I couldn't keep from crying

'Sookie check the cakes!' Adele shouted from the back door, her arms filled with plastic plates and cutlery. Pam ran behind her a second later, with napkins and bowls, whilst I stood like a lemon on the porch holding a huge bag of coal.

Sookie bolted down the stairs to the sound of the cooker beeping, whilst I fought with the BBQ trying to get it set up ready to go, Adele and Pam laid out the long buffet table and we were all thoroughly worn out getting everything set up for tonight's event.

'That's a wrap folks.' Adele clapped her hands loudly, making Pam jump next to her. 'Thank God!' Sookie said coming out the back door to join us all. 'I'd say.' I muttered with a coal smudged face. Pam simply let out a long sigh.

And there we all stood for a couple of minutes in silence, the sun beaming down on us, despite the slight wintery chill brushing against us in the breeze. 'Lunch?' Sookie suddenly said, smiling hopefully at her Gran for good reason, whom simply agreed and made her way towards the kitchen.

'Oh no, not lunch.' Pam moaned, lagging behind, cautiously keeping distance between me and her I noticed.

'Come on little one, Nana's cooking.' I said, slowly walking towards her.

'But I'm not hungry.' She whined, continuing to retreat backwards. From my point of view I could see Sookie slowly sneak up behind Pam. 'You will be when the food's in front of you.' I said, hiding my smile as Sookie got nearer to Pam.

'No I don't want it.' Pam said defiantly.

'Tough.' Sookie suddenly chimed, grabbing my little girl from behind, and spinning her around.

We all ate lunch happily, despite Pam sulking as she shoved the food around her plate. Adele kept giving her disapproving looks until eventually Pam gave in and ate a little bit.

...

'Thanks for letting Pam invite her friend.' I said to Sookie, looking at her from my lawn chair. She shrugged, 'it really made no difference to me, as long as Pam was happy.' She said, ever beautiful when she smiled.

Suddenly a car pulled into the drive and Pam shot up from the grass area where she was playing and over to the car. I jumped up and grabbed her by the arm before she all but ran behind the reversing car.

'Careful little one.' I said, pulling her close to my leg. The next second, a tall, slim ginger haired girl came out and running up to Pam, both girls squealing and hugging. 'Jess!' Pam screamed jumping up and down. As they stood happily talking faster than the speed of light, I noticed Sookie have a good look at the two. I looked too, wondering what she was thinking.

Jessica was taller than Pam, and thicker set in the shoulders. The girl wasn't as smart as my daughter, but she was a good influence on Pam, she calmed her down a bit, as Pam could be a bit full on. I looked over towards Sookie who looked a little unsettled.

'What's the matter?' I asked, following her gaze over to Pam once again.

Sookie shook her head a little

'I just realised that Pam's very little isn't she. Nimble little thing.' She said, her voice sounding like she was hoping to God she didn't offend me. I just smiled.

'I know, she's a skinny little runt, is what you mean.' I said with a chuckle, it was true Pam was small, but she just didn't like eating much is all. Sookie looked relieved that awkward moment had passed.

Looking sideways at Sookie, I decided to show off my Dad skills. I swiftly pulled her up into my arms, balancing her on my hip, and then pulled Jess up, balancing her on the other and span around making space ship sounds.

Both girls laughed hysterically. I laughed too, loving playing like a kid and Sookie chuckled into her hand and eventually joined in, pretending to shoot back at us as we ran around the garden.

After Jess arrived and Pam and her were happily playing around the garden, more people arrived; and slowly but surely, everybody was here and I had the BBQ on full throttle, and I felt so happy. Sookie was talking avidly away with a few people, of course I had no idea who anyone was, but that didn't matter.

Adele was in heaven running through various documents at the table across from us with her friends and even Pam, my intelligent little child, couldn't help but wander over at one point and have a read and a look and point out some very clever facts about the information they were looking at, much to the adult's astonishment.

However, she soon got back to running around like a normal little girl, the two tumbling and scrapping like little tabby cats before long, obviously growing over tired like children do.

I handed the tongs over to Sookie's brother, Jason, he was an alright guy, and walked over to where Pam had hold of Jessica's hair whilst Jessica was straddling Pam, being bigger then her.

'That's enough girls, stop fighting, and take a time out.' I said, lifting Jess off Pam, and setting them both apart from each other. Both were blotchy and red and huffy. I looked at Pam expectedly.

'Five minutes ok, and no more cakes or anything sugary...both of you.' I said, playfully looking between both girls. They nodded looking upset and angry but I just walked away.

The evening carried on more or less the same, as people got more filled and happy and drunk.

...

Around ten in the evening, after Pam had said Goodbye to Jessica and was now playing a quiet game of chess with one of the old men from the group, I finally got some alone time with Sookie.

'Are you having fun?' She asked, leaning against me on the grass. 'Yes.' I said, trailing my fingers up and down her arm, as I watched the elders of the descendent group try and re-create an old ball room dance.

'Thank you for coming.' She said, placing a kiss on my chest, being the only place she could reach.

'Thanks for inviting us. Pam's had a brilliant time.' I said, tilting my head to kiss the top of hers.

And then, as she turned slightly, to give me a proper kiss, inches before our lips touched, my phone rang.

Fuck.

I knew who it would be; I knew it before I answered it, but for some reason that didn't stop me answering it. I walked away from Sookie feeling terrible as I made my way into the house.

'Eric Northman, just the man!' Russell's sickly voice drawled down the phone. 'My place, half an hour, no arguments.' And then he hung up. I cursed under my breath several times, crushing my little cell within my hands, growing angrier by the minute.

'Fuck.' I growled out between my teeth, not realising Sookie was right behind me.

'What's happening?' She asked reaching up to touch my shoulder.

'I...I got to go to work.' I finished lamely, I couldn't tell her the truth, not yet. She looked disappointed, but simply nodded. 'Shame.' She said running her hand down my chest and I chuckled despite myself.

'I would stay, honestly I would, but it's just, it's a work emergency.' I said when we were suddenly interrupted.

'Blar blar work emergency blar!' Pam suddenly said, completely unimpressed.

'Pam, come on, don't...' Sookie went to sooth when I simply cut her off, with a touch to the shoulder and then walked towards Pam who swiftly spun on her feet and left.

'What is your problem?' I somewhat spat despite not meaning too, approaching Pam in the living room where we stood alone.

'It's you!' She shot back, taking me by surprise, 'You and work!' She added and glared up at me with venom in her bright blue eyes. I laughed despite myself, 'Oh come on, don't be ridiculous!'

'Ridiculous!' She shrieked, 'It's anything but, you don't realise it, but think about it Daddy, think...' She said, stopping to catch her breath as her tiny body shook with anger.

'What?' I growled, really just thinking about how all this was just fucking Russell's fault.

'Think about the times you've gone to work, and I've been hurt and you're not there.' She said simply, looking at me, daring me to just deny it.

'I got hurt by mummy when you were at work; I nearly got hurt by Bill when you were at work. You always leave me.' She finished defiantly keeping eye contact the entire time, despite her bottom lip beginning to tremble.

'Pam...' I stuttered, feeling my heart clench painfully at the truth, images of Pam hurt flashing through my mind. 'I...' I said softly, crouching down to her, resting my hands on her little shoulders. 'I will be back before you go to bed and...' But suddenly, Pam interrupted me, shrugging out of my grip with force.

'Just piss off.' She said and I was in shock. 'Pamela...' I warned, standing up to my full height and looked down at her sternly.

'Yeah?' She spat, glaring up at me.

'You're pushing it young lady, massively.' I said angrily, hating that she even knew the word, let alone used it.

'And what if I am?' She said stubbornly, not knowing when to shut up or call it quits, being my stubborn little girl.

'You will be sent to bed and you will be punished.' I said calmly, hoping she just understood and stopped here. But with the sugar overdose she had today, the hours playing and running around and being overly tired, my little girl was a bit out of it and too wired to think clear and so overstepped the mark entirely.

'PISS OFF!' She shouted again, loudly and high pitched turning to run away from me.

I swiftly grabbed her by the arm and yanked her upstairs, not thinking about how rough I was being, as she struggled to keep up behind me, her feet practically not touching the floor.

I pushed open her bedroom door and dropped her on the bed unceremoniously and before she could regain control of herself, I had yanked at her top, forcing her arms up and whipped her top off. I turned to rifle through her suitcase for Pyjama's.

I threw the top at her. 'Put it on.' I demanded strictly, bending down to undo her shoes. 'Now!' I shouted when Pam had yet to move.

Whimpering and sniffling Pam managed to oblige my order this time.

I had her ready for bed in under a minute, before pulling her off the bed and standing her in front of me. She was crying to herself, whilst looking down at the floor. I silently placed one hand on her shoulder to steady her, and then gave a quick, but shocking stinging slap to the back of her legs. She gasped loudly stumbling into my chest.

'Daddy is very cross with you Pamela. You have been very naughty, and you know it is extremely wrong to curse. You are to go to bed, and think about what you've done.' I said strictly, looking directly into her eyes, unable to stop my hand coming out to wipe away her tears as she cried more and more.

'Goodnight.' I said as a final word, before wordlessly placing her on the bed and leaving, locking the door behind me. It took a lot of will power to walk away despite the sounds of my daughter calling me in tears.

I stormed down the stairs in a fury, grabbing my keys and wallet, shoving them in my pocket. I stopped, shutting my eyes for a long moment, trying desperately to calm down before I go and do whatever it is Russell has planned for tonight. With the adrenaline I had pumping through me right now I would cause serious damage and I seriously didn't want to.

'Go, and return home and she'll be waiting for you.' Sookie said, appearing behind me. I felt her arms encircle around my waist and hold me tight for a moment. I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding, and then, with a backwards glance at Sookie I nodded, pushing back the tears that were trying to force the way through at the situation I was placed it.

'Don't go to her.' I said somewhat harshly, and then left, losing any thoughts and feelings I had as I got in the car and turned into Eric Northman, Russell's lackey.

...

After beating yet another man to a pulp and driving way over the limit down a busy high street, I was sitting around Russell's large office with the rest of the petty gang, as he counted out the money and drugs, separating them accordingly.

I was hyped still as I anxiously watched the clock. It was nearly three in the morning. Pam would definitely be asleep now, and Sookie, I thought sadly.

'Hey Northman, take a line.' I suddenly heard Sophie-Ann say, and I was drawn out of my thoughts. 'What?' I said and she pointed with her eyes towards the neatly cut line of white powder before me.

I looked down at the small unimportant line...and I took it.

I don't know why I did, I don't know what possessed me, but I was riding on a wave that I could not stop.

I stumbled out the office a good half an hour later, fumbling like a drunken man for my keys. I managed to get my car door open and get inside. Pam's pink sweater was on the seat next me, and suddenly I felt the world come crashing down; along with the tears.

'What the fuck!' I screamed to myself, grabbing my hair in fists and pulling. I snatched the pink sweater up and held it tight to my face, crying into it.

I turned the key and began the drive back to Sookie's. On the way I began to plan, I needed to sort this out, my life, my connections, all for the sake of Pam.

And so I made a plan.

I got back to the Stackhouse's and I silently packed our bags and put them in the car. I then silently and ever so carefully picked up Pam and led her in the back of the car. She stayed asleep.

I placed the letter on the mantel piece and left.

Dear Sookie,

I can't explain for the life of me, how hard this is; but for reasons I cannot enclose right now, I have to go.

I have to take Pam away from here, and secure her a better life before I get sucked back into something that will mean destruction of us all if I stay. Please forgive me, I won't ask for you to wait, or anything of the sort, but do know I do plan to come back for you.

You have given me moments of perfect happiness and tiny flashes of the life I've longed so long for. And for that, I am eternally grateful. I will be back, just give me time. I promise.

Love

Eric

Hope you like it, please review if you did and thank you for those that did! Just a shortie

Chapter thirteen coming soon...