CHAPTER 5
Em burst off of the elevator at precisely 12:30 PM. She was wearing some of the outfit I had laid out for her, but she was still wearing her fuzzy slipper boots. She made a beeline straight for me as I sat at my desk. I was about to mention the slippers when she beat me to it.
"I was going to wear those Jimmy Choo black pumps from your closet, but I thought better of it since A) they would hurt my feet, and B) I still owe you for the pair of shoes I blew chunks on," she said without cracking a smile. It was true. She had ruined my favorite pair of strappy Manolo Blahnik sandals by vomiting on them.
"What's $475.00 among friends?" I said as deadpan as I could.
"That night was was when I was sure that you were meant to be my bestest friend, Mads," she said. She was more serious than I had ever seen her which told me she had done some serious soul searching between the time I had left her this morning and now.
"Really? Because I'm still not sure," I said, trying to remain deadpan. She blew raspberries at me, then asked how the Department Head meeting went. I told her about Walter Addison stopping me afterwards and complimenting me on my work.
"Administration would have to be an even bigger bunch of idiots than they already are not to see that Conway is a complete boob. Is that the news your voicemail message was referring to?" she asked.
"Yes...that and one or two other things," I said. I could feel my face flush red and I couldn't look at her. Why was I so embarrassed to tell her? We shared everything and she was certainly not one to spare me every dirty detail of the goings on in her life.
"Madeleine Coventry...look me in the eye and tell me why you can't look me in the eye!" she said, practically shrieking as she pounded the palms of her hands on her desk. I motioned for her to follow me into Conway's office.
"Kelly was here when I got back from Department Head...sitting at the desk," I said.
"Jesus, Mads...was he still upset about last night?" she asked, looking around the office.
"Not exactly...no. He bought me flowers..." my voice trailed off as I spoke when I saw Em looking at the items that Kelly and I had knocked off the desk and onto the floor. She picked up the stapler and pens that had fallen. The top of the desk was in total disarray. She slowly lifted her head, covered her mouth and pointed at me. I turned away from her and covered my face.
"Oh my God...you and Kelly...here?...on Conway's desk? You slut...I love you!" she said, practically screaming. I still couldn't turn around and look at her. I wanted her to know what Kelly and I had done, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. I was still a good girl at heart and accepting my bad side still didn't come easy to me. She walked around in front of me and pulled my hands down from my face.
"There's more...I can tell," she said. I nodded.
"He told me I meant a lot to him, but I can't be sure that he didn't say that because of the Matthew thing. He's supposed to call me later," I said. Kelly Severide had never been emotionally attached to any woman, except Leslie Shay. He loved her outright. She was his best friend, but the women he dated were not in the same league. I couldn't imagine myself transcending his legendary limitations when it came to love and a deeper commitment. I could tell there was something Em wanted to say, but she remained quiet. She smiled at me and gave me a hug.
"Matt called too...he wants to get together Friday night," I said. For some reason, I felt ashamed for saying that.
"Are you going?" asked Em.
"Dumbest question ever, Em...of course I'm going. I spent the last 16 years wondering what happened...why we lost contact with each other. I have to know for peace of mind, if nothing else" I said.
"But there is most definitely a 'something else', isn't there?" asked Em. She could read me like a trashy novel.
"I'm going to have to work on my poker face," I said, as I poked my tongue out at her.
Just then, my pager went off. Suspected case of child abuse in the ER. I could handle just about anything, but child abuse was not something I ever wished to get involved with again. I spent three years as a Child Welfare and Family Services worker in Westchester County. Westchester County was known for its affluence and stately homes and I thought most cases would involve custody issues between divorcing parents. I was wrong. I still have nightmares about the things I saw in that three years and it was probably one of the main reasons that I never wanted to start a family with Stephen. Em could tell by the look on my face that something was wrong.
"You want me to go?" she asked.
"Battered two year old in Exam Room 3 in the ER," I said as I nodded.
"I got this, Mads...see you in a bit," she said as she dashed towards the elevators. I quietly thanked God that she had a much stronger constitution than I did. I straightened up Conway's desk, making sure everything was in its proper place. If even one item was out of whack, she would know and it would be another reason for her to sack me. I sat down at her desk to call Matthew.
"Maddy...I'm so happy it's you," I heard Matthew's voice answer. Hearing him sent a shiver through me just like it did the first time he called my parents' house to ask me for a date when we were seventeen.
"Hi, Matt...I hope I didn't wake you. I know Kelly likes to nap for a while when he gets off shift," I said, regretting it immediately. He certainly didn't nap after shift this morning, although I had a feeling he was sleeping now. The last thing I wanted to do was mention my relationship with Kelly to Matthew.
"No...no, it's fine. I wasn't sleeping. I was installing crown moulding in my dining room and I'm more than happy to take a break from that," he said. He was always building things in high school, so it was no surprise that he would be doing that type of work when he wasn't on duty at the firehouse.
'I won't keep you...I just wanted to call you back and tell you that Friday night would be fine. I'd love to get together...catch up on old times," I said. I heard the little voice inside my head say "...and get some much needed answers..."
"Great! I'll make dinner here, if that's alright. Shall we say 7:00 PM?" he asked sounding very eager...or maybe I was just eager for him to be eager.
"Sounds good to me...but let me bring dessert, OK?" I asked.
"Still the frustrated pastry chef, huh Maddy?" he asked. I was touched that he remembered.
"Oh yes...somethings never change, Matt," I said, meaning more than just my love of baking.
"Some things aren't meant to change, Maddy. I'll text you my address and I'll see you Friday, then," he said. I could almost see his smile through the phone. He always had the most beautiful and genuine smile. Kelly had a lovely smile too, but he seemed to always have a hint of filth in his.
"OK, Matt...see you then. Bye." I said before I ended the call. He texted me almost immediately.
"My address in 2504 N. Richmond Street. Is it Friday yet? Matt xx"
I smiled softly when I saw the kisses at the end of his text. They reminded me of the letters he used to write me in high school. That seemed like a hundred years ago. So much had changed since then. I suddenly felt nervous about seeing him again and what we would be saying to each other. I tried to focus on my reports instead and buried my head in paperwork, only coming up for air to answer Em's page asking me if I wanted anything from the cafeteria. I had forgotten to eat lunch and my stomach was rumbling now.
"Diet soda and a bag of Munchos, Em? You think this is a proper lunch?" I said as Em plunked the snack on my desk.
"Shut up and eat it or I will," she said, ripping into her own bag.
Just then, my cell phone rang. It was Kelly.
"Hey, baby...how about I bring over some Chinese tonight? Say around 6:00?" said Kelly. How he could sound so nonchalant after screwing me on my boss's desk was beyond me. I still hadn't fully recovered and it was nearly three hours later.
"Yeah...as long as you make mine lemon chicken," I said. I could hear Em nattering something in the background about General Tso's chicken.
"Would you mind if Em joined us for dinner? She's begging me for General Tso's" I said.
"Umm...yeah, sure. Anything for you, Mads. Later," Kelly said, sounding slightly hesitant.
Four-thirty finally came and Em and I exchanged car keys to head home.
"Awww...let me drive the Caddy again. I promise to be careful," said Em. She was actually whining. I remembered the dings in her Honda and shook my head slowly. She reluctantly gave me my keys.
"Kelly's coming over at six o'clock with dinner, ya mooch," I said before we got into our cars.
"He comes twice a day? What a stallion," she said with a filthy smirk that resembled Kelly's. I gave her a look that was probably at best a combination of embarrassment and consternation. I made the drive home, showered and changed into jeans and a sweater and cracked open a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
Kelly and Em arrived almost at the same time. They always seemed somewhat uncomfortable around each other, Em more so than Kelly. We ate in the dining room, listening to Kelly's recount of a fire on W. Maxwell Street during last shift. I was nervous that Em would bring up what had happened in Conway's office, but to my utter surprise she behaved herself. When the second bottle of wine was empty, Kelly got up from the table and motioned for me to follow him. He grabbed my hand as we walked towards the front door together. I was quietly thankful he was going home. I needed a good night's sleep and with Kelly in my bed, sleep was not the major activity. He turned to look at me as he stood in the front door. The expression on his face was serious.
"What do I have to do to finally get you to say you care about me the way I care about you?" he said. Point blank. Blindsided, actually. I thought for a minute before answering.
"Just never hurt me, Kelly...that's all," I said. He smiled and kissed me softly before getting in his car. As he drove away, all I could think about was that in three more days, I would be having dinner with Matt. I suddenly felt like shit. I felt Em walk up behind me.
"You OK?" she said.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I said.
"Because your boyfriend just drove away and your head and your heart are not going with him." she said. Sometimes I hated how well she knew me. I had no sanctuary...no private place to retreat to inside my head...no locked box of secrets for only me to know.
"You don't mind seeing yourself out, do you Em? It's been a long day and I'm shattered," I said as I hugged her. I couldn't talk anymore. My head was spinning from the events of the day...Kelly and the desk...the abused child...Walter Addison...talking with Matt. I just needed to close my eyes and shut the world out for a few hours.
Em gave me a sad smile as I walked upstairs. I could hear her cleaning off the table and shutting off the lights before letting herself out the front door. I climbed into bed and turned off the light, staring into the dark and praying that the rest of the week would go quickly and painlessly. As I fingered Kelly's medallion that hung around my neck, I doubted either would happen.