So here's the next chapter. I'm sorry it took solong. I was quite busy. Please forgive me... :/

I hope you like it... Enjoy^^

Chapter 12

Hiroki was running. Running in nothing but darkness. There was no light around him. Just this thick, pitch black darkness.

His body and soul were filled with pain. A pain that took his breath, left him panting and gasping. Left him crying without tears.

He ran and ran, but his feet seemed to lead him nowhere.

He tried to scream to shout. To relieve this sorrow that built up in his chest, but there was no sound coming from his lips. Though he opened them and though he exhausted his throught till it hurt, there was no sound that disturbed that silence that surrounded him.

It was a silence that grew scarier and scarier with every second. That seemed to be like a tiger that came near to his prey and suddenly jumped at it, killing it with one bite and eating it hastly. It was an unsettling feeling that made him desperate.

There was nothing left for him in this world outside the pain.

Nowaki had left him. Nowaki was gone, to never return to him again. Nowaki had his fill of him. Nowaki...Nowaki...Nowaki...

This name was the only thing that this thick darkness allowed. The only thought that crossed his mind. This one name, followed by sorrow and unbearable pain.

The trapped screams seemed to break his chest open from the inside. Seemed to est his soul up until nothing was left of it.

Hirokis legs felt heavy and it was harderto move by minute. It felt like being stuck in drift sand.

He fell to his knees, covering his face with his trembling hands. Tears flowed down his cheeks like cascades of diamonds. And with the flow of tears his voice came back, still unable to scream. Just able to repeat on word over and over again.

„ Nowaki... Nowaki...Nowaki...", he cried quitly. His voice husky and cracked sounding horrible, just like a year ago when Nowaki had left him for the first time.

„ Nowaki...", he whimpered again, repeating it over snd over again like a mantra while he was slowly crumbling to a piece of ashes.

At least it felt like it...but maybe it would make things easier.

The darkness began to feel comfortable, seemd to sooth his hurt heart. Maybe it was because it represented his soul at the moment. A pitch black hole of nothing.

Because now there was no place he could return to. He was trapped in this darkness. And he didn't want to leave it, because in the real world he'd only see the empty apartment they had just got together. He'd only feel the absence of Nowaki. He'd only feel the pain of being left everytime he saw a happy couple.

And compared to that, this darkness was a safe and wamr place. Though there was no warmth to be felt anywhere in this place.

It felt like hours passed in the time he sat there. Hours in which his tears stopped and he just sat there, staring into the darkness. Hours in which he repeated that one name over and over till his voiceleft him again, while his throat hurt like hell.

And in this hours nothing changed. The pain remained and the darkness around him didn't grew any lighter.

And then suddenly... it became warm. His cold body seemed to heat up. Through the darkness came a faint light that shone on his face, warming hiim, drying his tears.

And with the sun some nice smell came.

A smell like, spring, summer, autumn and winter at the same time. Like fresh air and flowers. Like a bouquet of roses that he had received years ago. And like...

Like that one particular person, whoms body smell always calmed him down. And it was this that ripped him out of the darkness.

Hiroki opened his eyes and looked at a bare male chest which he lay on. When his eyes went upwards he stared into a pair of ocean blue orbs. He saw the man he loved.

And for a moment there all the darkness felt like a nightmare. Like it never happened.

Because Nowaki was with him. Nowaki had fetched him from the darkness.

Hiroki couldn't help but smile at the one he loved. He wanted to rouch that man and never let him go. To be in Nowakis arms filled him with a happiness he only knew from their time together.

And then he saw Nowaki eyes properly forthe first time. And his smile faded in the light of guilt and worry. A look he didn't want to see in this blue orbs.

And then it allflushed over him like a cold wave, making him tremble.

It hadn't been a dream. Nowaki had left him and for whatever reason he now was with him again.

He should have felt happy that the man he loved still was there but in that moment it just seemed like Nowaki made a big joke out of him and he felt hurt and ashamed.

He tried to crawl away, but was held back by a pair of strong arms that held him tight to the big body next to him.

„ Hiro-san...", Nowaki whispered and the guilt in his voice hurt Hiroki even more than the guilt in his eyes. It was like Nowaki was here because he felt bad for what he made of his lover. Or was it already ex-lover? Hiroki didn't know. He didn't want to know anything at all.

Suddenly Nowaki lips were crushing against his, kissing him fiercly like he never wantec them to break the bond that their bodies made in this very moment. The raven pressed Hiroki to his body, nearly choking him with this firm grip, but he didn't care.

He only stopped kissing the brunette when a white hands slapped against his cheek and then fists began to hammer against everything they could reach.

„ Hiro-san...Hiro-san!", Nowaki said and held Hirokis arm tight in his hands, making the older one unableto move. When he looked at his lovers face he felt a pang of sorrow flow over him.

The brown eyes were filled with tears and stared at him hungrily and begging for love at the same time. And next ot this both emotions was a sorrow that broke Nowakis heart. A sorrow which he had caused.

„ I'm sorry...Hiro-san... I love you... I...I don't know what got me...to say all this things... I won't leave you... I never will...never again. Please I'm sorry. Please... forgive me... don't hate me...", the raven whispered his voice desperately begging the older not to stop loving him.

„ Don't make promises...you won't keep... Don't say you love me... when you don't mean it...", the brunette answered, his voice at least as desperate as the others. But in it a pill of sorrow that filled every pore of his body.

„ Why are you saying this...? Don't you... I want to be together with you, Hiro-san... Don't you want that too? Why are you saying things like we have to break up?" Nowaki didn't understand anything anymore. They loved each other, and of course he had hurt him terribly but he would make up for it. He would do anything to make up for it. For the rest of his life. So why wouldn't Hiroki grand him one more chance. Just one more...

„ Because the five years we've spend together were the happiest time of my life. I thought it would always stay like that. You by my side, loving me, healing me.

And then you left... and I felt so hurt, so broken. It felt like you healed my broken heart just to shatter it into even more pieces than before. You have no...idea... just how much...this hurt.

I felt so unbearable...betrayed. It felt like you just had played your love... your affection. It felt like a lie. Everything felt like a lie.

And despite all that I forgave you... because I believed that you will stay with me this time. That you'll never stop loving me...

And then you tell me that we can't continue like this?

Why do you put me through so much pain?" Hiroki had begun to shout. His words were occasionaly interrupted by his desperate sob and Nowaki didn't know how to react to this sorrowful side of his lover.

The only thing he could think of was to lock Hiroki in a tight and warm embrace, to rock him back and forth like Misaki had done before.

„ How...can I be sure...thatyou won't leave me again...? How can I be sure...that you'll always love me... Who will promise me that you will? Even if...you tell me now...could you still in ten, in twenty years?"

Hiroki wasto weak to struggle himself out of this warmth. Despite all the pain he felt, he loved this warmth and he didn't want to let it go. But he also could't live like this anymore. Getting hurt all the time, fearing that Nowaki will stop loving him because of himself. Fearing that he would end up all alone.

It was better to end it before he got even more hurt. Before one day Nowaki would really tell him that he didn't love him anymore.

„ You can't be sure...", Nowaki answered and it were those words that Hiroki didn't have wanted to hear.

„ It's true... you can't be sure... But neither can I! I just know that I love you. And I'm hundert percently certain that always will. I can't speak for the future Nowaki but I can speak for me now. I don't know what will happen in the future... but I know that even if I fall out of love I will never love anybody as much as Iove you now.

I will do everything in my might to keep us together. If it hurts you I won't propose. I should have talked to you about the rings, and I'm sorry that I brought them up. If I had known that you had bought them before I left I wouldn't have propsed with them.

But you never told me anything. I can't read your mind Hiro-san... I only can guess what you think, but you grew to good in hiding your thoughts that I can't see them anymore. You have to talk to me. That's why I exist. So you can rely on me. I love you and I will gladly take all ofyour pain and all of your happiness.

So please don't talk about us breaking up. I love you so much. I don't want to leave you. Because I can tell you one thing. If you ever leave me.. I'll end up as a corpse under some bridge. Because a life without you would be a life in hell and I don't have the strength to go through this.

Please... Hiro-san... I love you..."

Nowakis voice was begging and lovingly at the same time and Hiroki felt his heart warm up with every word.

Nowaki had healed him, hurt him, healed him and hurt him again. But he just couldn't bring himself to hate that guy. God he loved him from the bottom of his heart. And if Nowaki still was willing to love him he'd also try his best. If Nowaki wanted him to believ in them he'd try. As long as Nowaki stayed with him he would do anything to prevent their break up.

Because the raven was rigth. Life without him was a living hell and he didn't want to go through this again. He love Nowaki and he just couldn't help but to forgive him, to love him and to do everything for them to staytogether.

Hiroki leaned ofrward, gripping Nowakis skin, pulling him close and then kissing him hard.

„ Nowaki...Nowaki...Nowaki...", he said again like in his nightmare before. Chanting that name till it became honey on his tongue.

He felt Nowakis hands around his face, carressing the lines of his feautures and then kissing him gently.

„ Hiro-san... I love you... I love you..." The raven repeated those sweet words, kissing Hiroki after each sentence, covering him with his mouth. And with every kiss a bit of Hirokis insecurity faded.

He knew he still had to talkwith Nowaki about everything, because keeping it all inside would only destroy him. But he felt one thought coming to his mind, a thought that made him happy and calm.

Everything was going to be all right.

Yeah okay... they're together again. I hope it's clear why because I have the feeling that the feelings didn't come across that well... Yeah... the feeling thst the feelins... :D

I hoped you liked it. I'll try to upload the next chapter this weekend but I don't know if I'll make it.

Thanks to Paulie MickyJ again^^ because she always inspires me with Story of Typhoons love. You should all read it. It's great. :D