I Always Have Loved You
I paced nervously around my room fiddling with my velvet midnight blue dress. Tonight was the night of the ball and it would be starting soon and I was a nervous mess, not because of tonight but of what had happened last night. I turned and my eyes locked onto my desk where a vase sat and in it a single flower, the flower Edmund had given me. I walked over to it and lightly stroked one of its brightly colored petals and I leaned down and sniffed the comforting scent in, the events of last night coming back into my mind.
"You." I looked up shocked as he leaned down and lightly kissed me. My eyes widened in shock as I felt this lips on mine and oddest thing was that I found myself responding. He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me closer as I brought my hands up around his neck and ran them through his dark hair. I didn't even notice that what we were doing was highly inappropriate even for Kings and Queens. He pulled away and I breathed in heavily, the last kiss I had, had never been like that. I looked up at Edmund and remembered our last kiss ten years ago and how different it was from the one we had just shared.
Then everything came to me. I had kissed Edmund! Oh no! I pulled back away from him ignoring his confused look.
"I…I have to go." I ignored his crestfallen face and fled paying no mind to his pleas. I raced through the dark hallways looking back every so often to make sure Edmund wasn't following me and he never was, and I don't know if that was a good thing or not. I sighed in relief when my chamber doors came into view, I flew the doors opened and slammed them shut behind me and placed my hands on the doors to steady myself as I took in long deep breaths for several long moments. As I finally calmed down I walked over to my bed and carefully sat down facing the door as I brought a hand up to my still warm lips. Something had happened when Edmund had kissed me, some part of me that had died when my brother Angelo did came alive, but now it was gone, just a flicker of warmth and then gone, never to return. I sighed as I brought my hand down and stared at the flower Edmund had given me earlier.
And now here I was still staring at it trying to sort my feelings out. The day even though full of activity had gone by slowly for me. I had gone to great lengths to avoid Edmund and his family, and had succeeded, I think he was avoiding me as well for if he wanted to have found me he would have, that's how stubborn he is. I sighed as I let go of the petal and it fell forward leaning down towards the table. I turned as I heard faint sounds such as laughter and music drift from the great hall to my room. Even though I had huge oak doors the sounds were evident that a party was going on, a party I should be at.
I looked over and saw my crown resting on a plush throw pillow. I walked slowly over to it and lightly picked it up and placed it on my hand and for the first time it felt heavy as if it were weighing me down.
KNOCK KNOCK
I turned as someone knocked excitedly on my door and I gently smiled, Anthony. I walked over to the door and opened it and sure enough there was Anthony standing there smiling happily. He was dressed handsomely in a golden tunic with matching slacks and boots. He would be every young girls dream at the ball.
"My, my don't you look lovely cousin, excited?" I smiled weakly and nodded and he saw right through my guise.
"Whatever is wrong?" I sighed and said softly.
"Nothing is wrong, ready for the ball?" I asked attempting to walk around him but he put his arms out blocking me and I sighed and looked up at him.
"We are not going anywhere until you tell me what is bothering you." He said sternly and in a tone he hardly ever used, it scared me enough to yield to him and I let him into my chambers as we took seats in two comfy chairs by the balcony with the mountain breeze rolling in.
"So what is bothering you?" I looked down and again fiddled with my dress before telling him the entire story. Once I was done I looked out at the trees and some far off mountains that were barely visible because of the forests.
"Well that is quite the predicament you've gotten yourself into is it not?" I nodded and looked at him.
"But what do I do? He leaves tomorrow with his family and I do not now how I feel about him." Anthony reached over and took one of my hands lovingly.
"I am not you and I cannot make your decisions for you, now let's not dwell on this any longer we have a ball to get to." I smiled and nodded and he pulled me up and took my arm as we walked out of my room and down the hallway to the hall. The front doors were opened and we were hit with a bang of laughter, voices, music, and scents such as food, and candles, and drinks. The hall was lit with tons of scented candles and was bright with decorations and everything was simply spectacular. Everyone hushed as we walked in and I smiled at my subjects as we passed them, they were all dressed in their best and were whispering and looking in awe as Anthony and I passed them. As we passed by a group of people one girl ran in front of me and stared up at me in awe. She was no older then five and such a cute little thing with tan skin and dark hair and dark eyes.
"Hello Queen Lena." She dipped down to do a very clumsy curtsy. I laughed and leaned down so that I was eye level with her.
"Hello and what is your name?" I asked smiling and she smiled and responded.
"I am Laruena your Majesty." I nodded and smiled.
"Pleased to meet you Laruena, now tell me are you having fun?" She nodded quickly smiled delightfully.
"Oh yes, this is the most fun I've even had. You should see it; there is one man here that juggles food!" I laughed and stood up and affectionately patted the girl on the head.
"I'll have to see that later." I turned towards all my subjects and smiled.
"I hope you are all having a wonderful time." They were cheers but they were quickly quieted as I continued.
"I want you to know this means the world to me that all of you took time out of your busy lives to come and celebrate with me. And I hope you have the best time, continue on with the Commons Ball." They cheered again as the music started up. I turned back towards Anthony who smiled and reached out and took my hand and led me through the crowded hall.
"Everyone is having fun, that's for sure." He said as we were bumped into by clumsy dancers, they apologized profusely but I just waved them away with a laugh and smile.
"Remember when we were young and we would hide from our parents under the tables late at night when we were supposed to be sleeping, we would watch the dancing and the guards would sneak us treats under the table?" I asked fondly remembering it, Anthony nodded and laughed joyfully.
"Yes and if I remember correctly every time we would get caught you would always sweet talk our way out of trouble, you know your Father could never say no to you." I smiled gently and nodded.
"And remember how we always would want to be grown up so we could stay up late because everyone was having so much fun?" He nodded and looked around.
"And now we are grown up no longer children." I nodded a bit sadly and looked around the hall.
"Yes the days of childhood are long gone, we are adults with responsibilities and we must stick with them." Anthony nodded but then smiled and turned towards me.
"Maybe not always." I turned towards him confused and quirked an eyebrow as he held out his hand towards me.
"How about for tonight we go back to being children just having fun and tomorrow, tomorrow we shall be adults." I looked down at his hand and smiled and accepted it.
"Care to dance?" he asked leading me out to the floor as I laughed and nodded.
"I would love to." Anthony held me as we glided around the floor laughing as young children mimicked us. As he twirled me around one last time the song stopped and I panted. I brought a hand up to my face and started fanning myself.
"You have worn me out dear cousin." He laughed and nodded but stopped as he looked beyond me. I raised an eyebrow and turned and was surprised to see Edmund standing there looking nervous.
"Would you like to dance?" He asked avoiding looking at me as I turned back towards Anthony who gave me an encouraging nod. I turned back towards Edmund and nodded accepting his hand. We were silent as we moved gracefully around the dance floor lost in our own thoughts. I looked up at him to find his penetrating gaze focused on me as I lost myself in his eyes as everything slowed down. Everything about the ball faded away as it just became Edmund and I, and the only thing I heard was my heart pounding in my chest. I looked down and the ball came back as I pulled away from Edmund who looked surprised.
"I'm sorry, but I can't do this." I hurried away from the dance floor pushing past people till I was out on the balcony facing the western part of the woods and I looked on as the sky darkened. Out here it was cool a far cry from the heat inside.
"Lena?" I turned and saw Edmund standing there watching me intently, the echoes of the ball floating out around us.
"Edmund." I nodded before turning my back to him to look out at the majestic trees that have been rooted here for centuries.
"Are you all right?" He asked his voice nearer and when I looked at him I found that he was standing closely next to me.
"I am fine I just needed some air." I said smiling weakly but I could tell he didn't believe me, I didn't even believe me.
"You are lying to me."
"Only a little." I murmured to myself and he glared down at my annoyed.
"What is wrong?" I looked down and sighed.
"Everything." He placed his hand gently on my won and gripped it lightly and turned me to look at him.
"Like what?"
"The kiss and you leaving tomorrow." He sighed and let go of me and ran a hand through his hair nervously.
"I am sorry for that kiss. It was rash and on impulse and I am deeply sorry if I caused you distress over it." I just nodded.
"I know and I'm fine with that it's just…I don't want you to leave tomorrow." I whispered it quietly and it was carried away with the wind but I knew he heard. It was silent for a long time.
"Then come." I looked up at him shocked, was he mad?
"What?"
"You heard me, come with me!" He was pleading with me and my heart said yes, oh how it wanted me to go, but my mind told me of Lamilia I made an oath, a sacred one and those are not ones to be taken likely. I looked up at him and shook my head no.
"I can't Edmund."
"Yes you can." He said determinedly and tears came to my eyes as I shook my head no. I grabbed one of his hands and brought it up to my lips kissing it softly before looking at him.
"As much as I would love to run away with you I cannot. I made a promise to rule here as Queen and I cannot leave it behind. I am sorry." He nodded and pulled away his hand.
"I…I understand, you must think of Lamilia of course."
"Ed." I whispered but he just shook his head and walked away leaving me by myself. Once he was gone more tears came as I turned away from the party and hugged myself tightly.
--
Dawn, I noted as I walked down a hallway to the counsel meeting. We were having it bright and early today so early that is was dawn. Edmund and his family where leaving if not already gone and I knew I would most likely never seen them again, I would make sure of that, it would mean I wouldn't get hurt.
"Lena!" I turned and saw Anthony racing towards me; I stopped and waited for him to catch up.
"Good morning." I said and he nodded.
"They're gone." He said as we resumed walking and I briskly nodded.
"You saw them off?" I asked and he nodded.
"Hard to say goodbye to Susan?" I asked and he shrugged and smiled sheepishly.
"I realized she wasn't the one for me. She is beautiful but very quiet unless angry and soft spoken, I need a woman who can be loud and is willing to tell me when I cam screwing up, someone like you except of course that we are cousins." I laughed and nodded, same old Anthony.
"They wondered why you weren't there." He said quietly and I stopped and turned towards them.
"What did you say to them?" He just shrugged and looked on ahead.
"Just that you were busy and that you sent your apologies." I nodded approvingly and we continued on.
"You know I think you should have talked to him." He said and I sighed.
"And say what, I've already said all that I needed to." He rolled his eyes and grabbed my arms and turned me towards him and said.
"Cousin Life is short even shorter for one of a King and Queen. When you find true love you should go after it for you will most likely never find it again." I looked up at him intently before finally looking away.
"We have a meeting to be at." He nodded and let me ago and I walked ahead.
--
I zoned out as the men talked, I was thinking about Edmund and how he made me feel. When we had been children we had been close, not at first but we had become close just by talking in a library. And since then that closeness has continued to grow even after ten years of no contact, could it be that I have fallen in love with him, Edmund? A dear friend but could he be my partner in life? I closed my eyes as I thought of his soft lips on mine, and how a fire had been lit inside of me and now it was gone and I desperately wanted it back. I opened my eyes and looked down to see my foot tapping along to an odd beat and a conversation from the past popped into my head.
"You have odd habits too you know." I raised an eyebrow challenging him.
"I do?" He nodded and I smirked.
"Well by all means name them off." I replied settling back into my favorite chair in the library. He thought for a second before smiling.
"Well you when you day dream you start tapping your foot to an imaginary beat in your head, you like talking to your horse."
I smiled fondly remembering the day in the library, Edmund had said I tapped my foot when lost in thought and here I was doing it, thinking about him nonetheless! I turned and saw Anthony next to me his eyes intently on a counsel member talking about important issues and his words from earlier came back.
"Cousin Life is short even shorter for one of a King and Queen. When you find true love you should go after it for you will most likely never find it again."
It was true and should I really deprive myself of love? Love? In love with Edmund? As much as I wanted the answer to be no it couldn't be for that would be a lie and I cannot lie to my heart. I love Edmund Pevensie the Just King of Narnia! A new feeling of warmth rippled through my body as I thought it over, I love him and I will be with him! I stood up and everyone quieted down waiting to hear what I had to say.
"Gentlemen, I made an oath when becoming Queen to serve Lamilia to my best and to serve as I see fit. Well I have been thinking it over and I have realized that I am not ready to be Queen, I am still young and I still have a lot of growing up to do. But there is someone I know who would make an excellent King." I said turning to Anthony and smiling.
"My cousin Anthony, he knows all he needs to know. So from this moment on I am no longer Lena Kathryn Regulinda Queen of Lamilia, I resign." There was an uproar as I bounded back over to Anthony's seat and leaned down so that we were eyelevel.
"You will make a great King." I whispered placing the crown upon his head, he quirked an eyebrow looking at me bewildered before realization finally dawned in his dark eyes. He smiled and nodded towards the doors.
"Go get him." I smiled and kissed his forehead before standing up and addressing the counsel men again.
"If you would excuse me gentlemen I have to catch a certain King and profess my love for him." I bounded out of the room as I heard the uproar behind me. I ran through the palace catching the attention of all around me, once in the stables I quickly sprinted over to Lightening and untied him and saddled him up quickly. They didn't have that much of a head start if they were going at a slow pace. I hopped on Lightening and leaned down and whispered into his ear.
"Take me to him, take me to Edmund." I lightly kicked his sides and off we went flying through the forest at top speeds. The wind whipped me in the face but I paid no attention to as tree after tree raced by. Soon I saw the opening as we raced through it and were in a huge clearing. I halted Lightening for a second and scanned around hoping to see a glimmer of the Pevensies. There! I looked and saw up where the four riding off slowly.
"Edmund!" I screamed as Lightening ran forward and I clutched tightly onto the reins. I raced forward and finally they spotted me and stopped. I halted Lightening right in front of me as they all stared at me in disbelief.
"Lena what are you doing here, is something wrong?" Susan asked concerned and I quickly shook my head and locked eyes with Edmund who was staring back intently s the others watched us. I sighed, it's now or never.
"I love you." I said clearly and his eyes widened but he kept his composure.
"You do?" he asked carefully and I shook my head vigorously.
"And what of before, you said you could not leave Lamilia, you said you had to stay here as Queen." I shook my head and smiled looking back at the dense forest where the new King sat.
"Yes I did, but things were different then." He raised an eyebrow and asked.
"How?"
"I was Queen back then." Susan and Lucy both gasped as Peter looked surprised an Edmund just kept his eyes on me.
"You are not Queen anymore?" Susan asked finally and I nodded.
"Now I am just a princess of Lamilia free to chose who I shall love, and I choose you Ed. I don't want to wait another ten years to tell you that." He just kept staring at me and after along moment I sighed and looked away.
"But it is apparent that I am too late, I am sorry for wasting your time." I said sadly blinking back tears as I turned Lightening around and got ready to head back to the castle.
"I love you too." My breath hitched in my throat as I turned back towards him bewildered.
"What?" I choked out and he looked at me with love and said slowly.
"I love you too, and I want you to accompany us home and make Narnia your home. I want you to become my wife and I want you to love me, I love you Lena, I have always loved you." I smiled through my tears and nodded.
"Yes to everything that you just said, yes a thousand times yes." He smiled and mounted off his horse and walked over and helped me down before quickly capturing my lips with his own. I clung to him tightly as I felt my feet leave the ground. I laughed as we pulled away and he spun me around happily holding on tightly as Peter, Susan and Lucy cheered. He put me down and wiped the remaining tears away from my eyes and hugged me tightly. I had found the one that I loved and everything was perfect.
(Thanks for all the great reviews, I am thinking of doing a sequel. Please R and R! I do not own Narnia!)