Edward paused a moment, looking intently at the burning wreck, still holding me tightly in his arms, then turned away and ran once again, not stopping until all I could see of the plane was a distant plume of black smoke rising into the air. I stared at it, feeling dizzy.

"Breathe, Bella," Edward said. I nodded, but didn't really take in his words. "Bella." He gently turned my face toward him. "Breathe, love."

I drew in air, gasping at first, then slowing down. The dizziness passed, but now I felt nauseous. I started struggling to get down from his arms. "Edward, let me go. I'm going to be sick." He set me gently on my feet, unwrapping the airline blankets quickly. I staggered a few yards away from him and fell to my knees, retching. It was over in a few seconds. I threw dirt and leaves over the vomit, and turned to find Edward offering me a bottle of drinking water. I rinsed my mouth, then took a few gulps, and felt a little more stable. I started to get to my feet, and he took my hand and helped me up. He seemed to study me closely. "I'm all right," I told him.

"Are you sure? Do you have any back or neck pain? Joint pain?"

"No, no." The landing had been surprisingly gentle. "I'm just kind of..." I gestured helplessly in the direction of the drifting smoke.

"I understand."

"You're sure there were no survivors? Alice might have been wrong. Maybe..."

He shook his head. "I stopped a moment before leaving the area. There were no discernible thoughts, not even the faint ones that come from someone unconscious, and no heartbeats. I'm afraid they all died on impact." I nodded again. "You should sit down." He led me to a fallen log, spread one of the blankets over it, and urged me onto it. I sank down gratefully.

"I'm going to phone Carlisle," he said, taking out his cell. "They'll be waiting to hear from us."

"Okay."

He remained close, watching me, as he hit a key. "Carlisle? Yes, Bella is all right, thank God; but the plane went down just as Alice saw. No other survivors." He listened briefly. "I picked her up and jumped from an exit door at the last moment," he explained into the phone. Another pause to listen. "No, I left those in the overhead luggage compartment. The plane went up in flames anyway. I don't think there will be any gaps. Alice should know before long, either way." I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but didn't want to interrupt. "She's in a state of shock, but coming around quickly," he went on. Then, after a much longer pause, "No, you're right. You should both be there to take calls. I'll stay nearby until they arrive. Thank you, Carlisle." He snapped the phone shut and turned back to me, sitting down beside me on the tree trunk.

I tried to sort through the questions in my mind. "Who's arriving?"

"Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett. Carlisle and Esme are staying in Alaska. We assume they will be receiving phone calls shortly, about the crash."

There was some significance to this that I wasn't quite grasping, but at least I was clear on who was coming. "Where are we?"

"It's a small provincial park in north-eastern British Columbia. We're about forty miles from the crash site."

"Okay." I thought again. "Will they be able to find us?"

"Yes."

"Why are they coming here?"

"To accompany us home. That is, back to Alaska."

"Okay." I looked up at him. "Sorry, I don't seem to be thinking very clearly."

"That's quite understandable. You don't have to think about it right now, Bella. You're safe; we'll get you back to the house, and when you feel up to it, we'll talk. For now, don't worry."

"All right." He handed me the bottled water again, along with some peanut butter cookies wrapped in cellophane. "Did you swipe these from the plane?"

"I did." I set the cookies aside, but he picked up the package and handed it to me again. "You should try to eat them, Bella. A little sugar will help with the shock."

"Right. I remember." He'd had to monitor me for signs of shock before. I slowly ate the cookies, and drank the water. I started feeling much better. "That helped, I think."

"Good." He put an arm around me, and I leaned against him, grateful that he was there; glad that I was alive to be there with him; horrified by the deaths of that plane full of people. Tears started to slide down my cheeks, and he gently dried them. "All those people!" I sobbed. I wept for what seemed like a long time.

The others arrived in just over two hours. Alice immediately ran up and hugged me. "I'm so glad you're all right!"

"Thanks, Alice." I hugged her back as hard as I could.

"Close call," Emmett said, giving me a squeeze around the shoulders. "Quick thinking, little brother."

"I'm glad you're safe," Rosalie said, "but Edward was right: Bella's some kind of magnet for danger. Honestly, what are the chances of a plane crashing and leaving no survivors? One in several million, at least? But Bella beat the odds." I shrugged apologetically, and she laughed. "I wasn't blaming you, Bella. It's just uncanny, that's all."

"So what's the plan?" Emmett asked. "Run back directly?"

"That seems best," Jasper said. "Bella will need food and shelter before long, and neither of you can be seen going into a hotel." I considered asking why not, but decided to stick with Edward's proposed plan of not thinking about it for now.

"I don't know that she's up to riding on my back at the moment," Edward said. "Can we run a little more slowly, so I can carry her?"

Everyone assented. Alice had brought along a knitted cap, explaining that it would keep the wind from whistling in my ears as we travelled. Rosalie rolled up the two blankets and tucked them under her arm, and Edward took me up and cradled me in his arms again. "We're going to run through woods and parkland as much as possible," he explained, "in order to stay out of sight. If you need to stop for any reason, just say the word. Otherwise, we'll run all the way to the house in Denali."

I agreed, and they all started to run, darting like lightning through the trees. I remembered to close my eyes. After an hour or so, I asked Edward for a rest stop. They ran through a park close to a campground and pointed me to a public washroom beside a hiking trail. "Don't let yourself be seen by anyone," Edward warned.

"Why?"

"Because you were thought to be killed in the plane crash," he explained patiently. "Your picture might appear on the news. It would be a problem if you were seen alive and well a hundred miles away."

"Oh. Sure." I took a human minute, washed my hands and face, and straightened my hair as best I could with my fingers. I stretched out my arms and legs as I walked back to the others.

"Take a few minutes to walk, Bella," Edward said. "You must be a little stiff." I walked along beside them for five minutes or so, until I had loosened up.

"Okay. We can go on. But Edward, I can ride on your back if it's easier. I'm fine now."

"If you're sure." I nodded, and he gently swung me up, waiting until I had my arms and legs wrapped around him before starting off. I looked around, seeing the other four moving along beside him at the same astonishing speed, showing no sign of making any effort. I hid my face against Edward's shoulder; that always made the speed easier to take. I took only two more short breaks before we reached the house in Alaska.

Tanya came to greet us at the door. "Edward, Bella! I didn't expect to see you again this soon," she said wryly. "Are you all right, little cousin?"

"I'm fine."

"She's just a little shook up," Emmett said.

"Of course." Esme took my hand. "You feel cold, dear."

"Facing a rushing wind for three hours can have that effect," Rosalie said.

"Come on, Bella," Tanya said. "You need a hot shower."

I was taken to one of the upstairs bathrooms. I stood under the spray until my muscles relaxed and I felt warm again. When I stepped out, Edward was waiting there. He handed me a towel. "Irina brought you some clean clothes. She's the closest to your size." I dried myself and put on the jeans and pale blue polo shirt left for me. "We're talking over the situation," Edward told me. "We'd like you to join us, if you feel up to it."

We went downstairs, where both families were gathered, talking quietly. Edward and I sat down together. "We're just trying to clarify our plans," Carlisle explained. "The crash has been reported since some thirty minutes after it occurred. They've been withholding names of the deceased until their next of kin have been notified."

"Oh!" I said, "How could I not think of it before? I have to contact my parents, let them know I'm okay!"

There was a heavy silence. I noticed several of them exchange looks. Emmett gazed uneasily at the ceiling. "What did I say?" I asked meekly.

Edward finally spoke. "Bella, love, you have to understand that you can't contact your parents, not any more. And we certainly can't let them know that you're alive."

"You and Edward are known to have boarded that plane, Bella," Carlisle said. "Multiple security scans confirm it. There is no plausible way you both could have escaped alive."

"But my mom, and Charlie, they'll..."

"Yes. Your father has already telephoned us. He was hoping there might have been some mistake, that you'd missed your flight. We had to tell him that you and Edward had taken the flight, and had been killed in the crash. He said he was going to telephone your mother and let her know, assuming she hasn't already been contacted by the authorities."

I shook my head, horrified. "They must be..."

"Your father seemed very distraught," Carlisle admitted, "as is only natural. I'm terribly sorry, Bella, but we have to let your parents believe the official story."

I was shaking my head, unable to accept this plan, but at a loss to know how I could dispute it.

"Sorry if I'm being callous," Rosalie put in, "but Bella, didn't you plan on doing this before long anyway?" I looked at her in surprise. "Not a plane crash, that is; but having your family think you'd died or disappeared? You'd have to do it anyway, before you were changed, right? This accident just took care of it for you."

Her words shocked me a little, not because they were callous, but because they made me realize that I'd been hiding this from myself. I'd swept it under the rug, assuming that the Cullens would come up with a way to change me and have me cut off all human ties, without hurting any of the people I loved. Obviously, that was ridiculous. I realized now how silly and thoughtless I'd been. "Rosalie is right, of course," I said. "If the plane hadn't crashed, I would have had to pretend to die some other way in the next few weeks, or else disappear, which would probably be worse for my parents. Of course, I know I can't tell them I'm alive."

Several cold hands patted me, rubbed my back soothingly. "I know it must be hard, knowing they're grieving for you," Esme said. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"No, I'm sorry. I've been in denial, I guess. I put off thinking about it, figuring you'd all come up with some perfect solution that would let me vanish without upsetting anyone. It wasn't possible. I don't know what I was thinking."

I was stroked and patted further. "I'm afraid the days to come will be hard on you, Bella," Carlisle said. "The plane crash will be in the news frequently. Your parents will have to hold a funeral for you and mourn your loss. We will probably join them." He looked around the table.

"I think it would be expected," Esme agreed. "Since Forks was the last place we lived, I suppose we should hold Edward's funeral there as well."

"That seems reasonable."

"I think," Edward said, "that it might be helpful to have a joint funeral and joint burial. It would save Charlie trouble and worry, not to mention expense. I assume I have ample life insurance to cover any funeral costs - or can produce some on short notice?"

"Sure, I'll take care of it," Emmett said.

"Thank you," I said. "Charlie kind of goes to pieces when it comes to arranging things like that. It would be a big help if you could take it out of his hands."

"We'll be very glad to do that," Esme assured me.

It was finally agreed that the entire family, minus their deceased newlyweds, would return to Forks and arrange a funeral and a burial plot for the unfortunate couple. It was a little strange that I wasn't as worried about my mom. She would be more heartbroken than I could bear to think about, but she would cry, grieve, and let it out, and finally get over it. Charlie would hold it all in and brood for months on end. I was relieved that he had Sue now; she would help him through it better than anyone could.

"After the funeral," Carlisle said, "I think Esme and I should stay on for at least a few days. We'd be expected to sort through belongings and take care of loose ends - and we could be on hand for Charlie, if he needed help of any kind. The others should probably go on ahead to New Hampshire."

"What should Edward and I do?" I asked. "I don't suppose we come with you to Forks."

"Not unless you want to do a Tom Sawyer," Kate said, "and attend your own funerals."

"I definitely don't. But where are we supposed to be?"

"You and Edward are thought to be dead," Eleazar said, "so you will have to remain in hiding, at least from anyone who might remember you."

"Our property in New Hampshire is fairly isolated," Esme said.

"If I might make a suggestion," Eleazar began. Carlisle nodded. "We have a large house in an extremely secluded location. Would this not be the ideal place for Bella to go through her transformation, and her newborn period?"

Tanya clapped her hands excitedly. "Yes, it would be perfect! Bella would have two families to help her when she is new, rather than just one. The human population here is sparse, and the hunting excellent."

"That is very kind of you," Carlisle said.

"Not at all," Tanya told him.

Carlisle looked around. "Any thoughts?"

"It does seem like a great place for a newborn vampire," Emmett agreed. "A lot harder to get into real trouble."

Jasper nodded thoughtfully. "One problem, of course, is that we already have commitments in New Hampshire."

"True," Edward said. "Normally we could cancel those and move on, but this time, we have contacts from Washington who may take notice of our movements."

Carlisle nodded. "Yes. They'd find it odd if all four of our children simultaneously withdrew from college, while I resigned my hospital position at the same time, and we all either disappeared or moved inexplicably to Alaska."

"Too bad you didn't apply to the University of Alaska instead," I commented, ducking my head as I realized it was a pointless digression. Alice gave me a smile.

"Well, consider it," Tanya said. "It's good to have options."

"We will," Carlisle told her. "Thank you, Tanya."

Two more phone calls came from Charlie. I could only hear Carlisle's end of the conversation, but it still broke my heart. The next day, the six officially living Cullens and all their Alaskan cousins took a plane from Anchorage to Seattle and drove to Forks to help arrange a double funeral.

Alice described it to me after they came back. "They had a lovely funeral in the same church where you were married, and Rev. Hughes gave a beautiful eulogy; and your graves are side by side under a willow tree, with simple granite headstones." Empty graves, I understood, since there was nothing left of the plane's passengers but ashes.

"But how were my parents doing?"

"Well, your mother was crying quite a bit, and Charlie was a little out of it; they let Carlisle and Esme take care of all the arrangements. Charlie's friend Sue seemed to know how to help him."

"Yeah, I'm glad she's there for him."

"Your mother's husband is good for her, too." I nodded.

"Some of your father's friends from the Quileute reserve attended," Esme added as she passed through the room.

"Oh, yes," Alice said. "They seemed very angry with us. I suppose they knew what was going on, or thought they did. And all your friends from school were there, too."

News reports continued to trickle in concerning the crash. An airport administrator was taking heat for persistently lax safety precautions, and would probably be fired.

All the Cullens returned to Alaska for the time being, and Edward and I were given a room in the guest house. I didn't realize at first that they were waiting for me to express a preference: would I be changed here, or at the new Cullen house in New Hampshire? But I wasn't in any condition to decide.

I was in a bad way for a while after the funeral. My thoughts kept bouncing around like pinballs in a machine, running into things and veering away from them. I couldn't stand the way I'd caused my parents so much grief. How could I have done this to them? I did it, I answered myself, because I was selfish. I wanted to be with Edward, and didn't care who I hurt in the process. I felt unbearably guilty.

Both families were aware that I was despondent and agitated, and that made me feel even more guilty, so I did everything I could to appear normal and unconcerned. My thoughts circled around and around in a gloomy spiral, day after day. Edward was kind and loving and solicitous; and since I appeared to want only to be alone with my thoughts, he let me be. I felt terrible that I was making him feel so bad, and so useless. I couldn't find a way to tell him how I felt without hurting his feelings, so I made every effort to appear normal for him, too. I knew he would be finding a way to blame himself for all this. There was very little real conversation between us, and no physical affection at all.

About ten days after the funeral, at the end of another long day of hating myself and making polite non-conversation and acting like everything was perfectly fine, Jasper approached me and asked if he could speak with me. The request was so formal and serious, I assumed it was something vital. He indicated a chair near the fireplace, and took a seat across from me. "I'll ask you, first, to hear me out. Some of what I say may be unpleasant, but this is for the good of the family."

"All right," I answered cautiously. I could see the others tuning in from various parts of the house.

"Your grief is understandable. Given the way you tend to feel responsible for the happiness of others, so is your guilt. I can very literally say that I know how you feel," he smiled faintly, "and your feelings are natural. But it has to stop." I blinked, slightly surprised by his directness. Everyone had been walking on eggs around me since the plane crash.

"Edward would like to help you through this, but he's somewhat at a loss. He can't bear to be responsible for your pain, however indirectly. He blames himself for putting you through this, and that leaves him paralyzed with guilt, feeling unfit to do anything but step aside in the face of your unhappiness." He gave me a wry smile. "You two are a little too similar in some ways."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt Edward. He just saved my life! I know I've been unfair to him, shutting him out..."

He stopped me with a gesture. "I don't mean to give you still more to feel guilty about. You and Edward are at an impasse, Bella, because you're reluctant to hurt each other, even when it's necessary. I'm taking it upon myself to intervene. Having once tried to murder you," he said drily, "I don't suppose merely offending you adds to my deficit very significantly."

I shook my head. "There's no deficit, Jasper. It was just a horrible accident. Besides, you helped save my life more than once. Well, who hasn't?" He gave me a half smile. "Okay, tell me whatever you want to tell me. I won't be offended, I promise."

"Very well. As unfortunate as it is that your parents had to lose their only daughter, you can't continue to blame yourself."

"Who else, then?" I asked, getting a little angry. I forgot about appearing normal and happy, and the thoughts that had been running through my mind came spilling out. I talked about how I'd been selfish, sacrificing my parents to my goal of being with Edward. It seems to me I talked about it for a long time.

"It reminds me a little bit of the brides of India," Jasper said calmly, as if I hadn't just finished an emotional rant. "It's still tradition there that Hindu brides are expected to look sad. The custom dates from the time a new bride would have to leave her parents' home and go to live in the home of her new husband's family. In the days before high speed transportation, that could mean they would see each other very seldom, possibly never again. Brides would cry at their own weddings."

"I see," I said, puzzled by this digression.

"But that did not put a stop to all marriages. Women still married. They grieved, and they left their families and moved to the home of their husbands. Life goes on."

"It's a little different," I protested, "when the bride doesn't just move away, she fakes her own death and disappears!"

"Yes, it's different," he agreed, "but that's what is called for in this case. Your new home is at more than just physical distance from your old one.
"When Alice foresaw you as one of us, she didn't see your mother or father believing you'd died, but that was an inherent part of the vision. It was inevitable, from the time you and Edward first knew each other." He let that sink in a moment. I couldn't disagree with him.
"The only alternative, besides waiting until were elderly and both your parents had died before you married, would have been for you to separate from Edward. You tried being separated from him once, if you recall, and the results were not only disastrous, it caused both you and your parents tremendous pain."

I didn't answer, but I was listening calmly enough. I looked at Jasper suspiciously. "No," he said, answering my unspoken question, "I'm not doing anything to alter your emotions, not right now." I nodded, and he went on. "You have to be with Edward; and he has to be with you. If you separate from him, your parents get to watch you turn into a mere ghost of yourself, as you did last year.
"And I know you must realize that if you hadn't met Edward, you would have been crushed to death by that boy's van a few weeks after you arrived in Forks. Your parents would have lost you even sooner.
"There's simply no way around it. You belong with Edward. Being his wife means parting with your parents - not moving to another village, but to another world. You didn't even make the choice to disappear; fate caused your apparent death. It's painful for them - but at least, thanks to Edward, they had another year or more with you, and were able to see you, fully grown, happy and fulfilled, before you had to leave them."

Tears were flowing down my face, as they hadn't since the accident. "I know. I understand that what you're saying makes sense. I just don't know how to reconcile myself to hurting them just so I can be happy."

He brushed my tears away gently. "Little sister, this family would not care for you as they do, if you were someone who could hurt loved ones easily and without pain. I don't ask you to stop feeling what you're feeling. In fact, I want you to give those feelings free rein, and stop pretending all is well. We all know better, and putting on a brave front for us does nothing but keep you in an emotional dead end, unable to move forward."

He paused again to let me reflect on what he'd said. I finally nodded. It made sense.

"Allow yourself to be unhappy, and finally recover. Right now you're angry with yourself for your parents' bereavement, and hiding your pain to avoid hurting us. You don't have to be so careful of our feelings, you know. This family has seen its share of emotional turmoil, believe me. They can tolerate all the ranting and wailing you care to do. It won't hurt us."

I nodded that I understood.

"Grieve, then, all you want. But please, give yourself permission to let this grief run its course, and finally end. As your parents' grief will end," he added. I looked at him, startled. "They were in great distress over your death," he said. "But certainly you don't expect they will perpetually feel the same pain they experienced when they first learned you'd been killed."

"I...no, of course not."

"It's already starting to fade, slowly. It will take a long time, I'm sure, but you wouldn't want them to mourn forever, would you?"

"No."

"This is a painful thing, and rightly so; but allow yourself to let it run its course, and come to an end."

He waited in silence while I thought over what he'd said, and finally nodded. "Okay." He patted my shoulder and left me to myself.

I did grieve, finally letting my sadness and confusion show openly. I accepted Edward's comfort, and he managed to accept mine. The family, as Jasper had predicted, were untroubled by my moods. I worked through it.

"Can I ask a favour?" I inquired of Edward one day. The other Cullens were nearby, within hearing.

"Of course, love."

"It's about my mom and Charlie. They didn't get any insurance money after my death, and I didn't have anything valuable to leave them. Is there any way I could arrange for them to get something, you know, to retire on? I know they couldn't know it came from me."

Edward smiled, eager to help. "Yes. That could be easily done."

The family worked out two different schemes, an immediate one for my mother involving a lucky lottery ticket, and another for Charlie scheduled to click in eighteen months in the future. Their lives would be financially secure, at least.

Helping them this way helped me as well. Jasper was right: once I stopped trying to hide my distress, I was able to let it diminish and begin to resolve itself.

I knew I was ready to let life go on the day Edward, trying to cheer me up a little, took me for a picnic and a drive through the vast wilderness of a nearby state park. I was over my sense of guilt for loving him so much, enough to discard my former life and family to have him, and I was filled with the sense of joy and wholeness I used to feel when I was with him. Edward seemed to realize this, and his relief at having his loving wife back again was almost tangible. We walked through the dense woods together, talking and laughing, and impulsively he picked me up and ran with me to a portion of the woods with no trails and no campgrounds. It was like a drier, sunnier version of our meadow back in Washington. We sat down together on a bed of dry pine needles, and when he cautiously leaned over to kiss me, I put my arms around his neck and drew myself close to him. The feelings that I'd kept away, suppressed , for the past few weeks came rushing back, and I pulled him down onto the forest floor with me.