Chapter Twelve: Bitter
A New York City winter was not something that could be described, only experienced. It was both beautiful and treacherous and the frigid winds kept even the truest of New Yorkers shut up behind closed doors.
The Castle loft was kept warm all year round. The thermostat set so it always felt inviting and it was one of the things Kate had first noticed when she had started spending more time there. Her own apartment was cold, despite the heating she had always had to wear thick socks when she was home to stay warm. Now that she had moved in permanently she delighted in walking around in a t-shirt and her pyjama shorts despite it being the middle of winter.
It felt cold inside the loft that morning. When she woke his side of the bed was empty and the sheets were cold. She had wandered through the office and into the living room and stopped when she saw him. He was standing in front of the large windows that looked out across the city and even from where she was standing she could see his shoulders were tense. Walking up to him she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his shoulder blade.
"Morning," she said softly, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade through the material of his shirt.
When he didn't reply she shifted around his body so she was resting in the cove of his arms, her back pressed against the window and her front pressed against his chest.
"You okay?" she asked.
"Confused," he replied resting his cheek on the top of her head.
When they were at work she loved that her heels put her at eye level with most of her male co-workers however when they were here at home, just the two of them, she secretly loved that she could fit herself under his chin. It made her feel safe, like he could shelter from the outside world and they could just be together.
"I know," she whispered back burrowing further into his chest.
"I mean I only really met him once," he says back.
"That you know of," she interjects, "You said it yourself he's been influential on your life without you even being aware of it."
"James Bond," he sighed tightening his grip around her, "But he was still so absent, for my whole life Kate, even after Paris, I never saw him again."
"That doesn't mean he didn't see you Castle," she said, her lips brushing his collarbone as she turned away from the window, "His entire job relied on him seeing but being seen. He looked out for you even before you knew who he was."
"After we met I knew he couldn't be like every other Dad, I came to terms with that but I would have thought he would have made more of an effort, for me, for Alexis," he buried his face in her hair.
"It's okay to be upset with him, it's okay to be angry, "she said," But I think he would have contacted you more if it was safe. Think about what he did, the lengths he went to to keep you and Alexis safe and alive. If he had been able I'm sure he would have been here."
He hummed in his throat but she felt the tense muscles in his back start to relax. A breath stuttered in his chest and she leaned back to press a gentle kiss to his lips.
"My Dad is dead," he murmured pressing his forehead to hers, "My father is gone Kate."