A/N: Hi all! I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday, I was going to a surprise party for a friend (she was surprised) and by the time I remembered what day it was (Tuesday) I had someplace else to be and didn't have time to write a one shot. Then this morning I had an interview for an internship and then I did my science schoolwork all afternoon. So, here it is, a day late. I'm not really sure what happened when I was writing this chapter (I didn't get much sleep last night so maybe that has something to do with it), but I've been told that it's funny. Neither of the Asgardians are "educated" in this story, but it's still them experiancing some Midgard culture so I clumped it in here. Anyway, thank you once again for the reviews they are much appreciated!

It was Natasha Romanoff's birthday. . The only reason any of the Avengers knew this was because Clint had told them so. He had told them that he was planning her birthday party while Pepper took her shopping. It wasn't a surprise party (for who can keep a secret from Black Widow?), but it was a party nonetheless. The afternoon of the day of the party everyone was scrambling to wrap their gifts for the redhaired spy. Everyone except Thor.

The thunderer was hopelessly lost when it came to buying presents, which resulted in his going to ask Iron Man. He found Tony wrapping up a very expensive looking watch.

"Stark," Thor asked hesitantly, "How did you decide on that gift for Agent Romanoff?"

"She's a woman, she likes jewelry. She's a sensible woman, she likes watches. Easy." Tony said, tying a perfect bow on his box.

"Oh," Thor scratched his chin, "What did Dr. Banner get her?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"I have yet to purchase a present for Agent Romanoff."

"You don't have much time, Point Break. Better get one fast."

"But what kind of present should I get?"

"Look around at stores and stuff, if you see something you'll think she likes then get it. If you can't find anything then get a gift card and make her choose." Tony picked up his present and headed out to help decorate the living room.

Thor sighed and retrieved Iron Man's credit card. He grabbed his bike and headed for town. As he rode past shops and vendors he considered what kind of things Black Widow might like. He didn't know her very well, but he was confident that he could find a good gift for her. One store caught his eye and he pulled the brake on his bike. It was a cute little shop that sold china ware and other glass trinkets. Mayhap there was a good gift in there…

The door to the shop opened with a charming jingle and Thor looked around. It was all very delicate. A shop attendant rushed to greet him.

"Hello, can I help you with anything?"

"I am puruseing your store in hopes of finding a gift for a friend." Thor declared.

"What's this person like? Maybe I can make a suggestion."

"She is female…" Thor said.

The shop attendant waited patiently. "Yes?"

"And… is human." He finished confidently.

"Hmm, well what does she like to do?"

"Aaaah…" He thought for a moment about all of the things he'd seen her do, "She likes to go to the gym."

"Okay," The clerk lead him through the shelves of highly breakable things, "Maybe something a bit more sensible, like a bowl?"

"Sensible! Yes! She is sensible." Thor agreed, looking at the delicate glassware.

"Is there anything else you can tell me about her?"

"She has red hair, she is smart, and she can fare well in a battle."

"I mean, what kind of things does she like? Animals? Dance? Flowers?"

"Truly I know not." Thor answered, wishing he had brought Hawkeye along with him. Surely Natasha's best friend knew what she liked.

"Okay, well I'm going to let you look around a little and if you see anything that catches your eye let me know. I'll be right up here if you need me." The clerk walked off to polish some of the wares. Thor was left in a sea of delicate objects. He began to hunt for the perfect gift.

As the large man drifted through the aisles of glass bowls, plates, cups, kitties, and other finery, his cape brushed up against a porcelain ballerina's extended hand and she began to tip. Thor noticed her leaning motion and carefully righted her with a sigh of relief. Nothing had broken.

There was a jingle of bells and another customer came into the store. It was a young woman with bright pink hair and a large wad of bubble gum in her mouth. She snapped the bubble she was currently blowing and looked at Thor with wide eyes. The girl rushed over to him with a large grin. Her elbow tipped a crystal platter and the dish nearly fell to it's doom, but Thor's hand shot out and caught it.

"Whoa!" The girl said, "Like, ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! You're Thor!"

"Yes." Thor smiled, returning the serving platter to its place on the shelf.

"I saw you on TV! You're one of the Avengers!" She flung her hands into the air and smacked a glass flower. Thor's eyes widened and he just barely caught the flower.

"Yes, I am. And you are?"

"Call me Chloe," She suddenly pressed herself to his side and whipped out a phone, knocking over some more porcelain. She attempted to take a selfie with Thor, but he was busy putting the things she had knocked over back on the shelves. The girl pouted her heavily glossed lips, "Oh come on, you missed the picture!" She looked at the glassware in his hands and tossed it aside, creating little piles of shattered glass. Thor winced, but Chole took a picture with him anyways.

"What was that noise?" The clerk asked.

"Nothing!" Chole called, shoving the broken glass under a shelf with her foot. Thor cringed again.

"Perhaps it would be best if we told her…"

"Oh come on! Don't be such a dork, we'd get in trouble." The girl teased.

"Err, it was nice to meet you, Miss Chole, but I really must pick out a present for my friend and be off." He tried to evade the girl, but she clung to his arm and followed him through the store. Thor nervously picked out a piece that he thought Black Widow might like and then shuffled to the counter with Chole still clinging to his arm, "I think I found what I would like to purchase." He told the clerk.

"A nice choice." The clerk nodded, wrapping the piece and handing it back to Thor. The thunderer thanked her and began to exit.

Chole squealed suddenly. "Hey! Can I see your hammer thing?"

Despite all of the uneasy feelings he had about this girl, he couldn't resist a chance to show off Mjolnir. However, he'd left the hammer back at the tower. No problem, he'd just summon it. He called the hammer to him and extended his hand. As Mjolnir came into sight just outside of the store, Thor finally remembered where he was and realised that this would not be a good idea. It was much too late though… the hammer smashed through the window and knocked over two shelves. Thor forgot the hammer and leapt into action. He supported the shelves and sighed when nothing fell off. Things began to slide toward him and he yelped.

"Great blundering bilgesnipe!" A large crystal lamp slid toward him and he braced for impact while Chloe just snapped a picture and blew a few more bubbles with her gum.

"Wow…" She laughed.

"You find this amusing, girl?" Thor asked, snatching a porcelain kitty that was about to shatter on the floor.

"Uh… yeah."

"The least you could do it help me!" He shouted.

"Nope."

Thor groaned and caught a plate. His hands were full with holding up the shelves and the things he'd already caught, but still a box filled with goblets came flying at him. "Oh Odin no!" He whispered in fear.

"Look out!" Chole giggled.

By this time the store clerk had arrived and was rushing to catch the box. She was too late and the box of goblets hit Thor in the head, making him a bit confused. The shelves dipped lower and a tea pot broke on his toe. He grimaced in pain and the shelves shuddered again, depositing the large crystal lamp on his head and effectively knocking him out. The shelves and their fragile contents spilled all over Thor and the clerk gasped. The teenage girl, Chole, had vanished.

When Thor came to he had cuts and scrapes everywhere and there was a shelf on top of him. He moaned and the store clerk came running to him. She crouched low.

"Are you alright? The shelves fell on you! I got most of the glass off and one of the shelves was light enough that it could come off, but that one was too heavy for me."

Thor carefully lifted the shelf off of himself and crawled out on all fours. "Ow." He grunted as one of his cuts began gushing.

"I called an ambulance, they told me to keep you still." The clerk said worriedly.

"I cannot stay, I will be late for Agent Romanoff's birthday party!" Thor protested, brushing some glass shards off of his arm.

"But you have cuts all over!"

"I'll be fine." Thor got up and winced. He picked up the box with the item he'd purchased for Natasha and hobbled out of the store. He put the box in the basket of his bike and wobbly pedaled home. When he arrived at the tower he attempted to take the elevator to the penthouse, but JARVIS informed him that it was out of order.

Thor entered the stairwell and looked up at all of the stairs he'd have to climb to get back to the penthouse floor. He was much too tired to summon Mjolnir (from wherever it had gone) and fly up, so he began walking. By the time he had come to the door of the penthouse he felt like collapsing, which he did - in the kitchen.

Bruce Banner was enjoying Natasha's party with everyone else, a little worried about where Thor had wandered off to, when Tony announced it was time for cake. Bruce had volunteered to go get it from the fridge. When the doctor stepped into the kitchen he saw Thor, cut up and bruised, lying on the floor with his cape wrinkled all around him.

"Thor!" Bruce exclaimed dropping to the Asgardian's side to check for a pulse. He found that Thor's heart was still going and then inspected him more closely, "Is this glass?"

"Hey Banner, what's taking so long with that cake?" Clint called.

"Thor's back!" Bruce answered, "But there's something wrong with him!"

"Ooh! Let me see!" Loki gracefully strolled out of the living room and peered down at his broken and crumpled brother, "It looks like he got in a fight with the Destroyer."

"What happened to him?" Steve asked.

"I don't know! I just walked in the kitchen and found him like this." Bruce explained.

"Poor guy," Natasha cooed, "Bring him in and set him on the couch."

It took Clint, Steve, Tony, and Bruce (Loki refused to help) working together to get Thor into the living room. They couldn't lift him onto the couch, so instead they covered him with a blanket and put a pillow under his head. Then the speculations began.

"I bet he was fighting off some horrible kind of alien!" Tony guessed, "He told me he was going birthday shopping, but maybe he just didn't want to scare us because the aliens were so terrible."

"Nah," Clint shook his head, "He probably fell off his bike again."

"And got that many scratches?" Bruce asked, "Plus where did the glass come from?"

"Maybe he was attacked." Natasha mused.

"With glass?" Steve countered.

"Torture?" Natasha shrugged, "They could have rolled him around in glass shards."

Loki sniffed arrogantly. "A good theory, but no. He was birthday shopping for you." The trickster pointed out a little blue box that Thor was clutching in his hand with a tag that read: Agent Romanoff, May yours be the happiest of birthdays.

Natasha pried the box out of Thor's hand and opened it. Inside there was a glass bubble containing a beautiful glass black widow. The faux spider was dangling from a delicate glass thread.

"Cool," Tony noted, "But how do you know he got all of his scrapes from birthday shopping?"

Loki flicked out a phone. At first the Avengers protested, remembering how addicted the Asgardian got to technology, but he merely flicked through the pictures and showed them a photo of Thor holding up two shelves laden with glassware. Once the picture had been shown Tony took the phone away from Loki.

"First of all, how did you get your hands on a phone?"

"I have my ways." Loki shrugged.

"Secondly, how did you take these pictures of Thor?"

Loki glimmered a green color for a moment and then looked like a teenage girl, Chloe. "I followed him because I was bored." Just then Thor woke up and spotted who he thought to be the girl who had caused him so much trouble in the glass store.

"You!" He moaned, sitting up, "How did you find me?"

Loki changed back into himself and winked. "Surprised?"

"Loki! You were the ones knocking down all of the glassware?! You are the one who caused me so much pain?"

"Indeed I was. What, did you not enjoy yourself?"

"Loki, did you cause for him to get all these scratches?" Bruce asked.

"I simply requested to see Mjolnir. Thor caused the rest of the problem himself."

"If you would have helped me then…"

"What do you say we open presents now?" Loki asked, producing a little green box from mid air. He offered the box to Natasha and she frowned at him.

"You open it." She commanded, wary of a prank.

Loki shrugged and pulled off the ribbon, opened the box, and took out a small black watch. Black Widow smiled slightly.

"Thank you Loki."

"Happy date of birth, agent." Loki smirked, handing her the watch.

Steve handed over his box next with a blush. "Uh, I didn't realize Loki had gotten you a watch so…" She opened the box and found a red white and blue watch.

"I love it. I can wear it on the Fourth of July." She smiled.

Bruce handed her his present awkwardly. "Um, here."

Natasha opened it and found a purple watch. "Oh, another watch," She smirked, "And in one of my favorite colors too!"

Iron Man handed over his box and Natasha opened it to find another watch, this one red and gold. She was about to say that she liked it when Tony held up his hand. "Wait! It's not like their lame watches, this one comes with…" He pushed a button and an Iron Man mask flew out of a closet and wrapped around her head, "A helmet!"

Iron Widow turned to him and nodded. In a robotic voice she said. "Thanks Tony, this is really cool," She took off the mask and added his watch to the collection on her wrist, "Any more wrist watches?"

"Nope! Not a wrist watch," Clint announced, "I got you this." He held out a box, which contained a necklace watch.

"Really guys? What's with the watches?"

"You're a woman." Loki answered.

"A sensible woman." Steve added.

"A watch seemed… perfect." They all said (except Thor).

"I did not purchase a timekeeping device for you!" The Asgardian prince announced, "But I seemed to have misplaced the present I did get."

"We already found it; I thought it was beautiful," She smiled, "I think I'll hang it in my window."

The rest of the party was pleasant and enjoyed by all. Thor was treated by Dr. Banner after a bite of cake and the god of thunder vowed never to go shopping in a glassware store again. Loki still snickered about the chaos he had caused, but stopped when Thor made him go to the shop and clean up the whole broken mess.