Hey there! I can only apologise profusely for the long wait between chapters and lack of response to reviews. Writer's block has been a pain in the ass, but I think I've finally cracked it. I'm still not 100% happy with this chapter, but I think it's as good as I can get it.

Thank you so much to everyone for continuing to cheer me on and loving these characters as much as I do. As usual, this one's unbeta'd, so any mistakes are all mine. And a few of you were mad about only getting a short piece from Edward's point of view in the last chapter, so he got some more time in this one.

Summary: Maybe we were fooling ourselves, thinking we'd make it. In some respects, we have. We've created a comfortable life for ourselves and our beautiful children. If nothing else, they'll be our legacy. Proof that although we weren't destined to be together forever, we were always meant to create something worthwhile. Our love story is the same as many others. It was never meant to last.

~ oOo ~

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the recognisable characters; those are all Stephenie Meyer's.

No copyright infringement is intended.

~ oOo ~

Dandelions

Maybe This Time

Bella

September 28th, 2018…

"Dammit, Rolo!"

The words tumble from my lips with ease; they've quickly become one of the top five phrases I cry, moan, or shout throughout the day. The puppy pauses in the middle of the carnage that was once a box of toilet roll; big, chocolate eyes gaze at me as his tail slowly starts to wag. He's a cute little thing, but oh my God, he's a pain in the ass. Much to everyone's amusement but my own, my threat to pack Rolo off to Edward's fell through at the first hurdle when he pointed out that he works long days and doesn't have a back yard, so potty-training the little furball will be virtually impossible at his apartment.

"Mama, we're gonna be la-ate!" Sadie sings from...somewhere. The bottom of the stairs, I guess. I left her down there with Dillan, Jace, and orders to get their shoes and coats on while I hunted down Rolo. The devil dog knows his name—he just chooses to ignore it the majority of the time. Usually when it's me calling him.

"Come on, you little devil. I'll have to clean this up later." Scooping the pup off the floor complete with soggy tissues hanging from his drooly jaws, I hustle back downstairs. Jace, Dillan, and Sadie cackle when they spot Rolo.

"Uh oh. Did he get into the toilet roll again?" Dillan asks between giggles as he shoves his foot into his shoe without bothering to unfasten the straps.

"Put your shoes on properly, please," I request as I breeze past him and his siblings, bypassing the living room to head straight to the kitchen. Settling the pup into his bed with a pre-stuffed Kong, I double-check the door and eye him speculatively. His eyes follow my slow steps back toward the baby gate separating the kitchen from the hall. "Stay…" I tell him softly but firmly, so he knows I mean business. Half a step later, he's bounding across the floor and crashing into my legs.

After two days of having Rolo around the house, there's no doubt that the furball has grown on me. He is cute, and it's adorable seeing the kids with him, but it's like having a newborn all over again—one that not only doesn't sleep through the night, wets himself routinely, and has to be with someone twenty-four-seven, but he also chews anything he can get his needle teeth on and thinks it's great to steal stuff and run away with it so someone, invariably me, has to chase him.

"You can't come with me, little guy," I tell him pointlessly. Obviously, he doesn't understand a word I'm saying unless it's 'food' or, when he feels like it, 'sit'. That's as far as we've gotten with his training so far. My watch beeps to tell me we're seriously late and should have left ten minutes ago, so I quickly put Rolo back in his bed and send a text to mom to remind her of her promise to stop in and check on him while I'm out. Then it's time to wrestle the children into their car seats and get them to school and nursery as quickly as the speed limit allows.

Thankfully, we make it just in time. The janitor laughs quietly as I dash past him attempting to close the gates, Sadie on my hip and the boys running ahead. He's still there when I return after dropping Jace and Dillan at their classroom.

"Bye!" Sadie calls cheerfully, waving over my shoulder as I rush back toward the car. "Mama, are we goin' to Daddy's today?"

"Not today, baby." It's hard, but I just about manage to withhold my grimace. Edward asked if he could move his pick-up day to tomorrow and keep the children through to Monday morning, instead. I agreed, but I am a little frustrated. I thought we were making strides with this co-parenting thing, but he's already prioritizing other things over his children. He knows as well as I do that change impacts them deeply—Jace, in particular. They've gotten used to the routine over the past weeks.

Monday to Wednesday morning with Mama, Daddy's after school, then home to Mama's until Friday, when they get to spend a couple of nights with Daddy.

They're used to that now. It's familiar. Any unnecessary adjustments to that schedule are hard work.

"Where are we goin', then? Nana's?"

"Gamma and Pops's house. Lily and Henry are having a sleepover, too. Won't that be fun?"

The roads are mercifully quiet on the way to Sadie's nursery, so we make good time. Sadie chatters away for the duration of the trip asking question after question.

"Yes, Gamma will pick you up. I don't know if Pops will come, too. Yes, Rolo is coming, too. And I really don't know what you'll be having for tea." Twisting in my seat with a wry smile, I ask, "Anything else?"

Smiling brightly and toying with the straps of her little backpack in her lap, Sadie shakes her curl-covered head. "Nope, that's it, Mama. Let's go!"

~ i ~

I'm just pulling into the parking lot outside Tanya's office when my phone rings. Answering it through the car speakers as I'm a little early, anyway, I can't help but bite my lip when I hear the voice of the caller.

"Is this Bella Cullen?"

"It is. Hi, Sam."

What's he calling for? I wonder as he clears his throat.

"Sorry to call out of the blue. I, uh, I got your number from the appointments book. I hope that's okay. We found a fidget cube yesterday morning and we've asked around, but so far, nobody has claimed it. Could it be yours, maybe?"

"Shit."

He barks a warm laugh. "I'm going to assume you've been missing a cube?"

"We have." Sighing, I run a hand through my hair before closing my eyes and resting my head back against the headrest. Of course it's at Sam's. How did I not think of checking there? For the last two days, Jace has been asking for his cube and I've had to try and distract him with other things because I couldn't place where he'd last had it. "I can come and pick it up later today, if that works for you."

"I'm here until six, but my flat is above the shop, so even if it's after that, I'll be here. You have my number now, so just give me a bell if I'm not downstairs."

"That's perfect, thank you." Without checking my diary, which is at home on my desk, I can't remember exactly what time the cake smash shoot this afternoon is. "I'm out at the moment, but I'll check my diary as soon as possible and let you know when I'll be over. Thank you again, Sam."

"No problem, Bella." There's an audible sigh; I hold my breath, waiting to hear what he wants to say, but he obviously decides better of it. "I'll see you later, then."

"Yes," I breathe, staring out of the windshield at the therapist's office as he hangs up with a beep, the car suddenly silent without his voice and the background noise of the salon. The reflection of a car pulling up beside mine in the windows makes me turn my head, an instinctive smile slightly curling my lips when Edward waves through the window before climbing out.

It's our first session together in a little while, so it's a little awkward as we head into the waiting area and check in with the receptionist before taking two armchairs to wait for Tanya to finish up with her previous client. A huge part of me wants to ask what he's doing today that's so important he can't have his children, but it's not my place to ask, I don't think. I'd guessed that he was working or something, but he's not dressed for work. The cropped sweatpants and t-shirt he's wearing definitely don't scream 'real estate agent'.

"So, how's the pup doing?"

My scowl must say it all, because Edward can't hold back his laughter. His eyes crinkle with his amusement, his tee riding up when he rakes a hand through his messy hair. My scowl falls slightly, my eyes drawn to the faint ridges etched in his lower stomach. As a teen and a young man, Edward always kept himself trim and fit. The last couple of years of drinking and slacking at the gym ruined all that.

Although…

Now I'm really looking, he does look leaner. More like his old self. It's been a gradual change, so I haven't noticed it until now, but his shirt clings to muscles that I haven't seen in a long time. My alcohol-warped memories from the wedding are fuzzy, but I can vaguely remember firm biceps and the reappearance of abs that had been hidden amidst a small beer gut.

"Bella?"

Blinking rapidly, I feel my cheeks heating. "Sorry, lost in thought. Ah, Rolo...he's doing good. He's mischievous, that's for sure."

Edward's smirk widens. "Yeah? How do the kids like him?"

"They think he's great. Until he chews up their toys, anyway. It's funny when it's the toilet roll or one of my things. It's not so funny when it's Batman or one of Sadie's Barbie dolls getting the chomp."

"Uh oh. Other than that, though?"

Fishing my cell from my pocket, I pull up my new screensaver as of last night. He leans in and breathes out a sigh as the image of the children and Rolo all bundled up together on the sofa illuminates the screen. They fell asleep wrapped up in a blanket after running around the garden with a football all evening.

"Can you send that to me?"

"Sure." With the press of a few buttons, I share the picture into the family WhatsApp group, instead—Edward can get it from there, and I know the rest of the family will get a kick out of it.

"Thanks."

The door across the room opens then, Tanya's smile brightening when she sees us sitting close together. "Hello, you two. Are you ready?"

As I'll ever be.

Edward and I both share a look and I'm suddenly sure I wasn't the only one thinking that. The realization warms me.

For the first time in a long time, it really feels like we're in this together.

~ i ~

As usual, therapy leaves me feeling a little drained, but I also leave the session feeling buoyed by our ability to be honest with each other no matter how hard it is. We're learning. Tanya wasn't wholly impressed to hear about our drunken debacle last weekend, but she's visibly surprised when we admit that we've talked about it and agreed that it shouldn't happen again. I replay our conversation in my head as I drive home to grab a few things before heading to the studio.

"There's nothing wrong with sex between two consenting adults, but you're right, Edward," Tanya says calmly, "it can complicate things in this situation. Then again, you've both admitted that it made you re-evaluate where you are in your relationship going forward. You've turned something that could have knocked you back into a positive, and that's great."

Eyeing Edward, I admit, "It definitely made me think about us as a couple rather than just parents to Jace, Dillan, and Sadie."

Tanya nods, her cool eyes shining with pride. "That's great, Bella. And you felt comfortable talking to Edward about those thoughts?"

"I did. We had a good talk, I think…?"

Thankfully, Edward's nodding. "We know that communication has been one of our biggest issues, so working on that is helping massively. Making a conscious effort to include Bella in my thought processes is becoming second-nature again."

There aren't words to describe how happy his admission makes me. For so long, I felt like I was hanging onto the edge of him without any insight into how he was feeling or what he was thinking. We're making progress.

"I'm glad to hear that, Edward. When we first started these sessions, you admitted that you were aware you'd been pushing Bella away. How does it feel to be working toward repairing that damage and closing the distance between you and Bella?"

His heavy sigh shakes his whole body. "It's freeing. I don't think I realized how much damage I was causing. That sounds stupid, but…" My chest tightens as his brows furrow. "I think, I was too caught up with the drink to really see what was going on around me. Does that...make sense?"

My heart hurts for him. I've known and loved the boy, the man, the father, the husband—the alcoholic. Now I'm getting to know him all over again. It's scary and exciting and a massive relief, but that's just for me. I can't imagine what this feels like for him. I can't comprehend how he's feeling when he finally admits that he'd been choosing alcohol over his family for a long time before my indiscretion acted as the catalyst to our separation.

Tension radiates from Edward's frame as he avoids my eyes and speaks to his sneakers. "I hate that it happened, but Bella kissing our neighbor…"

I wince; in the back of my mind, I notice that Edward still refuses to say Demetri's name.

"It was the best wake-up call I could have received."

"How so, Edward?" Tanya asks gently.

"Nothing else was working, was it? Bella confronted me so many times, tried to help me even more. I wasn't listening. I had to persuade Bella to date me in the first place," Edward's lips tip into the slightest of nostalgic smiles. "But I always knew she'd be faithful to me, just the same as I'd never cheat on her."

My stomach knots. But I did. In a lot of people's eyes, it was 'just a kiss'. But not to me, and not to Edward. Yes, it was a kiss, and yes, it was brief—but it was still cheating, and it was so out of character that it shook us both. Maybe without the rest of what was going on with Edward's drinking and our abysmal communication, it wouldn't have been such a big deal.

But without the rest, would it have happened at all? We'll never know. It'll be an unknown that plagues us until we either move on from it or let it define our relationship going forward.

As I pull up outside the house, my stomach sinks. Across the street, Demetri is also pulling in. I've managed to avoid him for the most part, even though I know that's unfair. Apart from Gianna's parents, who watch DJ when they can, Demetri doesn't have anybody but his son. It's not fair that we've abruptly abandoned him even if things are awkward at the moment. I hesitate a moment before turning away from my house and jogging across the street.

Demetri's surprise is written all over his face. "Hey, Bella."

"Hi." Standing a few feet away from him, DJ sound asleep in the backseat of his dad's car and Demetri staring blankly at me, I have no idea what I was thinking. "I, uh...how are you? How've you been?"

"I've been good," he says slowly. "How about you? Everything good with you and Edward?"

Awkward. This is so incredibly awkward. But Demetri and I have been friends for years and this shouldn't be so painful, so I push on and blow out a deep breath. "We're working on things."

Nodding, Demetri rubs the back of his neck. "I kinda figured that much. His car hasn't been around…"

"He moved out, got an apartment in Old Town. We've been going to therapy and I think we've really turned it around."

For the first time in weeks, Demetri aims a genuine smile in my direction. It's small, but it's there. "I'm really happy for you, Bella. That's great news."

"Yeah. Look, Demetri, I'm—"

"Can I just stop you there?"

Snapping my mouth shut, I nod.

He sucks in a big breath and reaches out to squeeze my shoulder. "You're about to apologize, but there's really no need to, okay? What happened was a mistake, we both know that. We'd had a few too many drinks and we were both overly emotional. We were both to blame. If we can, I just want to move on from it and go back to normal." His smile takes over his whole face as he adds, "Can we maybe call an end to the avoidance tactics?"

As we both laugh at ourselves and how ridiculous this whole mess has gotten, I push aside the lingering awkwardness and pull him into a quick hug. "Absolutely, we can."

I can't help but feel like things are slowly starting to fall back into place.

~ i ~

Edward

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Tugging at my hair, I admit, "I'm not sure. Honestly, seeing Bella and Demetri earlier has knocked my confidence in the plan."

Ceasing his annoying spinning in my chair, Emmett frowns. "Why? You don't think anything's going on between them, do you? 'Cause, bro, I don't want to have to knock some sense into you…"

"No, no, I don't think that." At least, I'm trying not to. "My self-esteem is just all over the place lately. I'm working on it." From my spot leaning against the side of my cubicle, I can see the photo frames on my desk. There are four, all of them cherished.

The first is of Bella and I with the kids the day Sadiebug finally came home. The second is from our first family holiday. We—along with my parents, Charlie, and Renee—flew out to Forks for two weeks. This particular image is of us below the 'Welcome to Forks' sign and I think it was the first time Bella and I really felt like our family was complete, like we'd come full circle from the naive teens we'd been when we first started dating.

The last two pictures put a nostalgic smile on my face. One shows Bella and I on our wedding day as we walked back down the aisle after becoming Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, and the other is of us three Christmases later. Just a week before, we'd agreed that our baby-making efforts weren't working and we needed to look into other options for expanding our family. Our smiles are bright as we pose in front of the Christmas tree at Charlie and Renee's, but the heaviness of our recent realization is obvious in our tired eyes. I keep the photo around because it immortalizes an important time in our lives. That realization eventually led us to adoption, to Jace, Dillan, and Sadie.

Idly, I wonder what the holidays this year will look like; I wonder whether we'll be together or apart, taking turns having the children or spending Thanksgiving and Christmas as a family. I'm hoping for the latter, of course. The thought of not seeing my babies on Christmas morning kills me. I know it would kill Bella, too.

"So, run through this again. What did you tell Bella about tonight?"

Refocusing, I turn back to my brother and heave a sigh to bolster myself. I wasn't kidding when I said my self-esteem has taken a massive hit recently. Seeing her hugging Demetri earlier didn't help. I intended to stop by and take Rolo off her hands for a few hours, but the sight of Demetri and Bella hugging and smiling at each other distracted me and I drove straight past the house.

I know Emmett's right and there's nothing going on between them, but sometimes, I can't help but wonder if Bella would be better off without me. Lately, I have those moments of doubt all too often. It takes me a while each time to remember that, despite what my shitty behavior might say about me, I love the bones of that woman. I'd do anything for her—for Bella and our kids.

Now I've just got to prove it.

"I rescheduled my days with the kids so that I have tonight free, and I know she'll be home because I had Rose hit her up to check her plans and she doesn't have any."

Emmett chuckles. "Sneaky, bro."

"I could have just asked her, but I didn't want to tip her off."

"Sure. Okay, so what have you actually got planned?"

Now for the part I'm nervous about.

~ i ~

As my watch beeps to tell me it's six p.m. on the dot, I rap sharply on the front door before I can talk myself out of it. The minute it takes for footsteps to approach the door and the click of the lock to disengage seems to drag on forever. The hand holding the bouquet of white roses trembles as I lift the other toward my hair, remembering at the last second that I made a concerted effort to tidy it up. I shove that hand in my pants pocket instead just as the door opens enough for Bella's face to peek out at me. Her eyes widen.

"Edward? What are you…" Bella's gaze catches the flowers extended toward her then, her lips falling open in a small 'O' of surprise. "Why...umm, what's going on?"

Clearing my throat, I just about manage to muster a nervous smile. "Isabella Cullen, I've loved you every day of my life for the past thirteen years. I've made mistakes—"

"We both have," she interjects softly.

Nodding, I concede. "Okay, we've both made mistakes. We've got three amazing kids and, before I fucked it all up, I think we had a pretty great life together."

Even as tears fill her eyes, she's smiling. "We did. A fantastic life."

"Bella, I know I have no right to ask favors of you, but if you'll allow me just one, I hope it's this. Can we start over? Can we just...be strangers again? I mean, not completely, because obviously we have the kids, but why don't we spend some time getting to know each other the way we are now? I know so many things about you from how you like your coffee to how you always brush your hair from the left side of your head to the right. I remember stupid things like the fact that you love horror movies but you cover your eyes through most of them. Your favorite color is purple except at Christmas when you only want to rear red and green clothes."

Her tearful giggle joins my chuckle when she opens the door wider to reveal her purple pajamas. I have to swallow the lump in my throat to be able to speak when I recognize them as the set the kids helped me pick out for her birthday a couple of weeks ago.

"I want to relearn all your favorites and get to know the amazing woman you are, all over again. We can create new memories to drown out the old, shitty ones." Swallowing hard and twisting my wedding ring around my finger, I choke out, "Let's give each other a second chance, Bella. Can you do that? Will you give me another chance to be the man you always thought I'd be?"

~ i ~

Forty minutes later, Bella and I sit across from each other at one of our long-time favorite restaurants. My grin couldn't be any wider, I don't think. She looks radiant. After tearfully accepting my invite to dinner, Bella changed out of her pajamas into a familiar blue dress and a pair of heels that make her legs look endless even though she's barely taller than five foot. Despite her worry, the messy bun she twisted her hair into looks effortlessly beautiful, and the lack of make-up on her face gives me an uninhibited view of her flushed cheeks when I raise my glass of coke in the air.

"To fresh starts."

Smiling bashfully and lightly tapping my glass with her own, she murmurs, "To us."

Once the waiter has taken our order—Bella opts for her favorite mushroom ravioli while I choose a simple chicken salad, which will hopefully be lighter on my knotted stomach—we talk. Really talk. About the silly, the sweet, the mundane, the funny...the difficult.

She admits that she's lonely and cries most nights the children are with me because this life, the way we're living right now, isn't what she wanted for us. I admit that I've shed more tears in the last few months than in the thirty-one years before.

It's...liberating.

Over soft drinks and delicious food, we laugh and commiserate over the highs and lows of raising our children—each high maintenance in their own way, but cherished for that same exact reason. She tells me that she fidget cube we've been looking for, for the last two days was at the barber's where she took the kids Wednesday, and that she can't wait to give it back to Jace.

Our conversation swerves into marginally uncomfortable territory when she brings up Demetri and tells me how guilty she feels about the whole mess we've found ourselves in. We used to have date nights with him and Gianna—and later, just him. We all enjoyed the games nights and meals out, and I have no qualms admitting that I miss the adult time.

Bella's expression softens as I confess, "I've missed this. I've missed being us, Edward and Bella."

"Me, too."

The weight lifted off my shoulders by her admission is enormous. I suck in a deep breath and hesitate before reaching across the table. My heart warms, thumping away like a jackhammer when she twines her small fingers with mine and gives them a hard squeeze.

"Is it wrong?"

"I don't think so," she says softly, comforting me even when I'm not sure what I need her to say. "We were just Edward and Bella for a long time before we became parents. And then the accident…"

Took everything from me.

No—not everything.

Everything is sitting across from me with a frown curving her brows and my heart in the palm of her hand. Everything is tearing up my parents' house with Rolo. My family, my wife and children, they're my everything.

"I need to tell you something." Bella's eyes widen, worry further marring her features. "It's nothing bad, I promise." Willing away the sudden, unexpected rush of moisture burning my eyes, I swallow my nerves and remind myself that this is Bella.

My Bella.

"I've been seeing a therapist. Not Tanya; someone else. I, ah, I've been working on the stuff that stuck with me after the accident." The next bit's the hardest, but it's the most important. "We've been discussing the reasons I turned to alcohol instead of confiding in you, and Bella, I need you to know, even if you believe nothing but this, that it was never your fault. It was never you, Bella. It was me."

In the dim light of the candles flickering on the table and the chandelier overheard, I see tears beginning to fall over her cheeks. "Edward, I…"

"I need you to know that." My chest aches with the need to know she's accepted it. It was never her fault. The more Garrett made me talk about it and reflect on that time, the clearer it became that she'd been shouldering the blame for all this.

For the distance between us leading to our separation, for my drinking. We both had a hand in our marriage deteriorating, but my inability to stop using alcohol as a crutch was the start of the end.

Except it doesn't have to be 'the end'.

"I wish I'd done this sooner, Bella. I do. I'll always regret turning down those counselling sessions right after I got out of the hospital."

"I remember," Bella sniffles, dabbing her cheeks with a napkin. "You said you were fine, that it was just a few broken bones and bruises. You said you'd be good as new once they healed up."

Except, I wasn't good as new. I wasn't anywhere close to good, even.

"I was a mess. I had the resources right there but I was too pigheaded to just accept the help. I know now that I should have, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

"Do you know what? I've got enough regrets to last me a lifetime." Reaching over to take both of my hands in hers, Bella smiles faintly. "Can we just agree that we both messed up along the way and move forward? We lost ourselves somewhere, we lost our way, but I think it's time we start over, if that's what you want."

Warmth spreads through my veins, my heart pounding like never before. I feel like a teenager all over again; I feel like my seventeen-year-old self standing on her front porch all those years ago, asking her to breakfast after prom and finally convincing her that I might be worth her time.

"I want that." My voice is thick with emotion I'm desperately trying to hold back. We're in the middle of a restaurant. I'd really rather not turn into a blubbering mess. "I want that more than I can explain. Let's start over. Who knows? Maybe this time, we won't mess it up."

Her surprised peals of laughter make me grin wider than I have in weeks.

~ i ~

Standing on the doorstep of the house we bought together, but I no longer live in, is strange. Bella fidgets with the strap of her purse while I try to summon the courage to say what I want to say and leave her in peace.

"Thank you for trusting me and coming out this evening," I eventually murmur, reaching up to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear when the cool breeze blows it in her face.

Smiling gratefully, Bella covers my hand with her own, holding it to her cheek. The gentle contentment in her eyes as she gazes up at me makes the nerves I've been feeling all day completely worthwhile. "Thank you for a lovely evening."

'Lovely' works, but it doesn't feel big enough to describe how much I enjoyed tonight. I love being a dad to Jace, Dillan, and Sadie, but therapy with Garrett has taught me that I also need to have time to just be Edward, the man, and also Edward, Bella's husband. When we brought our kids home, our relationship slipped to the wayside. It wasn't a priority. It should have been, though.

Now, we have the perfect opportunity to right that wrong—along with so many others.

The heat and softness of Bella's skin under my hand ignites the same feelings she's always elicited within me. I want her just as much now as I did when we were hormonal teenagers. Maybe more. With a light breeze playing around us and the low light of the torches lining the path illuminating her face, I don't know if I've ever wanted to kiss her as badly as I do now.

Her eyes drop from mine and her lower lip wedges itself between her teeth when I lean in. My stomach falls, but I get it. She's not ready. Diverting from my intended destination, I slowly press my lips against her head, instead. Her body shudders, my lips curling into the tiniest of smiles.

"I guess I won't see you now until Wednesday," she says quietly. It buoys me to hear the wistfulness in her tone.

She wants to spend more time with me.

Pulling back enough that I can see her downcast eyes, I tap her chin to get her to look up at me. "Why don't you come over tomorrow? I'll cook...the kids will love it."

Her thoughts literally play out across her face. She's always been expressive. I think that's one of the reasons I struggled to open up to her after the accident. I could see how much it hurt her to see me struggling. Every wince or frown killed me. Every ounce of sympathy made me feel nauseated. Her repeated reassurances that she didn't blame me for the accident, for the kids' injuries, only made me feel worse, even though I know she didn't mean to upset me.

"I'd like that, but Edward, we need to take this slow, whatever this is. I don't know what our relationship is going to look like going forward, but I think we both need time to ease back into it."

There's no denying that I'm a little disappointed, but she's right. We do need to take things slow. "I agree. But this is just dinner, okay? No pressure, just us spending time with each other and our kids."

"Okay." Shivering, Bella stretches up onto her tiptoes to press a quick kiss to my cheek. "Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella," I whisper, waiting until she's safely inside before heading back to the car.

The drive across town feels wrong, somehow. Every part of me longs to be back with Bella. I know her routine like the back of my own hand. As I pull up outside my apartment block, I know she's probably doing a last lap of the house, flicking off switches and locking up. As I step inside and try to ignore the pang of loneliness triggered by the silence that welcomes me, I know she's likely in the bathroom in front of her mirror getting ready for bed. When I crawl under the sheets and adjust my pillows, I picture her laying in the bed we picked out together right before the kids came home. A last big treat for ourselves before our lives were turned upside down.

I wish I were there, with her. In the dark of night, I often try to imagine her beside me. Not even in a sexual way most of the time. I miss the intimacy, the closeness. I crave the warmth of her body tucked against mine and the way she always used to snuggle into my back after hissing at me to quit snoring.

Alone, sleep doesn't come easy. I lay on my back with my hands folded behind my head and my eyes trained on the ceiling for over an hour before I can't resist any longer. My cell is in my hands and Bella name is on the screen before I can overthink the message my thumbs are typing. It chimes to tell me the message has been sent, and then I wait.

Was that too forward? Damn, if I know. I don't want to fuck this up. Everything is a risk right now. Bella used to be a sure thing, my sure thing. Now I just have to hope.

Second guessing my honesty, I've just about given up on getting a response tonight—or at all—when the screen lights up and casts the room in an eery, faint glow. Sighing heavily through my nose, I unlock the screen with a shaky swipe of my thumb and immediately find myself smiling from ear to ear.

I want a second chance at falling in love with you, too xxx

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