12

Peeta walked in to find me still sitting in front of the telephone, staring at the wall. I had so much on my mind that he had to say my name a couple of times before I actually heard him.

"Katniss? Are you ok?" he asked.

I turned towards him and tried to put on the best smile I could muster. "Of course! Why would I be?" I heard my voice go a pitch higher than normal, and I knew I sounded so fake that Peeta wouldn't believe me for a second.

"Seriously, Katniss. What's wrong? You know you can talk to me about anything." Guilt surged through my entire body. He was going to hate me when he finds out what I am doing. His blue eyes seemed to be piercing straight through me, reading all my thoughts. He must be taking lessons from Haymitch, I grumbled in my mind.

"I don't know," I sighed. "I just have a lot on my mind at the moment." It wasn't a lie.

"Do you want to talk about it? You seemed to be really anxious lately. I thought maybe Dr. Aurelius could have helped you with whatever has been on your mind for the past couple of weeks, but I guess he didn't," he replied.

"Am I really that obvious?" I asked. I thought I had been masking my anxiousness pretty well. But nothing gets through him. That's why he has survived this long.

"No. I just know you really well," he said nonchalantly.

An involuntary smile grew on my lips. "Don't worry about it. I am just being stupid. It's really nothing," I heard myself lie.

The next two weeks went by faster than ever. The day before I left, I made sure I was by Peeta's side the entire time. Night came too quickly. Peeta, forever a gentleman, usually stayed on the couch downstairs until the nightmares wake me up. "Sweet dreams," he said as I walked towards the stairs.

I turned around, gave him a quick, sarcastic laugh, and said, "Yeah, like that's going to happen."

"Hey, you never know," he replied with a smirk.

I just gave him one last smile and started walking towards that stairs again.

"Goodnight," he called after me.

I turned to look at him one more time. I wanted to say I was sorry. Sorry for all the things I have done and sorry for all the things I am going to do. I wanted to tell him that I have hurt so many people, and was never good at protecting the ones I loved. I wanted to tell him, that if you truly love something, you should let it go, and that's what I am doing. I am letting him go, because I am no good for him. I am broken inside, and maybe I will never truly be fixed. I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I didn't tell him any of these things. Instead, I just said, "Goodnight, Peeta."

Faster, faster, faster, I told myself. I was running. I couldn't exactly remember what I was running to. I didn't even really know where I was. I just knew that I had to go fast. It was when I saw the hovercraft with the Capitol emblem on it that I started to realize where I was. I was in the Capitol. About two hundred yards away, I saw the group of children, huddled together being guarded by Capitol soldiers. Then hovercraft dropped what I knew to be bombs on the children. It was when the first wave went off, that the sense of déjà vu kicked in. Then I saw her, she was running to go save the injured children. I knew that was a bad idea.

"Prim!" I screamed, but she couldn't hear me. I was too far away. I ran faster and faster, trying to get there before what I knew was coming next. "Prim! Prim! PRIM!" I shouted louder and louder, running faster and faster. "I was completely out of breath at this point, and I could only muster one more scream. "Prim!"

This time she heard me though. She turned and smiled at me. Her face looking the exact same way it did, those last moments of her life. Then the bombs went off.

"Prim! No! PRIM!"

I opened my eyes. He was standing right there. He pulled me into his arms. I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in his scent. For some reason, no tears came, no sobs racked my body, nothing. Maybe I was in shock, experiencing my sister's death so vividly for the second time. Maybe my brain just completely stopped processing, stopped thinking.

Neither of us said anything, which was surprising because Peeta usually has to talk to me to calm me down. There just seemed to be something at the moment. Like some weird connection between the two of us, and talking would somehow break it. So we just sat there. He pulled me tighter towards him, and laid us both down, never letting go of me. Eventually we fell asleep.

Next thing I knew, I was awake once again. It was still dark outside, and for a second I thought we slept through the entire day, and I had missed the hovercraft. I checked the clock though, and realized it was only five in the morning. I was leaving in an hours. I stared at Peeta for the next couple of moments. His blonde bangs waved a bit over his eyes. I could see the muscles through his shirt, which he built up carrying all that flour at the bakery. There was a slight smile on his lips, and I was happy that he was having sweet dreams. He looked so peaceful, so young.

"Goodbye, Peeta. I'll always love you," I whispered to his sleeping figure, knowing that was as close to me admitting it to him as I was ever going to get. Then I climbed out of the bed.

I walked into my closet, where my hidden, packed bag lived. It wasn't big. It only had some clothes, and my most prized possessions. I felt a pang of regret of not having the pearl. I briefly wondered where it was now. I then gave one last look at the sleeping Peeta and quietly left the house.

I walked toward Haymitch's house. He was the only person that I was going to give a real goodbye in all of District 12. I walked into his house to find him not there. I continued out of the kitchen, towards the backyard. I found him staring at his geese. They were running around wildly, honking probably because something scared them.

"Morning," I replied.

"Morning," he said, gruffly. I knew he thought I was making a mistake, so I was grateful that he was going along with it.

I stood next to him, both of us observing the geese running around the yard. "I am assuming you didn't tell Peeta."

I didn't reply, because he already knew my answer. "It's a shame. He deserves better than that."

"Give this to him, for me," I then said, holding out a letter I wrote to Peeta. It was some poor excuse for a goodbye, but it was all I could do. Haymitch grabbed the letter and tucked it into his pocket.

"I guess this is goodbye, then."

I nodded. We stood there in silence for a couple more second. I finally broke it by saying, "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For giving me the best advice of my life."

"And what was that?" he asked, slightly confused.

"Stay alive."

"Goodbye, Sweetheart," was all he said.

"Goodbye, Haymitch," I replied. Then I left.

The walk to the hovercraft was torture. I felt tears running down my face, as I thought about what I was doing. I wiped them away, cursing them. I finally made it to the meadow. There was plenty of grass and space so it was easy to land here. It was bad for me though, because of all the memories that lived here. I felt another pang of regret for not going hunting anymore. I could probably escape my thoughts for a couple of hours if I did. That's what always happened before. I haven't even touched a bow since that day so many months ago.

I saw the hovercraft. It was large. Larger than I remembered hovercrafts being. I slowly walked to it, trying my hardest not to look back. I am doing the right thing, I am doing the right thing, I am doing the right thing, I told myself over and over again. "Katniss Everdeen?" I guard asked as I walked up to the doorway of the hovercraft.

I nodded. "Right this way," he replied.

I was just about to follow him onto the hovercraft, when I heard my name being called. It was the only voice I wasn't expecting to hear, the only voice I would turn around for at the moment. I saw him running towards me. I didn't move from where I was standing, but he caught up to me soon enough. After a couple of seconds, he was standing about a foot away from me. He looked slightly angry, but mostly worried and maybe a tinge of sadness.

"Peeta," I said, keeping my voice as steady as possible, "what are you doing here?"

"Katniss Everdeen, you were going to leave District 12, leave me, forever, without me even knowing. All you gave me was a letter. And you are asking me, what I am doing here?"

"Haymitch told you?" I whispered.

"Yeah. He practically scared me to death this morning, but he told me I deserved to know, which I did."

I looked down at the ground and didn't say anything. I was concentration too hard on trying not to cry.

"Katniss, you are not leaving," he said, raising his voice.

I was about to give in, but the stubbornness in me told me to fight back. I looked up at him and said, just as loud, "Yes I am."

"Why Katniss? Why do you want to leave so badly?" he yelled.

"Because I love you!" I cried back. Then I realized what I said.

We stared at each other for a long time, neither of us saying anything. There was a look of shock on his face. I felt my heart break. He didn't love me back. Somewhere, deep down inside of me, I guess I let myself hope that night love me back.

Tears welled up into my eyes. I turned around and started toward the door again, knowing that I wouldn't be able to hold them back. "I gotta go," I mumbled.

Next thing I knew, he grabbed me hand, pulled me to him, and said, "You don't know how long I have been waiting for you to say that."

Then, before I could reply, he pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was soft and sweet, as our lips moved perfectly in sync. It wasn't for the cameras. It wasn't so we could keep up the "star-crossed lover" story. I didn't need to prove anything, protect anybody. I wasn't panicked. So, I just melted into him and feeling happier than I have ever been, never wanting to part.

When we finally did, Peeta pressed his forehead against mine and said, "I love you, too."

It took me forever to write this chapter. I wanted it to be absolutely perfect. Hopefully you guys liked it as much as I did:)

You guys are probably hating me right now. I know, I know. It is kind of evil leaving you with that cliffhanger. Trust me though, I am going to be posting faster now that I finally have more time on my hands.

The next couple of chapters are going to have some different twists to them, some new surprises, and tons of Katniss being Katniss. I am going to shift the focus away from the mushy PeetaXKatniss fluff. Even though it was fun to write it in this chapter, it just doesn't seem like Katniss's style;) Also, I am moving away from the mopey Katniss. She was starting to even annoy me! Anyways, as always, tell me what you think:)