own problems, in things that I had no control over. I felt how much dread was in you, and I did nothing."
Rei raised her own hand, taking his in hers and bringing them down, "I am the master of my own fate Shinji Ikari. At least, I am now, thanks to you. You cannot take the blame for actions I take of my own volition."
Shinji quirked an eyebrow. Because of him?
"I don't understand." He said.
Rei shook her head, "Not now, maybe not ever. But you need to know this. I would face the man who called himself Light again and walk through the fury of that heat a dozen times over to take hold of what you have granted me with your power."
Shinji gulped slightly at the look in the girl's eyes, "Rei, I can't do anything unless you reach back. Nothing I do is one sided."
"Yet you were the only one who reached out to me," She replied, "You, who shoulder so much pain and sorrow, took the time to reach out to another who was hurting as much as you."
She forestalled his reply with a finger to the lips, "Don't deny me, I have seen past the barriers that you wall yourself up behind. Glimpses only, but more than enough to know. Just as I cannot hide myself from you, you also cannot hide yourself from me."
Shinji felt the intensity of her gaze and could not refute her words. Instead, he took her other hand and clasped hers between his own, returning her look with his own earnest gaze.
"Rei," he began, then took a breath, centering himself, "I don't know where we are going, and I only have a vague notion of the things we will have to walk through to get there."
Closing his eyes for a moment, he opened them again to find her waiting patiently, attentive as she waited for him to finish. Shinji thought of an old man who had been his only friend for years.
"Whether you have to stand against a storm or pull a mountain behind you," He repeated, hearing the words of his Nii-san echo within him, "I promise you that no matter what comes, I will be there beside you. No matter the darkness that rises against us, we will meet it. Together."
Rei's eyes welled with tears as his own vision blurred, and she embraced him for the second time that day. Tears dampened Shinji's shirt and Rei's blue hair, but neither seemed to notice. A promise had been given, and both had found something that had been missing. Shinji would always love his Nii-san, and he would mourn him for the rest of his life, but the hole in his heart where the man had once dwelt now had a new occupant. For the first time in weeks, Shinji felt whole again.
XXXXXX
Shinji and Rei sat in the back of the Section Two vehicle, Sergey rambling in the driver's seat while Kasumi scowled at anybody who even glanced towards the black sedan. Shinji would have paid better attention, but Rei had chosen to take the middle seat, and was pressed against him firmly. Sergey seemed all too aware of this and kept his chatter inane on purpose. He also knew that Kasumi hated wasted words.
"Do you ever shut up?" Kasumi growled, not looking at her current partner.
"Do you ever take that stick out of your butt?" He retorted, "I believe in good posture myself, but that thing has got to be uncomfortable."
Kasumi snarled something incomprehensible and Sergey laughed, clearly having understood what she said.
"Think of the children Kasumi-chan!" He chortled, "Besides, I am driving."
"When they are safe at home…" She threatened.
"Please Kasumi-chan," Sergey teased, "They do not need to hear about the fires of passion which burn deep within you."
Kasumi's cheeks grew hot and she brushed a finger longingly against her service weapon. Instead of drawing it, she decided to turn her attention to her charge.
"Could you two save it until you're in private at least?" Kasumi asked.
Shinji reflexively tried to pull away from Rei, only to find himself already pinned against the door of the vehicle. Rei fixed the back of Kasumi's head with her impassive stare, refusing to budge.
"Uh, Rei," Shinji ventured, "I'm having trouble breathing."
Rei relented slightly, but kept that unnerving look fixed on Shinji's lead bodyguard. The woman remained stolid for most of the ride home, only shivering once, slightly. It might have just been a shake to keep herself awake, Shinji wasn't sure.
Bidding their protectors farewell, Shinji and Rei took the elevator together up to their floor, Rei once again standing uncomfortably close to Shinji while they were confined in the box. Shinji was too flabbergasted to say anything, and Rei, accustomed to silence, did not deign to break it.
When they finally reached Rei's apartment she calmly opened the door and gestured for him to enter.
"I uh…" He demurred, "I had better not."
Rei tilted her head, "Have I offended you?"
"No, ah, it's just…" Shinji paused, "You've been awfully close the whole way home… very close."
Rei considered that for a moment. He could practically see her rolling it around in her head.
"Is it… unacceptable for me to touch you?" She asked, her voice troubled.
"N-no!" Shinji replied.
"I like to be near you Shinji," She explained, stepping close, "Evidence suggests that you are not opposed to it either, but if you wish I will keep my distance."
Shinji shook his head, "It's not that. I like being close to you too Rei, but I'm not used to being touched so much by someone… real."
Rei carefully weighed that in her mind, "I see. You enjoy the act of being close, but you also enjoy your own space."
Shinji thought about it, then responded, "I, I think so. I wouldn't mind being close to you Rei, but maybe not all the time?"
Rei nodded in acceptance, "Very well, I will consider this further. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me."
She stepped back and waited. Shinji found himself waiting too, the awkwardness of the situation enhanced by the sudden distance which Rei had placed between them.
"W-would you like to come over for dinner?" Shinji stammered, "I usually make enough for leftovers the day after. I can even make something vegetarian."
"I would like that," Rei replied, "My nutritional supplements have steadily become less satisfying, and my skills in the kitchen have not been trained."
Rei kept an uncomfortably precise distance between them as Shinji led her to his house. He hoped that this particular habit would fade with time as she got used to having emotions again. Shinji understood the need to be close, but he was also worried that she might be… fixating on him. Like a baby duckling.
Thoughts of ducklings fled as Shinji opened the door to see Pen-pen making his way to the bathroom, a towel draped across his shoulders. The penguin warked at him, then noticing Rei, tilted his head slightly before continuing on his way.
"That is a penguin." Rei noted.
"Yeah, that's Pen-pen," Shinji replied, "I think he might blame me for the sudden lack of alcohol in the house."
"You give your penguin alcohol?" Rei asked, surprise tinging her voice.
Shinji laughed, "Pen-pen gives himself a couple beers every day. Well, he did until Misato got rid of it all."
"Why?" Rei asked, following Shinji into the small kitchen.
Shinji gestured to the couch, "Make yourself comfortable."
"I would rather watch," Rei said, "As I have said, I am not trained in the culinary arts, and I believe that I will need this particular skill if I am to begin producing confections for myself."
Shinji felt slightly uncomfortable at that, but shrugged anyway, "Sure thing, can you pass me the leek in the fridge?"
Rei complied. Shinji grew more comfortable as time passed. Rei was an excellent observer, keeping her mouth shut most of the time, only breaking in with questions when something confused her. The girl had keen observational skills and Shinji was more than a little impressed when she copied his knife technique exactly when he offered her a chance to try.
"Sergey-san has taught me knife work," She explained, stepping back, "Although his teachings were less… refined."
Shinji nodded at that, "How do you like Sergey?"
"I was ordered to spend time with him to learn to protect myself from physical danger," Rei replied, "My lessons ended after he was ordered to keep a professional distance."
Shinji's fingers gripped the knife tightly for a moment before he made himself relax. A comforting hand rested on his shoulder.
"The past is past Shinji," Rei said, "You promised me the future, not my history."
"It wasn't right." Shinji ground out.
"There are many things you do not understand," Rei replied, "And there are many things in this world which are unfair. Your attempt at empathy is laudable, but wholly misplaced in my case. There will never be a point in your life where you will fully comprehend who… No, what I was before I met you."
"You were still in pain." Shinji replied, setting down the knife, "And not just physical pain either."
"A paralyzed woman does not feel her frozen limbs," Rei explained, "She will see damage done to them, and may be horrified by it, but it will always be disconnected from her as a sensation. I hurt for a very long time, but it was pain viewed from a distance. It was no less damaging because of that distance, but the way I feel about my past is… different from how you feel about yours."
Shinji closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Settling his emotions was all the more difficult because of the truth which Rei had injected into her words. Anything beyond physical pain had probably been as dull to her as it was traumatizing to the soul within Unit-00. Still present, but muted.
He realized that Rei was doing more than trying to alleviate his misplaced guilt. She was trying to leave that behind her. In a way, the Rei that stood before him was a very different person than the girl whom he had first met upon arriving in Tokyo-3. There were many things he saw that were still the same, but it was as if a paper veneer had been torn from her figure, exposing someone much deeper than the two-dimensional doll who had been recuperating in the same hospital ward as him.
This new Rei was exploring and filling out the person who she had never had the opportunity to be. She would always have her personal history with her, regardless of whether or not he focused on it. It would shape who she chose to become, both the good and the bad of it. If he wasted all of his time dwelling on her past, he would lose the opportunity to try and build something better. He needed to stop crying over a broken vase.
"Okay," Shinji breathed out, "I'll do everything I can to make your future better than your past."
"Our future," Rei corrected, "You promised."
Shinji turned to face her, meeting her eyes and smiling at her, "I did."
He held up a hand and Rei responded by twining her fingers through his, locking their hands together.
"Never alone." Their voices echoed through the darkness.
For a brief moment, though none besides the two would notice, the world grew just a little brighter.
A/N: Good morning fair readers,
This chapter marks the close of "act 1" of Better Angels. This arc has been very Rei-centric, and for good reason. This chapter was one of the pivotal scenes which first inspired me to write this fic, everything up to here has been in the service of making it to this point. I hope you have been enjoying making this journey with me, and will join me for this interim period before the beginning of "act 2," whose pivotal character I am sure you can figure out on your own.
As always, stay strong my friends, I wish you luck in all of your endeavors.
-Seratar