My many many thanks go to nii-sama for providing me with ideas for this chapter when I was completely stuck with what to do. He gave me the skeleton, I just gave meat to the bones. You are a genius nii-sama! Genius I say!

Ahh, I love the images I used here...

Chapter 11: Mirror, flower, water, moon

When the dawn came Aizen was still lying there. Still. Quiet. Motionless. The world was probably wondering where he was right now. Nobody would ever think to look for him though, but maybe it was better that way. And even if they did decide to look for him, nobody would ever think to search the room of his former fukutaichou. So it was doubtful that he would be found, if he were alive that is.

He did not stir until around noon, his eyes slowly and gradually opening when he regained his sense of consciousness. The light somewhat blinded him, his eyes being caught in the rays of sunlight shining in on him through the little window. He gritted his teeth in his sleep as he moved and shifted a little. He moaned softly as he gradually awakened from his long overdue twelve hour sleep. Opening his eyes he could see everything starting to come back into focus again, starting to un blur itself and sharpen and focus to he could see clearly again. His glasses were somewhere on the floor next to him, but he didn't know where. He could see without them anyway so it did not really matter all that much to him anyway. He dragged his body up from the bloody pool that he had been lying in all night and most of the day. Still with such conflicting emotions in him. Hurt, anger, rage, guilt.

He breathed deeply, taking a look at the self inflicted wounds on his wrists and his arms. The wounds that should have killed him.

After his breathing grew more and more ragged and uneven, he then flew into a screaming rage.

"Argh! Why aren't I dead?! WHY?! Why am I not fucking dead?!"

He screamed loudly, banging his fists and his head against the wall. He had wanted to die, he had wanted to fucking die, so why was he still here and awake? What kind of force had the power to keep him alive?

In his fit of anger he swung his arm out and knocked over one of Gin's vases, full of water with a white lily standing in it. He watched it fall down as time just slowed right down. Watching as it tumbled down towards the floor. Aizen stood there staring at it, watching as it fell, his pupils constricting and getting smaller, beads of sweat trickling down his entire body as the reflection of the falling vase became mirrored in his eyes. His heart was pounding so loudly that he could feel it bash against the inside of his chest and hear the beats in his ears.

His hands were twitching by his sides as he stood there and watched it smash into pieces, watching his very soul shatter along with it.

He just stood there. Staring at the broken pieces, and the water spreading quickly across the floor and merging in with the blood on the floor. Staring at the mess he has created. Not just the vase, but everything.

He stood there silently for a few minutes. Taking it all in. Angrily eyeing his destruction before falling to his knees into the pool of blood, crying again as he clutched his head in his hands.

"Why did it have to be like this?"

He lifted his head upwards to look at the plain white wall in front of him, staring blankly at it. His eyes starting to twitch as he saw everything that he had done that previous night replay upon that wall to him. Flashbacking to what he did to Gin. His mind putting all of the pieces back together.

And for a brief second his eyes dilate and it is in this brief second that his mind is completely reformed. All of the missing pieces to the puzzle immediately slot back into place, and he is horrified. He is horrified at what he sees, at what he remembers.

Though in an instant, his eyes begin to go dark again like those of a hollow and his pupils constrict again. His eyes then turn completely. Black as the night sky. Continuously twitching as he lost himself to a semi unconscious state. Losing his mind completely, breaking up again into pieces.

He got up again, unsteadily. He was unstable. In fact he was far from stable. He staggered almost drunk like. Almost like he was sleep walking. He was awake yet not awake, almost zombie like, in a way.

He walks towards the wall he was staring at previously and reveals the cuts on his wrists and begins to write the kanji for 'DIE' on the wall, smearing his blood everywhere, in a complete trance. Once more in the dream like state he was in between the transition of the two different personalities of himself. But he was stuck somewhere between the two. Right now he was neither one nor the other. He wrote the word out slowly, letting the blood pouring from his wrists thicken onto the pale wall as he wrote out his angst and pain. Breathing very heavily now as he wrote out the kanji largely onto the white wall. The blood trickling down his arm as he smeared most of it on to the white, staining it a deep dark red. He was still covered in both his and Gin's blood. It was on his clothes, on his skin. It was everywhere, there was just red everywhere. On the walls, on the floor. Everywhere.

He just finished writing out the kanji on the wall with his blood when all the strength to stay awake left his body. He couldn't even stand up any more, the amount of blood he had lost drained him and made him feel weak. Leading him to collapse onto the floor again, into the pool of blood and water. Cutting himself numerous times on the shards of the mirror that lay scattered around him, each red with blood. He collapsed again, slipping back into sleep again; a sleep from which he hoped that he would never wake up from.

He just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up…

He just lay there, bleeding out slowly again and waiting for the darkness to come to him again. Still covered in blood and water. The bloodstained flower lying somewhere out of his sight. Drifting off to sleep again, only to find that sleep only came over him when the moon came out and he could see it looking down upon his through the little bathroom window to Gin's room.

And as he lay there, he thought to himself, that if he were the moon then he would be a bloodstained moon. He was like the moon now, he was an illusion now. He was a self created illusion that he had to maintain, that he had been maintaining. The true side of him had consumed him, and now he was going to pay dearly for letting it. With no less than his very life. And no more than his very sanity.