Memories
Eli POV
I start walking with Four and my friends until I hear a voice calling my name, "Eli, can I speak to you for a moment?" I turn to look back to see Max looking at me authority in his eyes. That is when I knew it was an order.
I turn to walk back to him, I could see that Four and everything tensing when Max called me back. When I stood in front of him, I saw him waiting until my friends were out of sight. Then and only then did he look down to me.
"That was impressive, what you did there. I just want to ask a few questions, in my office." Max speaks still with authority in his voice, he stepped aside, silently telling me that his office was in the direction that was once behind him.
Questions? Why does he need to ask me questions? Damn I should have lay low; I shouldn't have made a scene. Shit I'm in trouble.
I walk passed him though, "What sort of questions?" I couldn't help but ask, I hate being asked questions, it just meant I had to lie and I hate lying.
Max was walking behind me telling when to turn left or right, "Just about you in general, where you learnt to fight, how are so strong for a being from abnegation."
I refrain from sighing, "You know you are all quite stereotypical about people from abnegation."
Max was made a 'tut' noise, "the abnegation fraction is about selfless, if you trained yourself and made yourself strong then is classed as selfish, and as we are dauntless we need to know why."
"Abnegation is about selflessness." I state, though I know myself it isn't true, Marcus, my father was their leader and he was a selfish person, I carry on. "It wouldn't be selfish if I was training to protect someone."
"So you trained to protect someone? From what?" Max questioned, he finally leads me to his office shutting the door behind him. He points to the chair sending me yet another unspoken order of 'sit down' I do as he asks and sits down, well falls in the chair, that when I realise how tired I am.
Max seemed to be keen for me to spill all of Abnegation's secrets, "so what were you protecting someone from?"
I look at him and fold my arms, "Faction before blood right?"
Max smirks, his eyebrow raising up, "Exactly."
I slide down the chair, I wish I could just disappear right now, "I don't want to talk about it."
"So you are protecting the abnegation now?" He accuses me which boils my blood so much, I would never protect a faction that didn't even know I was alive never mind Marcus beating me.
"Hell no!" I burst out, my hands slam on the table out of anger, "I would never protect that faction, I just don't want to talk about it!"
His eyes grow wide at my outburst but he some composes his face glancing at my hands seeing my gloves, I knew what question was coming next and I was shaking my head as he was asking it, "Why do you wear gloves, Eli?" he just looks at me expectantly.
"I don't want people to look at my hands." I mutter though I knew he heard me. I decide to cross my arms.
"Why?" he asks innocently.
"Like I'm just going to share that information." I say out of spite.
"You say you are not protecting abnegation but you do not say a bad thing about them." He comments and I knew he was making another accusation.
"Oh trust me I have a lot of bad things to say about the leader of abnegation." I say out of anger and I instantly wish I could take them back, because when I see him looking back at me I see fascination in his eyes.
"Your surname is Eaton, yes? Which means your father is Marcus Eaton, who is the leader of abnegation. Which means your father wasn't good? The reports about him 'beating his son', they are true, aren't they?" his voice was softer now, I knew if I admitted this was true Four would be pissed and I would also be admitting that he beat me too. I just stay silent with my face blank.
Max sighs deeply, "I was hoping we could do this the easy way, Eli. After all you seemed to be smart. Maybe I was wrong." Then I felt something hit the back of my head. All fall into darkness.
When I wake up I am in a white padded room, I feel something being tighten around me, I instantly thrash against it, causing the Erudite, Wait Erudite? Jump back in fear.
"It is alright; she can't hurt you." A woman's voice speaks as I look up I see the woman that made the speech at the ceremony.
"Jeanine Matthews. What can I do for you?" I say my voice full of sarcasm.
"You are going to show me everything that Marcus Eaton is." Jeanine answers, in a matter of a fact voice.
My body instantly stiffens, my hands in fists. "Why?" I say threw my gritted teeth.
"Abnegation is the leader of the city, if the leader of abnegation cannot be trusted then why should he rule the city? After all selflessness was meant to be the one that was meant to keep us all level headed, but if something is wrong, then we must know. So that can deal with it." Jeanine answers fully.
"I won't tell you what you want to know." I shout at her.
"Of course you're not, that is why I told you that you are going to show me. Max was going to use the fear serum on you, but that wasn't guaranteed to give us the answers we need. Instead we made a special serum, just to use on you." Jeanine grins. "It is a memory serum."
My eyes widen, but I don't say anything, I cannot get away, I cannot escape, I am going to live through it all again, I tried to get away from it all but instead I am going to relive it all. I look around, I see an Erudite setting the serum in the needle. my whole body wriggles. If I can get out of Marcus's knots, then I can get out of this. I struggle more, I purposely re-break my left hand. I heard the snap so does Jeanine and her eyes widen. I pull my hand of under the straps and untie the two straps and stand up.
Everyone backed to the wall, I walk towards the door and see Max blocking my way. "You are not going anywhere until we get answers, Eli."
"I will make Marcus Eaton pay, for what he has done." I say in my scary calm voice.
Which also seems to work on Max because he gulps hard before finding the nerve to answer, "What did he do? what do you not want to relive?"
"If I tell you will you leave me the fuck alone?" I answer, obviously I wasn't going to tell him about the beatings that he done me and Tobias but there is something I will tell him.
Max shrugs, "If it will help us bring Marcus down then I will leave you alone, we both will." He says glancing passed Eli towards Jeanine.
"Fine!" I cross my arms but end up looking down, my eyes start to water, I didn't think it would be so hard to say it out loud. I glance up to see Max waiting patiently but expectantly, his face seemed to soften just a little as he sees how difficult this was.
"No stop..." I see him quickly moving then I feel something prick my neck. I feel the earth spin, "...What did you do that for? She was going to tell us!" I heard before the whole scenery changes.
I look around and see I was in my old apartment, I was sat in the corner, in the place I sat when...Oh god no... no...no! I watch as Marcus walks towards my cowering mother.
"No Evelyn! I told you I didn't want her! I told you to get rid of her! Instead you hide her here! 3 years Evelyn! I told you to abort the baby! So why the hell do I see a 3-year-old girl in the corner!" He is yelling furiously.
"Because it would be selfish if I ended her life before she was even born." Evelyn says but it seems to make Marcus even more angry.
"No! What is selfish is that you gave her life! I swear to you I will make her life a living hell!" he yells in her face; his hand was gripped tight around his knife.
Evelyn's eyes widen in fear. "No Marcus, you can't take it out on her! I won't let you!"
"You won't be alive to stop it." He yells then repeated stabs her, I was frozen and silent in the corner, all I could do was stare and watch as he just stabbed and stabbed, my eyes were watering. I wanted to tell him to stop but I was scared...no not scared...terrified.
Then he snapped to look at me, I wish I could turn invisible. His eyes were murderous, evil. Terrifying.
"You will do everything I say when I say it, or you will end up like your whore of a mother." He spoke then walked over to the kitchen sink, washing his hands, that was covered in blood. He washed the knife that he used to stab my mother to death. That was when we both heard the front door open, he looked at his watch. "Tobias is early from school." He spoke, he must have seen the tiniest hope in my eyes because he chuckled, "He is not your brother, nor will he ever be, he will never know you exist, no one will know that you exist, girl. Now, take the body and dump it!" He typed a code in a blank wall and a secret door opened. "If you are not back here in half an hour, Tobias will get your beating too. Got it?"
I just nod, I grabbed my mother's arm and pulled then above her head to drag her across the floor. I was so tired; my mother was heavy. I felt like I had been pulling her forever when I finally saw a bright light. Was this the outside? I pulled my mother along with me. I knelt beside and sobbed for a few minutes. I kissed her forehead, then pulled her to a forest, and left her there. I ran back 'home' I didn't want my brother getting hurt. I made it just in time.
My father tapped his foot at the door, "Look at the mess you have made!" he spoke in a scarily angry voice, but it was low and quiet, that was when I knew that Tobias was still home. My father pointed to the blood on the floor, "Clean it up now!" he spoke, then walked up the stairs and shut the door.
I watch as my whole vision goes dark then I remember the sound like it was yesterday.
Swish, slap, scream.
"Stop it! He has had enough!" Anger rippling through me, I didn't even realise I was shouting until his eyes snapped towards me.
"What the hell do you think you are doing? Get back to the basement!" he spoke angrily too, trying to scare me but some reason it didn't work, when I am standing here saving my brother I found a strength I didn't know I had.
I just stood there standing proud, finding my words again, "He has had enough, how would you explain your son being murdered by his father?" I gulped slightly as I saw the rage in his eyes.
"You dare speak to me that way, girl! I will do what I damn well want to my son. Now go to where you belong!" he yelled, he raised his hand to whip my brother.
I was moving the fastest I ever had, I was suddenly standing in front of my brother, the whip landing across my face instead of his back. I just hissed at the contact. My father's eyes flared in anger, "Move out of the way and let him accept his punishment."
"He has accepted it! The first 5 whips were enough!" I have never stood up to my father before, I was terrified.
"You have become too confident, girl. I will not let a 11-year-old girl tell me what to do! I will give you one last chance. Go back to the basement." He spoke in a warning tone, as if to say 'do not push me'.
I just stood in front of Tobias in a protective manner. He put his belt back on and left the house. I let out the breath that I didn't know that I was holding. I looked down at Tobias. He was unconscious.
My vision goes dark again and when it clears and I can see him again I see my father staring at me.
"Tobias left because you! if you didn't interfere then he would still be here! I told you I would kill you if you stepped out of line, instead I am going to teach you a lesson. You will only be fed once a week, you will be beaten whenever the hell I feel like it and there will most certainly be no comfort. No water." Her father was yelling at her. She couldn't help but cringe away.
"Your first lesson starts now." He pulls the same knife out and stabs me a couple of times, it was left of where he stabbed me less than a week ago. He was laughing as he takes his belt of holding it in his hand, his hand raising. I felt the pain as he whipped and whipped, I felt the flesh being torn of my body again, it never seemed to get easier.
I start fighting against the serum I can't watch it anymore. I can't relive it anymore. My mind is registering that it isn't real, I just need to fight it. I can't let this stupid serum beat me. After only a few more whips I wake up gasping, my body was trembling so much, I put my head in my hands crying hard, I didn't save my mother, I didn't save my mother. Was all I could think. I must have been saying it out loud because Max of all people was trying to comfort me.
"Hey, it isn't your fault, you were too young to save her." His hand rested on my shoulder. I instantly flinch away from him.
"Don't touch me! you done this to me! you should have just left me alone! Why didn't you just leave me alone?" I yelled at him.
Max looks at Jeanine, "Look what you done? Are you happy? Are you happy that you got your answers through torturing her?" He sounded angry at her, I was so confused.
"I... I didn't think it was going to be that bad." Jeanine was still stunned by what she witnessed.
I seem to recover enough to yell "No! that's the thing, you don't know anything! I didn't want to talk about it for a reason, what you think I would protect him after he kill my mother, beat Tobias and tortured me? What that what you all think? You know fucking nothing about me!" she jumps back in fear.
I couldn't be here anymore, I ran out the room and just kept running I had no idea where I was going, I was in Erudite after all, I had no idea my way around the place. I expected Max to be hot on my heals but he didn't come after me, I was so happy about it. I ran for what seemed like hours until I found my way out, I run towards the train as it was just moving around the corner, I run and jump on it. I slide down the wall and allow myself to just cry. I see my stop ahead and run making the jump easily. Instead of using the net I use the fire escape way in, the way Four told me when we went jogging.
I look at the time and see it was 1pm. I sigh deeply, Great I missed my first official training lesson. I walk towards the food hall even though I wasn't hungry. I grab a muffin and sit an empty table, staring at the table.
Why did they want to know that anyways? Just so they can prove that abnegation aren't as trustworthy as they let on. That is when I realise something. It will be in the news; I need to tell Four about his mother. I scan around and see Four sitting at a table with all our friends. I was relieved he was with our friends and not with the initiates I cannot be bothered with his rudeness today. I made my way towards him, when I get to him I just stand there for a few minutes.
He looks at me his eyes grow wide when he sees I have been crying. "Are you ok? What happened?" He questions his voice thick with worry. All our friends turn to look at me with worry.
"I... I uhh can I talk to you about something? It is very important." I say looking down at my feet, but before I do I see all our friends giving each other confused looks.
Four just nods standing up abandoning his uneaten food. I start leaving the food hall. When we are out he looks at me, "What did Max do?"
"Can... can we go your apartment? I don't want anyone listening." I whisper looking at him.
He gulped; his eyes even more worried now but he just starts walking in the direction of his apartment.
We don't say a word to each other on the walk, which I was appreciated, I need time to think of how to tell him, there was no way of telling him this in a nice way so I just have to lay it all on the table.
When I come to that decision I hear a key in a door I look up. We are here already? Damn. I walk in after him and close the door. He just stands waiting, he doesn't tell me to sit down after last time, but this time I go to sit down. He follows me still not saying a word then sits down. He looks in my eyes then looks down probably not liking see the pain that much be showing. That is when he notices my hand broken again.
"Eli, your hand?" He reaches towards my hand I just shake my head.
"No Four that is unimportant right now, I need to tell you this now, I won't have you seeing it in the news first." I speak bleakly and sadly.
"Finding what out in the news? What happened?" He questioned again, his voice soft.
I look up, "Max was asking questions about my past, he knew Marcus was my f-f" I couldn't bring myself to say it so I carry on, "He wanted me to give him some dirt on him, I didn't not to protect him but because I couldn't relive them. Anyways he told me he wished we could do it the easier way, and knocked me out. When I woke up I was strapped in Erudite. Jeanine reassured her workers that I couldn't hurt them. She told me I was going to show her, that she made a memory serum just for me. Of course that meant I would have to relive everything, so I tried to get out. I had to break my hand again to get out, but when I got to the door Max was there, I told him I would deal with Marcus for what he did, he asked me what I did and I was going to tell him..." Tears were streaming down my face.
"You were going to tell him Marcus beat us?" He was hurt and betrayed. I shake my head, more tears falling. "No? then what?"
I look at him, just letting the tears fall, "I was going to tell him that Marcus kill our mother." I saw the pain hit Four like a train.
"I... I always had a feeling but...how do you know?" He questions, his eyes were watering too now.
"I... I saw it happen, it was all because of me, it is all my fault, you lost your mother because of me and I am so sorry and I totally understand if you hate-" I rant on but I am cut of Four.
"Hate you? Why would I hate you?" He questions.
"Marcus didn't want me, he wanted mum to abort me, she didn't listen and she hid me in the basement. One day he found out and lost it big time. He asked her why she didn't abort me, she said it would be selfish to kill me before I was even born. Then he said it was selfish that she brought me into the world, then he vowed to make my life a misery." I pause to look at my hands.
"Eli..." He starts to speak it was my turn to cut him off.
"No... please let me finish or never will." He just nods, so I carry on, "then mother said he couldn't that she wouldn't allow in, then he said she wouldn't be able to stop him because she would be dead and he just stabbed her over and over and over, I was petrified, I couldn't move or cry or speak...I should have tried to save her but I didn't, I was stupid and weak." I take a deep breath my eyes closed, "Then he told me I had to do everything he said, then you came home late from school again, then he told me you weren't my brother that you never will be, that you wouldn't know that I exist that no one would. Then he told me to...to...to" I was trembling again, my knees came to my chest. "to get rid of the body, then he opened this secret tunnel thing and told me if I wasn't back in half an hour you would get my beating too. I couldn't let you take mine too, I couldn't, so I dragged her through the tunnel, I cried and kissed her forehead at the end of the tunnel then dragged her into the forest before sprinting back, I was terrified that you would get my beatings, I made it home just in time, then he blamed me for the pool of blood on the floor so he made me clean it up. Then he stormed upstairs." I was trembling and crying.
Four didn't say anything, I just stayed quiet except for the crying, letting him process everything I just told him, his first question to ask was. "How old were you?"
I look up at him, "3" I manage to say between my tears.
He gasps, then pulls me to him, holding me close, "I am so sorry you had to witness all of that."
"It's all my fault, I'm so sorry." I repeat over and over again.