"I want what I want, I want it now, I feel what I feel, don't bring me down
I know what I know, I don't know how
I want what I want, and I want it now" Lauren Christy
2006 Flirting and Fireworks II
We shoot through town with music so loud I'm pretty sure the windows are rattling. When we screech to a stop at a red light Edward turns the music down enough so I can hear him over the volume.
"You like that?" he asks, nodding toward the stereo.
I nod.
"Yeah, I've been digging some louder stuff lately," I explain. He knows this is a departure from my usual alternative or top 40. "Jas has been on a Nine Inch Nails kick and it's kind of rubbing off on me, I guess."
He looks thoughtful for a moment.
"I'll make you a disc of what I'm digging," he tells me.
This is pretty standard with the rest of us. I've got probably fifty discs with Allie or Jas or even Emmett's handwriting on them. Just random ass mixes of whatever they're listening to at the moment. We trade them at lunch and in between classes and in stacks on the weekend. We're all a little music obsessed. Edward's never hesitated to join in conversation when we talk music but he's never gone as far as to join us in tune trading. I've always figured it's just something else he's just too cool for. I don't really expect him to make a disc for me but I'm pretty flattered none the less.
My phone chimes and it's another text from Jared letting me know he'll be hanging by his truck and where he'll be parked. I smile as I read it, my excitement bubbling up again.
"Got that flirting thing down, huh?" Edward asks as he accelerates again.
I shrug.
"I guess," I say tucking my phone away. I know he couldn't have seen the message. It's like he's a mind reader or something.
"You guess?" he asks.
"Well, he's kind of dumb," I explain. Then I blush. That's mean. And I'm really not sure why I'm telling Edward this anyway.
He chuckles and the sound is like dripping, warm honey.
"You're better than that," he tells me shaking his head.
I roll my eyes.
"Look who's talking. You're still with Victoria right? Miss multi-hole?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.
He doesn't look at me but he grins.
"Why you worried about it? You wanna be my girlfriend?" he teases.
"No," I say quickly, blushing again.
"All I'm saying is you should be with someone on your level. Not some guy you're gonna have snowed. You're just going to get bored," he says.
"Wow, isn't it my lucky day. I had no idea I won tickets to Dr. Phil," I snark.
He gives me that chuckle again and I grin in spite of myself. That sound just owns me.
"Do you really want to be playing chess with someone who can only handle checkers?" he asks.
I shrug.
"I just want to have fun," I tell him.
He smirks and turns the music back up.
We spend the rest of the ride in silence. But it's not awkward silence. It's actually pretty nice. Every now and then I can't help but peek at his profile. Being this close I can see the little details I rarely have time to check out. Like the few little freckles across the bridge of his nose. And how his eyelashes are long enough to make a girl want to die of envy.
And I get what he's saying. It's really the same thing I've been thinking. I'm ready for the next step in this whole boy, girl, relationship experiment I've been doing. I'm ready for a challenge.
As we close in on the beach Edward rolls down the windows and I breathe in summertime. Sunshine and salty air. The ocean and the beach grow in the windshield and the sky is painted orange and pink. I stick my hand out the window and let my fingers ride the wave of humid air. I love this. I want summer every day.
We park and since the shadows are growing long I feel pretty safe boosting myself up on the old railing and digging my cig case out of my bag. I can't think of anything better than getting faded as I watch the day fade. I offer it to Edward after I take a drag.
"I'm good," he says with a smirk, leaning next to me.
"Of course you are," I say rolling my eyes. I blow a fluffy white smoke into the air. "What's up with you anyway? You never get fucked up."
He shrugs.
"I do when I get the urge. Just doesn't happen very often," he says. "Besides, I like to be in control."
"Why am I not surprised?" I chuckle.
My phone chimes again and I dig it out with my smoke clamped carefully between my lips. Jared again. I can't wait to see you. I sigh. Really this is just too easy. Edward's words from earlier swirl in my hazy brain. Someone on my level. Playing chess.
And I wonder…would it work… with him? With Edward? I look at him and instead of only lingering in the green for a couple of seconds like I normally do I hold his gaze. I part my lips ever so slightly and slip my tongue out to wet them. I think sex thoughts. I project sex.
He moves lightening fast. His hips are between my knees, his hands on either side of me gripping the railing. He leans so close, his voice in my ear.
"You ready for chess, little girl? Are you sure you want to play this game with me? I cheat," he growls. I can feel his breath hot on my neck. My senses are filled with his cologne and my smoke. Suddenly my heart is pounding in my throat. I feel like I'm downing. I want to take it back. I want to say sorry, I didn't mean to wade into the deep end.
He snatches the joint out of mouth and chuckles as he steps back. I hear them a split second after he saw them, whooping and hollering out of Em's death trap. He puts a couple of steps in between us for good measure as the calamity nears us.
"Babydoll, beautiful Bella," Allie sings out at the top of her lungs. She's riding on Jasper's back as they head down the embankment.
"Hey, bitches, are you smoking without us?" Rosie yells. It looks like her bottle of Boones is mostly gone and it's vastly improved her mood.
I look back over at the boy who just blew my mind. He takes a puff of my smoke and holds like pro. He puffs out a perfect smoke ring from his perfect lips and he grins at me. He hands it back to me and grins even bigger when our fingers touch, causing my breath to catch.
"Check," he says.
-B-
I've figured out the easiest way to shut a boy up. Just stick your tongue in his mouth. Lying next to Jared in the back of his truck watching the dark sky explode with color was perfect until he started going on and on about being excited to see Toby Keith in concert this fall. I'm pretty sure he's hinting that we should go together. I'm even more sure I've never given him any indication I'm interested in country music. Instead of telling him I'd rather slam my finger in a door for an hour or two I grab him by the back of the neck and pull him in for a kiss. I can feel his smile against my mouth. I can taste his chuckle. It's nice. It helps me relax back into my rum and smoke buzz.
"You little minx," he murmurs in my ear before kissing my neck.
I have to gulp down my giggle. Minx? Really? I pull his mouth back to mine. More kissing, less talking. He gets the idea and moves over me. His broad chest is pressed to mine. He's so warm and big. That's much better. I wrap my legs around his waist and circle my hips for delicious friction. The growl it gets from the big guy on top of me sounds so good I do it again. His kisses are getting more insistent and just a little sloppy and I love that I'm making that happen. I'm making him lose that sweet boy discretion. His kisses trail down my chin, my throat, then down the middle of my chest. My mind is dreamy fire and when I open my eyes the sky matches my emotions.
I'm out of breath and everything below my waist is achy in the most delicious way. It occurs to me that maybe instead of finding a challenge I'm ready for a different next step. I push and angle with my body and sure enough he rolls right over pulling me on top of him just as I wanted.
"That what you wanted?" He asks, his eyes are heavy lidded and hot.
I nod and smirk. I've never felt so powerful in my whole damn life. I'm certainly not a sweet little babydoll right now. I kiss him quickly and then scoot back so that I'm astride his thighs. I move my hand to the button of his jeans and I'm not terribly surprised when his big hand stills mine.
"You don't have to -" he begins.
I brush his hand away and he doesn't really fight.
"I want to," I tell him.
This is my next step. Experimenting with this guy. I want to be the one with a story to tell tomorrow not just the friend listening and living vicariously. Brass slips through cotton in a blink of an eye and I shove his shirt up his chest. I trail my fingers down his toned stomach and relish his tremble. I smile and replace my fingertips with my mouth, scooting down so that I'm on my knees between his knees. I tug at his jeans and the guy that just a minute ago was telling me no is lifting his hips, eager to help. When his jeans are down far enough I admire how his shorts are all full of points. Its crazy how different we are but how we're made to go together. I sit back on my heels.
"I've never done this so -" I start and this time he cuts me off.
"Shit, Bella, you don't have to," he says shaking his head. He tries to sit up. My admission of inexperience might have him throwing on the brakes but the message doesn't seem to have gotten to his dick.
I laugh and shake my head. I give his chest a firm push and he leans back on his hands looking up at me with concern.
"I want to," I tell him. "You just have to tell me if I'm doing it wrong."
He laughs.
"Sweetheart, you couldn't possibly do this wrong," he says. I roll my eyes and give him another push so he'll lie down and let me get back to business.
Soft gray boxer briefs follow his jeans down his thighs and I see real, live, hard, boy for the first time ever. He's not as big as the guys in the porn magazines we found in Em's room but my fingers barely touch when I wrap my hand around him. His skin is soft and smooth and underneath is so hard. I'm so glad I'm not a guy because I just can't imagine that feels good. I slid my hand up and down slowly finally putting into practice so much reading and listening. I guess I'm getting in right because Jared groans and I'm pretty sure his eyes roll back in his head. I give a few more strokes and then I lean down. I stick out the tongue and just drag it up the underside. I feel his fingers slip into my hair. He doesn't push, just tangles his hand there.
I expect it to taste different but really it just tastes like skin. Like soap and just a little summer night sweat. When I circle the tip I find the only difference. There's salty, sharp wetness there. Pre-come, my mind whispers and I almost giggle. I have to fight it down but then I realize I'm just kind of hovering there with my tongue on the tip of his dick and he's moaning and groaning and his hips are thrusting just a little and I can't hold it back.
"Are you ok?" he asks. He sounds equally worried and distressed. I get that. Who really expects a crazy girl to be giggling over his dick.
I get it under control as quick as I can. I nod and finally take him all the way in my mouth. It takes some getting used to. It's kind of hard to find a comfortable angle to hold my neck. I make a mental note to ask Rose later just how that works. I guess it all feels good to him because the moaning and groaning have started again. Finally I find a rhythm that seems to work for both of us. It seems like no time until I hear him pant my name.
"I can't hold out much longer," he groans.
I don't really know what that means so I just keep going.
"Oh, fuck," he gasps. Apparently that was the right call.
Moments later his hips thrust forward almost like he's seizing. The hand in my hair turns into a fist. It hurts a little but not too much. And then there it is. A mouth full of cum. And it's gross. I don't realize pulling away is a strategical error until I hear him curse. But then I'm kind of busy half swallowing, half choking on a mouth full of nastiness. I scramble off him wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and my giggles return in full force when I see the grossed out look on his face.
"This is not funny," he says shaking his head. But his look is playful. He tugs his t-shirt over his head and proceeds to mop up the mess we made. I sit with my back against the tire well and watch with a smile on my face.
"Well it's yours," I tell him.
"It's still gross," he replies.
"You're telling me," I say wrinkling my nose. I need to rinse my mouth out bad.
"Gee thanks," he says. He rights his underwear and pants then scoots over next to me. He puts his arm around my shoulders and squeezes me close. He kisses my forehead. "But really, thank you."
"Uh, you're welcome," I reply with a laugh. It just seems weird to thank someone for fellatio.
He shakes his head at me.
"My mama raised me right. Someone does something nice for you, you say thank you," he tells me.
"I doubt that's what your mama had in mind," I snark.
"Well how about I just return the favor?" he asks. I feel his warm hand on my side under my top.
And just like that I'm done. Experiment is over. Results were interesting but now all I want to do is rinse my mouth out and go find my friends. Do I want the favor? Yeah, but not right now. And honestly, not from this guy. And the gods are apparently on my side because my phone chooses this moment to chime with Rose's text tone.
Where the fuck are you?! Your dad is here!
"Shit," I curse. "I gotta go. My dad is here."
Jared jerks his arm back so quick you would have thought I said dad was right behind him.
"I'll call you," I tell him as I grab my bag and hop down out of the truck.
I dig a bottle of water out of my bag and rinse as I walk. I've almost reached the crowd and I'm digging for a Starburst I know I saw in there earlier when the sound of authority stops me.
"And where are you coming from?" my dad asks.
I almost giggle at the phrase but when I turn and see my dad in full uniform with that no nonsense look on his face all my buzzy giggles die in my throat. Funny how quick you can sober up. I flip into play it straight mode.
"Makeshift bathroom, dad," I huff at him. Sounding indignant always helps.
"Hmm," he mutters. His eyes are examining. Looking for misdeeds.
"And I robbed a bank when I was done," I say giving him earnest wide eyes.
"Mouth," he warns. He studies a moment longer and then nods. Either he doesn't see the signs of my mischief or he chooses to ignore them. I really don't care which. "I want you home tonight."
"But dad," I groan. "I was going to go to Rosie's tonight."
"You were," he says. "There's too many crazies out tonight. Too much trouble. I want you home where I can see you're safe and sound when I get off shift in the morning. I want you there by 11."
I pull my phone to check the time.
"That's in a half an hour!" I cry. "I'd have to leave now."
My dad smirks. He knows he's putting the screws to me.
"Better find a ride quick," he says. He adjusts his cop belt and turns to go buzzkill some other unfortunates.
"But dad –" I yell after him.
"11, Bella. I'll be calling the house phone," he calls back.
"Shit," I curse kicking the sand.
It takes a lot of whining and eventually promising to wash the Jeep but I convince Em to drive me home. We make it there just in time. I give my dad a whole bucket full of attitude when he calls. I narrowly escape grounding.
I take the longest, hottest shower and smoke a little pinnner but I'm still wired. It's just been too eventful of a night. I'm on my computer tapping out a new story that's been in the back of my brain all week when I hear the tapping on my window. The last thing I expect to see when I pull back the curtain are those green eyes. I'm so surprised I just stand there looking shocked until he starts to motion impatiently for me to open the window.
I push it up and step out of the way as he swings long legs over the sill and into my room. Edward Cullen is in my bed room. My heart suddenly jumps into my throat.
"Hey," he says with a smile after he closes the window behind him.
"Hey," I reply. "What are you doing here?"
"I made you this," he says and pulls a jewel case out of the waistband of his jeans.
Bella's Mix. He has amazing penmanship. It's not surprising.
He slides around me and proceeds to kick off his Chucks and drop down on my bed with his hand tucked behind his head.
Edward Cullen on my bed. I must have died. Or maybe Em and I got into an accident on the way home and I'm having a crazy ass coma dream. This can't be real life.
"You couldn't give it to me tomorrow?" I ask. I sit down on the edge of the bed, careful to keep some space between us.
He shrugs.
"Why wait?" he asks with a grin.
"Because it's the middle of the night and my dad would shoot you in the face if he caught you in here," I tell him looking at him like he's lost his mind.
He grins.
"Could you imagine the headline? Local teen dies in the bed of Police Chief's daughter," he says.
I can't help but giggle.
"You're crazy," I say shaking my head at him.
He bats his eyes at me.
"Crazy for you," he says.
I can't stop the eyeroll. He's so disarming when he's like this, the butterfly wings in my belly only flutter slightly when silence sets in for a moment. Then he sits up with his back against the headboard and pats the bed next to him.
"Come here, I'll tell you about the tracks," he says.
So I slide over next to him and he drops one arm around my shoulders. With the other hand he gestures to the case in his lap as he tells me about the songs. I should be worried that we'll fall asleep and my dad will kill us both. I should be concerned with the fact that the boy next to me has a girlfriend and that I was sexually experimental with a different boy earlier. I shouldn't be letting this happen. But when he talks about the songs his fingers tap out rhythms on my bare shoulder. And he smells so clean. And his voice is so warm. Everything else just goes away.
A/N: So, uh… hi. Lots of folks out there now it seems. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have just a little stage fright. All of you out there…. Judging, watching, "Look at the baby."
Ok, back to what I came here for: thanks to everyone who hit favorite/alert/follow. And of course all my love and cookies to my reviewers. Hope everyone likes the progress enough to stick around.
Extra special love and treats to Nicffwhisperer for putting this fic out there and blowing everything sky high. And to kfoll for keeping it so very real. You guys rock.
If you'd like to check out the track list on the Bella Mix hit up the tumblr bnwritergirl dot tumblr dot com those are the chapter songs for this one.