Chapter Twelve: Till Dead Us Do Part

Present Day
January 3rd 2011, 15:33
Forks, Washington

"I remember," he murmured. "I recall dancing and eating with you, well, you were pretending to eat..." He chuckled, eyes still closed. "I was so curious as to why you trying to hide your food."

I smiled. I was sitting next to him. Carlisle had shuffled over to the individual armchair, so I'd claimed the free seat next to Edward. He remembered me and recalled the love we once shared. And I was in love with the idea of love. Infatuated, I couldn't take my eyes from him. His hand had not left my thigh since I'd sat down. However, Carlisle was the only thing in that room that was ruining the good mood. Everyone could feel it and Jasper was suffering most. He kept glaring at him and Alice kept touching his shoulder, to try and relieve some of tension building up there.

"I'm awful at pretending to eat. I can barely remember how to chew anymore. I was so fascinated by watching you eat and drink," I said with a laugh. My eyes probably told the story of how eager I was to converse with him. Oh, how I longed to hear that voice again and again! With every word, I could hear that once discordant human voice masked by that unnatural harmony. Every time he touched me, it took my breath away. It felt like the air was being sucked right out of my lungs. I needed to be near him to enjoy breathing, or else it felt like a pointlessly laborious task. I never wanted to be away from him again.

His lavender lids opened, revealing those beautiful golden irises beneath. "I also remember the plan hatched."

I grinned. "Oh yes! We were to sneak around James! I would distract him while you tried to get Carlisle and Jasper's attention." I laughed. "I knew that if I distracted James, it would remove Carlisle's and Jasper's presence from the room. You would talk to them long enough, so they would not return too soon after you left them be."

"However." The smile faded from Edward's angel face. I frowned. Smile again my love! His honey eyes had frozen on Carlisle. "He attracted my attention first, and whispered horrible things in my ear."

My frown deepened. "What like?" I snapped my gaze to Carlisle. "What on this earth did you tell him?"

Carlisle shrugged. "It hardly matters now. I thought he would have told you. I thought you changed him because -"

"He thinks," Edward interrupted, "that I begged for you to change me as he had told me what you were - a vampire."

Carlisle rolled his eyes. "Don't you remember Edward?" He asked, voice patronizing as hell. "You begged me first before running with your tail between your legs to her, in hope that she would change you herself."

I could almost feel the anger radiate from my instincts. It was so icy that I felt it burn my dead veins. I felt my eyes freeze. "You told him a secret that was not yours to tell! That is against the law, Carlisle! I have taught you better, you stupid fool!"

I was quickly on my feet. Edward growled, perhaps because of my movement. How flattering... Even his instincts accepted me and didn't want me to pull away from him. The feelings bubbling in my chest were those of love and joy and beauty and wonder and so many more. My mind wasn't thinking in full sentences anymore. Mere words could not express the sheer love and desire I felt for a man I had not seen in a hundred years. He was my light, my daytime, my sunshine. However could a girl like me fall for a man so deeply after a little less than a week in total? It was impossible! How could such a thing ever occur?

The world was such a marvelous place. Finally, fate played me an ace and I was going to hold on to it with my life. Anyone who threatened him was not going down without a fight. I was a coward and he accepted that. He didn't care that I regretted biting him. I was a coward, so I would teach him my skills in evasiveness. I would never have to choose between him and I. We would live forever together and if worst came to worst, I would fight for him. My thoughts were immature and shallow yet so full of love. Anyone listening would think me a fool! Ha! I would only laugh. My thoughts were lovely and not self centered for a change, and it felt beautiful.

Yet Carlisle still managed to bring me down.

Realization dawned on me as I thought about my thoughts. My shields! I glanced around me and a shiver, icy and unforgiving, shook my spine. How could he... They would have been keeping tabs on Carlisle by now. What? No... The questions and unfinished sentences in my mind sounded different. Was I scared? Scared, maybe. Shocked and undoubtedly betrayed? Definitely. Perhaps he thought only Edward heard him tell his secret but the Volturi always had ways of knowing. Always. No matter where you were, the Volturi always knew when secrets had been spilled.

I always envied the vampire with the gift of secrets. I failed to remember his name however. It had been such a long time since I was part of the Guard.

"Damn you!" I cried at Carlisle, bending into a half crouch, unsure whether it defensive or offensive. Me unsure? Holy hell. I'd never been betrayed like that before. Never in my entire existence had I expected something like that to happen. Never. "You set me up!"

Carlisle quickly rose to his feet, false confusion in his eyes. "What?"

Edward was beside me all of a sudden, touching my shoulder. Tenderly, lovingly... No! He was in on Carlisle's plot! How could I have been so foolish! I turned off my shields, something I had never done for that long! Not only that, the boy I once loved was going to be the death of me, literally. I couldn't die! Not now, not ever! That was never going to happen. The absence of my presence in this world was not going to happen. Not after so many years. Death made life seem worthless! My life wasn't worthless... it wasn't... how could it be so pointless?

I snarled at Edward's touch and he retreated, lips quivering in anger. He snapped his gaze to Carlisle. "What is she talking about?"

If I could have cried, tears would have been spilling down my cheeks. "You took him," I hissed at Carlisle, "after I ran off. You told him the secret, knowing that the keeper of secrets would hear. After I bit him and ran off, you took him, knowing one day I would find you and stay here with him. You're in league with Aro, aren't you? He would have had your head by now if you weren't. You both want me dead!"

Tremors shook my bones, and I swear I heard them rattling. How dare he! I had my hands clenched so tight into fists, my claw-like nails penetrating my icy flesh. I needed to go, retreat, run, anything but linger there. The seconds I wasted were only going to lead to my destruction. So why wasn't I moving? Why wasn't I...?

Edward had pushed me behind him, so fast I could barely comprehend. My mind was so distracted my racing thoughts. I moved with such velocity, I barely had time to reposition myself in order to land on all fours after I crashed into a few ornaments and a mirror. I was about to retaliate or retreat, one of the two, when I noticed that Edward wasn't fighting against me. He had Carlisle pinned to the wall, his arm tight against his neck. The pressure was right where a vampire felt thirst, a pressure point. I was sure it was just a psychological thing, but if one pushed too hard and two burning sides of the esophagus touched, it would feel like fire shooting up our insides. No matter how thirsty or satiated one was, it hurt like a bitch.

Carlisle choked against the pain and snarls were coming from all corners of the room. My eyes flashed to the spectators. Emmett and Rosalie were crouched and snarling, acting instinctively to the act of violence playing out before them, but not making a move in fear of their own lives. Alice was behind the couch, also acting instinctively but she looked utterly afraid. Her eyes searched the room rapidly, looking and not finding. Perhaps it was because of my shields she was so afraid. Blindness probably frightened that girl more than foreseeing the worst of tragedies. Jasper was beside Edward, snarling and looking for answers. The way they acted... were they truly not part of Carlisle's godforsaken scheme?

"Was this your plan?" Edward hissed. "Was it your will to see her demise?"

"Yes," he squeaked and a little of my dead heart sunk in that instant. Edward loosened his grip a little, in order to let him speak. "And God is my witness when I say that I have regretted my actions since. An agreement between Aro and I was reached one night when you and Jasper went hunting, not long after the ordeal on the Titanic. We agreed that my crime would be forgotten if I brought him that girl. Ever since that night, I have regretted making such a deal. Unfortunately, I never imagined she would turn her shields off, not after so long. From my point of view, such an act can be seen as suicidal now. The Volturi will be here soon." His eyes focused on me. "Run while you still can, sweetheart."

"You cannot fix what has been broken," Jasper growled. "As for now you will pay the price. Your existence puts us all at risk."

"Why did you do it?" I whispered, forgetting everything in a moment of sheer curiosity. "I trusted you, above all others. Who are you?"

"I am the result of envy and jealousy, hate and rage, greed and lust." His lips quivered. "As for why I made such a bargain... I wanted no one else to have you. I loved you. If I couldn't have you, no one else could. Especially not a stupid human boy."

With those words, my eyes shut as tight as they could as my ears took in that earth shattering smash.

April 14th 1912, 22:47
33 mins
RMS Titanic

The door opened and my breath hitched in my throat. I'd left it unlocked for him.

Maybe I was a fool for wearing the most expensive piece of jewelry ever in my possession in the bath. Perhaps I was an even bigger fool for wearing it because my husband gave it to me. There I was, ready and prepared to commit adultery against James and he did not even expect it. After loving him in a way I never had before, he thought I truly loved him and I would never go against him again. How wrong he was. Such a fool for trusting me. Pitiful, really. However, did I feel guilty? Maybe a little. My heart could be bought with diamonds of course but not forever. True love had to be earned. It couldn't be bought with ostentatious jewelry.

When had I ever been so sure of love? I wondered idly when such a change occurred. After all, when I boarded that ship I was so sure that love did not exist for vampires. It had been merely days! Amazing. Perhaps there was a deity up there, somewhere. If there was, it sure did work in mysterious ways. Such changes... I was contemplating the presence of a deity for goodness sake! Never in my existence as a vampire had I acknowledged the existence of gods. They were too good to be true after all. However, I suppose my existence was supposed to be fiction also. What else lingered out there, besides vampires and the children of the moon?

Such strange changes...

I relaxed, sinking deeper into the water. It was so hot against my skin; it was icy. I suppose it was just because my skin was so cold that it felt so unbearably hot. I hoped that it wouldn't be too warm. I didn't want to scald him. However, I did not want to freeze the boy either. The only way to heat up my arctic flesh was to surround myself in extremely warm water. However, the feeling was something new. I could never recall taking a bath so warm before. Feeling the cold against my skin was something I had not experienced since I was human. It was refreshing, knowing that I could still surprise myself.

"Bella?"

His voice rung clear and true in my ears. It was little more than a whisper, like he was afraid that James or his 'brothers' were about to pop out of nowhere. Poor boy. I'd protect him if they did. Well, that could be debated. I'd probably grab him and run, rather than risk my own existence against James.

"In here, my darling," I called out. My spine tingled with anticipation, something that never happened for anything. I never felt the same way as vampires did about fighting or fucking. They found thrill in it. The only thrill I found was in the drinking of blood - human blood. Not even my spine shivered for that. What was this boy? Was he truly an angel from this deity that I suddenly found myself believing in? Perhaps. I shook my head a little in disbelief. What was this boy doing to me? Everything was changing, yet I was changing with it.

Oh, how I had longed for such changes for years...

For centuries, I had wandered the earth searching for satisfaction. Yet all I had ever succeeded in doing was watching the world around me alter and reform. Watching and never partaking. I believed that I could not change, that my ability to change was frozen like my body. I had missed that. I had missed possibilities and surprises. However, my world was changing so beautifully, in the course of a few days. It seemed so astonishing. Was what I felt for Edward love then? Love could be basis for such changes, considering all the portrayals I had seen of the emotion in the fleeting years.

If it was truly love, then I was not about to let it go.

I quickly pinned my hair back and submerged my face in the hot water as I heard the bathroom door open. I gasped a little at the sheer heat, then cold of the water. My lungs rejected the vile fluid and quickly pushed it back up with my next exhalation. I was lying back again when he entered the room.

And he was so very beautiful.

He never failed to take my breath away, even as his face flushed at my nudity. If anything, his innocence only added to his loveliness. Oh, such a monster I was, ripping his innocence away from him. However as his eyes drunk me in, I failed to remember how we even had agreed to do this. His gaze was just as physical as touch. I could feel those bright emerald irises scope my body, like a gentle caress. Water slid down my forearm as I beckoned him with my finger. He stumbled to me, a little uncoordinated, eyes glassy. Yet the moment he was just a foot away from the bathtub, he stopped and seemed aware again. Damn.

"I need to talk to you, Bella." He gulped and started poking in the pocket of his cords. What was he doing?

"Must we talk now?" He gave me a look, and I sighed. "Fine, if you must."

He smiled gently. "Bella... I know it's only been a few days but I want you to know that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, longer if possible. I've roamed for years and met hundreds of people, not one of them like you. I feel like I've known you forever, yet I don't know anything about you... but I want to know everything."

He paused and gulped again. I watched him curiously. He seemed so nervous. Why was he so nervous?

Only when he began to kneel did I truly understand why he was so anxious. I bit down on my lower lip, to hide the grin. He pulled out a little black velvet pouch from his pocket and pulled it open. Tucking his fingers in the bag to retrieve the item, he began to speak again. "Isabella Swan, I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

I gasped. Despite that I had realized that it was coming, I was still shocked. How could he... I mean, we had only... Oh my. Never had I been shocked by a marriage proposal before. Even James hadn't asked, simply thrust the ring on my finger. He still had yet to realize that I had scrapped the ring five years ago and had the diamond placed into a necklace. Before James, there had only been Cyrus. I never married anyone else, simply because I was not remotely devout. If anything, I was sacrilegious, and proud.

Yet why not? Why could I not marry this boy? I suddenly believed in a deity after a mere three days with the boy, and I he had the power to change my opinions in such little time, then he must have been something unique. Something I probably would never come across again. And I did love him. My, oh, my I loved him more than anything.

Time was man-made. Humans only made it up because their time would run out. Mine wouldn't. Mine never would.

And neither would his.

"Yes," I whispered, looking up at his expression through my eyelashes. He slid the ring on the third finger or my left hand, warm and damp from the bath water. And then, before I could really comprehend his actions, his lips were on mine, for the first time. Oh, the taste of him! Sweet. Tangy. Pure. Was that oranges? Yes, I recalled that he had eaten an orange for dessert. How could I recognize such a wonderful taste? Anytime I had ever placed food in my mouth, it was repulsive. However, I tasted the orange on his lips. Slightly sour. Bliss. His lips were so soft, like silk and satin.

Pleasure. Sweet pleasure, I wanted more. I placed my hand at the scruff of his neck, gripping the silky locks there. His tongue swept against my lips, begging for entry. I was unsure of myself, I'll admit. I didn't trust my instincts. How could I not kill him? How could I not give into that temptation to drain him dry? But there wasn't. Why? It scared me. I was afraid that it was just an illusion - something my mind had just made me think so the kill would be even more enjoyable. I couldn't deny it; the kill would be fabulous. There could never be anything quite as sweet and satisfying as killing.

However, the guilt would consume me for decades.

I never felt guilty for anything. How come I suddenly an expert in things I did not understand? Guilt... Love... Gods... No. I knew very little or next to nothing about any of those things.

He moaned against my lips. Was I hurting him? No, because that blissful moan caught me unaware for half a nanosecond, and in that time he thrust his tongue into my mouth. Oh. Oh. That taste! That warmth! How could he taste so wonderful? His sweet breath caught in my throat and my lungs took it in like blood. So close. So warm. I was drawn to his warmth, to his light and life. There was heat in my stomach, heat that I thought had long burnt out. Sex was cold, icy... it had never felt like this. Not since my first time at least...

My hands slid down his back, moist against his shirt. I could help myself. Close the distance, close the distance. Suddenly, my body followed the beast's demand. I pulled him into the bath with me. He gasped against. Was the water too warm? He chuckled against my lips. His kiss never ceased. Why was he not dead yet? I had never kissed a human so passionately before. My hair clung to my face, his face, the bath... Anything it touched, it clung. Feeling his weight, light against my strength, the fire began to smolder in my belly. Oh sweet lord.

What was this boy doing to me?

Closer. Skin against skin. My legs tangled with his, and my feet made quick work out of kicking his boots off. Feeling his feet against mine was a strange sensation. Soft against smooth. I could feel the arteries and veins protruding from his strong feet beat that wonderful rhythm against my own. No longer was it a song for suicide. It was my song, the rhythm always in my head. Hypnotizing, erotic... I had only ever read about true love making. The words barely scratched the surface of this fiery pleasure.

We were both burning up together, like we were both in hell. I was sure that was where I belonged and I was dragging him down with me. The sound of our breathing seemed to block out everything. I could hear his blood roaring in my ears and his heart pulsing like it was going to burst out of his chest. His hands were everywhere, moving over my arms, my breasts, my waist, and my thighs.

"Touch me," I whispered as he ducked his head to press his lips against my neck. I gasp. That sensation! Oh sweet...

I arched my chest, pressing my breasts against his hard yet tender chest. So wrong, yet so right. It should be me with soft and supple breasts, rather than the stony lumps I possessed. I took his hand and guided his fingers to that place between my legs. Past the dark curls of hair, to that place, throbbing with anticipation. Oh... yes. His fingers touched my bite curiously. Why had I led him to touch there rather than that other place between my legs? The nerves of my bite were completely exposed; the pleasure completely unfiltered.

A hiss escaped my chest. I doubted he could hear it over the rush of blood. Oh his blood.,,

"Too many clothes," he muttered and I most definitely agreed. I quickly unbuttoned his shirt and pushed his pants down with my feet. Unfortunately, his belt snapped in the process. Whoops.

A masculine growl rumbled deep from within his chest as he pushed his lips back to mine. With each stroke, with every brush of his skin, he took another breath away from me. I gasped for more oxygen, carbon, nitrogen, anything that my lungs could pull in. The humid air seemed only to add to the burning. It was building and I was excited to see how high it could climb with this man, no matter how wrong it was.

My hands tangled themselves in his wet locks and the other travelled down, brushing the sharp curve of his cheekbone and jaw line, his long pale neck, down his well built back before wrapping my arm around his chest, in a desperate attempt to pull him closer to me. I needed to feel his skin. I couldn't let this fire die now.

The water sloshed over the edge of the bath a number of times. With him and I both lying there, and all of his clothes in there, it was quite full. I brought his hand to my breast. He wouldn't touch me without my permission. The second his hand met my sensitive skin, I gasped as he quickly bent down, placing his kisses against the frenzied flesh there. What had I been missing? James never worshipped my body in this way. It was his job to possess me, not idolize me. But this boy, how he made me feel... there weren't words to describe.

I must have snarled because he looked at my through lust glazed eyes, an eyebrow raised. I touched his hair and brought his face back to mine. I kissed him, wanting to taste him. He moaned as my tongue invaded his mouth and kissed me with a passion that I couldn't comprehend. His fingers worked down between my legs; touching, caressing, nipping. I gasped as the fire spread so powerfully through me. I had never felt such a riveting sensation before. He touched my entrance. I cringed in a little pain as he pushed gently against me. He stopped and pulled back. His eyes met mine. I could see the lust and love in them, if that is love. The way he looked me, past the arousal in there, I could see something much deeper. Could I see the love he felt for me?

"You're not a virgin, are you?" He asked, confused.

I bit on my lower lip. "Of course not."

"Then why..."

I quickly interrupted. "It hardly matters. It heals sometimes; that is all."

Of course it healed. My body was frozen the way it was when I was changed, which meant I was a virgin forever. The pain hardly caused me any bother anymore, with James' surprise attacks and all. However, I felt a little embarrassed and vulnerable, lying under Edward.

He kissed me against, tender against my lips. "I'll be gentle; don't worry."

I could have laughed. He was reassuring me. How sweet. To be reassured was something foreign to me. I constantly reassured myself or depended on Carlisle and Jasper for reassurance. But when it came down to sex, there was no such thing. No reassurance. Humans possessed my 'virgin' body almost as thoroughly as James did. His words were comforting, but he was hardly an expert, was he? I nearly snarled. He was mine. Mine. The thought of him with another woman now was enough to send me into a violent bloodlust.

"Are you?" I asked, just ensuring that he was pure. "A virgin, I mean."

He blushed, his face turning a darling shade of pink. I took that as yes and grinned before forcing my lips back to his. Oh, such passion should have been illegal. We fit together, him and I, like two pieces of a jigsaw. Always I felt that I could never find my other half, as humans put it, a man I that I would fit against.

And then we were one.

I had never felt so fulfilled in my life before. Even the beast inside agreed. It purred in satisfaction and I'm sure Edward found it strange. However, he was too caught up in his own pleasure to really notice. With each thrust, I lost a little of that guilt I had about rejecting James and Carlisle. In that moment, I barely even cared, if was completely honest with myself. All that mattered was Edward. The burning, fiery pressure that had been building up inside of me all this time, just got higher and higher and we were both gasping at the strength of it. It seemed to take us over. It felt like I had been inhaling carbon monoxide and in that moment, someone lit a match and I was on fire from the inside out. Yet there was no pain. Just intense pressure, and the need just to let it all go.

We were as one. Finally, the pressure was too much and it exploded. Our bodies felt like they exploded with pure bliss. We were still, paralyzed by the aftershock of it all.

Once we had recovered I smiled in satisfaction and kissed sweetly on the lips. There was no sense of urgency in this kiss. It was sweet, gentle, natural and easy. His nose tickled mine as we kissed gently. All that mattered was Edward and I would never let him get hurt. The only way I could do that was to give him the gift of immortality. He would be able to protect himself. I would make sure of it. Quickly, I reversed our positions gently, so I was on top and straddling his waist, yet we were still connected. I was careful not shatter his pelvis, or any other bones for that matter. He seemed thrilled by the new position. I smiled and stroked his now wet hair, prolonging the last moments of his painless humanity.

I couldn't resist any longer. I slipped down, placing both palms at either side of him and breaking our connection. He cocked an eyebrow at me, wondering what I was up to. Perhaps he thought our act of love was unfinished. I couldn't truly take him with the passion and force that I wanted to until he was an immortal like myself. I pressed little kisses from his navel to his hip. My tongue traced that sweet and salty skin... I could almost taste the blood boiling underneath.

I glanced up at him, and he no longer looked confused. If anything, he looked happy. Happiness was all I ever wanted to see on his sweet face. I could no longer live in a world where he was sad or angry or anything other than happy. I smiled reassuringly at him.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

"Better," he replied. "I'm with you."

My eyes fell to his hip. "My one and only love, I haven't been honest with you. I want to open my heart to you despite the fact I barely know you. I feel like I've known you forever, and that I am not exaggerating." I took a deep breath. "I'm not human, my darling."

My eyes flashed up to him and did not appear as alarmed as I wanted him to be. If anything I wanted him to be running, screaming from the room like a frightened child. I continued before he could breathe a word. "I have been living, existing, for a very long time. Longer that both you and I can dare imagine. It frightens me to think how long I have lived and the times I have endured. Most of that time, I have been alone." I smiled and took another peek at his emerald eyes through my lashes. His expression was calculating, neither happy nor terrified. I supposed such a reaction could only be a positive thing.

"Bella..." he breathed and I shook my head.

"No. I want to open my heart to you. That is not my name. I have had hundreds of pseudonyms over these fleeting years. I never have told my birth name to anyone. The only one who knew was the one who made me. I was a soldier once Edward, and true names were a liability when family and friends were still alive. I still do not use my true name because I'm so used to my false name. However, I want to tell you."

And I did. I leaned forward and whispered my name in his ear. I didn't expect much of a reaction, but the feeling that bloomed in my chest shocked me. Revealing secrets I had bottled up for thousands of years felt completely wonderful. I wanted to tell him everything. Not in the bath but when we he was a vampire.

Oh, we would have so much fun.

I slid down again and pressed my lips against his hip. "I want to make you like me, so I never have to be alone again. I was changed so young and the thought of being alone like before scares me. I don't know how I was ever capable of wandering the earth alone. I know it's selfish but I promise, I won't let you get hurt. We'll live forever, you and I. We'll never grow old and we will be beautiful for eternity. Isn't that what you want?"

"I want you," he replied without hesitation. "I really don't care about looks or never dying, but if it means I can be with you, then I'd never turn down such an offer."

I grinned, satisfied with his answer. I kissed his hip once again and licked the thin stretch of flesh covering the bone, preparing it for biting. "Forever then?" I asked.

"Yes."

My teeth clamped down. He cursed under his breath and his muscles quickly started to spasm. There were few blood vessels in that patch of skin, so I only got a little taste of his blood. His blood was like water to someone dying of dehydration. Like honey to the bee. Sweet and rich and salty. It tasted of heaven and hell, life and death. My nose skimmed up his hairless chest, looking for more blood. I bit him anywhere and everywhere, tasting that delicious ambrosia again and again. I licked each wound shut, allowing the venom to be trapped inside.

I glanced at his face and bit on my lower lip. He was likely going under so much pain that he barely realized where he was or even who was anymore. I hoped he survived, more than anything.

I climbed out of the bath. My skin glittered faintly in the harsh electric light.

Suddenly, the ground below me began to shake violently and I almost lost my balance. My super sensitive hearing quickly focused on the ear splitting metallic shredding noise, originating from somewhere several decks below me. I snarled, my instincts quickly sensing danger. No. No! The ship hadn't hit anything. Of course not. However, I did not truly believe my thoughts as my ears took in the water spilling into the boat. That couldn't happen. Not to the Titanic. The damned ship was unsinkable, for fuck's sake!

I shook my head in sheer disbelief. If the ship had just truly hit something, a vampire or an iceberg, and if there was enough water filling the boat and it did sink, how was I supposed to get Edward to safety? I couldn't carry him onto a lifeboat. People would just say he was suffering too much and it was right to let him die. I walked slowly up to the porthole and pulled it open. Just as I did, a massive iceberg blocked the tiny window. I touched it with my cold hand and it felt warm beneath my fingertips.

God, what the fuck was I going to do?