Disclaimer: The Disney Corp owns Kim Possible, but no one owns Zorpox! NO ONE! Ah-Booyah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
When we last left our heroes, Ferret Girl and Wonder Weasel were facing an irreversible countdown of doom, after being trapped by that felonious feline femme fatale, Sheila the Leopard Girl. Is it farewell to our fascinating fair-skinned friend and her frisky furless folk-hero, or has he filched his last filbert? Having failed to foil their foes, is this their fatal finale? Tune in for the answers to this and more, next on:
The Fearless Ferret! (In Color!)
The familiar guitar riff played as the credits rolled, after which a used car commercial appeared. As the announcer blathered on about the great deals he would give with no money down, a familiar brunette wearing her trademark jumpsuit walked onto the lot in the background, and got into a lime green Corvette with black trim. She started it up and revved the engine, then took off down the street, waving a black-gloved hand in farewell. The announcer stopped in mid-sentence and started yelling and chasing after her, but naturally didn't stand much of chance of catching the sports car, which was now quickly receding into the distance.
Having just tuned in, Jim yelled, "Hey Mom! Kim's on the Fearless Ferret, and Shego just stole a car from a used car lot!" He turned to Tim and asked, "Hicka-bicka-boo?" To which Tim replied, "Hooo-Sha!"
From the kitchen, Mrs. Dr. P just sighed and said, "Oh that Shego, always getting into trouble . . ."
The show by now had resumed, and the camera showed a close up of the bomb's digital timer quickly counting down its last few seconds. Cradling Rufus, Kim tearfully said, "Goodbye, little friend . . ." Rufus sadly replied, "Aww, G'bye . . ."
The timer reached zero. But instead of the expected explosion, the bell of a timer was heard, and the lethal-looking device merely spit out a sheet of paper. Surprised and not just a little relieved, Kim picked it up.
"Well, Wonder Weasel, what have we here? It looks like some kind of legal document." She began to read it. "Federal Heights hereby bans the sales or ownership of weasels and ferrets. Those found guilty of this infraction may be subject to fine and/or imprisonment . . ."
From outside the pet shop, a voice was suddenly heard speaking through a bullhorn. "Ferret Girl, Wonder Weasel, this is the police! Come out with your hands up! You're under arrest for breaking the Federal Heights Wildlife Ordinance and for the setting of an explosive device!"
"Oh, great!" Kim growled. "It looks like we've been royally decoyed and set up by Zorpox! Ron was right; this is a 'trap-trap-trap!' We've got to get out of here! Quick, Rufus, let's hope this place has a back door!"
Meanwhile, back at the Military Robotics Convention . . .
Ron landed the Ferret-Jet in the parking lot of the Upperton Military Robotics Convention just as Zorpox blew out the west wall of the building. Exiting out of the huge hole, Zorpox drove a hideous-looking device that looked like a cross between an Abrams tank and the Martian tripod vehicle from the War of the Worlds. Wearing a purple crash helmet emblazoned with his trademark red Z, he was laughing even more maniacally than usual.
"Excellent! The firepower on this beastie is good, but it will be absolute after I install my improved plasma launcher! And with my newest antigravity generator, controlled by the Zenith 9500 computer, this bad boy will fly like nothing ever seen before! Wha, Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
"Not if I have anything to say about it, Zorpox!" With arms akimbo, the Fearless Ferret stood defiantly in front of the massive weapon.
Zorpox tauntingly replied, "Ah, the Foolish Ferret! And how to you plan to stop me, you ridiculous relic from a repugnant rest home?"
Ron yelled back, "Hey! I'm not that old! Well, Timothy North is maybe, but still . . ." Suddenly realizing he needed a snappy comeback, Ron launched into his fiercest fugue of phonic formulations. "Your fabled facemask is only a façade! Bid farewell to your failed fantasy and say farewell, you fallible fanatic!" Proud of his alliterative witticisms, Ron activated his Ferret Claw and launched it at the weapon's upper hull. In a moment he was atop the weapon and racing toward Zorpox.
Zorpox shot back, "Not so fast, Fearless Ferret! You may have won this round of alliterations, but it'll be a smackdown in my town once I complete my ultimate weapon! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" He activated a switch, and a high voltage current pulsed through the hull, momentarily stunning Ron. He fell toward the ground, but his fall was broken by the Ferret Claw's wire, which was still attached to the weapon's upper hull. He came to just as the Ferretmobile drove up.
Ron was visibly relieved. "Kim! You made it!"
The windscreen slid back, revealing the brown-clad occupant.
"Hey, you're not Ferret Girl! You're . . ."
"Your worst nightmare?" Sheila grinned evilly as she leapt from the vehicle.
"No, you'd have to be a monkey in order to be . . ."
Sheila's whip crack cut short Ron's statement. Quickly lashing out, she wrapped the whip around Ron and pulled him hard to the ground.
"Oh, this is so not cool! What have you done with Ferret Girl and Wonder Weasel?" Ron feared the worst, remembering that his friends had gone off to disarm a bomb.
"Don't worry, my ferrety prey!" Sheila purred. "They're enjoying some R & R at the local jail, since it's illegal to own ferrets or weasels in Federal Heights. Oh, and we made sure to alert the police that they had set the bomb, and not Zorpy." She giggled, and the hairs on the back of Ron's neck stood up as he realized how much she sounded like Kim.
In the meantime, Zorpox was beginning to drive off in his new weapon, heading in the direction of his secret lair. "Keep him occupied, my little kitty-cat! Soon the world will be bowing to its new master! Ah-Booyah-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!"
Sheila straddled Ron, who was still tightly wrapped with her whip. "Now I have you just where I want you . . ." She gave a salacious lick to his face and breathed heavily into his ear, "My, you seem so much like Zorpy, but I know that you're a good boy. Well, I'm good too, especially when I'm being bad . . ." An evil grin broke out on her face, as she brushed a few tendrils of her blazing red hair across Ron's face.
Ron just whimpered, but it wasn't exactly a whimper of fear. He was definitely getting a feeling of déjà vu from another very recent encounter. "Heh-heh, hey, uh, you don't happen to know a monkey by the name of Dr. Zita, do you?"
Before she could reply, Sheila felt a swift kick to her head, which knocked her for a loop.
"GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND!"
Kim had suddenly appeared, her eyes fiercely blazing with anger. She had only felt this furious once before, when she was under the influence of the Moodulator. But this . . . this was personal. Arching her back and hissing loudly, Sheila had barely recovered from the blow when Kim furiously attacked, and with a vengeance.
Kim screamed, "HE'S MINE, YOU MANGY FELINE!
She pounced on Sheila with a fury fueled by equal amounts of anger, adrenaline and jealousy. Sheila didn't stand a chance this time against Kim's onslaught, and was quickly beating a hasty retreat, leaving a trail of torn fur behind her. Still breathing heavily, Kim turned to Ron, who had extricated himself from the kitten's whip.
"Thanks, KP! I don't know what I would have done if . . ."
Kim grabbed him and kissed him passionately, cutting him off in mid-sentence, as well as his air supply. As she broke the embrace, a goofy smile appeared on Ron's face. But before he could make another comment, Kim suddenly slapped him hard across the face.
"Don't you EVER let me catch you in a sitch like that again!" she yelled.
Briefly shocked, Ron's hand reached up to touch the large red spot on his face. "Whoa! Kim! Not my fault! Totally at her mercy! Your evil twin!" he pleaded.
"And don't tell me you weren't enjoying that little predicament, Ferret Boy!" she continued.
"Well, for a switch the bad girl obviously likes the good boy." Ron then smiled at Kim and softly said, "But don't worry, KP. Ferret Girl has it over Leopard Girl, anytime, anyplace, hands down. So cool the jellin', ok?"
Slightly mollified, Kim calmed down a bit. "Yeah, Ron, I know . . . but I suspect that Sheila's relationship with Zorpox is a little more . . . advanced . . . than we are?"
"Maybe so Kim, but just remember, you are the only one for me, and no one, no way, will ever change that." Ron moved in closer and took her into a gentle embrace. Just as they were about to kiss, a tiny "Ahem!" from Rufus brought them both back to the present moment.
"Uh, yes, well then, my ferrety friends, I think it's about time to go kick some evil butt!" Ron motioned to the Ferretmobile. "Kim, you take the car, Rufus and I will take the jet."
"But Ron, we don't even know where his lair is!" Kim complained.
Ron waved his hand dismissively. "No problem, FG! I've got all the FF episodes memorized, so I know exactly where he is: Drakken's original lair!"
"You're kidding!" Kim smiled. "Yup, Zorpox sure loves irony . . ."
"By the way, Kim, how did you get here so fast without the Ferretmobile?"
"Police escort, Ron. As soon as I had the Federal Heights PD check with my dad, er, Commissioner Warden, they saw through Zorpox's little ruse. Besides, we didn't actually break any laws, since Rufus isn't really a weasel, and I'm not really a ferret."
Ron grinned widely. "That's right. Rufus isn't a pet, he's family. Isn't that right, little chum?"
"Uh-huh, uh-huh!" Rufus cheerfully agreed.
Ron turned to Kim. "And you're not a ferret, you're my girlfriend, and once we get out of the sitch, I'm taking you to an expensive dinner at Chez Couteau, and . . . no coupons!"
"Now that's more like it, Fearless Ferret!" Kim grinned. "Okay, FF, what's your plan?"
Ron rubbed his chin as he thought out loud. "Well, we'll need to get into his lair without being detected. So first, no radio communication until we're all inside."
"Good call," Kim agreed. "I remember Zorpox was tipped off last time by the scannage of my Kimmunicator frequency. But how do we get in? He's smarter than Drakken, and probably has defenses that we don't know about."
Ron brightened up. "No problem, FG! Zorpox may be brilliant, but he can only prepare for the expected: not the unexpected." He rummaged around in the Ferretmobile and pulled out Drakken's combined Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler. "With the battery pack we picked up in Lisbon, we should be able to power up this puppy and appear in his lair without detection. And, I'll time it to happen during a commercial! Booyah! Duty calls, my ferrety friends!"
And with that, Ron and Rufus ran to the Ferret-Jet as Kim got into the Ferretmobile. But as he was about to get into the cockpit, he hesitated. "Wait a second Kim! I just had an idea. Zorpox likes decoys, so let's just give him one . . ."
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The Ferret-Jet, cruising in stealth mode a thousand feet above Middleton, approached Zorpox's lair. Nevertheless, an alarm went off alerting Zorpox to its approach.
"Well, well, what have we here? Time for a little target practice!" Zorpox punched a button on the control panel. "You think you got game, Fearless Ferret? You ain't got game! And now it's payback time, baby!"
A missile streaked towards the Ferret-Jet, which had just fired a barrage of its own missiles. But the missile's aim was true and hit the jet dead center. The explosion tore the craft apart, flaming pieces of wreckage raining down on the outskirts of Middleton, just as the Ferret-Jet's missiles struck, detonating harmlessly against the lair's force field. With manic glee, Zorpox yelled, "Ah-Booyah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
A plaintive mewing could be heard in the corner, as Sheila licked her wounds and tried to smooth her ruffled fur. Zorpox tried to console her. "Don't worry, my little kitten! That's the last we'll hear from those foolish ferrets!" The trickle of a tear cascaded down the corner of Sheila's mask, which didn't fail to escape Zorpox's attention. In a dangerous tone, he hissed threateningly, "But perhaps that saddens you, my dear? No matter, you'll soon forget that ridiculous rodent!"
Zorpox was interrupted by the thud of several dull explosions. Suddenly the lights went out, which were quickly replaced by the lair's emergency lighting. Consternation clouded the villain's face. "What the . . . something has taken out the main power!"
From directly behind him came the voice of the Fearless Ferret. "That would be us, Zorpox! Your felonious fun ride is over! It's the finale to your futile fusillade!"
A look of relief came over Sheila's face as she realized the Fearless Ferret was still alive. Zorpox swiftly swirled around and exclaimed, "What! How did you get in here without setting off any of my booby traps or alarms?"
"That's for us to know, and yada-yada, Zorpox!" Kim answered. Upon seeing her, Sheila let out a vicious snarl and leapt into an attack. But no sooner had she reached them than Ron activated a button on his wrist control, spraying Sheila with a cloud of light green mist. Sheila fell to the floor, rolling and mewing with joy, happily pawing the air as if it were filled with her favorite play toys.
Kim asked, "Wow, Ron! What did you spray her with?"
With not just a little smugness in his voice, he answered, "Oh, I just made a little adjustment to the Ferret Smokescreen, that's all. Concentrated catnip! Booyah!" He turned back to the super-villain. "Playtime's over, Zorpox! Give it up!"
"Not so fast, my rude and repulsive rodent!" Zorpox scrambled to his just-completed super weapon, now tricked out with massive red spider legs and an enormous jet-black turret. "Once I activate the Mega-Weather Generator that I've just installed in this bad boy, my creation will be powered by energy drawn directly from the atmosphere around it! I will be virtually unstoppable! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Ron sighed. "Well, it looks like you've won, Zorpox. But just one last thing: which season is this? Season 1, or 2?"
Zorpox seemed perplexed by the question. "Why, Season 1. Why do you ask?"
Ron smiled wickedly as he cryptically answered, "That's all I needed to know . . . Rufus, hit the switch!"
Rufus pushed a small red button hidden in an obscure corner of the lair. A deep humming was heard, followed by the sound of rock fracturing as six huge pointed objects began pushing their way through the floor, surrounding Zorpox. Rising unrelentingly from the ground, the objects became instantly recognizable. Zorpox's blue skin paled to a shade of bone white as the terrible realization set in.
"Lawn ornaments! Huge gnome lawn ornaments!" Zorpox screamed in fear as they reached their full height of 10 feet, trapping him and blocking any escape. Their eyes glowed malevolently, fixing Zorpox with their unblinking, implacable stare. Cowed into frightful submission, he rolled up into a fetal position as he softly whimpered, "Stop . . . staring . . . please . . . make them stop . . ."
Kim's jaw dropped. "Omigosh, Ron! What did you do?"
Ron slowly shook his head as he explained. "This is how Zorpox tried to capture me in Season 2 of the Fearless Ferret. Since this is Season 1, Zorpox hadn't discovered it yet. Drakken originally built the device, but it was actually Shego's idea: I never did figure out how she learned about my recurring nightmares as a kid. But obviously he wasn't able to use it on me before their lair was destroyed early on." Ron sighed. "A childhood nightmare blown up into hideous proportions: what a terrible way to go . . ."
Kim's only comment was, "Brrrrr . . ."
Ron realized the irony of the situation. "Zorpox and Sheila were one step away from world domination. Either that, or controlling the world's supply of nacos . . ."
Kim giggled, "Yeah, but for you that's the same thing, Ron!"
Ron smiled. "Yup. But now look at them: Zorpox the Conqueror reduced to a fearful child, and Sheila turned into a playful kitten." The closing music began to play, its majestic chords swelling as Ron delivered his final lines. "Well, the authorities are on their way to pick them up, so that's another wrap for . . . The Fearless Ferret!"
As the closing credits began to roll, Kim said, "Y'know Ron, you really stepped up in this sitch. It was a little tough for me at first to be your sidekick for once, but it really worked. And . . ." Kim hesitated. "And I really think Sheila liked you, as wrongsick as that seems. Sorry for the jellin."
"No big, KP. But it does makes sense in an awkweird sort of way," Ron agreed. "She was you, Kim. An evil, twisted you, but still you: slinky, sultry, sensuous, seductive . . ."
"Ron . . .!" Kim shot him a warning look.
". . . but in an alternate universe sort of way," he quickly backpedaled. "Don't worry, I'll be saving my Ron-shine just for my KP! And now that we have the Quantum Reverser and Dimensional Compiler, I'm looking forward to see how Wade will use it in getting us all back home."
"I agree totally," Kim said with a sigh of relief. "Now if Wade can just get us all into the same sitch . . ."
And the scene once again faded.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
But wait! Is this truly the last we'll ever see of Zorpox? And has Wade resolved all the problems, or will even more plot complications ensue? Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter!