As the fire burned for Roy, Jessie tossed in a needle and thread, something the men did not understand but didn't care to ask questions about.
They stood in silence until the fire died then proceeded to make their way through the forest and to their camp where they would rest before proceeding on with the next tasks of the day.
"Have you decided?" Will asked coming up behind her as she carefully placed her mask and cloak down beside a tree.
"Please don't ask me that."
"Have you?" Jessie nodded. "I'm not going to like the answer am I?"
"Will-" She started but he turned away from her and made his way down the hill towards the fire pit. "Will." She called after him but he did not respond or turn back towards her, he kept going.
She had to go. If not now then she would never leave, she felt too strong of a bond with the men already.
It was hard to think that they had lost Roy and now they would be loosing her as well but she didn't think that there was any other way around it.
Annie and Seth would be going to a midwife, Marian was going to see to it and Jessie was going to travel with them, and once she got as far as she could she would make her own path.
As Jessie headed back towards the camp she assumed that Will had already told them the news of her departure because they kept their eyes down and their lips tight to keep from trying to convince her to stay.
As the night drew on, none of the men spoke to her about it, and as morning came she did not receive any words either from the men as they settled Annie's things into the back of the cart.
Jessie remained off to the side as Annie made her thank you's to the men but was cut short by Marian urging her to go.
"One thing." Will said. "We uh." He held up a sack and handed it to Annie not sure what to say in the situation, then suddenly all the attention was on her, she was masked again, the same way she had first met them.
"I love you all." She was sure her voice was muffled behind the mask but was also sure that they knew what she was saying. "I'm going to miss you, all of you."
"Don't forget about us." Robin teased and she smiled. There wasn't much more to say, in fact there wasn't much more she could say without breaking down in front of them.
Jessie climbed onto the back of the cart taking a seat at the edge, legs dangling as the cart leaped forwards and started to take off down the road. She watched the men, she watched Marian take
her horse in the other direction and made the mistake of looking into each of the men's eyes as the cart grew further away.
"Shit." she muttered. The cart had only travelled a few yards from them when she reached for her small parcel of belongings and jumped off the back of the cart.
Neither Annie, the man or the horse noticed.
Shouldering her bag she began to make her way back towards the group. She removed her mask and sucked in a large gulp of fresh air.
The men were smiling as she approached them. "What?" she asked shoving her bag at Allan to carry. "Did you actually think I was leaving?"
The men let out hearty laughs and pulled her into a large group hug. "So you just can't stay away from us." John stated as they walked back to camp together.
"That. And Gisbourne has my sword. I need it back." It was then as she looked at the men she noticed that not all of them were smiling. Will was still looking as scornful as he had when she said she was leaving, and Jessie stopped in her tracks grasping onto Will's arm to stop him as well, "What?"
Will took in a deep breath refusing to look at her. "Why are you staying? You changed your mind so quickly are you sure you're not going to change it again?"
"Excuse me?" She didn't like the tone in his voice, he was accusing her of something.
"You leaving is not only a hard choice for you Jessie. You're part of us now and you choosing to leave is just as hard on us as it is on you. You can't just toy with our emotions like that.
Leaving, staying, leaving staying-"
"Stop it!" She snapped at him. "I am sorry if my choice made you upset but I am not doing it just to upset you Will. I thought it was what I wanted but. . . . actually leaving you all. . . seeing you standing there as I travelled even an inch further away was too hard! Look at me!" She snapped again earning a pain and anger filled gaze from Will. "I am not going to change my mind
Will. This is where I need to be." That wasn't enough for Will though.
Jessie admitting that she was going to leave, although a choice that he understood had hurt him, and he wasn't convinced that she wouldn't bring that pain back upon him again.
He liked her, she was a friend, and he wanted her around but he couldn't deal with her making that choice over and over again. "Why? Why do you need to be here? How do I know that a month down the road you aren't going to choose to leave again?"
Jessie moved forwards, although a few inches shorter than Will she still and a dominating stance on him as she looked into his eyes. "Because Standing there, about to lose my life, Noose around my neck, bound, helpless, I didn't feel a thing Will. Then I saw Roy, his death erupted something within me, a feeling that I don't think I have ever felt before. Sympathy, compassion, I don't know what it was but whatever it was it's foreign to me."
He challenged her again. "But didn't you say that all feelings are foreign to you?'
"Yes but, I knew what betrayal felt like, I knew that it wasn't the first time, it just felt like it. This was different, like I was actually feeling remorse for the first time in my life." Will softened a little, his stance relaxed and listened to what she was telling him. "I need to be here Will. I want to know who I am but after today I'm starting to think that who I was, is someone who I never want to meet."
She was being honest, he knew that and he immediately felt terrible for being so harsh on her. "You think-"
"I don't think I'm a good person Will. Here, in this forest, I am a good person, out there I don't know what I am, and I don't want to end up losing myself again." There was so much pain in her voice, so much terror in her eyes that Will reacted without thinking and pulled her into his arms.
The embrace was tender, comforting and friendly, like a mother holding her hurt child, but there was something that felt so right about it as well.
Will felt it as well, though he wasn't as confused about it as she was. He was young, male and living in a forest surrounded by men for quite some time. Jessie was like a wounded dove when she first arrived but now she was a beautiful and courageous woman who he has happened to have seen naked.
Because of this he liked the embrace for more than one reason, thankfully his head was on straight and he knew exactly why he liked it. One reason being because he wanted to comfort her and was doing so by hugging her, and the second reason was because he was a red blooded young man who had never hugged another woman other than his own mother.
"You're a good person Will Scarlett." She mumbled into his chest before pulling away from his body.
"So are you, Jessie. I can't speak for who you were, but I do know who you are, and I don't think you should go chasing your old self if you like who you are now."
"It'll come back to me, I know it will, but this is my life now, and this is where I want to be when it all comes back."
Will didn't say anything about how her memory may never come back, he kept that to himself because he knew fully well that she knew it too.