Uneasy Lies the Head that Wears the Crown

The days turned into weeks and Shepard's crew continued to grow in size. They had accumulated quite the tableau of skilled individuals. From the explosively powerful biotic Jack known throughout Cerberus as Subject Zero, to the self named Grunt- a tank bred, pureblood krogan left for them by Warlord Okeer. She found herself falling into her oldest of routines, and patterns; making rounds about the ship as she did on the SR1. Even finding herself caring about her Cerberus crew members. Finally after all these weeks she was beginning to feel a bit more normal. A bit more like Shepard. She and Garrus were doing well, if she could only manage to stop fixating…

The days passed and every morning she woke beside Garrus, somehow feeling both better and worse. She couldn't stop thinking about the distance growing between them. It seemed to creep closer each day weighing heavy in even their closest moments. It was getting really hard to be so close to him, so… intimate. But also so far away at the same time. It felt like he would go between playing the role of partner to that of parent or older sibling… It was confusing. Awkward. Mostly though, it was hard. His affectionate protection reminded her that she wasn't alone, that he was watching her six. But sometimes it reminded her how different she was now. That protectiveness almost felt like he didn't trust her abilities anymore, like he didn't trust her anymore. She of all people knew how weird all of this was. How strange the glow of her scars were, even if they had begun to fade. The fact that she had always only been a soldier, but now she had these almost uncontrollable biotic powers. Getting used to that wasn't close to the strangest part of her life, and she knew it. She noticed how quickly her wounds healed, how much faster and controlled she was in battle. Learning quickly though that control in battle was entirely different from controlling emotions. If anyone knew how weird this all was, it was her. But most days she felt normal. Right. Real. Garrus always keeping her at arms length reminded her that she wasn't. He knew her better than anyone, if she had come back wrong he'd have know, wouldn't he? She wasn't right. But not quite wrong either. She was still Jane, but also she wasn't.

Different. Just a few upgrades…

Just like Saren.

No. Not like Saren. You are nothing like him.

Could this be why Garrus had been so distant? Could he see what she had become? A monster… something inhuman. Like Saren. Not right. But not wrong either… A Cerberus tool brought back from the grave only to die again at the perfect time. It made her sad to think about, but what else could it be? She knew there was something between them. Something strong and special. The way he'd look at her sometimes, she just knew he had to feel it too. There were moments where it felt like he was about to kiss her again as he had on the Docking Bay. But anytime he got too close, something stopped him. She could see something changing in his eyes as he shut himself off from her yet again. Could he have really met someone while she had been dead? Two years is a long time... Whatever it was holding him back only reminded her how hollow she felt inside. Of how she was alone even when she wasn't. Reminding her that she wasn't right. Not really. But she wasn't wrong either… Or was she just going insane creating problems where there were none?

No matter what was or wasn't wrong with her, she needed to focus. More than once she had been reminded on how important this mission was; how important she was. Knowing her crew's resolve had to be strong, she did what she could to help them tie up their loose ends. Even encouraging them to mingle, make friends… be nice to each other if they could manage. She even went as far to require mandatory weekly dinners for awhile there. No exceptions. Once a week wasn't that bad, and as the meetings went on they changed from a requirement to everyone just wanting to spend time together. They all knew how likely it was that they all would die in just a few weeks time, so why not enjoy what time they had left? No one talked about it, but they all knew what was coming. Time was running out— each day bringing them closer to their one way trip through the Omega 4 relay. A day closer to their suicide mission. A day closer to the end... No, she wasn't going to let that happen. Somehow they would figure a way back through that relay. She wasn't going to throw her life away that easy.

In attempts at normalcy she went about her business as usual. One mission at a time she and Garrus helped their crew members find peace, or ran random under the radar jobs for Hackett. Being on the field with Garrus was just about the only time she felt like things hadn't changed. Even if she wanted to leave him behind, she couldn't. She just didn't feel as safe without him, and fighting without him wasn't going to happen; Even with the awkwardness between them he was still her second, he was still her best friend. Miranda may have held the official title and all the perks that came with it, but everyone knew Garrus was her real number two. Once the crew grew comfortable in their new roles, she noticed a change in them. More specifically she noticed a change in Miranda. Ever since Shepard helped with her sister, it almost felt as though they were… dare she say it— friends. Like Miranda actually cared about her further than just some science project. As strange as the friendship was she really needed it, especially with her complicated situation with Garrus. As she grew closer with each of her new squad members, she learned all about them. Always having a way of making you feel like even the simplest of questions asked were important to her. That she truly cared about your answers. It was easy for her, because she did. Knowing them gave her strength. Something to fight for.

"I would fuck that turian into next week." Jack expressed a bit too loudly, licking her lips as she leaned back on to the table, she pulled Shepard forcefully from her thoughts of the mission. She immediately regretted her last train of thought. Maybe I could do with out Jack... Kidding. Mostly.

The Mess Hall was fairly quiet, well besides the giggling coming from Gabby and Kelly at Jack's confession. Shepard wasn't going to have time to think about anything important now, not here with these three. Her attention was brought back to the table as she began listening to them speak. Whatever they had been on about before had been completely blocked out, she had no idea for how long either. Looking down at the plate full of food that had grown cold, she eyed it suspiciously. Everyone was always talking about how bad Gardner's food was... maybe it would be best she stick to rations. At least until she got around to that grocery list. Not to self: buy the damn food, preferably before we all die. Sliding the beer she held loosely in her hand to her lips she took a swig. Focusing to Jack again, she wished she hadn't. Once again she was on about how bad she wanted to sleep with Garrus. Just about any chance she got she was talking about it to be clear. To the point that it was getting more than a little irritating for Shepard. Every time it happened she felt her ears growing warm, as a little bit of anger steeped into her. Squeezing the neck of her bottle tighter as she imagined Garrus accepting the offer. For a second she let herself see them kissing. Embracing. Removing each others clothing in a fit of unchecked passion.

No. Stop. You aren't together. It doesn't matter.

"That's not surprising. Your psych profile did mention your tendency to use sex as a tool… and well, your interest in aliens. I'm not judging you, Jack. I find both Garrus and Thane very attractive. Thane especially is just so sexy and mysterio—" Kelly started softly nudging Gabby as they began to giggle, but was cut off but a very unamused Jack.

"Keep your damn nose out of my files, you hear me? Unless you want me bringing up that creepy fucking —" Jack threatened but was forcefully shushed by a more docile and compliant Kelly. "That's what I thought, Red." Pulling her cheek into her teeth, she bit it lightly staring towards the main battery.

"Too bad for you, Jack." Miranda cut in loudly. "But I'm fairly certain Mr. Vakarian is already involved." She finished pouring hot water into a mug in the kitchenette, not looking away from her tea.

"Fuck you, Cheerleader, mind your own damn business…" She yelled back, her hand glowing a light electric white. But after a second curiosity got the best of her and she couldn't help but continue. "With who?"

"Hah… I don't see how that's any of your business. But I wouldn't try it unless you feel like getting rejected." Miranda's cold voice antagonizing her, as she raised her mug to her lips blowing on the molten liquid inside. "Something in your file tells me you don't."

"Are you telling me you're fucking him then?" Sliding her legs up and around to the other side of the table she now faced Miranda head on.

"Don't be ridiculous." Chuckling as she threw a quick glance towards Shepard, one which was returned with slightly pleading eyes, full of confusion and desperation. Did Miranda know something she didn't? Now that she thought about it, her crush on Garrus couldn't really be a secret to Miranda; if you could call it a 'crush' anymore. Miranda had been there since the beginning, she had seen everything since their reunion on Omega. If anyone knew how she felt about him, it would be her.

"Whatever… like he'd be into an uptight bitch like you anyway." Jack scoffed turning back to her table mates, slight annoyance in her voice as the tingle at her hands dissipated. Jack had been considerably better since Shepard took her to Pragia. Who knew blowing the place up would have been so therapeutic for Jack. Shepard had even managed to defuse most of the tension between her and Miranda; they would at least wait until after the mission to kill each other, so that was something.

As she thought about it, she realized what Miranda had been alluding to, and begged the goddess— the spirits, whoever— to please not let anyone have catch on. Growing increasingly uncomfortable by the turn of events she realized that maybe becoming friends with everyone on the ship wasn't such a good idea after all… It was clear what Miranda was trying to do, but why? Was this her weird way of showing friendship? Was this Miranda trying to… help? Good intentions aside, Miranda only managed to embarrass her.

"Shepard, you're always with him. Is he seeing anyone?" Kelly asked curiously, only a mild hint of suspicion and accusation in her voice. Shepard would have to think quickly… She didn't want any anything circulating the Normandy, or even worse to leave the ship. There were already enough rumors cycling around about her and Cerberus, she didn't need to add drama from her personal life into it.

"That my friends is as much my business as it is yours." Smiling lightly she looked towards the main battery, feeling her heart grow a little heavy. Maybe that was why he was distant lately. Maybe he really had met someone and fallen in love while she had been gone… Maybe that was why he'd never let himself really be with her in those moments. Thinking about it now wouldn't do a thing, those questions should be saved for another day.

"Fuck that." Scoffing as she nudged Shepard in the shoulder, continuing with a light and juvenile posture; Only a slight air of mischief. "You know, Shepard. You better fucking spill." Jack leaned over rubbing her hands together excitedly.

"If he's seeing anyone, he hasn't told me about it." She said in a calm collected voice, shooting Miranda a look— catching a small smirk leave her lips as she turned the corner to her office. She hadn't been lying. They weren't together. And if he had met someone, he sure didn't care to share that information. But it wasn't like he was sharing much of anything with her now a days…

"Bullshit. Either he's fucking you, or—"

"Okay, then!" Shepard stood up far too quickly, bumping the table she caused everything to stir and shuttle. She hadn't failed to catch the look she got from each of the girls. "I think that's enough excitement for one day. I'm... tired. Now. Goodnight." Turning quickly she walked to the elevator, repeatedly smashing the call button; she could not get out of there fast enough. Why the hell did she have to be so damn awkward. If it wasn't obvious before, it was definitely obvious then. Pinching the bridge of her nose she looked down, suppressing a laugh.

Finally peace was promised as she heard the chime and watched the elevator doors slowly slide open. Inside Thane stood, very calm and solemn as usual. Shepard spent a decent amount of time with him considering. Garrus may have been with her every night, but he spent most days calibrating, and it felt a lot like he was just avoiding her. Since she had a lot more free time, she got to know Thane. She found him very interesting having been the first drell she had met, but not only that he seemed insightful. Maybe she could learn something about herself by spending time with someone so wise. Over time he told her about his wife. How they met, fell in love, then all about how he lost her. Basically Thane was a whole shipload of sorrow, but somehow that pain only seemed to make him stronger. She admired that about him. Not only that, but Thane was easy to talk to. He always seemed so calm and in control and hoped that maybe she could learn a thing or two about controlling herself by befriending him.

"Thane. I wasn't expecting to see you in there." She smiled signaling for him to exit, but he shook his head.

"I was hoping to speak with you, but you weren't in your quarters." His voice was deep, raspy; he always spoke with precision and grace. She could definitely see why Kelly had called him sexy before.

"I'm heading there now, is everything alright?" Stepping in next to him, she pressed the button for her level. The ride up was silent, she never was very good at small talk. Once they entered her quarters, she sat on the couch signaling him to join her.

Thane stood tall with his arms fastened behind his back as he finally began to speak. "I was hoping you would assist me with something important. I have some matters to attend to on the Citadel."

"Alright. Do you care to elaborate?" Her voice growing curious as she shifted her weight beneath her.

"I have a son." As he spoke he stepped closer, sitting beside her on the couch. "Kolyat hasn't made many good choices in his life so far. The path he is on is full of darkness and pain. I wish to stop him before it becomes too late, before he cannot forgive himself." Pausing for a moment, he thought on his next words. "I'm ashamed to admit it, but when he was a boy I left him to carry out my own vengeance…"

"That's… not the choice I would have expected." Her voice was soft as she turned toward him, brow lowered deep in thought.

"After Kolyat's mother was murdered, I did something I normally wouldn't have. I killed for myself. Out of spite and rage. I hunted the men who took her from me, killing every last one of them. I didn't want to leave Kolyat, but it needed to be done. I do not regret killing them, Shia. I would do it again, I assure you. I Only regret the decision to leave him behind. It seems my absence has cause him more distress than I would have anticipated." Thane managed to keep his voice level and controlled, even though all of this had to be painful. "I need to fix this."

Hearing him talk about the rage he felt reminded her of Garrus and how he flipped out on Kaidan. Then her mind moved to the conversation they'd had about Sidonis and his crew all those weeks ago… She didn't want the same heaviness Thane wore to burden her best friend. Her…

"I can understand that. It's not easy losing someone close to you." She finished looking to the table beside them, losing herself while staring at the empty wine glasses and datapads scattered about. "We'll make sure it's done, okay?" Giving his shoulder a firm squeeze, she realized how close he had been sitting to her. Before she could really react to the look in his eyes, she heard the mechanical buzz behind them. She stood ready to greet Garrus with a wide smile knowing it would be him.

"Shepard, I—" Stopping mid sentence when he noticed she had a late night guest. Looking over them he held his mandibles light in surprise. Noticing how close they had been to each other sent knots in his stomach. Feeling his chest growing heavy he forced himself to speak again. "If you're busy, I can come back another time…" His voice trailed off as he looked to the side feeling himself stiffen.

Squinting her eyes at him, she wondered what was he on about. She shifted her weight uncomfortably as she crossed her arms feeling the slightest air of concern seep into her voice. "Garrus?"

Feeling the air of the room Thane stood ready to leave, "I think I'll be going now. We can discuss this more tomorrow, Shia. Thank you for speaking to me so late." Garrus watched as Thane finished his words, extending a hand to her. Noticing the way he held her delicate hand in his a few moments too long before turning and leaving the room.

Garrus could feel the heat rising from his stomach as it stretched up his chest and ended in his throat. Pulling tightly around his neck, it held him in place. His mandibles clenching tightly to his face now, the look of surprise replaced by that of jealousy. He didn't like how close he had been to her… How long he held her hand in his. At the same time did he have any right to feel that way? Shepard wasn't his… Maybe they spent every night safely in each others arms, but the last time they were actually involved had been years ago. Not only that, but he knew he had been pushing her away. He was pushing her away because she deserved so much better than him. He was pushing her away to save her from the mess of a person he'd become. Plus, she had been spending a lot of time with the drell hadn't she…

"Garrus, you okay? You're like…" As she stepped closer, he could see the concern growing on her face. "You look like you're about to have an aneurism. And are you… growling?" Fully closing the space between them, she stood intently searching for any indication as to what could be wrong.

"Hmm? No. I'm fine, Shepard." Shaking his head as he stepped back and cleared his throat surprising the rumbling in his chest. Some days he didn't really know why he was pulling away, or why he was lying to her. Shepard was the only thing that mattered to him, but he found himself making excuses or isolating himself anytime she'd come around. Maybe it was because he knew he wasn't good enough for her, that he'd never be good enough for her. He couldn't let himself be with her with the man he had become… Not with how badly he failed. She deserved a better man than he could ever be.

"What's wrong, Garrus?" When she spoke this time her voice was weak, scared even.

"I just don't feel very well all of a sudden. It's nothing, really Shepard…" Realizing just how bad he was at lying to her, he looked away. Knowing he had no right didn't stop him from wanting to ask what Thane was doing up there, or why he had a pet name for her. He wanted to ask why they had been spending so much time together. But most of all, what he really wanted to do was grab her and press his mouth to hers again. To taste her again… He knew that he had hit bottom, and that being with Shepard helped all of that- but it didn't erase what two years without her had done.

"Really? You're gonna do this?" Growing anxious she pulled her lip in biting it hard, as she steadily tapped her toe beneath her.

The smell of her blood pulled him from his compulsions. "Do what?" He said flatly, still not looking her in the eyes. Why he was acting like such a child, he didn't know. Or maybe he did, but that didn't excuse it. Watching as she stepped closer to him now forcing his eyes to her own. The way those big emerald gems looked up at him full of doubt and bewilderment. The way the light from the fish tank illuminated her pale skin… Of course she was confused, he was being ridiculous. Knowing that didn't stop him from acting that way though.

"Come back to me." Shepard slid a hand up his chest ending at his neck, pressing her body against his as she held his face lightly in her hands. The sudden closeness surprising both of them. She wasn't sure what she was doing, but she could feel him slipping further than he had ever before.

"I'm—" Garrus lifted his hands to cover hers, giving himself a moment of peace. Allowing himself to be with her, even if just for a moment. She really was beautiful. "I'm here, Shepard."

"Where'd you go? Where have you been going? You can't just leave me all alone like that, big guy. I need you." Whispering she leaned her forehead to his, standing tall on her toes, feeling his warmth surround her.

"I'm here." He purred, pulling his head back lightly but not enough to worry her further. Being that close to her… He remembered the softness of her mouth as he traced the delicate curves of her lips. All he wanted to do was touch them again… No. Stop. She deserves someone better. Someone that doesn't ruin everything they touch. He slipped her hands from his face, pulling her into a tight hug suppressing his urge. "I just got some news that shook me up is all."

"About Sidonis?" Voice filling with urgency she pulled from his hug to look at him again. What it would mean if he had found Sidonis, she wasn't sure.

"Yeah. About Sidonis. I put some feelers out to my contacts in C-Sec. I think I know how we can track him down." Watching her face as he spoke, he could see she didn't like the idea, but that she was willing to do it. Hell, part of him didn't even like the idea. But vengeance was the only thing that could soothe his troubled mind.

"Anything, Garrus. Just tell me where to go." She pulled back a bit watching him closely. Wondering if this could be what was bothering him, something told her it wasn't. There was more to it. Wherever this Sidonis was, it wouldn't solve the problem. But that wouldn't stop her from trying.

"I was hoping you'd say that." Finally his mandibles loosened a bit, as he pulled a taloned hand to her chin holding it lightly between his fingertips. Once again he felt the overwhelming urge to feel her lips on him. But no matter how badly he wanted her, he resisted. Garrus knew he would just screw this up, like he had screwed everything up. Jane was one thing he wasn't willing to lose. No matter how badly he wanted to be with her, it wasn't worth the risk.

"Are you sure you're alright? You just seem…" She slid her bottom lip between her teeth again, licking her lips she tasted the dried blood. "If there was something else you'd tell me wouldn't you?"

"Shepard…" He lightly slid his thumb over her lip, touching where she had bit it. "What do you want me to say?"

"The truth would be nice. What's really going on? You've never… lied to me before, Garrus. It's… I don't like it." She finished with a sigh as her brow lowered.

"I'm just worried about you. I'm worried that I… that I'm going to lose you again. That one of these mornings I'm going to wake up and you're still going to be gone. You're my best friend, Jane..." He wasn't lying, not really. He was terrified of losing her. But he wasn't exactly telling her the truth either. Was this confession really any better than the truth would have been?

"I don't plan on dying again, Garrus. That was a one time only thing." She smiled up at him, his face was only inches from hers again. She felt his hand sliding to her neck, lightly resting it at the base of her skull. Having him so close to her was intense, and her stomach anxious with desire. It seemed for a second that he was going to give in. For a second it felt like maybe he was going to kiss her. Instead he just held an equivocal look in his eyes, offering her nothing but more questions.

"Come on. I see a very comfortable bed calling our names." He lead her to the bed with a light smile. Whatever it was, he wasn't going to budge, and she would have to accept that. Whatever they were, wasn't going to be figured out anytime soon, and she would've to accept that too.

She may have been sleeping better by comparison, but ever since she 'met' Harbinger her dreams were haunted. Almost every night since Horizon she would dream about the Collectors and what was coming. Some nights she'd see Garrus being ripped to shreds by the Reaper created monsters. Other nights she only saw herself being destroyed. But more often than not she was haunted by her own death. On the worst nights she'd wake gasping for air, desperately clawing at her throat begging oxygen to fill her lungs. Garrus had gotten used to the nightly routine, offering comfort any time she needed it. Night after night he held her, promising she was still alive. Promising she was still Shepard. Promising closeness, but still keeping her at a distance.

The days that followed were tense. Garrus could feel Thane and Shepard growing close, large in part due to him and he knew it. Ever since he walked in on them upstairs, he would make an excuse possible to avoid spending time with her. Telling her he was busy calibrating, when really he just sat wishing he was with her. Knowing it was those excuses that pushed her further away and closer to him. Knowing it was his own self doubt that kept him from telling her how he felt. His own self hate that stopped him from trying. He didn't deserve to be happy while his men were dead and Sidonis walk free. But she did. She deserved happiness more than any one on that Ship.

Standing in the Main Battery after having blown Shepard off yet again, he couldn't help but wonder what they had to talk about. Wondering what they were doing... At night she would come back smelling of him. Had they… No. Stop. Don't think about it. You're just her friend… Nothing more. Being 'just friends' wasn't easy for Garrus, but he'd do it. He would do anything for her. If that meant shutting her off and pushing her into the arms of another man, he would do it. Shepard deserved someone that had their life together… Someone that could give her everything she wanted. Someone closer to home.

Today was no different, Garrus woke feeling her slipping further away. Unable to stop isolating himself he knew they were barely hanging by a thread… Some nights he didn't even make it up to her cabin before she was already sound asleep. Some mornings he wasn't there when she woke. Even now he sat back watching from the sidelines as Thane and Shepard spoke to Captain Bailey about his son. Observing the way he watched her. The look in his eyes proved how he must have felt about her. If he couldn't smell it already, he'd still have know the drell was just as infatuated with Shepard as everyone else had been.

Garrus didn't like the whole 'good cop, bad cop' routine the two of them played, but what did he expect? He wasn't exactly fun to be around now a days, and even their missions together seemed strained. He didn't like being in this position, feeling like he was on the outside looking in. Knowing it was his own doing made it even worse. He was doing what he always did; Giving up and running away when things got tough just like his father always said he would. In those moments he finally knew what it felt like to be in Kaidan's shoes… Even allowing himself for a second to feel bad for the biotic. He didn't have much time to think about how it felt though, they had finally tracked Kolyat's target down. He was planning to kill a turian politician, one that was known for his anti-human campaign. No surprise there, but Shepard still felt compelled to help him. It didn't matter if he didn't care for humans, she wasn't biased when it came saving lives.

"Hey, big guy. You in there?" Shepard's voice was cautious as she grew into focus pulling Garrus from his thoughts. "Thane and I have to do this part alone. Covert spy shit." She said extending a hand to his arm, noticing the seriousness of his face. She felt awkward… She could feel a heaviness between them. One that pulled down sinking them beneath the waves of mistrust. Trying desperately to hold on to him, but knowing she couldn't. "Mind hanging back with Bailey again?"

"I mean Blastos has already made a fortune off of you, Shepard. You may as well give them some more content to work with, right?" He was trying humor, they both could see it was forced though. It wasn't right. They weren't right.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up Vakarian. I don't see them making vids about you." She crossed her arms, sending him a wide smile. His smile. For just a second she felt like things were normal again, but she knew better than that.

"Oh, I don't know. Archangel would make a great series…" Sliding his hand over his fringe, noticing Thane behind them watching. Observing.

"I'd pay to see that." Laughing as she removed her hand, and stepped back into a heel. "I better go. Don't get yourself into trouble… I'm serious." She ended with a finger pointed in his face. She wanted Garrus to join them, but something about the way he'd been acting let her know that even if he could, he probably didn't want to.

"What kinda trouble could I really get into on the Citadel?" He asked mocking surprise as he shifted his weight effortlessly, still noticing Thane.

"You my friend, invented trouble. I'll be seeing you." With another smile she turned leaving him in though she felt a strain between them, she knew he cared about her. Moments like this made her hopeful again that they could get back to where they had been before she… before she died.

Garrus watched as that glorious head of crimson hair faded into the distance. It made him uncomfortable how closely Thane walked to her. Reminding himself again that he had no right to be upset, since it was he who allocated them. Feeling himself growing more annoyed, he took a seat in the corner of C-Sec. In attempts to distract himself as best he could he focused on the changes around The Citadel. The place looked a lot different from when he worked there, and he noticed a considerable amount of humans. No doubt due to Shepard's accomplishments. She really had made fantastic strides for the Alliance. But she not only helped for humans, she brought the entire galactic community together. Things still weren't perfect, but since she stopped Sovereign and died a martyr; she had become the pinnacle of human excellence.

"You found Shepard? Send me her coordinates. Thank you, —" Garrus heard a voice come into focus for a moment around him. Who was looking for Shepard and why? Whatever the reason, he couldn't assume they wanted an autograph. But how was he supposed to find whoever had been talking in this mess? The Citadel was busy, too busy— stuffed full of people… Not only that but he didn't even know what his target looked like. It felt like a needle in a haystack; he'd heard Shepard use that one before. Frantically searching the faces around him, trying his best at discipline… listening carefully. Hunting.

Focus. You can do this.

A few deep breaths later he saw a dark figure walking quicker than anyone else in the area. He followed quickly trying to catch up, this was sure to be his target. Whoever was following Shepard, wouldn't find her- he would be sure of that. After a few moments run he was within reach. Garrus grabbed the cloaked figure from behind, swinging him forcefully into the wall beside them.

"Who are you? Why are you following—" Garrus stopped realizing who he had grabbed. "Kaidan… What are you doing here?"

"Get you claws off of me." Kaidan let out violently shoving Garrus' grip from his jacket.

"What are you doing here... Why are you following, Shepard?" Filling his voice with accusation he held his face strong and predatory.

"Not that it concerns you, Garrus. But I need to talk to her, I'm not satisfied with the way we left things on Horizon. Now if you'll excuse me." Kaidan tried walking past him, but a taloned hand shoving him back against the wall stopped him.

"Who were you talking to?" Garrus stood close, eyes burning into him. He thought momentarily about Horizon before he continued. "She's still dealing with the last time you wanted to talk to her." Finding it hard to remain calm, he just look at Kaidan almost begging him to do something so he could react. So he could use him as a human punching bag to take out all his frustrations on.

No. Focus.

"Garrus… I don't know what's going on with you two. But, this is between Shepard and I. I know she'd want to see me." A light blue twinge building around his hands when he spoke.

"I know for a fact that she doesn't. After the shit you pulled back on Horizon…" Biting his tongue, he stopped again. He knew she wouldn't want to see Kaidan, not yet anyway. But he also knew that she wouldn't like it if he had hurt him either. "Just trust me when I say, you've done enough damage. When— if ever— she wants to speak to you again, she will." Standing tall he glare down at Kaidan fiercely.

Kaidan glowed a bright blue white as his chest heave up and down, ready to send Garrus flying. Only instead of hurting him, he simply shoved Garrus forward walking the way he came. It took a lot of control on Garrus' part not to go after him… He really had been slipping lately hadn't he? He thought that having Shepard back would help him. Help him find the man he was with her, but anytime she tried to be close to him he'd push. No, that man was gone. That man was just a shadow blurring amongst the darkness of his life. Instead having her back reminded him how badly he had failed her.

"Vakarian, hello- Do you copy? We have a problem here. I need Bailey and C-Sec down here stat." Hearing her in his ear accompanied by static, he wondered how long he had been standing there as she try to grab his attention.

Switching his visor to view her stats, he could see she had an elevated heart rate, spikes in adrenaline— She needed back up. She needed him. I'm coming, Shepard. Be careful."

"There you are. You sleeping on the job again?" Her breath was airy and rushed from running. "I'm sending you our location. Please hurry."

"You got it." He was already running back towards Captain Bailey as he replied.

Garrus, the Captain and a few officers were en route to Shepard, hoping they wouldn't be too late. Watching her vitals tick by let him know she was alright, that she was safe. At least for now. Feeling that gut reaction to protect her engulf him, he ran as fast as he could making it to the apartment before any of the other officers. He busted in to find Shepard held up, gun pointed high at Kolyat with Thane close to her side, no weapon in hand.

"What are you even doing here?" Kolyat spat holding a gun on the frightened turian. "You want to care now? Be a father now? It's a little late for that."

"Listen to me… Your father is ill. He doesn't have much time left." Shepard lowered her gun to her hip, relaxing her eyes. Garrus had see her do this many times, charming her way out of any dangerous situation. It was incredible the skill she had at defusing a situation, he had only seen it fail once…

For a moment as he watched her approach hands raised in sympathy, he thought back to that day on Virmire. He could still see it all perfectly like it just happened yesterday. That day when Saren held her high in the air, squeezing the life from her body. Watching as she pulled at the taloned hand that constricted tightly around her pale neck. Watching as she desperately gasped for air... The way her hands fell as he watched her dying before him unable to do anything. He remembered the smell of her blood from where his claws had torn into her. He remembered it all and as much as he trusted that she knew what she was doing, he didn't trust this drell.

"Oh, wonderful. You're dying so now you've come to make amends to feel better about yourself? Well guess what, dad… I don't care." The gun was still firmly pressed to the politicians head, but he was now shaking profusely.

"No… I'm here for you, Kolyat. I know that I have not always been the best father. I have made mistakes. I left you when you needed me. But I don't want you to go through life this way. Resenting everything and everyone. Making all of the mistakes I did." Thane stepped closer, arms locked behind his back, but not before looking to Shepard.

There it was again. There was something about that look… something intimate. Special. Garrus didn't like how it made him feel. But he also just wanted Shepard to be happy. He didn't know how to process any of the emotions he was feeling. He had never done this before. Whatever this was. Returning to the present he wondered what eyes Shepard had been wearing. Had something really been going on between them this whole time… Had he really shoved the only woman he ever loved straight into the arms of another man?

"What mistakes… What are yo-" Kolyat began lowering the gun, his face grew softer.

"Your mother was murdered, Kolyat. I spent those years away from you because I was hunting the men responsible. I had to make them pay… I know this may be hard to understand, but I thought it was the best thing for you and for her…I realize now, that it was not. I have burdened you with a weight I cannot lift. But I am here now. And I will not watch my only son follow the same path of darkness that I did." He was standing only a few feet from his son now. Kolyat raised the gun on his face, holding it tightly, shaking as he imagined pulling the trigger.

He lowered the gun slowly, as his face grew softer. Saddened, pained, full of anger and regret… "Go."

As soon as the turian noticed what was happening, he shot up running towards the door not breathing a word. A few of the officers followed behind him to escort him to safety and debrief him properly. All eyes moved back to the two drell standing in the apartment. They sure had a lot to catch up on didn't they… Shepard turned to Captain Bailey with a pure smile, pleased to see things working out.

"Lets get them some place to talk shall we? We can figure out the details later…" The captain smiled back at her, and she wondered why he was helping them. Even if he hadn't been willing, she probably could have used her Spectre status to sway the system- as much as she hated the idea, she'd have done it for a friend. Luckily she wouldn't need to though. Bailey decided to trust Shepard's judgment, and let Kolyat go with a punishment of community service. Very light for attempted murder she realized, but she was glad to see a happy ending for once.

Standing with Garrus they watched Thane and his son walk away, but not before he turned to her, pulling her into a tight embrace. She smiled hugging him back warmly. It sure felt great being able to help their family. Knowing she was asking them to risk their lives for the greater good was hard. She wanted to do everything she could to help them all feel satisfied. She didn't want them to die with any regrets, the way she had. She couldn't help feeling a little strange though. It felt weird to have someone else's arms around her. Thinking about Garrus, she wondered if she'd ever have the quads to tell him how she really felt.

Waiting quietly with him by the skycars for Thane, she couldn't help but feel the aberrant air surrounding them. She had been able to feel something around them since the other night… But now somehow it seemed worse. Somehow, they seemed worse. She hadn't failed to see the signs of him pushing her away these last couple weeks. Having used most of those excuses herself in the past when she was hurting, she knew them all. But she had to believe that whatever he was going through he would share when he was ready. If he needed to be alone, then she would give him space. If he needed to go through losing this squad alone… Then she would stay back and let him. But… he would eventually be ready to open up to her wouldn't he? This distance would eventually stop spreading like an infectious disease wouldn't it?

"I saw Kaidan." He finally spoke pulling her forcefully from contemplation. Quick and easy— he didn't even turn to face her.

"What? Here? What… did he want." Crossing her arms self consciously, her voice grew anxious as she eyed him. His body language was stiff. Turians may have been hard for her to read, but she had become an expert at reading this one. She knew something was wrong.

"You. Like usual." He wasn't sure why, but he was being short. Argumentative. Cold. Maybe he did know why, but that didn't excuse his behavior and that he did know. "Thane seems thankful for your help…"

"Uhm-Ye-yeah. I suppose he i-" She stumbled trying to make sense of his tone, to understand where this was going.

"You deserve to be happy, Commander." He noticed her stats going wild on his visor as he spoke, still not looking at her.

"'Commander'?" Stepping in front of him she made a face, shaking her head in disarray.

What the hell is happening… Who deserves to be happy? Me? Kaidan? Thane?

She had no idea how to process the string of information piling in her mind. Garrus was clearly upset, but about what? First things first, he mentioned seeing Kaidan. About him wanting her... Great. Kaidan must have said something. But then there was part about Thane being thankful for her help. Well yeah. Usually when you do favors for your friend they're generally pretty happy about it. Oh god, did he think something was happening between them? She had been spending a lot of time with Thane, but she felt nothing for him beyond friendship. She could tell that he had feelings for her, but she didn't want that. Not with him. The worst part of it all though was the way he said 'Commander' like he hadn't been sharing a bed with her for the last five weeks. Like the hadn't saved the galaxy together. Like they weren't best friends. Like she was just his boss, and nothing else. Just some human Spectre.

"I just thought that maybe you'd like to keep things more professional between us from now on. Now that you're so close to Thane—" He wouldn't look at her as he spoke. He couldn't. Not when he was saying these things, but why was he saying them? Again he found his unstable mind reacting inappropriately. He was letting jealousy get the better of him. All of his pushing was leading up to this. To the moment he gave up. He was heartbroken and decided it would be better to completely shut her out, to close the door and lock it than to see this through. End things now, before he could ruin her. Even though he didn't want to. Even though he wanted her.

"What the fuck?" Her voice was shaking as she stepped closer to him forcing him to finally look at her.

He noticed the shade of pink her cheeks were growing, seeing her heart rate rising in his visor. "I think you should know that you two are great together." With his mandibles pulled tightly, he looked her straight in the eyes.

"Are you… There's not-" He watched her shaking her head stammering to find what to say next. Confusing her stammering as a confession, instead of a heartbreak. "W-wh… I thought that w— You want me to be… with Thane?"

"Honest. Theres no one I'd rather see you with." The look she returned hit him like a shotgun to the chest.

He watched as that porcelain face lost all emotion, growing paler than he had seen it before. Paler even than Virmire. He watched that beautiful full mouth of hers drop open, the smallest of quivers shaking off her lip. Those big malachite eyes of hers growing wide, fulling with tears she wouldn't let escape. The second he spoke, he regretted it. What the hell was wrong with him?

Why did he always have to do this? He was in love with her. So damn in love with her… But he was blinded by what the last two years had done to him. Blinded by the guilt of letting her die. Blinded by the pain he felt from losing this squad. Blinded by the betrayal he felt from Sidonis. So he did the only thing he knew how, he exploded. He was destroying the only meaningful relationship he had ever had, because he was emotionally unstable. A hothead. An impulsive little brat like Kaidan always said he was… Speaking before thinking. Acting before planning. Giving up, and running away.

Once those words left his mouth, he wished they hadn't. He spoke Impetuously, and he wanted to go back. "Jane…" He started stepping closer to her, extending a hand towards her face. His eyes full of regret. But before he could reach her she stepped back, quickly wiping below her eye removing any evidence of weakness.

"I'll see you on board the Normandy, Soldier." She stiffened as she turned leaving him standing alone in silence.

He watched her walking away, everything inside him told him to go after her. To tell her how stupid he was acting. That he was just being a jealous child. He had lost his mind on Omega. That he was tired, overwhelmed… Not only by his feelings for her, but for his feelings about himself. He knew how incredible she was. She deserved the best. She deserved someone that wouldn't let vengeance and revenge rule him. She should be with someone that had self control… discipline… someone like Thane.

—

As she walked quickly away from Garrus, she felt each step becoming harder than the last. The heaviness getting worse, pound by pound it was sinking her. What the hell was that about? One second they were fine, making jokes… basically living together. Then the next second he's throwing her to the side, insisting she should be with another man. Was it because of her? Had he finally seen her as the monster she feared she had become? Crossing her arms as she walk swiftly, having no destination in mind she felt her eyes growing warm as they started to burn. She bit her lip, tasting that cool metallic again. She really needed to break that habit. Darting a tongue out, she removed the evidence of pain as she wiped her eyes dry. Why was it anytime anything bad happened she wanted to get hammered? The Dark Star was a much different club than Chora's Den had been… Classier I guess you could say. Watching the patrons dancing around her she made her way to the bar ordering a drink. The booming of the techno blaring in her ears, she couldn't help but remember that night with Garrus. Knocking back a whiskey, she forced the thought away.

He doesn't want you.

Leaning over the bar, she suddenly felt numb. Love sure did suck didn't it? I guess more specifically, unrequited love was what sucked. Bad. She couldn't imagine being with someone who wanted her back to be all bad though… As she sipped her second whiskey she thought about her early relationships. The men and women she tried to be with, none of them lasting-because none of them could handle her. None of them wanted the whole package. She never let them change her, but each time they picked through the parts of her they loved, only seeing what they wanted. Picking and choosing until there was nothing of the real Jane left. Until she was just a perfectly sculpted trophy to show off. Their idea of who Commander Shepard was vs who she really is never lived up to the expectations. Shepard had never felt that way with Garrus… He had always supported her. Cared for her. Stood by her. He was fiercely loyal and he always fought for her. But then again, they were never together. Not really.

As she drink, she wondered if maybe he had a pretty turian waiting for him back on Omega. Could that be why he would never kiss her all those times it seemed he wanted to? Or perhaps she had just been reading those moments wrong all along. Projecting what she wanted. She had been getting a lot of things wrong since being bought back. Well, nothing having to do with the mission. Gold star in that department. Everything else in her life however was a complete fucking mess. If you'd have told her how hard it would be to get her life back after two years of being dead, she had seriously considered, well—not dying.

Where did it go wrong? Where did I go wrong?

Thinking back to every time she tried a relationship with someone— she could remember the exact moment it all fell apart. Each time she told them she was done because she couldn't be what they wanted. Because she didn't want to be what they wanted. She was Jane fucking Shepard, and what you see is what you get… If they didn't want the whole package, they didn't get any of it. That her 'baggage' was there to stay, if they didn't have the room for it, she'd gladly open the door for them. Giving them an easy out was her way of telling them that she understood. That she knew she was easy to infatuate over, but hard to actually love. Even though she never had the chance to truly be with Garrus, she knew she'd always remember this as the moment it broke. The exact moment she lost him. The moment he had given up on her. The moment she had given up on them.

'I think you two would be great together… There is no one I'd rather see you with.' The idea that he would rather see her with Thane than anyone else made her feel sick. For a second she thought she wouldn't be able to hold the liquor down. Replaying his words over and over she couldn't really understand them. He clearly thinks she's involved with Thane, and she knew that lately they'd been spending a lot of time down in Life Support, but he seemed like he needed a friend. Maybe she found herself a little attracted to him, but who wasn't on that ship. That wasn't what mattered to her though, what mattered was Garrus. Looking back it seemed far more likely that she had been involved with him than Thane... She thought about how even though he'd still slept by her each night, any time she'd visit he would ask if it could wait for a bit— making up some excuse about being in the middle of calibrating. She had heard that one before. He had used that one back on the SR1 after they…

Suppressing the sickness that build in her stomach again, she ordered another drink. This one she didn't take her time with, she swallowed it whole in seconds. Three double whiskeys in a matter of minutes went straight to her head. Especially with her fragile mental state… On top of everything else she really was getting bad at holding her liquor. Bad at controlling her emotions… The only thing she seemed good at now a days was being a soldier. It was a wonder she was so damn successful in the Alliance honestly. For having such a messed up life and a spotty history she had always been an excellent leader. Skilled at combat, and too charming for her own good. And all things considered she was fairly unscathed from the things that happened to her. The things that beat her, made her stronger. One day she'd look back on her death, and all this mess as a time she learned to be strong again. She knew that she'd get it back. One day she would have some wise advice to pass on about the lessons in life and love. But now, she was ready to drink. Right now she wanted to suffer. As she thought about it more, her dedication to her career— to the Alliance was probably what had doomed her to fail at even the simple things in life. Maybe you just couldn't be in a relationship and be the kind of woman she was. Grossly independent but somehow exceptionally needy. Strong willed, determined and destined to be alone. Destined to hold the world together, when she couldn't even keep her own life straight.

Following 'suggestions' as the Illusive Man would put it, she was good at. A suggestion to herself being that she should slow it down a bit, if she kept thinking like this she would end up drinking herself to death. Circling the room as she swirl the amber liquid in her glass, she took in the faces around her until she recognized one. It was human named Damien. She had met him back at basic training… They had— well, let's just say he was one of the reasons she had been written up for fraternizing. But here he was sitting at a table alone staring directly at her. Noticing his gaze, she wondered if she should approach him. Did he remember her? Would he even recognize her?

The smile he gave proved he hadn't forgotten about her. It was accompanied by a wave signaling her to join him. She felt a small gut reaction to decline the offer, but shoved it down as she began walking closer. Standing behind the empty chair, she look down at the old familiar face. He was just as handsome as he had been, only now sporting a large scar on his cheek. Maybe Garrus had been right about the scar thing… Letting out a quiet sigh she pulled the chair out joining him.

"I didn't expect to see you here." She finally spoke after taking a large drink from her glass.

"You're the one that's surprised?" He laughed offering a friendly smile. "Hey, I'm not the one that died. You know they built you a memorial on Mindoir and everything… Our old instructor even held a small service for you back at Fort Nathaniel." Damien spoke pointedly, watching her closely. A look of nostalgia slipped across his face followed by something else… What was that look about?

"That's fair." Licking her lips, she wondered what they could even talk about. The last time she'd seen him had been at least eight years ago. The last time she'd seen him… they weren't exactly decent. They actually never really had spent much being decent now that she thought about it. "So… How's life been treating you?"

"Well, I'm not a famous hero or anything, but I've been doing alright for myself." He finished his beer, waving down the asari waitress. "Can I get another? And whatever she's having."

"Oh, no. I'm go-" She tried to protest, but he just shook it off looking back to the waitress, he ordered another whiskey.

"I'm assuming that's still your drink of choice?" He smiled again cooly as the asari made her way to the bar.

"Usually." Watching as he looked off behind her, finishing her drink. She took this time to study him. He was in a nice suit, and she could see he was wearing an earpiece. Just what did he do now? Moments later the waitress returned, and she watched her thin blue fingers placing their drinks in front of them respectively.

"Cheers." Damien raised his beer in a toast with a large smile.

"To what?" She asked with a small smile as she raised the glass.

"To you of course, Jane." He finished still holding the beer out to her.

After a moment she met her glass with his with a ceremonious clanking, she then took a large drink. She wasn't sure why, but something told her she had enough for one night. She should just go back to the Normandy and try to make nice with Garrus… She noticed Damien's eyes watching her as she once again pushed the thought away, sipping her whiskey. She could deal with that mess later, now she was going to catch up with an old friend…

"What have you been doing? Anything int… interesting" Smiling as she finished off her glass, she set it lightly on the table.

The sooner she finished it, the sooner she could get out of there, right? Only… something didn't feel right. No, she was fine… She had just been drinking a lot, and when was the last time she even ate? That must be it.

No… This isn't right. You've been drunk before. Within seconds of releasing her hand from the glass she even more surreal. She felt her heart begin racing as her stomach grew light. She felt weightless and heavy at the same time- something was very wrong.

Blinking a few times she pulled a weak hand to her face, rubbing it forcefully. "What…"

Looking up from her other hand to her old friend, she watched as the sinister smile he wore blurred. Slowly closing and opening her eyes, the figure smeared into a muddy mess, twisting into a hazy puddle of colors as she sway lightly in place. Trying to remain in control of her body, of her voice.

"What di-… wh… did youdot-t-tome." Her words were jammed together, become one. She could no longer differentiate the sounds of the club from the ones swimming in her head. Everything was growing dark, shadows seeping into her vision like murky water. Reaching a hand out towards Damien, it fell heavily on the table grasping at nothing. Trying to reach him… to stay awake… She blinked back the sleep that called her. Weak arms sliding closer to him… to anything.

"Now, now Janey. You didn't think she'd let you get away with that now did you?" Damien's voice was dark and malevolent when he spoke this time.

Not only that but it was distorted by whatever she had been given. His voice sounded like it had been echoing in a tunnel around her. Deep, contorted, booming. Whatever was in her system, was really messing with her head. She tried looking up at him, but her face was too heavy to lift… pressed to the table she caught the smile he wore. Trying to turn towards the footsteps she heard approaching, she focused on everything she could about this moment. Anything to help her out of this mess. Fading in and out in those last moments before losing consciousness, she tried pulling up her omni-tool… tried sending a message. Did it work?

"Garrus… Please…" She breathed out heavily slipping into darkness.