"Mujhe sab pata hai uncle! Sab kuch!" Deepak replied.
The calm voice sent chills down his spine. But why?
"isi mauke ka intezaar tha na tumko? Bata do use ki woh jo bhi soch raha hai, woh galat hai! Tumhare aur Shreya ke bich kuch nehi hai, bata do use!" his mind screamed to him. But Daya's voice did not obey his brain. He could not utter a single word.
After brief silence, Deepak started to speak again.
"aapko yaad hai, jis din hum pahli baar mile the, aapko aur maa ko yeh ajeeb laga ki maine aapko pahchana kaise! Waise maine jo kaha woh jhuth nehi tha! waqei jo police force join karne jaa raha hai, uske liye ACP Pradyuman, Abhijeet sir aur aapko na pahchanna na-mumkin hai! Par mere liye, baat sirf itni hi nehi hai! Aapka naam maine bohot pahle se janta hoon. Aapne bachpan se.
aapko pata hai, bachpan se lekar, bas kuch hi din pahle taq, meri maa hi meri puri duniya thi! Kyun ki unke siwa mera is duniya mein koi nehi tha jise apna kah sakun! Pita ka pyaar, parivaar ka sath, yeh sab kya hota hai, yeh toh mujhe pata hi nehi hai! Zyada dost bhi kabhi ban nehi paye! Mere school mein, aur society mein bhi, kuch bachhe aise the, jinke maa-baap unhe mere sath khelne se ya baat karne se rokhte the! Unko lagta tha ki mere sangat ka, unke bachho par bura asar padega. Aur kuch log aise bhi the jo, waise toh bohot achhe se pesh aate the, lekin jab bhi main unhe akela milta tha, kisi na kisi bahane se maa ke bare mein sawal poochte rahte the! Maa ke kitne dost hain, kaun kaun humare ghar mein aate hain, maa kisi ke sath kabhi bahar jati hain ya nehi! Ab woh aisa kyun karte the, yeh na toh mujhe tab samajh mein aaya, na hi aaj!"
Deepak said the last sentence chuckling, but the bitterness and pain was not hidden in his voice. Daya felt really bad for him. His own childhood memories were not so full of joy either, as he lost both of his parents in a tender age, and grew up in an orphanage, but he had his siblings! He had his own friend circle there, his teachers loved him, and most important thing, luckily, he never had to face such insensitive people, who love to shamelessly peep in other people's personal space and to make fun of their agony!
Before he could say anything, Deepak continued, "mujhe bilkul achha nehi lagta tha! Aur, aapko pata hai, mere dad ko lekar toh unke mann mein itne sawal the, jitna main ne kabhi maa nehi poocha! Yeh jante hue, ki un sawalo ka mere paas koi jawab nehi hai! (pause) lekin ek baat toh hai! In sab ke bich mein bhi, meri maa humesha sar uthake jeeti rahi! Kabhi kisika yeh himmat nehi hua ki unke samne koi galat ishara bhi kare! I am really proud of her."
Deepak stopped, getting little emotional! Daya could not resist himself form asking a question, though he was not sure that he should ask that or not- "aapne dad ko lekar, tumhare mann mein bhi toh kahin sawal honge, nehi?"
Deepak looked up, "nehi uncle! Haan, ek waqt pe zarur bohot sare sawal the, bura bhi lagta tha jab dusre bachhon ko unke mom aur dad dono ke sath dekhta tha, lekin maa se kabhi zyada sawal nehi kiya main ne! maa ne mujhe samjhaya ki, mere dad dusro ke dad ki tarah nehi hai, isliye woh humare sath nehi rahte! Bas, aur kuch nehi! Sari baatein samajhne ki umar toh nehi thi meri, par itna main samajh gaya, ki is bare mein agar main ne zyada sawal kiya, toh maa ko dukh hoga! isliye… na main ne kabhi poochne ki koshish kee, na maa ne kabhi kuch bataya!
Toh, kuch aisa hi tha mera bachpan. Sab kahte the ki main bohot shy hoon, introvert hoon, kisise khulke baat nehi karta! Sach toh yeh hai ki, mere sath koi properly baat nehi karta tha! School mein mere classmates the, aur society mein padosi ke bachhe! Dost ek bhi nehi tha!
Maa hi meri best friend thi. Aapni har baat main maa ke sath share karta tha. Aur mujhe lagta tha ki, maa bhi aisa hi karti hongi! Kyun ki woh kahti thi na, ki mere ilawa unka bhi is duniya mein koi nehi hai! Par ek din mujhe pata chala ki, main galat tha! Kuch baatein aisi hai, jo woh mere sath share nehi karti! Jis din main ne, pahli baar unke mooh se aap ka naam suna!
FLASHBACK:
6 years old Deepak woke up at midnight, due to a nightmare. He reached out to find his mother, but she was not in bed.
Deepak (with closed eyes)- mumma!
No answer.
Slowly, he opened eyes and found himself alone in the room. His mother was not there.
Deepak (frightened)- Mumma!
No answer.
Slowly, he got up and took baby steps towards the hall.
In the hall, Shreya was there, seated on the floor, and back rested on foot of the sofa. She was in a sleeveless nightgown, which was completely drenched. Wet, unruly hair spread over her shoulders, some on her face. Water-droplets were shining like pearls in the dim light all over her face. Some pearls are tears, of course, but now they were successfully hidden.
Her fingers were clutched to a framed photo, placed on her lap. A photo of the CID team. Her vision was fixed on the face of certain someone in the photo. Her lips were moving, 'Daya sir, Daya sir, Daya sir', in a low, but audible voice, she was saying the name repeatedly.
She was in a trance, she did not know for how long. A frightened cry brought her back in sense. She looked up, panicked.
Shreya- Deepak!
Within seconds, she did two things. First, she hid the photo under a cushion, then took shawl, placed on the back of the sofa and wrapped it around her shoulders. Then she ran to her son and pulled him in a hug.
Shreya- Deepak, kya hua beta? Ro kyun rahe ho?
Deepak (still sobbing)- mumma, kahan chali gayi thi aap? Main kitna darr gaya!
Shreya- aare, par mumma toh yehin hai, apne Deepak ke paas! Aur Deepak toh kitna bahadur bachha hai, hai na? toh darr kyun?
Deepak- woh… main na… us bhoot ko dekha, sapne mein! Woh TV serial wala bhoot… aur aap kamre mein nehi thi…
Shreya- ohh, Deepak! Main ne kaha tha na, aise serials mat dekho! Kal se tum sirf cartoon channels dekhoge, aur kuch nehi!
Deepak did not like the idea. He asked, frowning, "par aap kamre mein kyun nehi thi? Aur aap bhig kaise gayi?"
Shreya- woh main… bas aise hi! Kitni garmi hai na aaj, isliye main nahane chali gayi thi!
Deepak was not satisfied, "par aaj toh garmi nehi hai! Jab hum sone jaa rahe the, aapne toh sari khidkiyan bandh kar di, kyunki mujhe thand lag jayegi!"
Shreya bit her lips. She did not know what to say! She could not tell the kid what was happening to her. Why she had to take a shower in midnight!
The little boy was still talking, without waiting for answer, "mumma, aap ro rahi thi kya? Kya aapne bhi koi bura sapna dekha?"
Yes, she was crying. Not because of 'a' nightmare, but because of her life, which itself was a nightmare.
"mumma, Daya sir kaun hain?"
She looked at her son, shocked. The question from the child, who was the only ray of light in the darkness of her life, her only reason to breath, shook her from core.
"aap baar-baar unka naam le rahi thi, main ne suna! Kaun hain woh mumma?"
Shreya somehow controlled herself, then did the same thing which all adults do, when they don't have answer of a child's question, scolded him in fake anger, "Deepak, bohot zyada sawal karne lage ho tum aajkal! Itni derr raat taq jag rahe ho, kal school nehi jana? Chalo, jaldi se so jao!" then she scooped the kid in her arms and carried him to the bedroom.
FLASHBACK ENDS.
There was silence again in the car. Daya closed his eyes, a stray tear rolled down his cheek. Shreya… his Shreya was in pain! She was alone and… he could not be there for her!
After a few minutes, he managed to say, "phir?"
Deepak's voice was also heavy, "us raat ke bare mein hum ne phir kabhi baat nehi kee! Lekin woh raat, mere liye ek shuruwat thi. Bade hone ki shuruwat. Bachpan ke masumiyat ko khone ki shuruwat! Maa ko kya hua tha, kis dard se woh guzar rahi thi, yeh samajhne ki umar nehi thi meri! Lekin mujhe ahsaas hone laga ki, unki har muskaan ke piche kitna dard chupa hota hai! Mere sath hote hue bhi, woh bohot akeli hain, jis akelapan ko koi dur nehi kar sakta! Main bhi nehi! Aur, jitni strong woh dikhti hain, asal mein utni hain nehi!"
Daya- par tumko humare… I mean mere aur Shreya ke bare mein pata kaise chala? Aur kab? (his voice was little impatient)
Deepak- batata hoon uncle! Jaise jaise din beetne lage, aapka naam, aur woh raat mere liye ek distant memory banke rah gayi. Sayed maa ko yeh secret hi rakhna tha, lekin… kismat ko kuch aur hi manzoor tha! Isliye, jis sawal ka jawab maa ne mujhe us din nehi diya, woh mujhe pata chal hi gaya.
18 saal ka tha main tab! School complete karke collage jana shuru kiya. Collage mein mere kuch achhe dost bane, aur society ke logon ka behavior bhi, kafi normal hone laga!
Ek din, maa office gayi thi, aur main ghar pe akela tha. Main apna koi kitab dhoond raha tha, jo mujhe mere kamre mein mil nehi rahi thi. Toh main dekhne gaya ki kahin maa ke kamre mein toh nehi hai!
Maa ke kamre mein unka aapna ek study-table tha, in fact, abhi bhi hai! Mera woh kitab wahin pe thi, lekin us kitab dekhne se pahle hi, meri nazar kisi aur cheez pe padi! Us table ka ek drawer humesha lock rahta tha. Lekin us din woh khula tha! Shayed maa ne jaldi mein lock karna bhul gayi thi!
Main janta hoon uncle, ki jo main ne kiya woh sahi nehi tha! Har kisi ki privacy hoti hai, aur humein uska respect karna chahiye! Lekin us waqt main aapne aapko, ya phir yeh kahiye ki, apni curiosity ko rokh nehi paya!
Us drawer mein ek blue colour ka folder tha, aur kuch diaries! Bohot sambhalke rakha hua! Aur, aapka ek framed photo! Aapki woh CID team wali photo nehi, woh toh abhi bhi humare ghar ke diwar pe lagi hui hai! Aapka solo photo. Kafi purana lag raha tha! And truth to be spoken, jitney handsome aap hain, usse bhi zyada us photo mein lag rahe the!
Deepak said the last sentence with a cute smile, but Daya was not in a mood to enjoy the compliment.
Daya- us folder… aur woh diaries, kya tha us mein?
Deepak stared at him for a few seconds, then said, "pichle 20 saalon mein, jitni baar aapka naam, aapki tasveer, aapke bahaduri ki kahani newspaper mein aaye, un sare articles ke cuttings the us folder mein! Aur woh diaries, woh toh aur bhi purani! Unki shadi se bhi pahle ki. Aapke sath beetaya hua har ek pal ka hisab tha un diaries ke panno mein!
Unki CID ke din. Aapse pahli mulakat. Kis tarah har problem mein, har khatre mein aapne unka sath diya! Pyaar ka pahla ahsaas!
Uske baad, achanaq hi, bohot dino taq unhone kuch nehi likha! Aur jab phir se likhna shuru kiya, tab unki shadi tay ho chuki thi.
Main nehi janta ki unhone Siddharth Singh Rajput se shadi kyun kee thi, lekin aap manenge nehi, shadi ke muharat taq woh sirf aur sirf aapka intezaar kar rahi thi! Unhone likha, 'kya aisa nehi ho sakta, ki yeh shadi, yeh Siddharth, yeh sab ek lamba-sa sapna ho? Ya phir koi practical joke? Asal mein jiske sath meri shadi hone jaa rahi hai, woh aur koi nehi, mere Daya sir hain! Jaise filmon mein hota hai, kya asal zindegi mein ek baar bhi waisa nehi ho sakta?' par afsoos, film ki kahani mein, aur asli zindegi mein bohot fark hota hai!
With a deep sigh, Daya closed his eyes. He felt a sharp pain in his heart. Only if she knew, what he was going through at that time!
Deepak continued, " apni shadisuda zindegi ke bare mein unhone kuch nehi likha. Lekin us rishte mein woh, ek din ke liye bhi khush nehi rah payi! Warna har pal unko aapki yaad kyun aati!
Phir bhi, do saal aise hi beet gaya! Phir woh divorce! Pati aur sasural ke sath sath, aapne parivaar se bhi sara rishta toot gaya.
Bohot struggle kiya unhone! Apni zindegi izzat ke sath jeene ke liye, mujhe ek achhi parvarish dene ke liye! Un dino mein, jab unke sath koi nehi tha, tab sirf do wajah thi, jo unhe tootne nehi diya! Ek toh unka beta, yani main, aur dusra, aap!"
Daya looked at him, confused. Deepak smiled, "aap nehi jante, par aap hi the, jo zindegi ke sabse mushkil ghadi mein unka taqat bane! Jab bhi woh andar se tootne lagti thi, jab bhi unko lagta tha ki ab aur unse bardast nehi hoga, aapko yaad karke woh aapne aapko sambhalti thi! Jis tarah aapne Bhagwan ko yaad karke, insaan ko ek nayi ummeed ki roshni dikhai deti hai!"
Now Daya had to protest, "bas Deepak! Tum apne emotion mein kuch zyada hi bol rahe ho! Main koi Bhagwaan nehi, bas ek aam-insaan hoon!"
Deepak smiled, "woh baat nehi hai uncle! Dekhiye, Bhagwaan kaun hain, kaise hain, yeh toh kisi bhi insaan ko kabhi puri tarah samjh mein nehi aa sakta! Lekin ek aam-insaan ke liye, Bhagwan ek astha ka, ek viswaas ka naam hai. Bhagwaan woh hain, jinse bejijak aapne sare dukh-dard ki fariyaad kiya jaa sake! Sari duniya sath kyun na chod de, Bhagwaan toh aakhri saans taq dil mein base hote hain! Isliye toh kahte hai, jiska koi nehi hota, uska Bhagwaan hota hai! (pause) aur rahi baat aap dono ki toh, jab bina kisi swarth ke, koi kisi se sachha pyaar karta ho, toh woh pyaar pyaar nehi, puja ban jata hai! Aur aise pyaar karnewale ko, apne chahite mein hi Rab dikhai dete hain!"
Daya stared at him for a few seconds, stunned. Then he said in a low voice, "nehi Deepak! Bhagwaan ke paas insaan apna dukh-dard ki fariyaad sirf apne mann ka bojh halka karne ke liye toh nehi karte! Yeh ummeed ke sath karte ki woh sab thik kar denge! Agar main itna hi khas tha Shreya ke liye, toh usne aapne sabse mushkil waqt mein bhi, kabhi mere paas kyun nehi aayi? Mujhse koi madat lena toh dur, mujhe pata taq nehi chalne diya, ki woh kis halat mein hai!"
Deepak stayed silent for a few moments, then said, "aapke is sawal ka jawab mere paas nehi hai uncle! Ho sake toh aap maa se hi pooch lena! Lekin agar bura na mane toh, mere ek sawal ka jawab denge?"
Daya- poocho!
Deepak- aapne maa se shadi kyun nehi kee?
Daya (after brief silence)- is sawal ka jawab dena thoda mushkil hai mere liye! Kyun ki, shayed tum yakeen nehi karoge! Humari shadi isliye nehi ho payi kyun ki, main kabhi usse apne dil ki baat kah nehi paya. Galati meri thi! Main janta tha ki Shreya mujhe chahti hai. Lekin main ne apne dil ki awaaz kabhi sunne ki koshish hi nehi kee! Kya karta! Pyaar mein do baar dhokha khane ke baad, pyaar ke naam se hi darr lagta tha mujhe! Aur jabtaq mujhe yeh ahsaas hua ki, usse main kitna pyaar karta hoon, tabtaq bohot derr ho chuki thi. Uski shadi tay ho gayi thi Siddharth ke sath. Aur, us ke gharwale ka bhi kafi pressure tha uske upar, toh, majboori mein use yeh shadi karni padi.
Deepak (sigh)- oh! Isiliye, maa ne kabhi aapke khilaf kuch nehi likha! Aapse koi shikhayet nehi tha unka! Sirf ek sawal tha! "kya unke dil mein mere liye koi jaga hai?" (He looked at Daya and smiled) maa ko is sawal ka jawab shayed na mile, par mujhe toh mil gaya!
Daya bit his lip, and said without looking at him, "Deepak, tum jo soch rahe ho, waisa nehi hai! Tumne jo bhi kaha, woh sab bohot purani baatein hain! Har kisika past hota hai, humara bhi tha. Lekin aaj aisa kuch... tum samajh rahe ho na?"
Deepak grinned, "kisse jhuth bol rahe hain aap? Kise samjhana chahte hain? Mujhe? Ya aapne aapko? Agar yeh sab past hai, aap dono ke dil mein ab ek dusre ke liye kuch bhi nehi hai toh, kyun aaj bhi ek dusre ki har choti choti pasand na-pasand ka khyaal rahta hai aap dono ko? Kyun agar aap bimaar hote hain, toh unko taqleef hoti hai? Unko chot lagti hai toh aap kyun itne pareshan ho jate hain? Aur sabse badi baat, aap dono jab bhi ek dusre ke samne aate hain, aapki aankho mein jo chamak dikhai deti hai, woh pyaar nehi toh aur kya hai? Aap kitna bhi koshish kar lijiye, aap jhuth nehi bol sakte. Aapke anjaane mein hi, aapki aankhe, aapki muskaan, aapke chehre ki raunak, sab sach bata dete hai!"
Daya closed his eyes. He was completely in loss of words. The kid was right! But he could not understand what was going to Deepak's mind! He was Shreya's son, for God's sake! How could he…?
"main janta hoon aap kya soch rahe hain!"
Daya looked at him, startled.
A/N- probably the longest chapter, and most difficult to write. It will be continued in next 2-3 days.
Extremely sorry that I could not keep my promise, but this one was not in my control!
I would have completed this part of the stroy in one chapter, but it was getting too long. So I'll continue it in next chapter. Please stay tuned.