REVIEWS: I'll pull another lazy one and just say thanks to everyone who reviewed. At least you get the chapter faster, right?
Oh, I feel so guilty for taking my sweet time. It's just that I've been real busy (blahblah) and kind of depressed since the year turned… which reminds me… so belatedly: HAPPY NEW YEAR!
To appease you guys I'm giving you not only this chapter, the last, but also the sequel at the same time. BOOM! Haha. I figured I could live with uploading two chapters at once for one time…
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH THIS. GAH, I LOVE YOU ALL.
xx
"I'm back for work," Bryan said, then cleared his throat before continuing, "If you want me back, that is."
Roma didn't look very concerned; after his eyes fell fleetingly on Bryan he returned to what had him busy: preparing a design for a customer.
"Your job is still yours," he said, shrugging, "I didn't want to terminate it before I was certain that you quit."
Bryan stared at him in surprise, "I—I'm not quitting," he stammered.
"Then there is no problem, is there?" Roma asked, looking up again, "Well, apart from the fact that you didn't show up for close to a week."
Bryan looked away immediately, feeling guilty, but Roma waved him down before he could answer to that.
"This is not the time nor place to discuss this," the man said, motioning subtly to where close by Andrei was inking a client, "Later."
Nodding, Bryan turned away immediately. He was relieved that it was to be postponed, if he was honest with himself. He now felt extremely foolish for convincing himself to stay away like he had—it wasn't a smart or credible thing to do in issues relating to employment. To Roma he had probably seemed like an immature, irresponsible idiot. Which I am, Bryan consented with a mental sigh. This had to get fixed.
It was when Bryan had stepped out the backdoor into the dead end alley for a smoke break did Roma seek him out. Bryan was glad that he'd just lit his cigarette; he had something to busy him from the rather scrutinizing gaze of his boss.
Roma's method was a prompt, "Yes?"
It was as though Bryan had spoken first. Bryan figured it was fair: he was the one with explaining to do.
"What I did was stupid," he said directly, not caring to beat around, "I should have showed up to work like always."
Roma seemed to consider this for a moment before answering with, "All of your missed appointments I either rescheduled or reassigned to Andrei or myself."
"Fuck," Bryan said in frustration, wanting to smack himself in the face. He turned to his boss with a sigh, "I'm sorry. I really am."
"I wanted to still give you a chance because you really have the talent," Roma said in explanation of why Bryan's ass hadn't been booted to unemployment yet. Then he added, "And I do like you."
Bryan took furious drags, not knowing how to answer. What was he supposed to say to that?
Roma crossed his arms and clarified after a moment, "As an employee. As a person."
"What... happened, Roma," Bryan muttered, shaking his head, "It wasn't meant to. And I know it was my fault. I just didn't know how to deal with it because, well, I really can't give you anything." He finished his sentence with a meaningful look, not interested in getting too detailed.
Roma's cool expression actually melted into a small grin, "I know," he said, "That was obvious, I would think." At Bryan's uncomfortable aura in remembering the events of that night he continued, "It shouldn't have happened, you're right. And I share some of the blame as well. But it's just that..." and now he hesitated, making Bryan turn back to him. It was uncharacteristic for Roma to be uncertain.
"Never mind," Roma finished, then turned with the intention of heading back inside, "Don't be too long."
Bryan's curiosity got the best of him. He thoughtlessly grabbed Roma's arm to stop him, and Roma responded to the touch by pausing.
"I... want to know," Bryan told him, when the man had sent him a questioning look.
Roma blinked at him in surprise before venturing with, "Perhaps that wouldn't be advisable."
Bryan quickly considered the repercussions. After exchanging hand jobs with his boss he doubted anything could be worse, and his curious side wouldn't let it go.
"My problem," he pointed out.
"Oh, alright," Roma shrugged, "It's just... well, when I was around seventeen was the first time I realized that I was attracted to men," his words made Bryan wonder what this had to do with anything but the man ploughed on, "And not only that, but attracted specifically to my best friend's older brother. I never spoke to him, just came across him sometimes, but I was really deeply in. You might have been in that kind of situation," he related. Bryan could semi-understand; he was extremely carried away for a boy, but that boy was mostly a constant and heavy presence in his life. Roma continued, "Of course, I never told him anything. Moved away later, never saw him again. And before you start thinking that I must be that old—" he held a hand up, making Bryan smirk, "There is a point. You remind me a lot of him. Not in looks, exactly, but in personality maybe. There's just something about you two. I do find you attractive," Roma added firmly, not shying away from that fact, "But I was never looking for a relationship, if that's what you thought. Maybe I just regret leaving my first infatuation a big 'what if'."
Bryan snuffed out his cigarette and contemplated the this revelation for a long moment. Roma's words had somehow hit him a bit harder than he expected or would willingly let on. All the while Roma watched him in silence, perhaps expecting an answer to find out if that had been too much to share.
"I find you attractive too, you know," was what was Bryan said at last, not certain whether he really should've. But the least he could do was return the honesty.
A tenseness in Roma's shoulders Bryan had not noticed before eased. He raised an eyebrow in amusement, "I could've guessed at that."
"But I'm not in for anything," Bryan added just to be clear, "I'm..." he trailed off, not knowing how or whether he should give reasoning.
"After someone?" Roma caught on, and at Bryan's unresponsiveness said, "Let's get back to work, this has taken long enough."
In the backroom Roma shot Bryan a look, "Not so easy, though. You'll do extra time for all the trouble your stubbornness caused."
Bryan nodded solemnly.
"Yes, sir."
xx
"How's it going?"
Bryan turned to find Sergei, still in sleepwear, standing at the kitchen doorway. He turned back to the sandwich he'd been cramming into his mouth.
"Fine," he said, after chewing immensely and swallowing, "You?"
Sergei shrugged, "Alright." Then he eyed him curiously, "Have somewhere to be this early?" He motioned to Bryan's attire and demeanor.
Bryan threw the last bite into his mouth, downed it with his glass of juice, and then rubbed at his neck in a rather worn out way. "Well, I don't have to this early," he amended, "But I want to go. I was thinking of heading down to the shop."
The blonde blinked owlishly at him. "The shop's not open until noon. That's four hours from now," he pointed out.
"I know," Bryan said, rolling his eyes, "Considering I work there. No, I wanted to go and work on prepping for my next few appointments. I, uh, have quite a lot of work these days."
"And how are you getting in?"
"Spare keys," Bryan responded, leaning back against the counter.
Now Sergei's confusion definitely turned into suspicion.
"You haven't been normal since that night you came barging in after work," he said firmly, "You had a 'break' after that and then you go back and suddenly you're doing odd things like going to the shop at eight in the morning."
Break was said with a skeptical emphasis. Bryan fidgeted uncomfortably. It was true he'd been keeping odd hours for the past few days since he'd returned to work. It wasn't Roma's fault—the man had basically given him free will even in his own punishment. That had made Bryan take it more seriously. He'd found more use in the spare key he'd been given upon beginning work at the shop. Whereas it used to be for opening and closing shop whenever Roma or Andrei (who also had one) couldn't be there, it now found a greater purpose. He was now using it to access the little shop at will, spending personal hours to prepare for the greater number of appointments he was taking in order to prove himself. While at his work place he did things like draw out tattoos, create stencils, improve designs, and plan his schedule. In an ironic manner, the greater amount of pressure he was putting himself under was somehow freeing.
Bryan finally sighed when he realized that Sergei was still looking at him expectantly. "Get some coffee or something. I'll tell you."
And so, facing each other at the kitchen table a few minutes later, Sergei's hand wrapped around a coffee mug, Bryan deemed to tell him of the occurrences of the past while.
"I know you're straight and that you probably wouldn't want to know in any case considering we're like brothers, so I'll keep to as few details as possible," Bryan started, and then smirked at Sergei's cautious expression, "Well, want to know or not?"
"Little to no details, preferably none? Yes. Otherwise no," Sergei answered firmly, catching Bryan's meaning, "Does this involve Yuri?"
Bryan wanted to face-palm. "Look, no. This is about work," he took a deep breath and then said, "You know that night everyone likes to constantly mention? First, I'd like to insist that I didn't come barging in. I just came…" he floundered for the right word.
Sergei raised his eyebrow in amusement and helpfully finished for him, "Barging in."
Bryan groaned, "Whatever. In however way I came in, I was utterly angry and disgusted at myself. I couldn't believe I kept doing the same stupid things."
The hulky blonde took a long sip of his beverage and then said, "Finally facing reality?"
"You're not helping," Bryan threw back.
"Sorry," Sergei smiled slightly, "What was it this time? With keeping in mind little to no details."
Bryan looked away in slight embarrassment. Was he really about to admit to Sergei what had happened? "Well, uh…" he stalled, "I kind of… uh… exchanged hand jobs with Roma," he blurted out.
Sergei choked on his coffee. His sputtered, coughed, and then glared at Bryan, "I just said little to no details."
"That was as vague as it could get," Bryan argued.
"You could've said—oh never mind," Sergei sighed, shaking his head, "Roma. Your boss?"
"Yes," Bryan confirmed, "He came on to me, but I could've stopped it. I didn't. In fact I was the one who uh, kissed him first."
Sergei digested this information before allowing himself to take another sip. "And?"
"And?" Bryan threw back, "I shouldn't have. I was kind of running away from it when I told you I was on break. It's fine now, we worked it out after I went back. But I was—and still am—just, I don't know. Frustrated at myself."
"So you're punishing yourself by going to work at eight in the morning?" Sergei asked.
"No," Bryan chuckled, "I'm doing that because Roma wasn't too thrilled about my ditching work like that. And it makes me feel better."
"So why are you frustrated anyway?"
"Well… that's another story to tell…" Bryan started hesitantly and at Sergei's look told the blonde, with little to no details, about Yuri kissing him a while back. Or having tried to, anyway.
"And I pushed him away," Bryan all but exclaimed, running a hand through his hair somberly, "I don't know if I should have. I told him not to unless he meant it, so he just left. At the time I thought that I wanted all or nothing but I don't know. It's insane."
"So," Sergei started slowly, "How does this have anything to do with the work story?"
"Well, after Yuri… after that I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't just do things with anyone like I used to. I figured I should either wait to move on or for Yuri to change his mind. Both highly unlikely," he added with a miserable sigh.
"So you can't keep promises to yourself, so now you're angry, and…" Sergei outlined, waving a large hand about, "Now what?"
"I don't know," Bryan pronounced, "Advice?"
"To be honest? Your make your own life more difficult," Sergei said simply, "Yuri kisses you, you push him away. You tell him you need him to mean it. He leaves," he turned to Bryan with a rather critical gaze, "That doesn't change the fact that he took initiative. He came forward, you pushed him away. You have to take the next step."
"What the—next step for what? He said he doesn't know what he wants," Bryan shot back.
"Then get over him."
Bryan stared speechlessly at Sergei, who seemed satisfied as though he'd made a point.
"See?" he clarified, "You won't. You're still on about the issue. At this point you have two choices: forget about it or take the next step. If he can't give you what you want then you have to move on. If you're willing to compromise, maybe temporarily, then you go to him. I said once to stop running away from things, and here it is again. He kissed you," he emphasized, rather in frustration at Bryan's blank face, "Trust me, he wouldn't do that just to play with your head."
Any further conversation was prevented when all of a sudden Yuri marched rather obviously into the kitchen. Bryan's heart missed a few beats; he hadn't heard any footsteps. Yuri was looking straight at him, and there was something in his expression that made it obvious there was no way he hadn't heard a good chunk of the chat. Bryan had been counting on Yuri and Ivan's sleeping habits to keep it unheard. He looked away quickly, feeling extremely uncomfortable, only for his eyes to fall on Sergei. The latter was eyeing him with a challengingly raised eyebrow.
"I… have to go," Bryan decided hurriedly and hightailed it out before further interaction.
xx
Bryan could barely concentrate. His work so far was leaving something to be desired as he attempted drawing out one of the in-line tattoo designs. After eyeing it for a moment, Bryan scrunched up the paper, tossed it into the trashcan, and started all over again.
All he could think about was earlier that morning. What Sergei had said caused a simultaneous uncertainty and hope within him, which in turn caused him to be even more frustrated. Bryan was willing to admit that the blonde did have a point, but that didn't necessarily mean that he was right. That Sergei might actually be right was so daunting that Bryan was almost afraid to face the issue. He'd been so desperately in love with Yuri for so long that the possibility of Yuri actually giving him a chance seemed intimidating and surreal.
Also the fact that Yuri might have heard the conversation between Sergei and himself bothered Bryan. He didn't even know why; did it really matter? Was anything said in that conversation incriminating or otherwise cause for renewed discomfort between himself and Yuri? Bryan was willing to admit that it all depended on how much Yuri had heard, how the redhead had taken it, and what his reaction to it had been. Three factors that sounded extremely complicating.
"I have to be over-thinking it," Bryan said finally to himself with a sigh.
He pushed the work away and got up with the intention of taking a break. He'd only been there for about an hour but he didn't think he'd be very productive if he stayed.
Maybe he could talk to Yuri later on in the day. Maybe.
xx
His break turned into a two hour and a half expedition into the city. He took advantage of the nice summer weather to just walk around, take in some sights, and then sit at an outdoor café watching the buzz of activity around him.
Bryan mused that it would've been nice for Yuri to be there with him. His thoughts were interrupted with a clatter.
"Oh, dear!" said a fragile voice.
He turned and saw that an old lady had been fallen after being hit by the careless teenager at the next table, who had haphazardly tipped his chair back. Bryan jumped up to help her and retrieve her fallen cane.
"Watch who you're backing into!" he called angrily at the guy, who didn't even have the grace to help his own victim. The little old lady clutched at his arm as she righted herself slightly shakily.
"It was an accident," the guy drawled, not looking very apologetic. He turned back to his group of friends without further ado. One of the friends, a girl, shot Bryan an uncomfortable look. Eyebrows dipping down in distaste, Bryan set the lady into a chair, ignored her plea to let it go, and then all but grabbed the punk out of his chair which, having been balanced on two legs, clattered to the ground.
"Apologize to her, you little rascal," he hissed as the guy struggled against him.
One of the boy's friends jumped up in defense, "Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"
Bryan shot him a glare, "You, keep your mouth shut."
He became aware of every set of eyes in the cafeteria on him with one of the waiters looking like a fish out of water at the display, and finally shoved the boy away, who sneered at him as he staggered back. The group packed up and left immediately, throwing snide parting comments. Bryan ignored them in favor of shooting the onlookers a glare and turning to the old woman.
"Dear, you didn't have to do that," she admonished, "He's just another rude kid, the city's filled with them."
"Are you okay?" Bryan asked.
"I'm fine thankfully. Thank you for being such a sweetheart," she fixed the babushka scarf wrapped around her head and then attempted to get up. Her hand shook as she applied all of her weight on her cane to allow her to do so. Bryan jumped in to help her.
Next thing he knew, he was walking the old grandma to her nearby apartment, taking slow strides in order to keep pace with her. She was rather cheerful and chatty.
"I have bad knees," she was telling him rather enthusiastically for some reason, "So I try to keep giving them some exercise. Especially in the warm months, I try to walk a little everyday. And I've come to like that little café, they have lovely scones. I'm usually safe from being tossed though."
"He was a spoiled imbecile," Bryan scowled upon remembering the incident.
She actually laughed, and her giggles were somehow so infectious that he couldn't possibly remain pissed off. He stared at her in amusement as she patted his arm affectionately.
"It was alright," she informed him, "Because it allowed me to meet such a handsome, charming young man like yourself. Your special lady must be very lucky."
Bryan blinked at her assumption that he was in a relationship. He coughed uncomfortably and said, "I… don't have one."
"Oh?" she said, turning a bright smile towards him. The heavy lines of her face deepened with it but somehow made her look ever sweeter, "That's too bad. Any girl out there would love to be with you."
Bryan was rather flattered into speechlessness even as his thoughts drifted to Yuri, who was most definitely not a girl. He looked into the clear, blue horizon as they continued to trot along and she continued to talk at his side about any and all subjects. He wondered if the nonstop chatter was typical of ladies her age but wasn't bothered. When they reached the right building, she gave Bryan her apartment number and made him promise to drop by for tea sometime.
The experience somehow turned out to be thoroughly soothing.
xx
The sun was setting before Bryan made it back home. He'd gone back to work and attended to his clients, then bid his boss and coworker goodnight and headed out. Overall he'd been gone for over twelve hours and was rather tired and looking forward to a shower and some rest. As he climbed the couple steps to his residence's front door his thoughts returned to Yuri and he thought of his earlier intent to speak to him. Bryan didn't think that this was the right time to do it—perhaps he'd find an opportunity for it tomorrow…
That decision was taken out of his power, however, when he walked in and was intercepted as he was passing the living room. Ivan and Sergei, plus Anna, were watching some comedy on the television. Bryan had barely returned their hellos before he was grabbed and pulled into the kitchen. Yuri pushed him against the wall and Bryan, having tensed at the unexpected interference, allowed himself to relax against it.
"Hey," he said, looking at the other questioningly.
Yuri's hands were on his chest, as though he might try to escape. Bryan thought that that was probably a good precaution. The way Yuri was looking at him made him want to flee.
"I can't give you all, but I don't want the nothing," was Yuri's response, seemingly having waited for Bryan's return all day in order to say this.
Bryan's pulse quickened as he looked upon those features that he loved, which showed nothing but seriousness. The fact that one of Yuri's hands was directly on top of his heart, feeling the quickened beat, made it go even faster. The words had confirmed Bryan's suspicions that Yuri had heard his conversation with Sergei that morning.
He licked his dry lips and asked, "How much did you hear?"
"All of it."
Bryan hands came up, clutched at Yuri's wrists and gently pried the hands away. He didn't let go immediately, but rather allowed the touch to linger as he wondered what the heck he was supposed to say or do now. Bryan thought he needed a few minutes to think his next step based on Yuri's specifications; his heart was flipping in his chest like a landed fish and he was afraid of ruining things somehow.
"I really need a shower," he said truthfully after a moment, and was glad when Yuri simply nodded and stepped away.
Before leaving the kitchen Yuri shot him a look, "Fifteen minutes," he allotted, "My room."
Bryan ran a hand threw his hair and escaped upstairs. He hurried through his shower, preferring to be finished and dressed before Yuri came seeking him out for violating the time limit.
xx
After a quick shower and some quick resolve building, Bryan went to Yuri's room, who shut the door behind Bryan by pushing him against it. This time his body covered Bryan's in an embrace, who breathed deeply to ease his nerves as he wrapped his arms loosely around the redhead's waist.
"I was… waiting for this," Yuri said against Bryan's jaw.
Bryan closed his eyes, overtaken by a sense of fluttering hope, "Why? You said you didn't know what you wanted."
Yuri pulled back slightly to grab Bryan's face and look into his eyes.
"I didn't know what to think," he said firmly, and Bryan watched for a moment as those tempting lips formed the words. He looked back up as Yuri continued, "Maybe I was just waiting for the moment when you realized that you didn't mean it."
"I've never meant something more," Bryan threw back, slightly dismayed, "After all this ti—"
Yuri was looking at him in a way that cut off Bryan's protest. "I know," he stated calmly, "I know that now. But I don't—don't know how it is. I want you to show me."
Bryan barely waited for him to finish speaking before his lips landed on Yuri's. For a moment they remained there, just a touch, as they both stilled with the crackle of electricity that it brought. Slowly and hesitantly he began caressing Yuri's lips with his own. He kissed him gently, through simple contact. This was nothing like the sex-driven, passionate kisses he'd shared with others. This was real, about feeling—he was displaying all that was within him for Yuri to take. All the while his heart was thumping frantically in his throat; the moment seemed so breakable. Yuri kissed him back with the same exploratory caution. It was almost as though they were two young boys, discovering for the first time the magical touch of mouth to mouth. The simplicity of it had fiery tingles running down to Bryan's toes.
It didn't last very long. Yuri soon pulled back, fractionally, but his eyes remained closed. Having had nowhere near enough, Bryan began placing feathery kisses on the pale skin of his cheekbones, jaw, over his nose. His touches were slow and tentative, almost without impact. He was much too afraid that Yuri would change his mind. Yuri, however, simply stood within his arms and felt, not responding but not objecting.
Bryan could barely breathe properly; it was all so surreal he was scared of making a wrong twitch and shattering it. Yuri's skin was so warm and smooth beneath his lips, which rejoiced as they trailed that beauty, worshipping it over and over. Bryan's heart felt like it was going to burst from the all of the sensations coursing through it, and it was so intense that he couldn't contain himself from moving to Yuri's ear and breathing, "I love you."
Yuri's demeanor did not change from the words, but after a moment he whispered back, "Why?"
Bryan breathed deeply to shake some of his nervousness away, and his lips pressed against Yuri's cheekbone as he began to recount all the reasons why the redhead was so special to him. He spoke against the soft skin.
"You're smart," he murmured, "And funny—you have this… this unique sense of humor. And you have the most amazing personality, it's so… appealing. Attractive. Even your quirks, like… like how you're obsessed with hair gel and how you get so devious sometimes… it's just, you make me happy… I love your smile. Your hair. Your everything. I just love you, I can't explain it." Bryan sucked in a breath when a tremor ran through Yuri at his words. His heart swelled; he was winging it and had for a moment wondered if he was doing things wrong. He'd never loved, let alone expressed love to, anyone else. "And you know what, Yuri?" he added quietly.
Yuri still didn't open his eyes, but one of his arms wrapped securely around Bryan's waist, as though to anchor them together.
"Mhm?" he hummed.
Bryan bit his lip, then moved to breathe directly into Yuri's ear again.
"You're beautiful."
Yuri's eyes snapped open. Bryan stared, mesmerized; they were such a brilliant blue, and their color was intensified both by the close proximity and the moment. He could see every fleck in those gorgeous orbs.
"You have to give me some time," Yuri said softy, imploring, and he gave Bryan even more hope by reaching for his hand and entwining their fingers together. Bryan clutched back firmly, resting his forehead against Yuri's. He closed his eyes and smiled.
Time.
Yeah, he could wait.
xx
Don't stop there! On to the sequel!