A/N: Thanks to StormDragonfly, my ever patient beta, for taking the time to look over the chapter in record time. Any typos or grammatical errors in the chapter are mine alone.

Thanks also for the surprising number of story/fav story/fav author alerts. You guys are so kind!

Twilight isn't mine. No copyright infringement was intended.

Chapter 12

I found Carlisle's note waiting for me after I emerged from my room. It simply stated that he had gone off on a hunt and wouldn't be back until much later on. It was disappointing that he had been in such a hurry to leave, but I couldn't blame his haste due to the situation we'd found ourselves in barely an hour ago. All those uncomfortable glances – the tension – had sent us both running to our respective corners: me in my bathroom and him in the green wilderness just beyond the city limits. It was probably better this way, considering that I didn't know if I could face him without my face heating up and my heart hammering against my chest. Still… the house felt lonely without the clacking sound of his typing or seeing him sitting leisurely with a book in hand. Sighing, I went back to my room to grab my keys and cell phone.

Despite the fading daylight, it was still quite warm outside. Autumn would soon arrive, so I opted to enjoy the pleasant weather while I still had the chance. I walked a short distance until I happened upon an empty bench overlooking the bay. Surprisingly, there was no one else around except for the gulls that fought each other over scraps of ground litter. It was time I called Charlie and with some trepidation, I dialed the number to my house in Forks.

"Hello," my father greeted in his usual gruff voice.

"Hi, Dad."

"Kiddo! I was starting to wonder when I'd hear from you. How are things?"

I'm great, I wanted to say, but I decided against it. It would take way too much energy to fake enthusiasm, and even if he wouldn't call me out on it, he would still know that I was far from feeling all that wonderful. "I'm fine. How about you?"

"You know the usual – work, fishing and the sports channel," he said. "So, Bells… when were you thinking of heading back to Washington? Unless of course, uh, you and…"

Yes, I definitely knew where his inquiry was going and understood his hesitation. Even though Charlie was fond of Evan, I was sure that he was like any other father who, to some degree, dreaded the day that someone would take his daughter far away. If he had any say in the matter, I was certain that Charlie would try to convince us to settle as close to Forks as possible. "Well, you see, Dad… actually… I'm already back in Seattle."

"Is that right?" he asked, immediately perking up. "That's good! I'm glad that you and Evan have decided on settling down closer to home."

I winced and I was very thankful that this conversation was happening over the phone instead of face to face. The smile behind his voice was evident. Not only would he keep his daughter close, but he would be gaining a future son-in-law that shared his interest in watching sports. I hated to have to tell him the disappointing news. "Uh… that's the thing… I sort of came alone. Evan's staying in Vancouver."

"Oh?"

"Things didn't quite work out."

"Oh."

"Yup."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Bella. I'm assuming that you're staying with Angela for now?"

"Um… I'm not. I have my own place." It wasn't entirely true and I worried that he would ask more questions, so I quickly backtracked. "I mean, it belongs to Alice Cullen's family, but they said that I could stay here since they're out in the east."

"Uh-huh… and you're staying there by yourself? Edward isn't miraculously going to show up one day and –"

"Dad! It's been years," I interrupted, my cheeks flaming with indignation. It was hard to say whether I flipped out because of his insinuations or because I was guilty of lying about living alone. In the end, it didn't matter. I wasn't about to confess to Charlie that I was actually living with Edward's supposed father instead – because that didn't sound a hundred times worse.

"Okay, okay. Sorry for bringing that up," he pacified.

"It's okay," I said begrudgingly. "Anyway, I should get something for supper. I'll call again soon, okay?"

"Sure, kid. If you need anything, just call. I'm here for you."

I nodded even though he couldn't see it. "Thanks, Dad."

Some two weeks after my call with Charlie, I found myself fidgeting in the living room. I was beginning to feel restless. I had applied for several jobs shortly after coming back to Washington, but so far, there hadn't been a callback. With just a general BA degree, there wasn't much of a defined career path set out for me, but with my student loans to pay and my depleted savings, it was absolutely necessary to find work soon. I applied at various coffee shops and retail stores, but I was hoping that I would get one of the positions at the Seattle Public Library System instead. Of course it was likely that I would only end up stacking books or mopping floors, since I didn't have any substantial librarian credentials. Still… I would prefer that to selling perfume to pretentious women with ridiculous credit limits.

After checking my cell phone for the hundredth time in the last hour, I finally convinced myself to read something to keep my mind occupied. Just as I cracked a novel open, I caught sight of Carlisle glancing up at me briefly from the kitchen. He had a few hefty looking volumes I knew nothing about spread out on the entire surface of the table. He didn't volunteer any information to me and I hadn't asked about them. I frowned at the current unease between us. Things were by no means unpleasant, but our comfort around each other had definitely regressed since the painting incident. Instead of casual banters and playful nudges, we were excessively polite and kept more than a respectable amount of distance. It was awkward… and painfully so.

I sighed irritably as I tried to get past the two sentences that I had been reading over and over again. None of the words were registering in my brain. That or maybe my eyes were just blind to whatever was in front of them. I wished more than anything that my phone would ring and bring me some employment news, even if they were just a bunch of rejections. At least I would know something instead of waiting anxiously day after day. I grabbed my phone and examined it only to groan in exasperation. Except for the time displayed, nothing had changed from the last time I looked at it – no missed calls, nothing. As I shoved the phone back into my pocket, I felt movement on the opposite end of the sofa.

"I'm having some problems with concentration today. You seem to be having the same problem as well."

I looked up to find Carlisle leaning against the armrest. Of course, he was more than an arm's length away – the norm of the last couple of weeks. "That's quite the understatement for me," I replied, tossing the book aside.

"Would you like to discuss what's troubling you?" he asked carefully.

I recognized the initial dance people usually do when trying to reach out. It was up to me to meet him halfway. I missed what we had – I miss him. So what if we might never resolve what happened during those intensely awkward moments many days ago? We needed to get past it… I wanted to get past it. "Well… I was hoping to hear from one of the places that I applied at by now."

"Where have you applied so far?"

"Um… a few coffee shops, some retail stores in downtown… Oh and I also applied for a couple of positions at the public library." The sound of me verbally listing them felt pathetic, so I launched into my explanation hurriedly. "I know they're not the exactly the proper post-grad occupation. I should definitely be aiming for something more… and I will. It's just that, I have no income and I have student loan payments to make. So… retail, grocery bagger, barista – whatever. It's just temporary."

He listened without interrupting and when I finished babbling he was thoughtful for a minute. "I remember a similar conversation years ago. We talked about college applications and I offered you some assistance with tuition." He smiled warmly at the memory. "Of course you preferred to take sole responsibility for your education back then and I have no doubt that you feel the same about it today."

"I do."

"Just as I thought. I have great faith in your decisions, so if you think that working a temporary job for now is best, then I support you."

"Thanks..."

"However, I do have one request."

I quirked my brow up in confusion. "Uh, what would that be?"

"I ask that you save every penny for your loans and whatever personal expenses you have. Just don't allocate any of your pay toward rent."

"How did you know…"

"You may not be insisting on paying rent now, but I know it's only a matter of time until you start. You aren't the type to rely heavily on the kindness of others." He smiled knowingly at me. "Besides, there's no sense in paying rent to someone who doesn't want to make a profit on something he already owns. Well, that and… I don't really want to sully our circumstances by being treated like a landlord."

We were silent for a few beats as I contemplated what he said. "So, what is this exactly?" I asked, gesturing between us. "If we're not landlord and tenant, what are we?" I already knew what he was going to say, but something in me wanted to hear him say it out loud and confirm it.

He furrowed his brows so slightly that I probably would've missed it if I hadn't been looking at him. "We're friends who live together, Bella."

Of course. But my mind was flooded by the memory of him holding me close, gently wiping the paint off my forehead. The glances we stole. The emotional charge between us that didn't seem appropriate between those who claim to be just friends. Yet that was what we were. Inexplicably, something inside me sank a little.

"I'm sorry… I didn't know what came over me. Of course that's what we are," I said. He looked satisfied by what I said and moved from the armrest to sit next to me. For the first time in what felt like a long time, he placed his arm securely around my shoulders. I pressed myself closer to him and breathed in his comforting scent. "I'm sorry that things have been a bit uncomfortable lately."

"Why are you sorry? It's just the way things are sometimes."

"I don't mean just lately. It seems that things get unsettled between us after I say or do something stupid."

"What do you mean?"

"I was thinking about the night you told me about living like a nomad after you left the family. It bothered me and I had no right to feel that way. I practically pressured you into talking about your immediate past with me only to end up behaving like a slighted brat when I didn't like what I heard."

He sighed softly. "I can't blame you for being disappointed in me because I feel the same way. You're right about me being indolent the last two years. Your disapproval was completely warranted."

"But why did you really leave?" I asked cautiously in fear of tempting another argument. I half expected Carlisle to pull away, but he did nothing of the sort. Instead, he pulled me more snugly against him.

"I left because of Esme. I wanted to give her a chance at true love."

I was stunned. "True love? But isn't that what you two have?"

"It's love, in a manner of speaking. We cared and supported each other over many decades. We were partners – great friends – but I do not believe that we were ever truly in love.

"I'm not sure if you're aware that I met Esme as a young woman before she was married. She was bright – lovely – and I was quite smitten by her charm. When I learned of what she had suffered through years later, I grieved for the waste that had become of her life, so I saved her in the only way that I could. When she opened her eyes for the first time, I was gripped with happiness, relief – all the wonderful feelings. I had mistaken them for falling in love. I mean, how could it not be love? Who would not fall in love with such a beautiful woman who had taken to her second life with such grace?"

I nodded to convey my agreement, though I was honestly more concerned about not turning into the shade of green I felt inside. Was I envious because I would never attain such physical beauty or was I envious because he found her beautiful? I swallowed thickly at the irrationality of my thoughts.

He went on, seemingly unaware of my somewhat divided attention. "Unfortunately, it took many years for me to realize that our relationship, though loving, lacked the passion that I've seen in other couples. Of course, with only Rosalie and Emmett to compare to in the beginning, I assumed that our love was merely of the quieter and calmer type. But after Alice and Jasper joined the family, my earlier suspicion resurfaced and it didn't take long for Esme to make the same observation as well. We became more than a little envious of the other couples. Knowing what we were missing and the likelihood that we would not find it from each other, I wanted to do the right thing and give her a chance to find someone who could love her the way she deserved. It pains me to leave my companion and my family, but it is the only way I could think of that would leave her free to find love without interference."

"Agape," I murmured in reference to unselfish and benevolent love.

"If only that was true," he replied while he shook his head slowly. "It would be agape if I was doing this solely for her. It would be a selfless act if I didn't leave to avoid the pain of watching her find someone to fall in love with."

"It couldn't be helped," I reasoned. "You have been with her for almost a century. Even if you say you weren't truly in love with her, it would still hurt a great deal to watch your best friend pledge herself to another person if you didn't have someone as well.

"Now that you've explained why you left, I can understand why you wouldn't want to be around anyone... why you'd want to keep moving. Seeing families in hospitals or watching neighbors receive visitors would only remind you of what you walked away from." I placed my hand reassuringly on top of the one he had on my shoulder. "It may not be much, but I'm here for you, Carlisle, if you're willing to put up with me."

"My dear Bella," he said as he pressed a kiss on my head, "you have no idea how much it means to me to have you here."

I nodded, unable to formulate an appropriate response to his sentiment. He gave my shoulders an appreciative squeeze before returning to the kitchen to resume his activity. I remained where I sat and thought about Esme on the other side of the continent. Out of a daughterly sense of obligation, I hoped that she would not be without her soulmate for very long. I couldn't think of anyone more deserving than the woman who loved and found good in everyone.

As I watched Carlisle flip through his books, I realized that I couldn't find that same familial feeling for him that I had toward his onetime wife. Instead, I wondered how much of what I knew of him was distorted by the romanticized view of the naïve high school student that I used to be. Now that I had come to view the world with a little less idealism over the years, I found myself wanting to get to know him all over again. I wanted to know what made him happy, what pushed his buttons – what made him him.

But to what end? I asked myself, to which I had no immediate answer.

"Really, Ang, you didn't have to visit me at work."

"Of course I do. What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't keep tabs on my best pal?" she said as she took a sip of her mochaccino.

"A phone call would've sufficed." I smiled despite my snarky tone. Truth was, I was glad that Angela had dropped by in the middle of the afternoon at the café I worked at near the university campus. I had only been working there for a few days and already I was bored to tears. However, I wouldn't even begin to complain since Ellen, the owner, was nice enough to give me more hours than her other employees. I was sure that much of that had to do with the fact that they were full time students and I was not, but it didn't change how thankful I was.

"Yeah, well, I need to talk to you about something and I didn't want to go over it on the phone."

"Hold on a sec," I said before I made a quick dash to the back room. I wanted to make sure Ellen was still out on errands before I got into a potentially deep personal conversation. Seeing no sign of her, I walked back to Angela who was eyeing a lemon chiffon cupcake. I grabbed one from inside the glass enclosure and placed it on a small plate. "This one's on me, now spill."

"So… Evan called last night," she said without preamble. "He wanted to check up on you, but he was too afraid that you wouldn't talk to him."

"How is he?" I asked, averting my eyes.

"He didn't say much, but I can tell he's still pretty hung up on you. Listen, Bella… I think you should talk to him. It's been weeks and I don't think you two had a proper closure."

"I know, you're right about the closure thing, but I don't know what he's expecting. I've moved on with my life already, Ang. I don't know if that'll just hurt him more."

"He's a grown man. You just have to say your peace and let him handle it. If he's still thinking that you'd get back together with him, then perhaps it would be a great kindness to free him of that false hope."

I chewed my lip thoughtfully before nodding in agreement.

Later that night, after clearing my dishes, I excused myself from the house and walked the short distance to the same bench where I made the call to Charlie. Unlike that time, when the breeze still carried the warmth of the afternoon sun, the evening air tonight had a slight chill to it. I dialed Evan's number and pulled my twill jacket tighter around my body as I waited for him to answer. He picked up after the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Ev," I answered.

"Bella! I'm so glad to hear from you. Uh, I hate to do this, but can you hold on for a sec? I'm just finishing up something here at work…"

"It's okay. I can call you back if it's a bad time –"

"No! Please, don't hang up. This will only take a second, I promise," he protested. I heard his muffled voice give out some instructions to someone in the background. He sounded really eager to finish up and continue our call, so I waited patiently on the line. "Hi, I'm back."

"Hi."

"I'm glad you called."

"You said that already."

He gave a shaky laugh. "Sorry… I guess I'm a little nervous."

"Don't be... I'm still me."

"I know. So, how are you?"

"I'm okay… Actually, I'm doing pretty well."

"That's really good to hear."

"How about you? Are you doing okay up there?"

"Work's been keeping me busy, but not busy enough."

"What do you mean?" I asked. From what I remembered about his current job, he had a heavy workload that usually prevented us from spending too much time together. I suddenly felt a pang of concern upon hearing that he wanted to be even busier than he already was.

"I just like to be kept occupied," he replied tiredly. "It keeps me from thinking about my personal life and how pathetic it is."

"I see."

Silence.

"Is it alright with you if I come down for a visit?"

"Oh… I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Please? I just want to see for myself how you're doing – to know firsthand that you're really okay. I thought maybe I could bring the things you left behind here, if you want."

Although it had already been a few weeks since I saw him last, I wasn't sure that I was ready to see him. A phone call still had some guise of safety because we couldn't touch and see each other. Yet with the way I walked out on him, I felt a little like I owed him at least this one request. "Um… I guess we can work something out."

"Really? I was afraid that you'd say no." Evan sighed audibly, with what I guessed was relief. "Is there somewhere specific you want to meet up?"

"We can meet where I work, if you like. I can text you the address and decide on when."

"Okay, that sounds good. I guess I'll be hearing from you."

"Yeah, soon," I said as I fiddled with my sleeve.

"Okay. Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Ev."

After hitting the "End" button, I leaned back against the hard, cold bench and watched the sky get progressively inkier by the minute. I replayed our short conversation a few times in my mind and thought about how much I missed the sound of his voice. It would be lying to deny that a part of me still lamented over the loss of what we would've become had things been different.

I lost track of how much time had passed until I felt someone drape a soft throw around my shoulders. I glanced up and found a smiling Carlisle bent slightly toward me from the back of the bench. "Thanks."

"I was worried that you might be getting cold."

I shivered, noticing for the first time that a cold breeze had started sometime during my musings. "It's a good thing that you came," I said as I secured the small blanket around me.

"Shall we head home then?" he asked as he held out his hand to me.

I placed my hand in his, which he tucked under his arm. "Yes, let's go."

At some point during the walk home, I found myself leaning against him, all thoughts of Evan quickly taking a backseat.