Chapter 12: Specters, Memories, and Big Ass Bugs

Author's Note: And now the group has made it to Horizon. Now read on as I say F you game dialogue and insert my own end to the mission. If I called this the halfway point of the story I would be downright lying. This is 1/3 at the most. Hopefully you guys like this long enough for me to make it to the end.

Liege: Kasumi can't hold a drink, right now… Shepard might cure her of that later. I haven't gotten that far ahead. And drinking is bad… trust me.

And as for the groping.. yup

"Remember those times with the warm drink and friends and good times? Well enjoy those memories because you might not live through the next five minutes." –unknown

?

Seeker swarms nearly blocked out the sun. They were everywhere around Shepard and her squad; the buzz of their wings the only thing to be heard in the silence. She waved a hand forward and they took off.

"Mordin you're sure this armor will protect us from the swarms?" Shepard was more than a little concerned as she saw a rather large swarm heading their way.

"Unknown," said Mordin from her right side. "Only method for finding out is with live testing."

Shepard gulped. "Well here's your first test."

The large swarm dropped on top of them, swarming around them but staying two feet away from each one of them. Grunt reached out and grabbed a handful of them.

"Disgusting insects," he said as he crushed the handful.

A louder buzzing of wings brought them out of their momentary victory. Five large insect humanoids landed near a flatbed truck. Their large yellow eyes locked onto her with malice. A slightly larger one brought up an equally large rifle; its barrel began to glow a yellow to match the creatures eyes.

"Get to cover," Shepard ordered as she dove out of the way. A beam sliced through the space she had just occupied, burning through the wall behind her. Shepard primed her incendiary ammo on her rifle and popped out of cover. Her Mattock tore through the closest Collectors barriers and armor. Its corpse fell to the ground ablaze as she moved onto the next one. Grunts shotgun boomed like thunder in the back ground, his incendiary lighting up the enemy.

"Mordin I need an incinerate on that big one with the laser," Shepard said as she ducked beneath another blast from the heavy weapon. The hairs on the back of her neck burned away as she reloaded and fought back a small pain from the heat.

"Consider it done," she heard Mordin yell from where ever he was.

Then she heard the explosion of flames as a sphere of napalm hit the target. Shepard jumped out of cover, firing her rifle with rehearsed precision at the burning Collector. It collapsed and disintegrated into nothing more than ash.

And then it was eerily quiet; no bullets flying or bombs going off, just the buzz of small wings.

"That felt," Grunt said as he rejoined her. His armor splashed with Collector blood and a small cut on his face oozed a little blood. "Good. I want more."

Shepard grinned. "Oh trust me Grunt," she said as she took off farther into the colony. "There will be plenty of fighting ahead."

?

Kasumi awoke with a start. She grabbed her head as she was quickly assaulted by a headache.

"I hate hangovers," she said as she rubbed her temple to ease the pain.

That's when she noticed the blanket wrapped around her. "Where did this come from?"

Her memory gave her no answers as she attempted to recall anything. The throbbing in her head took paramount as she pulled the blankets off. Something crinkled and fell lightly to the floor.

Kasumi looked down and saw a piece of paper. She tossed the blanket over the couch and onto her bed. She picked up the paper, which was addressed to her.

Dear K,

How's that hangover? Bet it feels real good right now. Do me a favor, while I'm fighting the Collectors dirt side can you take the hangover cure that I left on the bar for you? I need you sober and straight headed when I get back so we can talk about last night. Also about that; I had no idea you were that touchy feely in bed. But eh not complaining. XD

Anyway enjoy that cure and don't do anything stupid… better yet don't let Joker do anything stupid.

Sincerely Shepard

Kasumi's head spun. 'She's joking right?' she asked herself as she reread the note.

She turned the paper over. Her eyes went bug eyed in surprise.

There was a picture; of Shepard on her couch, with her hand in Shepard's shirt. Shepard had her arms around the thief and wore a face of pleasure. Underneath the picture was a simple: 'Haha'

Kasumi's face turned red. She collapsed back into the couch and ran a hand across her face.

"What the hell," she said aloud. Her mind reeled as slowly but surely the fog cleared and she remembered parts of the night before.

Her head continued to pound as she sat there, until finally she got up and walked over to the bar. On the counter were a small can and two pills. She picked up the can and looked it over; a large jagged M covered the center. She guessed it was some sort of hangover remedy and grabbed the two pills, which were aspirin. She popped in the pills and took a swig of the drink.

Cherry flavor and sugar assaulted her taste buds as she licked her lips.

'That is actually pretty good,' she thought as she took another hit of the liquefied sugar.

Her headache immediately disappeared as the remedy took effect, along with the rest of the drink. She frowned as the last of the liquid swished in the can. After it disappeared down her throat she tossed the empty can into the trash.

'That stuff is almost as addicting as ramen.'

Her tongue craved the drink as she began to fidget a little from pent up energy. She was hooked.

"EDI," she said aloud. A blue orb materialized near the door. "Does D… I mean Shepard have anymore cans of that stuff anywhere?"

EDI said nothing as she searched the cargo manifest and then possible locations.

"The Commander currently has ten containers of that beverage in her cabin," the voice of the Normandy said. "But has openly stated that no crew members are allowed to drink her 'private stock' and will meet a grim fate if any should try. Also it is bad for your health Miss Goto."

Kasumi was practically in the elevator. "Well I'm not just any crew member. And if its funs, then chances are it isn't good for you."

?

Shepard slammed the butt of her rifle into the head of the closest Husk. Its head flew off from the impact. She followed through by aiming and firing at a Collector as it landed a few feet away from her. It flailed around as the flames slowly killed it. She moved onto a Husk that was creeping up on Mordin. Two shots and it was down.

"Reloading," she yelled as she ducked down and popped the heat sink.

Mordin launched a heavy cryo into a group of the undead Husks. They fell over, and subsequently shattered.

'I wish I had a tank,' she thought as she picked a Husk finger out of her shoulder pad. 'Then I could just cruise down Main Street.'

"I am Krogan," Grunt roared. He charged through two Husks and then rammed a Collector into a pillar.

'Then again,' Shepard thought as she stepped into the open. Her rifle still in her arms, but at ease, 'when you've got a Krogan tank.'

"So many empty houses," Mordin said as he scanned a Collector corpse on a table. "Grim fate at the hands of the Collectors; turned into Husks maybe?"

Shepard shook her head. "There aren't any dragon's teeth. Which just proves what we already know… the Collectors are working for the Reapers."

Grunt mumbled something along the lines of, "I just want to kill."

Shepard waited for Mordin to finish his scans before setting out again, realizing that he might find some kind of advantage if he was allowed to be thorough.

They passed through a few more houses, finding nothing more than overturned chairs, a few packs of Medi-gel, and a rare thermal clip. Shepard stepped out of a small house sighing as some Collectors dropped in.

"Well I guess you're better than finding nothing," she said as she fired and moved. The closest Collector went down in flames.

She flanked through a long room off to the right of the enemy position, stopping at a window that was right next to a Collector. She set the rifle down and equipped her shotgun. On the third beat of her heart she leaned out of the window and blasted the unsuspecting Collectors.

'One two three,' she mentally counted as the enemy fell.

A buzz to her right caused her pulse to race. She turned, ready to fire. A Collector stood in the doorway, bringing the same beam rifle from before to bear. Shepard emptied the rest of her shotgun into its reinforced barriers, only managing to bring them down.

Without even thinking she lashed out with her biotics, lifting and slamming the bug into the doorway. It crunched just like a bug under her foot. She drew it closer and ripped the heavy weapon from its armored hands.

"Thank you," she said as she pushed it over a wall.

She eyed the strange weapon up and down as Mordin and Grunt walked up beside her.

"Strange weapon characteristics," Mordin said in his usual science talk. "Almost organic in nature, need to run tests in lab later."

Shepard placed the weapon on her back in the usually empty heavy weapon slot and reloaded her shotgun, before switching back to her trusty rifle.

"You can look at it all you want when this is over," she said as she began to walk off, passing the occasional frozen body. "But for now focus on the mission, now lets move."

?

Kasumi's eyes darted around a mile a minute. Suffice it to say she had a healthy buzz going. Her entire being moved so fast that she had time to read half the books in Shepard's collection, in between all of the shaking hands of course.

"EDI how much sugar is in those drinks?" she asked as she kicked one of the cans with her foot.

"Each can contains approximately fifty grams of sugar and two hundred fifty grams of caffeine," EDI explained. "You have had two cans since breaking into the Commanders fridge. Reaction to that amount indicates you should not take anymore or severe breakdowns will occur."

Kasumi fidgeted a little. She put a hand on her heart and sure enough it was beating hard against her ribcage.

"I think you might be right," Kasumi rapid fired. She jumped out the door and into the elevator. "I think I'll work this off by finding out some gossip from Kelly."

?

Shepard's skull screamed. Harbingers voice dug into her mind every time she heard the words "Assuming direct control."

Almost like when she had been in contact with Sovereign on the Citadel. She had been able to hold herself together up until now; when the end was in sight.

"Shepard batteries almost fully charged," Mordin's voice barely reached her ears.

She grabbed the side of her head, firing her rifle wildly with the other. Grunt roared somewhere in the distance and Mordin battled several husks, leaving her alone in her own torment.

The pain escalated, forcing her down to one knee.

'What the hell is this," she screamed back at the inferno of pain that consumed her. 'I can't breath.'

She dropped her gaze to the ground; her hearing went out as Mordin yelled something like a warning. And then a hand closed around her neck. She felt her body leave the ground as she was forced to stare into the eyes of the origin of her problems.

Harbinger.

"Shepard you continue to resist the inevitable," the Reaper bore deeper into her mind in an attempt to subvert her desire to fight. "Give in to what you know to be true."

He flooded her mind with visions of death and destruction, the screams of innocent people dying.

"I will never give in," Shepard said as she clawed at his arm. He tightened his grip, making it harder for air to get to her lungs. "I will do everything in my power to put an end to your threat on the galaxy."

And then his voice was gone, replaced by one from Shepard's past; one of her failures. "Just like how you did everything in your power to save me?" it was Alenko. In Shepard's eye she saw him sitting there next to the bomb as Geth rounds ripped through his body. "We see how well that went for you Commander."

"I had to make a choice Alenko," Shepard's vision began to blur. "We all knew the risks when we signed up."

The image faded. "That still doesn't make it the right choice Shepard. I loved you damn it!"

Shepard felt a tear run down her cheek. "I'm sorry Kaiden," her voice barely even a whisper. "But I didn't feel that way about you… she did."

Harbinger brought their faces an inch apart.

"Submit," he demanded. The burning in her mind dug deeper, into memories Shepard had suppressed for a very long time. "Ah the moment of your greatest failure in your meaningless life; does it pain you to know that you could have stopped all these events from occurring?"

Shepard fought, even though she knew what was coming.

"Does it pain you to know that I died," the voice changed to a female one. From a past life full of lost desires. "That I died because you wanted that post on Elysium. Because you practically seduced me into bullshitting the paperwork through, 'saying it'll be the easiest post since Earth'. We know how that ended don't we? I died and my brother paid the emotional toll, while you went on victory parades. My sacrifice! Your bullshit victory!"

Something ignited in Shepard; a spark from the sudden reminder of everything that she had lost over the years. Her vision began to clear.

'I mourned you,' she pushed back the darkness in her mind. 'I fought to preserve what the three of us sacrificed for on Elysium. Your brother…"

"He died!" the darkness pushed back. "He gave his life after Torfan! He got revenge and for what? He wore the curse of the Butcher while you pranced around as a heroine and first human Specter! How does any of that sound fair? He lost a sister and only living relative to become a monster in people's eyes. While you became a hero and lost someone you thought you loved!"

The spark burst into a fireball. It fueled her anger as she grabbed for her thigh and the knife that was clipped to it.

"You know I meant every word I told you Liz," Shepard practically screamed at the darkness. "And those feelings are something this Reaper will never understand."

Her fingers wrapped around the handle and pulled it free. She slammed the combat reflex knife into Harbingers arm, just below the wrist. With a twist and a spin she sliced right through the connective tissue and armor. The Collector recoiled at the pain, but Harbinger's voice remained neutral as if he still gripped her neck.

"This changes nothing," he began.

Shepard completed the spin by drawing the shotgun off her back with her empty hand. She aimed it right at the Collectors head. Her eyes stared daggers into him through her strands of red hair.

"Shut the fuck up," she pulled the trigger. The insect's body disintegrated into ash.

Her pulsed raced; her mind ran wild with pain and memories of everything, and the hand around her neck twitched slightly.

"Shepard glad you're alright," Mordin yelled from somewhere. "But we're in need of assistance. Big bug problem."

Shepard ripped the hand from her neck and picked up her fallen rifle.

"On the way Mordin," she yelled. Her voice then dropped to a whisper, "I need a distraction and 'murder the living shit out of something right now' seems like a good one."

?

Kelly babbled on and on about the two engineers and how they would be a perfect couple if they just admitted it to each other. In all honesty Kasumi was paying more attention to Joker in the cockpit as he bitched and moaned about getting the coms back online.

"Come on EDI," he was growing a little beyond impatient. "Shepard might need the shuttle any second now and I can't do a damn thing until the squawk box is back online."

"Jeff I am almost finished reestablishing communications with the ground team," EDI said in her typical tone. "Please be patient."

"I've been patient," Joker began, when the com cracked to life.

Whatever was happening didn't sound like it was going well.

Kasumi managed to pick a few words out in between Kelly's continued drabbles. She couldn't take it.

"Kelly I'll talk to you later k," Kasumi walked off leaving a rather perplexed Yeoman in her dust as she fast walked up to the helm.

That's when she caught the end of an argument.

"Damn it skipper what has Cerberus brainwashed you with that you don't see that they're manipulating you?" the voice was foreign to Kasumi. "Did you even think that maybe they're the ones behind all this?"

"Cerberus hasn't done anything to me," Shepard answered. "All they're doing is funding this mission because they know that the threat is still out there. The threat we all bled and sweat and sacrificed to stop."

Kasumi tapped Joker on the shoulder, causing him to jump a little. He relaxed a little when he saw it was Kasumi.

"Who is Shep talking to?" she asked.

"Ash," Joker whispered. "One of Shepard's former crewmates on the old Normandy; she used to say that she would follow Shepard through the gates of hell to stop the Reapers. Now she's arguing over whether or not it's the real Shepard down there."

Kasumi held back her chided reply, letting the battle of words on the dirt play out.

"Shepard we both know Cerberus has some ulterior motive in this whole thing," Ash fired. "They always want to further there own goals, no matter the cost of others."

"You don't think I don't know that?" Shepard fired back. "I don't like working with them, but they're the only ones doing anything right now. So until I decide otherwise, I'll use there resources and put up with them."

"You see," the venom in Ash's voice could be felt from the Normandy. "The Shepard I knew would never abide with an organization like them. Do you even remember what we sacrificed and went through to stop not just Sovereign, but the organization that you're siding with?"

"Don't you dare talk to me about sacrifices Ash," the fury was evident. "I don't want to go down this road with you."

"Why?" Ash questioned. "Is it because Cerberus left that part out of your memory to keep you more detached? Or because you're just a mach…"

The line hissed and closed. Joker looked up from the console to see Kasumi's gloved finger on the mute button.

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

Kasumi shook her head. "That sounds like a personal conversation that we have no business hearing."

Joker stared right back at her for a second, before faltering and simply nodding.

"Good," Kasumi smiled. "You might want to send the shuttle down to pick them up, since it sounds like they're done."

And with that she left the bridge.

?

"Why?" Ash questioned. She crossed her arms with a sneer on her face. "Is it because Cerberus left that part out of your memory to keep you more detached? Or because you're just a machine made to look like the hero that died over Alchera?"

Shepard's fists tightened until her knuckles were white.

"Ash if anyone here knows about loss," Shepard whispered. Her cybernetics burned hotter and hotter. "I know a damn lot more about it than you."

"All I here is you talking about it," Ash said unconvinced. "Cerberus probably programmed you that way."

Shepard sighed, closing her eyes.

"337-59-1120," Shepard whispered. "Sergeant Shepard, A. Father of three that died on Mindoir. He gave his life to protect his family, it wasn't enough."

Ash's stony appearance faltered a little.

"665-21-7007," she continued. "2nd Lt R, Liz. Made the ultimate sacrifice on Elysium, her brother would make a similar sacrifice after leading the counter strike on Torfan. 887-02-3350, Lt Alenko K. Gave his life to ensure the rest of his team could make it out before the bomb he defended went off. Including one Ashley Williams."

Ash's defenses dropped completely, shattered against the realization that Shepard was in fact, Shepard.

"So don't you fucking tell me that I don't remember anything about sacrifice," Shepard growled. "I've lost friends, families, and loved ones far too often. If you want to go about lying to make yourself feel better, then go ahead. But I'm going to keep fighting, and win this damn war. For the living and the lost."

She turned to leave.

"See ya around Ash," she didn't wait for a reply.

Thankfully the shuttle was there waiting for her. The trio remained silent the entire trip home. Shepard's mind however, was a storm of memories and emotions.

As soon as the transport docked she was on the elevator to her quarters. As it slowly went up she slammed a fist into the nearest wall, leaving a small dent.

'You just had to mess with that memory Harbinger,' Shepard thought as the elevator stopped and she took the five steps to the door and then the shower. 'I'm going to fucking destroy you for that.'

The memory in question came back in vivid flashes, along with the pain and sorrow. Shepard couldn't hold back the tears and slid down the showers wall and pulled her knees to her face. Crying to the sound of raindrops on the glass of the shower.

?

Author's Note: Well there you have it. I basically spilled a giant can of beans in this one. I tried to give Harbinger a more psychological effect than what's felt in the games. He is after all a Reaper that can manipulate things. All will be explained in due time. As always read, review, rate, subscribe, favorite, etc.

And embrace chaos.

PS- the drink is Monster and yes it does cure my headaches and other sicknesses.