Call Me When You're Sober

Sabaku no Hime: alright, here we go with chapter 12. I have a day off, so I can do some updating. The fight scene gave me a week's worth of writer's block, but it's gone now for the most part, so let's see where we go this time, shall we?

Disclaimer: of course I own nothing but the decrepit old computer I write on, and a couple of pairs of ratty old jeans. Maybe some fun socks. I have care bears socks, they're too cute.

DE-LISH-CIOUS- cookies for faithful reviewer! And a new chapter…

IQ TestsSuck- continuing, and I'm not really sure, but prophylactics go back to ancient Egypt around 950 BC and were made up of some pretty funky stuff, like tortoise shell, leather, or the intestines of a sheep or an enemy in the case of ancient Romans. (Buzzle dot com. Or Google 'when was the first condom made' the article I read was by Nilesh Parekh 11/4/04)

Chapter 12

Trouble Brewing

When they got to the ambassadorial suite, Sakura nearly exploded. She'd been thinking about it the whole way back, and couldn't believe she'd been so stupid. They hadn't used protection.

Any time they'd been together.

Shitballs.

She wanted to explode at him, needed to explode at him, but there was no reason to. She didn't know what to say, and besides, it had taken both of them to be careless.

'You haven't used your chakra to check yet, have you?' he asked, more stating than asking.

'If you don't remember, it was blocked. Tsunade blocked it.' And then she realized that if she hadn't had some sort of fluke action going on with her sozo saisei, Shikamaru would have been dead. Her chakra was blocked. And it was still blocked.

'Well then, I'll be back with a test in a few minutes,' he told her, turning away from her as she sat on the thick white duvet.

'Can you get me a razor while you're at it?' She watched him nod, and lay down on the bed, arms pillowed behind her. She heard the brief moan of the wind as the window opened and shut in a matter of a second or so.

Shit.

Double shit.

The lights flickered and died, leaving Sakura to grope around blindly for a moment.

'Well, hell,' she let out a long suffering sigh. What am I gonna do now? I don't know where the candles are, and my chakra is blocked.

I guess all I can do is pretend to be, umm, not here, until Gaara gets back. She relaxed back onto the bed, hoping that her eyes would adjust to the darkness soon, so that she could go check the door lock without falling flat on her face and being unable to fix her broken nose.

She allowed her head to turn to the side and looked out the window at the faintly glowing sky. The moonlight penetrated the darkness weakly at best, and she sighed, no help from there.

Shrugging, she closed her eyes, deciding to nap for a few minutes instead of worrying about a little power outage.

'Very good, Sakura chan. You showed your bloodline mutation.' A hissing voice offered from close to her head, jerking her awake.

'I thought you were dead, Orochimaru.' She replied, not allowing her voice to shake like it wanted to. She was alone with him again, and couldn't help the flashes of memory that flickered across her closed eyelids like a movie.

Senbon.

A kunai covered in her blood.

A heavy boot that must have been reinforced with something crushing her bare foot.

She broke out in sweat as her body started to tremble. Sakura's eyes snapped open, knowing it wouldn't do any good, and knowing there was no way she could fight him with her chakra blocked off like it was.

'Yes, some of my animated corpses die far too easily,' he snickered, and she felt a cold, slimy appendage caress her cheek 'I can smell your fear, Sakura. I can taste it.'

'Nngh –' she managed as she realized that he was licking her face. Gross.

'I'm glad your blood mutation finally showed up, Haruno,' he purred in her ear. 'I was starting to lose faith in you, especially after I paid such intimate attention to you to bring it out.'

'What are you talking about?' she growled.

'Your child will be even better at it than you are.' He whispered in her ear. 'I can't decide if I should take you now, or come back for the baby,'

And then he was gone, as the breath caught in her throat, terror seemed to make her heart stop for the tiniest second, and he was gone.

The tiny whispering moan of wind was all that remained as the window squeaked almost inaudibly.

'I can smell your fear, Sakura,' came the voice from near the window. 'You need to tell me what happened.'

Gaara. 'It's you, oh thank kamis,' her voice broke on the last word.

'Tell me,' he said again as a candle lit near him.

'Orochimaru,' she offered as the buzzing sound of electricity filled the room and the lights flickered back to life.

'What did he do?'

'He said something about a bloodline mutation, and taking away my baby.' She whimpered.

'Oh.' Was all Gaara said, and she looked over to see his face, looking even more pale than usual.

He tossed something in a crackling plastic bag at her, and said softly as it landed on her stomach, 'Well then, we already know, but just for the record, go pee on a stick.'

Sakura shook her head, a chuckle escaping her throat at the sheer stupidity of what he'd said. She shrugged and stood up, taking the bag in her hand and walking towards the washroom quietly.

She stopped moving as she felt Gaara's warmth near her back. 'You are not going to be present while I'm peeing.' She told him darkly.

'And would you prefer that someone else happened by?'

'I'll leave the door unlocked, but if I'm not screaming and you come in, I'm going to cause you a good deal of pain, and prevent you from having kids.' She growled.

'Fair enough.' He snorted just a bit, and she could almost see the smirk on his face.

A few minutes later, Sakura sat on the counter, watching as the test did its thing. She didn't want to think about the liquid that was slowly soaking its way up the test to the box where there would be one or two bars.

Her feet kicked gently at the cupboard doors at the bottom of the counter and she stared off into space, holding the test in one hand. What was she going to do if she was pregnant?

Strangely enough, the thought filled her with a giddy warmth instead of the cold fear she'd expected. I want a baby, she thought to herself, realizing the truth of it. She might only be in her early twenties, but her mother had always told her that she'd know when she was ready. It was too early for most women, she knew that, since she was so young, but she wanted to have a baby.

Two blue lines showed up on the test as the liquid finished soaking the thing, and her hand went numb in shock. She watched blankly as the test dropped from her hand and hit the floor with a clatter.

The door burst inwards, Gaara frantically looking around for any threat, aqua gaze blazing with rage until he met Sakura's gaze.

She watched him look at her, and knew she had to be bright red or pale as the sheets, since her face felt funny. His gaze took in her blankly staring face, and moved down to her empty hands, then to the floor, where the test lay, forgotten and forlorn.

It was in his hand in less than a moment, and he was standing right in front of her, loose shirt touching her knees, so she stopped kicking the cupboards.

'So,' he said as he looked at the test.

'Huh,' she responded.

'It's real then?'

'Yeah.'

'What do you want, then?' he asked.

'Wha?'

'Tell me what you want to do,' he clarified. 'I'll tell you in a minute what I'd like to happen, but what do you want to do?'

She looked away from him, offering in a very small voice. 'I'm keeping it.'

'Good,' came the reply, and she chanced a look at his face, seeing no expression, and she wondered what he was thinking about.

'What are you thinking?' she asked softly, still rather frightened. It was such a huge thing, this, and she had never really thought about something like this happening before.

Of course, before him, she'd been a virgin, so the whole thought train had been moot then.

'I'm wondering when the wedding should be,' he replied deadpan.

'Umm,' she replied, trying to pull back a little. 'Try never?'

He snorted at that and met her gaze. 'I'm the Kazekage, Sakura,' he told her calmly. 'Even if no one but me cared about how many kids I had running around, I would.'

'So, that doesn't require anything like –'

'I say it does.' He told her flatly. 'That,' he said, voice becoming forceful as he put his hand on her belly 'Is as much mine as it is yours. I have equal say in what happens, and how the child is raised.'

'I'm surprised the child is still alive after that hit with the sword,' she mused.

'You think a sozo saisei that healed other people wouldn't heal what's in your own body?' he scoffed.

'Point,' she agreed.

'You can have as much time as you need to get used to the idea,' he told her. 'But I really think that's a step we need to take.'

'Why? We don't have anything but sex.'

'You think so?' he scoffed again.

She remained silent, pushing past him to go sit on the bed, hands in her lap, pensive.

'You know, there's probably a law in at least one of our countries about an unwed Kage getting someone pregnant,' he offered.

'So you're going to force the issue?'

'I could, probably.' He replied, sitting next to her. 'I won't. Everyone in Suna and Konoha is likely already aware of what's going on, so there's no need. But we do need to explore the bloodline mutation that Orochimaru mentioned; especially if it's something our kids are going to have to deal with.'

'Kids?' she frowned.

'Just leave it. We're having one, what's to say we won't have more?' he grinned at her evilly. 'You still want me.'

'So, I probably won't after going through labor,' she frowned.

'And who do you think will be holding your hand, and letting you likely break his a few times while you have the baby?'

Sakura sighed. 'I just can't win at this one, can I?'

'Not likely,' he agreed.

'Can we just sleep? We can let it lie until tomorrow,' she offered.

'Sleep? Soon,' he agreed, moving in to trace her lips with his finger in a soft, worshipping gesture. 'But not yet,'

It occurred to her, as he was making love to her as if they had all the time in the world, that this was the first time they'd really shared sleeping quarters deliberately. He'd slept over at her place once before their return, and it had probably happened a time or two while they were back, but it was different this time.

Tsunade had given him the double, expecting him to have a guest.

Meaning her.

The Hokage's office was too full of paperwork and books to hold any sort of meeting in, so they'd retired to the hall and locked the tower for the few hours.

'Gaara san, did you get the report from the sand mednin?' Tsunade asked as she frowned away a question from Genma.

Sakura realized that some of the older jounin there were really starting to get old. Tsunade herself had to be near sixty now, Kakashi and Genma nearing forty. She had no idea how old Asuma and Kurenai were, but they had to be a few years younger than Kakashi. The only young jounin were Naruto, Hinata and Ino, aside from herself and Gaara; and the only reason the other three were there was because they represented groups.

Hinata was special jounin, and an expert on bloodline limits, having her own, as well as the breeding thing. Naruto was… Naruto. He was almost the Hokage's son, and she'd already made it clear that he was next in line. Ino was representative of the hunter nin; ANBU, as she was already a captain in her own right. She was also somewhat an apprentice to Morino Ibiki, and fairly well versed in psychology since the actual doctors were busy with their patients.

'Yes, I got their reports, Hokage san,' he replied. 'Things seem to be going well with the mednin exchange, although I'd eventually like to include other countries in it. Especially since mednin are like doctors and sworn to heal anyone who comes under their care, friend or foe.'

'Very good, Kazekage san,' Tsunade replied. 'Shizune, can you record that for exploration in the future?'

'Yes, Hokage sama,' she replied, pushing her long brown hair out of her face.

'Are there any problems with the mednin exchange?' Tsunade asked, looking around the group sitting comfortably on floor pillows. She was met with silence, and dim smiles, and Sakura was glad that the others agreed that it was a great idea.

'Next then, will be the odd happenings around Konoha lately,' Tsunade said. 'Does anyone have anything to input that wasn't covered in the last meeting?'

'I'd like to put forward that the power outage that covered most of the hidden village for forty five minutes last night wasn't a normal happening,' Kakashi said. 'I spoke to the supervisor at the power mill, and she said that nothing odd had happened there. The city should have been fully powered.'

'Did anyone report any suspicious activity during the outage?' Genma asked Kakashi.

'I ran into Orochimaru, and he said the thing we'd killed the other day was just an animated corpse.' Sakura put forward.

'Really? And did he try to hurt you this time?' Kurenai asked, concerned.

'No, he just mentioned something about a bloodline mutation,' she answered.

'Is it possible that he was just in the area taking advantage of an odd power outage?' Asuma asked.

'I doubt it,' Gaara said. 'Although I don't think he could have done it on his own. He must have had help.'

'True, since the ambassador's quarters are almost impossible to get into. Did he come through the window?' Genma asked.

'No,' Sakura replied. 'But he's not acting like himself, either.'

'She's right,' Gaara offered.

'He s-s-sounds like h-he's working with some-o-one else,' Hinata offered with almost no stutter.

'Under the control of someone else, you mean,' Ino said darkly.

'But who?' Naruto asked. 'Who would have the kind of payment Orochimaru would want? He wants jutsus and new bodies, not ryu,'

'Good p-point, Naruto kun,' Hinata agreed. 'S-so all we h-have to do is f-find out who it is that h-has bodies and j-jutsus to sp-spare.'

'It would have to be a very powerful person, with very powerful jutsus, or else Orochimaru would just find a way to steal them,' Ino said.

'True, but who's to say he's not working on that while appearing to help the person he's stealing from?' Kakashi offered them.

Sakura frowned. Who had massively powerful jutsus and some bodies to spare?

'It sounds like one of the Kages, save for the fact that none of them would part with one of their people willingly.' Kurenai stated darkly.

'Kurenai,' Ino gasped. 'You're a genius.'

'So I'm told,' she agreed sarcastically.

'A Kage then? Sakura asked, fear trickling down the core of her stomach, and she tried to ignore it so it didn't upset the baby.

'Possibly.' Naruto said. 'It's a good place to start. If not a Kage, then someone close to them, since the Kages can handle a lot of power, maybe he wants one of their bodies?'

'Good. Naruto, send jounin with a genin team to meet with each of the Kages, even of the small villages.'

'Why genin?' Sakura asked. 'You're just giving the mednin more dead bodies to work with.'

'The Kages will see a jounin with students as less of a threat than an envoy, and if it's someone close to a Kage, they won't worry about what they do in the presence of genin, since genin are supposedly weak.' Tsunade chuckled. 'But Sasuke and Naruto are prime examples of genin that have the power and capability of jounin when they were young. We'll just get more of them on duty to the other villages.'

'Good,' Asuma said, and Sakura felt a pang that she wasn't one of the powerful genin when she was young.

It still bothered her, though she'd more than made up for it since she'd become jounin.

'Next item of business is the Itachi and Sasuke problem. Tabled.' Tsunade held her hands out. 'Ideas?'

'Did Sasuke take his medication last night?' Sakura asked quietly.

'Yes, he did.' Ino said. 'The pair of them are getting easier to deal with since they're medicating, but they're still dangerous if they miss a dose.'

'So then what use are they?' Asuma asked, gruffly.

'The bloodline limit is priceless,' Hinata offered strongly. 'And the lesson they've taught the other families with limits about inbreeding is more than priceless.' She defended.

'So we can keep them medicated and breed them out?' Kurenai asked, a glint of pain on her face.

'I won't let that happen,' Kakashi offered coldly. 'He might not be anymore, but Sasuke was under my protection. His brother falls under it by default. You will not do anything immoral to those boys.'

'They've suffered enough; what with the mental instability that's been with them both their whole lives.' Ino said softly. 'Can't we just keep them in the village and medicated, and let them live a shinobi life? They're both genius level.'

'Regardless, Sharingan needs to see another generation. The Uchiha brothers must breed.' Tsunade said. 'So we keep them medicated. Then what?'

'Why don't we just let them go be nins and medicated? If we keep them nearby or on a team with a mind mednin, they should be alright. And if they're checked regularly for stability and cared for accordingly, things should work out. We'd have our two Uchiha back, they'd be useful nin again, and they'd be stabilized, and eventually breed.' Genma offered.

'But what if things aren't alright?' Tsunade worried. 'There is always a chance that they'll miss a dose of medication, or become immune to it. What then? What if Itachi sees something that just sets him off one day, and goes berserk?'

'Kill them then.' Genma said. 'Or neutralize them in another way. Neither of them are sannin. Just jounin level. One of us could take care of them, three of us versus one of them, there's no contest.'

'They're still genius.'

'That's fine. There are lots of genius jounin in Konoha. There are a few genius chuunin I'd wager would give Itachi or Sasuke a good go.' Genma offered neutrally.

'I-I'd like to forbid an Uchiha from b-breeding with a byakugan user for a f-few generations.' Hinata said. 'My family has been breeding branch and main family a little for a few generations. I-I don't want to marry a cousin, and an Uchiha and a Hyuuga would be even worse than either alone.'

'Good point,' Tsunade said. 'So I'd like to put forth the future sixth Hokage as a suitor for the Hyuuga heiress.' She smiled gently.

Naruto blushed bright red, and Hinata all but fainted.

'Don't worry, I've spoken to Hisashi for you.' She chuckled. 'Now, go, all of you but Sakura.'

Slowly the room cleared, and Sakura remained sitting near Tsunade. She almost didn't notice that Gaara was still there until she heard the slight swish of sand in his gourd.

'Gaara? This is about Sakura, would you leave us?' Tsunade prodded gently.

'No.' he replied, crossing his arms.

Tsunade sighed, and Sakura, seeing that her little problem would soon become public, decided to interfere. 'It's okay, Tsunade sama.' Sakura said. 'We spend a lot of time together.'

Tsunade sighed in defeat. 'Can I at least expect a wedding soon?'

'Shut up-' Sakura ordered over her shoulder, knowing that Gaara had his mouth open to offer some smart ass remark.

Who would have thought that once-crazy, former demon container Gaara would have a sense of humor? Or a love of irony? Not her.

'I'd like to check you to make sure you're okay,' Tsunade said, reaching over to Sakura.

'No, it's okay Tsunade. I'm fine, I promise.' She said, backing away a little.

'Sakura,' Tsunade said, warningly. 'Don't fight me on this one.' And touched Sakura, her chakra worming its way through her.

'Shit, Tsunade sama, don't,' Sakura complained, looking back to see a cheerful grin on Gaara's face.

'Well, well, well,' Tsunade crowed. 'There's a bun in the oven, and it has Gaara's chakra mixed with yours.'

'You don't need to tell me that, Tsunade sama. Can you just unlock my chakra? Please?'

'Yes, but you need to tell me what happened in the forest. Your report was incomplete.' she ordered, smirking.

'You know, Gaara, there's a law in Konoha in regards to a single Kaze-' Gaara cut her off.

'I told you about that, Sakura.' He offered.

'You said you wouldn't push,' she frowned back at him.

'He might not, but I will.' Tsunade growled. 'No one gets my best apprentice pregnant and doesn't marry her.'

'But I don't want-'

'Should have thought about that first.' Tsunade said. 'But at least you got over the boy you were dating before coming back.'

'Nngh-' was all she could come out with.

'She was dating somebody before she came back?' Gaara asked, smirking. 'What was he like?'

'She was all upset over having to leave him.' Tsunade shook her head sadly. 'It affected her performance since she hadn't had enough of him.'

'Oh, really?'

'Yes.' Tsunade said. 'You don't care that you're not her first boyfriend, do you? No you don't. If you did, you wouldn't be with her now.' She laughed.

'I would be awfully upset if I wasn't the first and only,' Gaara said, and Sakura felt her skin start to crawl with embarrassment. 'But I was the first, and I'm the only.'

Tsunade frowned, and Sakura lowered her head, shaking it in denial.

'I am her boyfriend from before,' he said quietly.

'Good then,' Tsunade smiled. 'When can we expect the wedding?'

'As soon as we can get her there,' Gaara chuckled. 'She keeps on saying no to me, so if you can get her to agree, I'm there.'

'Umm, hello? I'm sitting right here,' Sakura said angrily.

'We know that dear, but you're not being very nice to your fiancé right now,' Tsunade said. 'So just talk when you're going to say yes.'

Sakura frowned in disgust. 'What about the bloodline mutation that Orochimaru was talking about?' she growled. 'There's nothing going on if my baby and I are dead.'

'If you go to the hospital, hit the archives and check your lineage. I think there will be something there, because I know the Haruno clan has some odd history, although no one but Haruno is allowed to see the family histories.'

'I checked them before, when I was interning,' she argued. 'There's nothing in there.'

'Not those archives,' Tsunade said. 'Check the secret archives. It's more than just a medical history, although it will take a while to cross reference everything.'

'Oh.' Sakura replied, dumbfounded. 'Who do I talk to?'

'The director. He should be in today. Just walk by the secretary like you don't see her and she won't bother you.' Tsunade said.

'Okay,' Sakura started to walk out.

'Not without me.' Gaara grunted, materializing by her side in a bare moment.

Sabaku no Hime: that was a bit shorter than the last one, though still longer than usual. It felt like mostly filler to me, since Orochimaru is being an ass, and didn't want to do anything evil with a senbon this time. I still don't get the bloodline mutation thing. I wish my muse would explain it to me, since I'm confuzzled.

Again, this is just to apologize for not updating for almost a week or more, and the shabbiness of the battle in the last chapter. It might be filler, but I'm happy how I wrote it, and I realized that I can handle conversations with a bunch of people instead of the two or three I've been using up to now!

Luff. Hope you liked.