Bijin: Alright, next chapter. Umm... I'll do review responses for the past two chapters since I posted the two of them the same day.

Catwarrior: Yeah, things got a little crazy there. And Sheena still doubting him? Poor Lloyd. XD

bentlyandtalesofsymphoniafan: Yeah... stuff is pretty much screwed up. I mean... now they have no way of turning D-K around. XD But what happens is for you to read. Hope your questions about Lloyd have started to be answered. And I'm glad you like the fight scenes. They took awhile to plan out, but I am pretty pleased with them.

lloyd-forever: Huh... Lloyd rugby-tackling the planet away... Ouch, man... that would hurt. I mean... not to mention his impact would have no affect on the movement of the planet at all. So it would simply just bowl the poor dude over. ... Eeeeewww... Lloyd nu!

Maxmagnus20019: Thanks. Hopefully I can keep the quality up here.

So... yeah... chapter twelve time.

Chapter 12: Reeling Desperation

Lloyd darted out of the hole spotting nearby the entire group waving to him from where Regal and Presea had brought and parked all of the rheairds. He headed over to them looking around. Kratos waved him over. "Come on and sit on the back. We're short two rheairds since you flew here and Presea's is... um... in pieces."

"Told you that gun was destructive," Lloyd retorted unenthusiastically, hopping onto the back of Kratos' rheaird. Presea sat on the back of Regal's and the group took off away from the headquarters. Lloyd stared at it until it dissolved into a ball of fire. Carlan... you never were all that set on betraying me, were you...? But... discrimination ran deeper than your ties with me did. He scrubbed at his eyes quickly, staying silent as the group headed to land several miles east.

Raine sighed as she slipped off her rheaird, looking up at the darkening sky. "I can't believe this... that cannon was the only chance we had of stopping Derris-Kharlan. And we already know that there aren't any cannons in production that can help us."

Zelos sighed. "So... what's our next move?" There was silence. He rolled his eyes. "I dunno about you guys, but I'm not all that interested in blowing up, so what do we do now?"

Presea stood. "Actually... I think I may have an idea." She dug into her pocket and produced a large golden feather about the length of her forearm. "Maybe we could use this."

"Is that one of Aska's feathers?" Genis inquired, pointing at it.

Sheena shook her head. "It's not one of his. Aska's feathers are more red than gold."

Raine leapt to her feet. "I know what that is!" She paused as if for effect. "That's a Phoenix feather!"

Colette blue eyes sparkled. "Really? Wow!"

Presea nodded. "We saw it fly overhead while you guys were inside. We picked this up a little bit after while we were moving the rheairds."

"Phoenix feathers are said to be extremely powerful. Perhaps we could find something to do with it if we researched a little," Raine suggested.

"Well, stuff like that is bound to be either in the Sybak Library... or even the Royal Family Archives. If anywhere it'll be one of those places," Zelos informed them.

"So, we'll set off tomorrow," Regal announced. "We need to care for everyone's injuries." He added, glancing to Lloyd, who seemed lost in his own mind. Colette approached as the group began to unload the rheairds.

"Lloyd... are you alright?" she inquired quietly.

Lloyd looked up and nodded. "I'll be fine."

Colette didn't believe a word, but she gingerly grabbed his wrist and pulled him to his feet. "Come on... you're covered in blood. We need to get you cleaned up."

Lloyd gave no protest, sitting down and pulling his shirt up and over his head. Colette winced. He was covered in blood and bruises. Genis came and sat down, Lloyd paying no attention to either of them as they worked. Genis cast a water spell, gently maneuvering the water back and forth across his torso and arms to wash away the blood. Colette still felt sick to her stomach at the look of his chest. A small focused bruise was right at the junction of his ribs, turning red and looking like it had bled a small bit.

The end of the Bo suddenly planted into the small soft spot directly between Lloyd's ribs.

Another longer bruise sat at the junction between neck and the right shoulder, and that shoulder sat slightly higher than the other one, meaning the muscles had tightened dangerously.

This gave Carlan time to duck his head and swing his Bo downward from its current position, landing the tip of it at the junction of Lloyd's neck and shoulder.

His forearms were not only bruised badly, but whatever had hit had broken the skin leaving long gashes, and she was pretty sure at least one of them was broken.

"You should've followed up!" Carlan scolded loudly, swinging his Bo downward at Lloyd's head. Lloyd crossed his arms and caught the Bo's decent.

Blood dribbled down his face, originating from a bloodied bruise on his hairline.

He charged his head foreword, slamming it into Lloyd's and drawing blood.

A large messy blob of a bruise was set on his abs already reddish brown.

A fist planted in Lloyd's gut and he went flying backward, landing on his back and staring up at Magar.

A final elongated bruise sat all along his breastbone, an ugly brownish shade.

Magar realized what Lloyd had been doing and took off at him, slamming his shoulder into his chest before the chant was complete.

Colette sighed and pulled a small bottle of ointment from her bag, squirting some onto her finger and gently spreading it across Lloyd's damaged chest. Raine approached soon after and took a look at his forearms, taking the right one in her hand and feeling along the length of it, watching his face for a wince. There was the tiniest of expressions changes in his face and she sighed. "I can tell that the right one is fractured. This is going to feel a little weird, Lloyd."

Lloyd didn't respond as she moved her staff over his arm, mending the bone immediately. Lloyd grunted slightly, but showed no other signs of pain.

Colette sighed. All these wounds... and his expression... I was right... that man... Carlan... it was him who changed Lloyd into this. He hurt him so badly... I want to ask him, but... I've never seen Lloyd's eyes like this before.

Once the treatment was done, Lloyd stood and headed away. "I'm going to go wash up," he declared quietly. Kratos looked to Raine, and found her looking back at him. He nodded and followed.

Kratos sat himself down on the beach, pulling his scabbard from his belt and laying it next to him. Lloyd emerged from the water soon after, blood-free. He sat down nearby and sighed. "I'm not all that convincing, am I?"

Kratos chuckled. "Well, not anymore, you're not." He sighed. "But acting like you were a monster... acting so fiercely against us... to push us away so you wouldn't be hurt again... isn't that hurting you more?"

Lloyd looked down and was quiet for a long time before he spoke. "I met Carlan shortly after I started working with Heaven. He was simply another operative, but he was different somehow. He always had a smile on his face, no matter what. It turns out he had been from a human village like me. But when it was discovered as a half-elf, they chased his family out, a lot like Raine and Genis. But rather than just chase them, the village members killed his parents, and his younger brother. Magar found him soon after that. Magar was looking for recruits for Heaven when he came across this half-alive child. Carlan was only about ten at the time, so Magar kind of raised him.

"He and I were close in age, so we had a lot in common. Both of us had developed hatred for the other races, but at the time, I didn't know he wanted an age of lifeless beings so badly. He was one of the two people that fed information to me about exsphere locations. Garr was the other one, but I never got along with Garr as well as with Carlan. Carlan was simply a nicer person to be around. He taught me how to hide what I was feeling... and for a time, I was able to stop myself from hating people so much. But as time wore on, the hatred grew and I found that acting like it wasn't there didn't work for very long. I admired him since he's been hiding things like this his entire life, and he still smiles.

"Carlan and I started hanging out outside of our duties as Heaven operatives. We went to cafes and had coffee together a lot. We would just sit... and talk... kind of. Eventually we ran out of things to talk about, but we still hung out. Maybe it was because... we were alike in so many ways. He even saved my life one time. A group of angel hunters had cornered me after a two-day chase. I was unable to fly and I had a pretty bad wound in my side. Suddenly Carlan appeared and fought them off." Lloyd sighed. "I soon found myself thinking of him as my brother. As if we were family. One day... Garr was scheduled to meet me near Hima, but when he showed up, he had an entire team of half-elves with him. They didn't look like Desians at the time, but I suppose they probably were. They all attacked. The fight lasted for a full day and dragged into Krimari. That was how that all happened. I thought that was just Garr at first. Garr always was a bit boorish and never really liked me at all. But then... the next week... Carlan got a hold of me and told me to meet him near Luin, and he would explain things. That was where he attacked me. It dragged a small part of Luin into the fight, but it didn't last long. Neither of us really hurt each other, just gave each other warning injuries. That was the only time he ever attacked me... but... when he did, I felt like my stomach had been ripped out... like... something like that couldn't possibly happen again. And then... once I met you guys again... I was so terrified... I'm ashamed to say it, but I was so scared... afraid that the same thing would happen. I know it had no basis... but... I couldn't think of anything to prevent that than to keep you from getting close in the first place."

"And that made it worse..." Kratos suggested.

Lloyd looked down. "I felt worse and worse as time went on. Those things I told Garr about hating the races... that was completely true, but... I said it then so that you all would hear it. But after I said it, I felt like a complete and total idiot. I couldn't stand myself. I wasn't just hurting myself anymore... I was hurting you all as well. And I had no idea how to stop it."

Kratos gave a heavy sigh. "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" Lloyd glared at him. "I mean... pretending that you hate us to push us away? I have to admit that it's effective, but..." He sighed, shaking his head and leaving his thought incomplete.

Lloyd looked down. "I suppose... there was another reason for acting like that..." Kratos glanced down. "Well... I knew I had changed since you last saw me, but to be honest... I didn't know how much I had changed. It's hard to keep track of those kinds of things yourself, you know...? But... I knew the hate I felt was new. I knew I didn't have this hate in me when we went on the journey of World Regeneration. Even though I didn't have any hate for you all, I knew you would think me a hypocrite... or a monster. I was afraid you would reject the new Lloyd just as everyone else had. So... I figured it would be less painful if you hated a mask I put on. The idea of you accepting me never really crossed my mind since I was so disgusted with myself. I didn't think of dawning a mask you might find acceptable."

Kratos chuckled weakly. "Anyway... are you ready to stop all this nonsense?" Lloyd looked down. "I mean... you probably have changed... I'll accept the fact that you aren't quite the Lloyd we knew three years ago... however, you are still Lloyd. Lloyd is Lloyd and no one is going to keep him from being Lloyd, ne?"

Lloyd sighed and nodded. "Thanks, Dad."

"Seems we've ditched the first-name crap," Kratos laughed.

Lloyd blushed faintly. "Sorry... about this morning, I mean... um... I was kinda struggling to find stuff to use. You weren't pushing me away, so I was just using anything I could to get you to back off."

"That sounds pleasant," Kratos muttered. "But don't worry about it. I knew that was over when you pulled Magar off me." He rubbed his back. "Those people sure know their pressure points. That really hurt. I've never had someone force my wings out before."

Lloyd shrugged. "I didn't know there was one for your wings."

Kratos nodded. "Apparently there is. When he pressed it, I felt all the mana usually used in my wings just explode. It hurt, but it also sent my wings out." He paused. "Lloyd... there's something I've been wondering about." Lloyd looked up at him. "There was something you said back there... something you said to Magar that... well... it kinda worries me." He looked down at him. "You told him that you only have a little bit of humanity left... and that it was retreating. What were you talking about?"

Lloyd fell quiet again, rubbing his left hand where his exsphere was seated. "This device..." he muttered, pointing to the metallic device that wrapped around his hand. "I told you that it focused the power of my exsphere...?"

"You lied, didn't you?"

Lloyd nodded. "That's what they told me it was when I first got it. They told me it would help on my journeys. But it's actually an Exsphere enhancer. It doesn't focus the power, but enhances the speed at which it evolves into a Cruxis Crystal." Kratos' eyes went wide.

"You mean you're...?"

Lloyd nodded. "Yeah... slowly, the exsphere has been feeding on my human blood. I only have about a quarter of human blood in me now. The rest is all angel." He shrugged. "I don't really think in all honesty it's a bad thing. After all... you lost all your blood to your Cruxis Crystal too, right?" Kratos said nothing. "But... the fact that it's being done... against my will... it makes me feel like I'm being turned into some kind of monster."

"Is that why it's been... exploding like that?"

Lloyd nodded. "Yeah. The energy from my human blood is being absorbed into the exsphere at an unnatural rate. The speed at which it is being consumed causes it to overload and the blood it consumes is being released as energy as it evolves."

Kratos stared down at it. "Well... can't you take it off?"

Lloyd shook his head. "No... Carlan explained things to me earlier today... This thing has been absorbing my human blood and gaining energy over the past few years. If I want to take it off... it'll probably kill me. Normally, a removed exsphere wouldn't be a problem when it has a key crest on it... but with this... it's absorbed so much of my human blood as energy... releasing the thing that keeps that energy in will also release all that energy. Nearly two and a half years worth of it."

"And considering it's you... whose wings prove you have more mana potential than most people alive... that would be some explosion," Kratos muttered.

Lloyd nodded. "Once it drains away all of my human blood... I'll be able to take it off. The circulation will be complete... it'll be a pure Cruxis Crystal... and I'll be a pure angel."

Kratos chuckled, looking down. "Then... I suppose we'll be together forever huh?"

Lloyd raised an eyebrow at the odd statement. "Huh?"

"Considering no one really knows how long an angel can live... the two of us will be stuck together for a while..." Kratos shrugged.

Lloyd paused, but then smiled. "Yeah... but... when you put it that way... this device seems to actually doing us a favor." He glanced at it. "It'll keep you from being alone for the rest of your life, ne?"

Kratos sighed and mussed his son's hair. "You have a simple mind for how old you are."

"What's wrong with that?"

Kratos waved his hands. "Nothing... nothing at all."

Lloyd sighed, leaning back on his hands and staring up at the night sky. "Dad...?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

"Oh shut up."

For the first time in years, Lloyd's pure laughter was heard nearby.

"So... we're back in Sybak. Looking at books..." Zelos droned boredly. "Can someone please tell me what the hell we're looking for?"

Raine held a finger to her lips. "Zelos! Shhh!" she hissed.

Regal sighed. "We're looking for any mixture that includes a Phoenix Feather and can fire a beam." He dropped a few more books onto the table and took a seat next to the bored redhead.

"Hey... I was thinking... remember when the Giant Kharlan Tree went out of control and we had to fire a mana cannon at it?" Presea inquired. She looked to Sheena. "Do you think you would fire another cannon using the Summon Spirits to push it away?"

Sheena paused, as the idea seemed to spark some interest, though Raine, Kratos, Genis, and Sheena shook their heads. Sheena spoke. "No, that wouldn't work at all."

"Why not?" Zelos requested.

"Well... mana cannons are a bit different from other magitechnology. They actually... do very little work. A mana cannon in essence is... a focusing mechanism," Sheena began.

"Focusing mechanism?" Lloyd repeated.

Kratos nodded and picked up the thought. "See... an ample supply of mana isn't enough to make a mana cannon. You need something to focus your mana into a beam. The mana cannons created by magitechnology act as a focusing mechanism to sculpt the mana into the form of a beam. Without the focusing mechanism, all you have is a cloud of mana."

Lloyd leaned foreword. "But wait... I saw Sheena fire a mana cannon at those trees when we were in Derris-Kharlan. That time when Kratos saved all of you?"

Sheena shrugged. "I told you it was my version of it. At that time, I used my soul as the focusing mechanism. But my soul can only handle sculpting so much mana. That beam you saw me shoot was as big as it can possibly be."

Lloyd's forehead hit the table. "Fate is really not on our side."

"Hey! I think I found something!" Colette suddenly cried, holding up a book. The group jumped and looked to her as Colette handed the large item over to Raine.

"This is interesting... a rather mythological standpoint, but it has some merit. A Phoenix feather... a Linkite Nut Flute... and the power of a summon spirit. And if we use all of the summon spirits including Maxwell and Origin... it should multiply the power by about ten... right?"

Kratos leaned over her shoulder and shook his head. "Nah... That won't work."

"Why not?"

Kratos pointed at a small figure in the bottom corner. "It says that the output is only about ten thousand mana units per square foot."

"Yeah, but we have ten."

Kratos shrugged. "That still only brings it up to about 100 thousand mana units per square foot. In order to stop Derris-Kharlan, we'll need at the bare minimum about ten million."

Sheena sighed. "All the Summon Spirits together wouldn't be able to produce that much. This is hopeless..." She sighed, setting her forehead on the table.

Lloyd rolled his eyes. "You're giving up too easily..." He muttered, not looking at her. He was currently perusing through an old leather-bound text. "Think about it... that formula you just mentioned... with the Phoenix Feather... it used a song as the focusing mechanism and used the Phoenix Feather as a medium to gather the necessary mana to fire, correct?"

Raine blinked, then looked at the text again. "Yeah. It says that the Phoenix Feather was used to pull mana from the summoning spirit and channel it into the song played with the Linkite Nut Flute."

Lloyd still didn't look up. "Meaning there is a natural way to do this. Think about it... the fact that Heaven was able to fire that beam proves that the concept of shooting mana into outer space is possible. Not to mention there are natural items we can use to produce the same affect. The only question is... what are they?"

"Well... if a Phoenix Feather can draw out enough mana to fire a beam of 100 thousand mana units... how much could the entire Phoenix draw out?" Raine muttered quietly.

"The only problem is, you're drawing mana from the summon spirits themselves. They only have so much mana. In other words, weather or not the Phoenix itself can draw out more mana than that isn't the question. The only mana it has access to is that of the summon spirits," Zelos muttered. "Meaning even if we found the Phoenix, we might not be able to do it."

"Not necessarily..." Genis spoke up. He looked up from his book. "Phoenixes are creatures that ride on mana flows. They are far too large to actually fly since even though their bones are hollow, their slightly diminished wingspan isn't enough to keep them airborne. So... not only do they use their wings to glide, but they glide on currents of mana. That's why Phoenixes hadn't been seen before the Tree of Worlds was reborn. There was never enough mana in the air for them to keep adrift."

"So what does that mean?" Regal inquired calmly.

"It means that Phoenixes have more control over mana around them than we've been giving them credit for. They can absorb the mana in the air in addition to the mana of the summon spirits. And considering the only source of mana that Heaven used was mana from the air... if we can find a Phoenix... we should be able to get more then enough mana to destroy Derris-Kharlan."

There was silence at the table. The option of finding a Phoenix seemed rather absurd, but at this point, it seemed like they had come to the end of the road and the only thing left to do was jump out and hope something caught them. Lloyd suddenly stood as he became aware of the happenings around them. It seemed... they were the only ones in the library. He glanced to the doorway where several people were gathered, pointing upward and chattering in nervously hushed tones.

"Hey... what's going on?" He pointed at the commotion.

Genis stood as well and put a hand to Lloyd's chest. "You should wait here."

Lloyd blinked, but nodded and sat back down while the group headed over to the door, stood in place for a few moments, then returned to the table. Lloyd stood again. "What's going on?"

Genis looked down. "The sky has turned violet."

Lloyd's eyes widened. "Meaning... Derris-Kharlan is close enough for us to see it."

Kratos nodded, looking toward the doorway. "Luckily this change in sky color has happened before. People aren't as panicked as they would be if this were the first time. But they are still worried. Last time things turned out fine and only a few people actually know what went on. So no one is going to incite any panic like last time."

Lloyd looked down. "Yeah... but this still ties our hands..."

"What do you mean...?" Presea looked over at him.

"Now that we can see it... Derris-Kharlan is far too close to destroy... the Neo World will be caught up in the explosion. We now have no choice but to simply reverse its orbit."

To be continued...

Bijin: I just keep on screwing these people over, don't I? Sorry about that. XD Well... more problems are on the way! I definately wanted my fic to one where fate didn't roll things out onto a platter for them like it does in some cases. I think I'm doing an okay job so far... Hope you're enjoying it!

Next Chapter: Origin's Suggestion