AN: Forgive me for the late update, RL had been hectic, This story arc consists of 3 different parts, in reality the whole chapter is only 30 pages so it's divided into 3, this is the first part. I beg for your patience because as you recall my native language is not English so my editor & beta reader has to review it first before seeing the light.

Don't forget to leave your comments, it's what feeds my muse and gives me the energy to continue.

Thanks to all those that have given me reviews and those who have read the story.

Now, on with the show…

Chapter 9 Breakup

Being an SVU detective was certainly not a 9 to 5 job, you always knew when you were supposed to be there, but not when you were supposed to leave. Even after an all nighter spent searching for clues, or catching up on any one of the many cases that could probably curl the toes even of the most experienced. Therefore, sleeping actually meant closing your eyes for a couple of hours and with any luck not having those images flashing through your mind as you try to catch some sleep in the crib.

During all those years in which Olivia Benson had been Detective she had never been bothered by waking at any hour of the night; her cell phone was always set to ring, whether it was to go to some unknown crime scene or to go interview a victim. No, it had never seemed a bother per se; it was part of the job after all, one that she had always been able to do willingly. It was true that sometimes these calls happened during the worst possible moments, in the middle of a date, in the early hours of the morning or when she had only just had less than 4 hours of sleep after a 48 hrs. shift. But all of these times Olivia would leave with an apology and with a promise of a phone call or another date to make up for the one that was missed. Soon enough the person who had been trying to go out with her was relegated to second place and then forgotten in the life of the detective.

Being honest with herself Olivia on more than one occasion was more grateful than not that this was so, knowing that she was dedicated to her work and what that meant for her on a personal level. She knew she dedicated herself to each case 100%, that she wouldn't rest until she found justice and many times a bitter taste would remain in her mouth if she failed. But even if she did so, didn't mean she stopped trying to be what she was all the way through, an SVU detective. It was her passion and her life.

Being a Police Officer or Detective put you in a position that normal people couldn't understand if they didn't live it themselves. In reality many people could not understand that they worked many hours with high levels of stress and danger for low salaries in comparison to other high risk jobs. It was certainly ironic that the people that put their lives in the service of others and on the line of fire trying to look for justice and security for our society should be paid too poorly. Normally Olivia didn't bother with those things, from childhood she had always wanted to be a Police Officer, she had always known what the price would be and what she would have to pay. Almost all of her life she had been a loner by choice, she didn't like the loneliness but she preferred it because either way there weren't many people that could understand her choice of career and what she had to go through every day. It was a high price to pay personally and emotionally; each case was like a dagger to the heart of the detective and it hurt her not being able to see justice done. Many more nights than not she would wake up in a cold sweat and chills knowing once again she'd had a nightmare related to her work that kept her tossing and turning in her bed.

Therefore, it wasn't odd that Olivia should be single or that she would only have an occasional date, most of the time canceled or interrupted by her work. It wasn't odd either for her to keep her private life private. Not even Elliot her work partner and her honorary adoptive brother knew if Olivia had or didn't have a boyfriend hidden somewhere. In fact, he didn't even know that Olivia was bisexual. On her days off se spent it doing who knew what.

Elliot was married and he took advantage of the infrequent days off to spend time with his family. Olivia however, took advantage to do things that normally she couldn't do, everyday things like wash clothes, clean the apartment, buying groceries, even though she usually ate out, after all what was the point of making a meal if it was only for one. Besides, with her odd hours she was never home long enough to make a meal.

So her fridge was usually empty, an occasional quart of milk past its expiration date, a couple of six packs of beer and some soft drinks. Her pantry consisted of the always-faithful jar of peanut butter and a few cans of soup and oatmeal. Olivia Benson's kitchen definitely was a sure sign of a woman married to her work and that rarely ever spent time at home.

However, all rules have their exception and Olivia Benson fell in love with the person she least expected and a woman to top it off. The problem wasn't that she was a woman, but that this woman was none other than Alexandra Cabot, the Assistant District Attorney assigned to their unit. That Alex might be interested in her would be a total surprise for Olivia; one that she nevertheless was willing to accept despite the consequences. Loving Alex was not something that Olivia could help. They had been going out for the last four months and even though for them it was official, it was a stable relationship but could potentially be dangerous and professionally disastrous for both of them if anyone found out. So both continued to maintain the status quo, for the outside world they were only colleagues and friends who occasionally went out together and had a few drinks after work, each one with their own lives.

The once normal but secret relationship that Olivia was dying to share with the world but was forbidden to do so was beginning to be a problem now. During the first three months of her relationship had been like a dream, it would seem that the powers that be had decided to give them an opportunity to get to know each other and settle into their relationship and therefore giving them time from their demanding work schedules. Even so, it appeared now that it had only been a temporary reprieve, since then it had been difficult for them to get together. In fact, just because they worked together seem to make things more impossible because either Olivia was on some investigation or Alex was preparing for trial, the same ones that Olivia was investigating, making it impossible for them to spend any quality time together.

These and other dark thoughts were causing Olivia to remain alone in her apartment with a beer in her hand wondering as some program was on TV only for the ambient noise and not because she was interested in what was on, noise to keep her company so she wouldn't feel so damn alone. It was her first free day in two weeks and Alex wasn't there. The woman she loved and who she was hoping was still her girlfriend was at the moment at a Gala benefiting the Cabot Foundation, hanging from the arm of some guy who could probably pass as an underwear model for Calvin Kline, and who had made it quite clear that he was interested in Alex.

Just recalling the scene that she saw just as she turned towards Alex's office made her blood boil with jealousy. Once Olivia had confirmed that she had the day off headed rapidly to the attorney's office to let her know and to make plans for that evening and the next day. What she saw on the way made her stop and make use of every known technique to calm down and not go over and beat the shit out of the guy that had his hand on Alex's arm invading her personal space and clearly marking her as his property. Alex was laughing at what he was saying and nodding, however, the attorney must have felt her presence because just then as Olivia was about to move towards her, Alex moved slightly away from the man in question.

"Of course George, at eight is fine, I'm sorry but I can't go any earlier I have a lot of work to do and it will be impossible to have dinner with you."

"That's ok." George accepted with a letdown look on his face. "At least you'll be my date at the function." He smiled charmingly at her and leaned closer to kiss her, which landed on her check when Alex moved her head. A kiss that Olivia tried to pass off as if she didn't care based on her body language, as she relaxes against the wall just to one side of Alex's office. However, a blind fury burned in the detective's eyes, a fire that only Alex could see. "I'll see you tomorrow Lex." The man said goodnight looking at Olivia from the corner of his eye.

"Goodnight George." Alex responded easily, turning to Olivia before opening the door to her office and inviting Olivia in with a slight nod of her head. Once the detective was inside Alex hurried to close the door securely, however when she tried to kiss Olivia she moved to aside and turned her back.

Alex closed her eyes and sighed. "Liv, it's not what you think."

"I know it's not what you think I think, I know it's not what it seems, but I do know what it is." Olivia spat out with clenched teeth. "If I thought it was what it seemed to be we wouldn't be here talking at this moment, 'Lex'" she added sarcastically.

"Liv, you know I have to attend the Gala. It's given by the Cabot Foundation, my mother expects me to be there." She said tiredly.

"And? Can't you go by yourself or with me?" She turned to look at her; you could see the distress in her face. Alex opened her mouth but Olivia jumped in. "Or can't you take a friend? Or is it that we can't even be seen as friends even in public?" She asked ironically. Olivia knew that she was over reacting but damn the consequences she knew well enough that they had to be careful but when she saw Alex with that man it was more than she could handle at that moment. She had only slept no more than 4 hours in the last 72 hours, she was at the point of collapse and the only thing she wanted was to spend some time with the woman she loved. Was that too much to ask for?

"Olivia, for God's sake, this event has been on my agenda for months and my mother expects me to go with George, he's an old friend of the family and we always go together." Alex tried to explain, even though it sounded lame even for her. "He means nothing to me Liv, I have known him since we were children."

"And probably your mother and his have always wanted for you and him to get married, right?" She muttered, seeing the answer in Alex's eyes. "I saw the way he treats you Alex, I'm a detective, it's obvious that he's interested in you."

"But not me Olivia, don't be so irrational." Alex begged impatiently "It's something I have to do. You know perfectly well that there are functions that I have to be at because of the Foundation and when there are official functions. You also go to the Police Dept. functions.

"I don't go on the arm of a man Alex at least I won't now that I'm with you, that's called respect. If I can't go with you I prefer not to go with anyone." Olivia declared feeling as if the little control she still had on her emotions was about to break.

Alex sighed profoundly and her eyes turned into blue icebergs. "Are you telling me that I don't respect our relationship detective? I thought you had more trust in me but obviously not. Good day Olivia, I have a lot of work to do." She said and headed for her desk moving around Olivia who was standing frozen staring at Alex in caged rage.

"I…" Olivia tried to say but she clinched her jaw, without another word opened the door, and rapidly left just barely avoiding running into anything or anyone in her blind fury.

Without looking back, Olivia left the building at OneHoganPlaza and took a taxi to her apartment. She was exhausted and she knew that in the state she was in it wouldn't do any good to try to apologize to Alex or even try to talk to her. Her reserves were down to zero and she might say something that she didn't really feel. The captain had given her the afternoon and the next day off to rest and she knew she needed it.

Without thinking about it, Olivia took a shower and threw herself on the bed without eating. She fell asleep immediately forgetting that her cell was almost dead and that she had left the telephone off the hook. When she woke up the next day, it was after noon. She got up and went to get something to eat, she was starving and she didn't have anything at home to fix. She couldn't stop thinking of Alex, however, when she tried to call from a public phone because she had forgotten her cell, the call went directly to voicemail and she remembered that Alex had told her the morning before that she'd be in court all day.

The day passed between making her purchases, cleaning up the apartment and doing the laundry. When she got back to the apartment from the laundry, she realized she had left the phone disconnected and that her cell phone was dead. She cursed under her breath and set the cell to charge; she then put the telephone in its place and decided to go see Alex as soon it was seven. When Olivia arrived at the attorney's building, she saw Alex leaving on the arm of George, dressed in a black satin strapless sheath. It was simple yet elegant. The attorney was laughing at something George had said and she looked at him as if he were the only man in the world. A red haze took over Olivia. With her arms tightly to her sides, she turned and left.

She went into the first bar she saw and had two shots of bourbon in one gulp. She could feel the anger and the jealousy eat away at her insides. She tried to rationalize what she had seen. She knew how Alex could make a persona feel as if they were the most important or make them feel like a scumbag. But knowing this didn't help mitigate what she was feeling at that moment. She asked herself and not for the first time if it was worth the suffering she was feeling at that moment. Olivia had always known that Alexandra Cabot was way out of her league and she never thought that Alex would be interested. However, what good was it if her love had to be hidden in a secret place like something dirty to look at. What did it matter loving her if to the rest of the world she had to pretend they were nothing, barely even friends? In addition, she had to swallow her anger and jealousy when she saw her in the arms of another for social functions as she called them.

For more than an hour Olivia sat at the bar with a drink in front of her thinking time and time again about Alex and how good she looked and how she hung on to her "childhood friend" arm. After her fourth drink, she decided that getting drunk would be not help. She paid her tab and took a taxi to her apartment. She was slightly drunk but what did it matter Seeing that she had plenty of overtime accumulated the first thing she did when she got to her apartment was call Captain Cragen, then asked for a couple of extra days off. Cragen agreed and told her to rest, it was smart to take a break when you needed it. He knew what the job they did could do to a person. Moreover, he knew that you could be burned out if you didn't take an occasional time out.

So now, she was in her apartment with a warm beer in her hand thinking; going over and over her life before and after Alex. She didn't think she'd be able to stand it, to go back to the empty and solitary life without the attorney but she didn't think she'd be able to move forward if that meant she would have to live with the "Social Dates" Alex had. In one way or another, she was on the losing end.

The first three months had been great between them. Alex had not gone out to any function or with anyone up until a month ago. At first, she took it as just a necessary evil to deal with but when those outings became more frequent -apparently during that time of the year the functions were more recurrent- Olivia began to resent the situation, but she had never had to witness her attorney with a 'pseudo' date outside of the office and that was what now was driving her mad. Not only had it been the social events, but also how demanding her work had gotten lately therefore more work for Alex as well. They hardly had any time together and that was driving Olivia crazy.

The times that they had managed to get together was usually interrupted by the ringing of the detective's cell. Alex always seemed to understand, she knew better than anyone what the job was and knew what it meant to Olivia to solve the case and what it meant for her. Nevertheless, was it worth it? Olivia would ask herself over and over again.

The pain she was feeling at the thought that maybe she had been stupid for falling in love might be too much. Both of them had a responsibility to their jobs. Both of them had a lot to lose if anyone found out what they had. Did they still have something?

Upset Olivia drank down the rest of the beer, turned off the TV and headed to her room, falling like a log on the bed. The bourbon shots she'd had and the beer combo had done their job. Olivia slept soundly, not even hearing the phone or the door that kept buzzing incessantly.

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