Chapter 12: Tell Me Tales Of Heroes
Despite his protest, Cas had ended up eating most of the lunch that Sam's mother had brought for him. The only thing that encouraged him, and simmered down his guilt for eating it, was the pleased, glowing smile Sam gave him. It felt a lot better than the concerned, invasive stares the brother's had given him that morning. His mind wandered on that note, once he was on his own, sitting in the back of a classroom at the lab tables going through worksheets he'd missed. For the most part he'd ironed himself out of any thoughts of Dean. It was easier to do now. He really missed that hoodie. He'd been nervous about coming to school again, knowing he didn't look the picture of health, but his father had told the school he was sick anyway. Anxiety be damned, he did not want to stay at home with his father anymore.
Cas had made himself stop thinking about his little lip lock with Dean, since it had bothered the older teen so much that he'd had to go to his father. He had tried to shove it into the box filled with his life-time mistakes and glued it shut with his father's words and actions. Yet when he saw Dean that morning, he couldn't help it. It was so much easier not to look at the bright concerned eyes, or the soft frown on those even softer lips.
He felt like a coward.
Cas being the skeptic that he was about people, sometimes giving into stereotypes, had half expected Dean to take a swing at him like some of his jock buddies did; or immediately star chewing him out. He'd expected dirty looks from Sam too. Instead he was surprised to hear concern, and actual concern at that. From both of the brothers. And then there was of course their mother. He still felt a soft buzz in his chest and his belly felt warm even almost an hour after he'd eaten. He'd thought to himself that this was truly the most perfect example of what home cooked meals should taste and feel like. It carried him through the day and the awkward feelings that sprang up every time something reminded him of Dean.
He'd hoped to be able to hide from them at the end of the day, not quite ready to face them again. There had been a stipulation to him coming back to school. He was to stay away from the Winchesters. During his absence his father had made it clear where he belonged and who he belonged to. And it was not the Winchesters, and that the Winchesters were ruining their family, and that Cas was letting it happen. A small sparking flame inside his chest refused to believe that but he couldn't help it much. It was the only life he knew. Until he'd met the Winchesters, despite having friends in the past, he'd almost believed everyone's family functioned like his did. It made him question what was wrong with him to stay at home. But the thinly veiled threats were always following him. His father wasn't one to let anything threaten the family.
Cas never could hide from Sam, of all people when it came down to it.
He'd tried to corner himself in the cafeteria where most people wouldn't be at that time, staring out of the huge panel windows to the parent loop. Pretending that he was waiting for his dad. His father still worked a few hours after school was over so he'd have to walk home. He had to wait in the shadows because at least a part of the Winchester's drive home passed along his route. They'd offer him a ride. And as much as he wanted it, he couldn't risk his dad coming home early and seeing him step out of the Impala. He wanted to stay in school and was willing to fight for it, in his own, little, cowardly way. Avoiding people didn't strike him as a much of a fighting stance, especially when he'd been told to stay away from them.
But sure enough, the brother's found him. Sam plopped down across the table from him and lowered his head to catch Cas' down turned eyes. "We've been looking for you!"
"Oh?" Cas replied with a smile.
"Yeah, you're usually at the car by this time, we got worried."
Cas's heart gave a twitch and he turned his smile to Dean as well, because he couldn't believe Dean had waited for him too. And then back to Sam. "I forgot, I'm sorry. It's been pretty busy for my first day back. My dad's picking me up, I have to wait for him."
Sam's face dropped and Dean raised his eyebrow. "Oh," Sam said softly with a frown. "Wouldn't you get home faster if you went with us ?" His eyes got a hopeful shine.
"He's just worried since I've been so sick. He gets very-" Cas paused, "-protective about stuff like this. Especially after the three weeks he wants to make sure nothing goes wrong."
"Sounds like a great dad," Dean commented half sarcastic. Something in his gut still didn't like this situation. Although if he had to be honest with himself it was mainly because his father skeeved him out. But he shrugged it off. Still wasn't his business and he still couldn't quite bring himself to look at Cas for too long. "I'll be by the car," he announced and walked off.
The two younger kids watched him go. Sam grabbed Cas' hand and gave it a tight squeeze, staring into his eyes, trying to make sure that everything was actually okay. He wasn't as intuitive as his brother but he could try. Somewhat satisfied he began to get up from his seat but stopped abruptly sitting back down. "You didn't tell me your brother moved out."
Cas' heart rate sped up and he had to focus on making sure he showed no other physical reaction to the news. How had Sam found out about that? His mind immediately filled with all the worst case scenarios. And they all included his father. "Oh, it didn't seem like it was that important. Never relevant to the conversation we were having."
Sam's perpetual frown deepened and he gave Cas a stern look. "Cas," he waited two seconds to make sure that the boy was actually paying attention. "I don't care if it's 'relevant' to the conversation. That's stupid. You're relevant, always. And it is a big deal. He's your brother. I wanna know about stuff like this. That's what friends do."
Cas couldn't help but smile, "Of course Sam, I apologize." He took a small breath, glancing at the clock in the hall to make sure they didn't make Dean wait for too long. "Well, he moved out some time ago. He turned 18 and decided he wanted to have his own place. He's more of a free spirit like that."
"I'll say,"Sam muttered but didn't keep his comment going at Cas' confused, tight frown. Cas wasn't exactly ignorant that his brother would come home drunk or smelling of something strange. But he wasn't aware of the complete extent of the extracurricular activities Uriel got into. They didn't interact much and it's not like anyone spent time talking to him about it. He figured Sam was talking about the underage drinking and smoking, and he could live with that.
"Either way, that is what happened," he said finally gathering himself up again. "How did you find out?" Cas added, praying he sounded casual.
Sam started grinning and Cas's chest deflated with ease. If it had been through his father he doubted Sam would sport such a smile. "Dean bitched your brother out."
Cas's heart dropped into his stomach. His eyes blew open and his mouth did little fish movements as he struggled to find something to say. "Wh-, I. Wait. I don't. When?"
Sam's grin widened and he drummed his fingers excitedly on the table. Now that Cas was back, the confrontation didn't make him quite as worried or sad about Cas' situation. He'd found throughout the day he'd wanted to be bale to tell him exactly what had happened. He had been very proud of his brother and hoped Cas would be too. "Yeah, we were really worried about, and Dean went and found Uriel, asked him where you were and he didn't know because-" Sam paused his wording to take the harsh words out of it. If nothing else Sam could adapt to situations pretty quickly and Cas didn't seem like he wanted to his brother to be ragged on too much, "- well, reasons and told him he hadn't been back in forever and Dean got piiised. It even got around the school for a little bit that they'd had it in with each other. Not a lot of people know why, Dean's kinda private like that. But yeah, he got into it with your brother to try and found out what was wrong since you were gone for so long."
Cas felt a strong heat build underneath his cheeks. He felt it spread from his nose out towards his ears and he fought a smile. His teeth rolled his lower lip around as he ducked his head. Dean had picked a fight with his brother. Dean had picked a fight with his brother to FIND him, because. Because he'd been worried. Maybe Dean didn't feel as disgusted about their incident as he had thought. Maybe he'd let it go. Maybe... Cas' heart gave a strong flutter, like a bird taking flight. All of a sudden his last few weeks seemed a little more bearable. He didn't have the chance to bask in the glow as they heard boots on the tiled floor approaching them.
"Seriously ladies, I'm not waiting here forever. Sam," Dean said shoulder stiff with irritation. It was just about nearing the end of October and it was getting damn cold. He still had his green jean jacket on instead of his winter leather one and did not appreciate the cold one bit. He'd rather be out in the hot sun than an icy breeze, "grab your purse and let's go."
Sam gave him one of the bitchiest glares he could muster but Dean's focus moved to something else. Cas and Dean had finally shared a true full eye contact look for the first time since that morning. Dean's heart squeezed weirdly at the unabashed adoration he saw in the younger kids eyes. They stared at each other for a very long time, not even blinking until Dean felt overwhelmed and had to dart his eyes somewhere else. 'The hell?' he thought as he started to feel awkward. He'd finally gotten used to Sammy sometimes looking at him like he was made of gold but he figured that's because he shared certain qualities with their mother. Well, as far his 'totally nonexistent' nurturing side went. He'd never expected this from Cas. The awkward feeling intensified when Cas stood up and appeared to hover for a bit. Unlike Dean, he was wholly focused on the fact that someone, especially someone older (and thus in his book more ADULT, more mature) had stood up to his family for him. And while he loved his family, of course he did, how could he not, the defense felt warm. And safe. In ways that he had never expected to feel.
The feeling reminded him of the first time John Winchester had cooked his favorite dish for him. It reminded him of one of the first times he'd sat down with Dean and Sam to play a video game and they'd joked around with him, just as they did with each other. It reminded him of the first time he'd met Balthazar and been dragged into the little group of friends that held their base in the library. He figured this had to be the type of feeling people got when they were kids; scared of the dark and monsters; after they ran into their parents room and curled between them. A fort of human bodies and heavy blankets to protect him from things he couldn't fight off.
His arm muscles twitched as he fought not to hug the older Winchester. Out of everything he'd discovered since their first meeting, Dean Winchester did not do hugs. Or physical affection period, unless it was in the form of punches, random projectiles, or sex. That was another thing the revelation reminded him of. The first time Dean had chucked a crumpled piece of notebook paper at him and called him cheeky. Sam had gotten upset and defended him but he'd gone to bed smiling that night. He wasn't outgoing enough to initiate the same type of joking around affection with Dean so he sure as hell wasn't going to hug him. He settled with a quick touch of his hand to Dean's shoulder and a hurried thank you before taking off. He could hide somewhere else until the Impala had rolled by. They needed to get home. They had a family waiting on them.
He waved at them as he lied and said he saw his father's car drive by the loop. Feeling braver than usual he decided to move back behind the fence that outlined one side of the school (the backyard where his brother and other sketchier students hung out at) but he had to get away from the loop area first. He'd made sure the two brother's had left before he left hiding behind the cars as the loop and squeezed through the half open door on the fence. He noticed it had been rusting for awhile.
Cas made it home a little slower than usual. He wasn't as familiar with this route as the one that took the main road streets (even if it in some areas lacked sidewalks and he had to walk in ditches.) As he turned the key into the door he heard the rumble of his father's car pulling in the driveway. Cas made his way inside quickly. His father wouldn't be happy he was so late. And sure enough that was the case. He'd taken his shoes off at the entryway and moved in further, taking off his school bag and putting it down on the kitchenette table when he heard the door he'd left open slam shut.
"Welcome home dad," Cas started out, moving to the kitchen immediately to start cooking.
"Where have you been?" his father asked sharply, putting down his own work bag on the same table. It shook a little from the force of it. "We had an agreement. You weren't with those Winchester's were you?"
Cas cringed a bit. He knew he couldn't lie," They tried to talk to me so I waited a little bit. They tried to give me a ride home because of the cold but I refused." He opened the fridge an took out eggs and half an onion. He was going to make burger patties that day. "I had to take a back route so that they wouldn't see me on the way home." Cas waited, holding his breath as his father went over the information ins his head. What his father said next he hadn't expected at all.
"It is getting cold."
"Huh," Cas remarked confused as he broke the egg and tossed it into the mixing bowl, adding a bit of water and bread crumbs to the mix.
"You need to stay away from those boys," Lucifer said entering the kitchen and coming behind Castiel, running a cold hand across his shoulder, down his arms as he broke apart the pound of meat into the bowl. "But it is cold. At least this happened on your first day back so we can fix it."
"Fix what?" Cas asked nervously, grinding the pepper in.
"Their meddling. You need an after school activity. They shouldn't bother you with that," his father said shortly, running his hand up from the shoulder and through the back of his son's hair. "Something that takes a little while. I will pick you up every day from school. I've switched my shifts so that you don't have to take the bus either."
Cas' heart stuck in his chest tightly. He couldn't even get his body to relax as his father pulled back and pulled out his personal laptop from his bag after pushing the code in.
"I don't know how many are left at this point that are open," Cas stammered out as he mixed the meat together with the other ingredients after adding a pinch of salt.
"There has to be something, I will make certain calls to the school if I have to," Lucifer said with the tone in his voice that suggested finality. Not that Castiel wouldn't have appreciated something else to do, but the restrictions placed on him around the new activity didn't quite seem worth it. He concentrated instead on forming the meat into a consistent mixture, pouring oil in the pan with onion shavings for flavor as his father clicked away on a school list of activities.
"Here we go, winter sports. The swim team still accepts casual members for after school activities," Lucifer said with a pleased, almost lecherous tone in his voice
Castiel froze up and left his hand hovering near the stove too long so that a spark of hot oils prang from the pan and onto the underside of his forearm. He sprang back with a small yelp, cradling the burned area with his other palm. Cas turned to the sink and yanked the cold water knob and pushed his arm underneath it. He heard his father make a 'tut' sound and the scrape of a chair. Castiel's breath quickened as his father came up behind him, holding him close, a hot pressure pushing against him.
"I'm not sure the swim team is for me," Cas tried, stammering and voice tight. Out of all the things... why couldn't it have been a book club or chess team? Something clothed.
"It won't be if you keep hurting yourself like that," Lucifer said wrapping his long arms around Castiel's midriff and pulling him close. "People will ask question," his voice dropped. "And we don't like questions, do we Cassie?"
Castiel shook his head and debated whether or not it would be better to lean further forward to turn the water back off and get a small ice pack or just let the water run. He ddn't have much choice as his father pushed him further into the sink. "No," Castiel whispered cradling his arm under the water. "I don't want to," he said and lifted his arm, hoping it was an extra excuse, but his father's hand's just drifted lower and he found it didn't matter.
"You liar," his father laughed, fingers splayed out, "you like it."
Cas dropped his head down and tried to stop his shoulders from shaking. No. No he didn't like it, at all. But biology didn't seem to care much about motivation or fear.
So, Cas ended up joining the swim team.
His father had gone to the school the next morning while dropping him off to make sure his son could still participate. He wouldn't actually be on any team, but he had been let into a group of boys who needed extra after school activities. His father had told them, and the coach had agreed after one look at him, that Cas needed to build back some of his strength after being 'ill' for so long. He'd felt awful even as Lucifer escorted him from the coaches office back to the front area where the school gates where. His only consolation to the steadily growing discomfort was that Dean and Sam were already waiting for him. Sam waved and it and he felt Lucifer's grip on his shoulder painfully tighten.
There was a short exchange of hello's, and for awhile Cas thought Dean's interaction with his father seemed a little tense but he brushed it off. His father gave his shoulder another squeeze and left Cas alone with the two brothers, giving a stern glare. Cas waved a shy hello towards Dean now that his father had left them. He only nodded in response and made a quick exit. While Cas made himself busy watching Dean walk off a light bulb turned on in Sam's head.
'Oh yeah.'
Sam stared at Cas watching his brother for a little bit as his brain caught back up with the fact that things were okay and Cas was back, and that they hadn't had a chance to talk about the kiss. As far as he knew. It still made his brain take a few jerky movements in it's usually smooth flow when he thought about it. His brother and Cas had kissed. After the initial news he'd been too busy worrying about his friends health to think about the implications of them hanging out again. At the very least his brother had been receptive to Cas driving with them again, automatically waiting by the car for Cas to show up. So that was a good sign. But judging by the quick glances and the long stare Cas was trying to fight away from they hadn't had a chance to talk about it. In all fairness, Sam figured, they didn't spend much time in the same areas, and now that riding with them was out of the question... Sam decided then that he would just have to figure out a way to convince Cas' dad to let him have dinner at their house with their mother. She was only going to be in town for about a week longer and they were running out of time.
"My-" he started and Cas' head spun back around towards him, the smitten stare wiped away, "- mom made you lunch today. Her and dad actually." He handed over a wrapped up plastic bag to him. Cas' eyes widened and shimmered, his smile twitching his lip a little above his teeth. Sam felt warm. "My mom made her special gravy and home-made mashed potatoes, and dad made that chicken fried stake that you really liked. It won't taste as good in the microwave but-"
"I love it Sam," Cas interrupted, cradling the plastic bag to his chest. "Tell your mom and dad thank you." He stepped forward and wrapped Sam in a hug. "I don't know where the microwave is though," he added, "could you show me at lunch?"
Sam smiled, pleased. Not only was Cas happy with the food and the choice of food, but he'd just essentially promised to eat lunch with him. Cas's lithe form was a continuing point of worry for him and despite understanding the friends his friend lunch with, he preferred it when Cas ate real meals. "Oh, hey. What was your dad doing here?"
Cas' smile lost some of its shine but he held it firmly in place. Things were finally good again. He was back at school, had a home made lunch, and Dean didn't seem to hate him. He'd be damned if he gave anything away that would put him back at home. He'd even asked his father to up his dosage by about 5mg for his anxiety medicine to make sure he could follow through with all the requirements. Cas had never been a big fan of the pills but found them shockingly helpful. "He felt since the sickness took such a toll on me I should try and find a light after school activity to revitalize me. I'm participating in swimming lessons each evening."
"Oh," Sam said and paused. It made sense. Admitted, a little unusual so late in the year, but it made sense. "I guess we won't be seeing you after school anymore."
Cas gave him a sad, small smile, but relief settled into his bones that Sam hadn't questioned further. "We still have English together." The bell rang. "And our locker's are next to each other."
Sam nodded but couldn't help the frown he still had in place. He'd been deprived of his best friend for about three weeks, who'd come back looking worse for ware, and now he was being kept from hanging out with him at all. "Have you talked to your dad about coming over to dinner?" Sam asked as they made their way up the stairs to the freshman lockers. Cas' shoulder muscles clenched. "We could have my mom call, ya know."
"No-no," Cas said, "I just haven't had the chance. I've only been back for two days." He tried to keep his voice light. "I'll talk to him when I have the chance. He's got a very important business deal going on right now. He's very busy."
"Right," Sam said, his voice drifting off at the end of the word.
They went their separate ways and met back up in English. Halfway through class, and things being as normal as they could be, Cas was called up by the teacher. He gave Sam confused wide eyes as he shimmied out of his seat, aware of all the people in the class sneaking glances at him. He squeezed his hands behind his back and willed himself to think chaste thoughts as he settled into the chair directly in front of the sub, now full time teacher. Cas' absence had not made him any less of an attractive man.
"I've already done this with everyone else," he said with a bright smile. "You're doing great so far on the project with Sam. He's made sure you guys are on track and all of your make up work isn't really that much. I wanted to talk to you about your essay. I haven't had a chance to have your consultation of the first draft., and I really have to ask Is this really what you want to submit?"
Cas tilted his head, a little confused. He took the draft of his essay and skimmed through it. There were barely any red marks. He couldn't figure out what was wrong with it. He'd briefly talked about his brother, his father, his absent father but that they were still a family, but as he skimmed through it the second time he began to have a sneaking suspicion as to what his teacher was alluding at. It was something he hadn't expected to notice until his return to school.
"You're usually such a great writer Castiel," the teacher continued, "but this essay seems a little cold... very blank language. It's not quite up to part on how you usually write. Is everything okay?"
Cas blinked before nodding, "Yes sir." He flipped back and forth through more of his essay. "I wasn't quite prepared for the topic content to be so in depth when I prepared my first draft. I believe you will find my second draft much more up to par. Thank you for your concern, however I simply misunderstood the purpose of it. It needs more pathos."
His teacher didn't seem quite convinced but smiled, "I look forward to reading it Castiel. You're a bright kid." He sat back down next to Sam and held up his paper in response to the inquisitive look.
"Oh yeah. You never got your review, huh. Did he give you an extended deadline?"
Cas just nodded but didn't comment much, and as he was finally sitting down later, eating the meal that Mary and John prepared for him it pieced together. Tumbling more solidly with Sam sitting next to him, their legs warm against each other, and he'd even seen Dean briefly before lunch (who'd given him a short wave), and although it wasn't much it made him pleased. For the first time Cas felt there'd been a silver lining in his absence. He felt much closer to his closest friends.
He knew what he was going to write about to get that A, even if he'd been convinced originally just to turn in the sub-par essay. .
He was going to write about Dean and how he stood up for Sam, had stood up for him. He was going to write about Sam, and his unrelenting kindness and the teasing games he played with his brother. He was going tow rite about John and his short lipped disapproval or support of his sons, and the special care he took to make every meal perfect.
And he was going to write about Mary.
Her warm smile, the way her household still glowed even in her absence because of the love she had filled it with. The smile she had given to Sam and Dean. The food she cooked, and even for a brief moment of contact, how safe her arms felt.
He was going to write about the Winchesters.