Chapter 12: Your world turned upside down

Can you hear that sound?
I can feel it in me now
Coming from the ground
From my head to my mouth

Flying through the hallways and corridors of Forks High School, I was bidding time… wandering aimlessly… scanning faces… looking at the abundance of life. The atmosphere was not one I was accustomed to. It was… well… lively to say the least. Problems were there of course but most were trivial and shallow.

Wait. I was judging.

I don't even have complete free will and yet what freedom I had was slowly making me feel all these things I thought I'd never feel.

Truly free will was a scary thing.

I shook my head. I wasn't free. Edward held me but so far he has not asked me for anything. He let me be most of the time. I looked down my shackle glinting silver back at me as it caught light. The connection between us was getting stronger and stronger but strangely… the silver on my ankle was getting lighter.

Hmmm…

Bella, I'm over here.

Automatically, my head snapped to the direction of that thought. It was Alice. I felt suddenly weak.

I guess I had to talk to Alice now. I took one final look at the trophy displays, my image reflecting on the clear glass visible only to the dead and dying. Looking at my reflection staring back, I remember how someone used to stay enclosed in a giant fishbowl very similar to this…

I closed my eyes and flew towards Alice's room while all the memories flooded my mind never stopping.

Oh can you feel it start
Like a bullet in a china shop
Oh when you start don't stop
When it starts you should never stop
No

Once I reached her classroom, everyone was busy… I peeked at one…Physics?

Wow. You really can't be seen.

I looked up and finally found Alice grinning at me from the farthest right corner of the classroom.

Come on, have a little fun and defy the laws of physics.

She thought then she winked at me. She was making me feel at ease for which I was very grateful.

Go ahead. I'm bored. Why don't you hop on desks on your way here?

I smiled at her and nodded.

I hopped on one desk balancing myself with my right foot while the blond girl…Lauren Mallory continued making sense out of the torques and fulcrums totally unaware that I was perched on top of her desk. I then hopped to another desk, catching myself with my toe – Alice made me wear black ballet slippers so that I could give my velvets a rest.

I continued hopping from one desk to another, while my bells rang from each motion. Alice took two of my tiny black bells and tied them to these ballet slippers I was wearing. My dress a solid gray was light and short so it was easy to move.

Then I perched finally on top of Alice's desk and bent down, my hands on my knees to level with her.

She grinned at me, while lightly shaking her head, her inky black hair moving delicately in tune with her motion.

That beats what we've learned over the years. Hello Bella!

"Hi Alice," I greeted back shyly. I could talk as no one can hear me in this room but her.

She motioned towards the small stool just under the window sill.

I nodded at her and sat there. She cupped her cheek with her hand with her elbow propped on her desk as she tilted her face towards my direction. She did that to make it look like she was staring out the window.

Take your time Bella. We have plenty of that.

I smiled then looked down. I didn't know how to start.

Then I looked up and faced her.

"Alice, what I'm about to tell you is not pleasant at all…but it will enlighten you."

I know Bella. But I'd rather be enlightened than left in the dark. You were able to tell me my full name – that was more than welcome. "Mary Alice Brandon." With that I could do research already. But of course, I would want to know what you saw first…

I sighed. "Okay. You see, Alice… before when I was fully Death, I only need to glance at a person just to know his life history and I had an estimate of when that person will die – but remember the keyword, estimate. Like your visions, it's subjective. Anyway, I crossed your path when I was being called… to come get you…"

I paused and gauged her reaction. She nodded for me to continue.

So you saw me when I was about to die then… and you had a glimpse of my past?

I nodded. "I… don't know how to say this… but, Alice… while you were locked up in the asylum… a vampire grew fond of you…"

She blinked but she stayed silent.

"While another vampire… was called by your blood."

Hmmm… I don't… I don't know either, do I?

I shook my head. "No. The other still roams around but the other is dead. Anyway, to make the story short, the vampire your blood called – his name is James – set out to kill you and satiate his thirst. The other vampire – I'm sorry I forgot his name, found out so he did the only thing he thought that could save you…"

Alice looked down as she mulled over the information.

He turned me.

"Yes. At that time, Alice, it was only a matter of time before you go. You were so weak and lived in darkness. The call of impending death was strong and I was immediately sucked in. But then, I watched you get turned and your maker was killed by James out of spite from ruining his plan."

Alice was silent for a moment and I let her until finally she sighed and managed a half-smile.

It must have been hard for you.

I nodded, "Yes, now that I think about it would've been hard for me. I stayed all throughout your transformation. I… I saw you suffering so I gave you what little ease I could give all the suffering dying people – I made you sleep. So I guess I could be at fault if you don't remember all this. I'm sorry."

Thank you for doing that Bella. I'm sure that I wouldn't mind not remembering my transformation but that's not what I'm talking about. It must've been hard for you to see me change… like Edward…

Oh. I sighed and looked up the ceiling. While absentmindedly tracing the patterns I replied, "Now that I think about it… it does feel hard… because it reminded me of Edward…but again, I couldn't feel that time."

I leveled my gaze towards Alice's patient eyes.

"I couldn't feel bad, sympathetic or even mad. The courtesy I give the souls I deliver is borne from instinct to ease suffering, not necessarily from pity. Of course if you ask me now that I could feel again, I would say, I did it for pity. So that's why it's so hard for me to tell my stories and such because of the feelings – the reevaluations – the partial freedom… the influence of all is overwhelming…I might make a mistake of saying things I don't mean or mix up feelings…"

She smiled in understanding.

That's okay Bella. You shouldn't worry too much about what people think. It's nice that you're very considerate of others' feelings but in most cases, it's easier to be just yourself. You could adjust to others - surely others could adjust to you as well. If not, then, well, you can't please everybody. Mistakes are also inevitable – frowned upon – but it happens. No one leads a perfect life.

I smiled at her.

"Thank you Alice. I'm sorry if I don't have that much light news to give…"

She shook her head and grinned.

Bella, you told me what I've been trying to find for so long. I don't dwell in the dark anymore. Though of course I would have to prepare if we come across this James character. Anyway, you told me more than enough that I would need to trace my past and you saved me pain from the memory of excruciating pain. Sure it was not peachy but it still makes me happy just to know these. Thank you.

"Thanks Alice." I said.

Don't thank me for this – thank me for the outfit.

I laughed. "Thanks for the outfit."

I'd dress you up any day. Maybe when you're fully visible I could take you shopping…

She thought her eyes lighting up. I bit my lip. Shopping…that would entail the use of their money… more generosity thrown my way…I had to get out of that.

Okay, don't freak out. Just think about it. Jasper is waiting for you upstairs.

She said as she then faced the blackboard while listening to the teacher who just got up and started discussing something.

I nodded at her and made my way up. I felt a little lighter that I was able to tell Alice her missing memory and relieved when she took it well. Maybe this wasn't so hard after all. As I flew up to Jasper's class. Hmm… our history together… well, it's not that valuable though I don't know how he would take it… but everyone knew he was older than me so I guess it's normal that they would be baffled as to how my encounter with him was… But then… there was still something else… something that I can't share with all of them… I would tell them my encounters but this something… I have to keep for myself.

Oh ten to the dozen
Who does, who doesn't
Who chooses who's chosen?

When I found Jasper's room, the door was closed. It would be too conspicuous if the door opened by itself now would it? I scanned the hallway and spotted an open window. I dropped to the floor and walked over to the window. I peered outside and saw that it was still a winter wonderland. I checked sideways and once I was sure that the snowfall was light enough, I placed on hand on the window sill then brought my right feet up to the sill and bent my knees. I then ducked my head then brought it out. I shivered from the sharp wind that kissed my face upon impact that my eyes closed automatically. I scanned the periphery once more before pushing myself for take off.

Against the snow I glided towards Jasper's side of the building, flitting through windows and windows when I finally saw him looking bored in his Spanish class. Like Alice, he was seated at the right end of the room just near the window.

I took a moment to study him. A few of his honey blonde hair fell on his face and I saw that his teeth were clenched. I eyed the scars that marked him permanently – bite after bite after bite… they were his prominent features but I didn't see them as ugly markings… I saw them as his proof of valor and they were marks of how far he'd become. They were reminders of how hard it was to achieve peace and how power lust could only lead to strife. He then rubbed his temples and he let out a sigh because of the surging emotions in the room. He was too preoccupied that he didn't notice me.

So I tapped the window very softly.

He turned to face me with a look so terrifying that I jumped back. Once he sensed my fear he blinked then cracked a smile. I waved at him and pointed for him to open the window.

He nodded then raised his hand and charmed his teacher into believing that he felt that he needed a little fresh air. A joke we both laughed at in our minds.

Once it was opened, I snuck inside and made sure I wouldn't leave wet snow marks in the room. Then I sat crossed-leg beside Jasper who pretended to take down notes.

He glanced at me and offered an apologetic smile.

I'm sorry about frightening you – it was instinct… and, well, you see death knocking on your window, what do you expect?

I chuckled, "I guess I deserve that."

Anyway, I find our encounter very odd because I am older than you. When did you see me?

He inclined his head a bit to my direction, stole a glance then went back to pretending to listen to the teacher.

I clutched my elbow and rested my face on my palm and let out a puff of breath that a few strands of my hair shot up.

"The gist of it is that, I delivered a soul of one of your…" how could I say it without offending him?

Victims? He offered while his lips turned up into a smirk.

"You could say that…but her blood was the last drop of human blood you've tasted." I paused as he thought it through.

After a while he answered in thought.

You witnessed it?

I nodded as I moved to twiddle my thumbs.

"As Death, I am to witness the person actually dying. But don't worry, I've seen worse. I've delivered those who got severed by saws, eaten by reptiles, blown up by land mines… I've witnessed violent deaths…"

I looked up at him and found him staring at me with sympathy. Then I felt a rush of peace course through my body to combat the sudden unpleasantness that I felt when I remembered all the gruesome deaths I've witnessed.

I smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks."

No big deal. He shrugged.

"I heard this victim's thoughts and heard her fear… her pleading… her pain… and when her fear intensified I saw you stop midway. I saw your troubled eyes crimson with her blood but you… I witnessed you reassess yourself. Then that was the first time I saw a vampire have a sudden morality check."

He nodded. Yes. After the war and I found a little peace from the violence, it got harder and harder to feed on humans as I could feel their terror… their pain… every last feeling that they felt and it made me feel sick. How could you kill something that could feel? But then again, my thirst was unbearable as their blood called to me. That started the great dilemma I felt that I didn't want to feel what they've felt but I can't ignore my thirst. So it's a good thing I found Alice and found a new way to live. I still struggle as you can see right now but I'm trying… I really am… it's just that old habits really die hard…

"Want me to take care of that?"

That brightened him up as he chuckled under his breath which he hid with a cough.

Could you really?

I shook my head, "No. I was just kidding. But I do know where you're coming from."

He looked at me solemnly.

That's right. You do know. You not only feel the dying's feelings but hear their thoughts as well… do some plead?

I nodded. "Most feel fear too than at peace. It could be because they see a black angel or they're afraid of what awaits them… and yes… I've sent some to hell… which reminds me… I have to go look for Rosalie…"

This has something to do with her fiancé…

He was right – among others. I gave a short nod.

Her room is not that far from here, just across the hall then to the rightmost room. The room's door is open so you could go in that way.

I nodded at him. "Thank you Jasper."

He nodded. It's just too bad that the one thing you witnessed was my moment of weakness.

I looked at him and smiled, "Or your moment of strength."

His lips turned up at that then he went back to listening to the lecture.

Then I remembered that the door was closed. I tapped Jasper.

"Sorry, but the door's closed…but then again, I could try the window once more…"

He cut me off by standing up while raising his hand. He didn't even need to use his power when he asked the teacher for a hall pass.

I smiled at him and walked beside him.

"Thanks Jasper, you didn't have to." I told him.

He half-smiled and faced me, "Please, you did me a favor. I could speak Spanish, French, and Latin – anyway, you got me out of a boring lecture. So thanks."

I laughed.

We walked at a slow leisurely pace and he sent me waves of calmness. I knew he sensed my anxiety. Rosalie's story was the hardest to tell.

"Hey, you're walking," he said as he glanced down at me. I was really short compared to him.

I shrugged. "Better get used to it, I suppose."

Then he stopped walking.

I looked back at him and saw him looking at me speculatively.

I tilted my head, "What is it?"

"You feel sad," he stated.

Oh. I looked down.

"Can't you keep your wings somehow?" he asked.

I shook my head then looked up at him and smiled, "No. But it's okay. It would be weird if people saw me with wings especially black wings like mine."

He nodded then we continued to walk.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you hold on? I assume that with what I know – with what you told Carlisle, Edward and Esme about the attachments and the different turn-outs, well, it seems you had a choice to make. Is that true?"

I think it was pretty obvious by now why I held on and became death and why I'm changing now.

I stopped walking and looked him in the eye. "I had a choice – yes – but for me… there really was no choice." He was my choice. I chose to love him more than what is required of me. I love Edward too much to let go of him even in his permanent state – even if he was a predator…even if I became death. I chose him.

Jasper nodded and said nothing more while I flitted beside him. Then he stopped in front of a classroom and looked at me.

He smiled, "We're here. Rose is feeling anxious and a little impatient…"

"I better get to it then."

He chuckled then walked back. Just go for it. She'll listen.

"Thanks again," I called out.

Without glancing back he threw a wave back at me as he walked back to his class.

Then I peeked inside the room and spotted Rosalie looking at me with a blank expression in the middle of the back row. There was an empty chair in front of her and she motioned for me to sit there. I took one last study of her expression and found it unreadable. Her golden hair hung loose at her back and her red lips were set into a straight line while her ocher eyes followed me.

I'm not mad at you Bella I'm just apprehensive from before.

Then her features relaxed as she gave a tiny smile.

I nodded at her and flew straight into the chair. I positioned myself by sitting on the desk facing her, my feet up on the seat.

I crossed my legs and placed my hands on either side of the desk to steady myself.

Then I faced her and she looked at me expectantly.

I heard your conversation with Jasper…and I know this is about Royce.

I nodded sadly at her.

She flipped her hair then rested her face on her right palm that was propped by her elbow on her desk then she nodded for me to continue.

I took a deep breath and looked directly in her eyes.

"Rosalie, I saw you… because I too was called to send you," I started then paused measuring her reaction.

Her brow furrowed the slightest bit then she nodded once more for me to continue.

"I came to you the moment you started walking past Royce King and his cronies… and I saw everything…"

I watched as she closed her eyes and her teeth clenched.

I continued, "I'm sorry if I couldn't do anything to help… if, I just stood there watching and I couldn't even feel sympathy then. I just watched and waited for you to die. But now that the emotions are returning, I feel horrible." I said my eyebrows met and I looked at her apologetically. I watched her get beaten… abused… degraded…

I watched Rosalie and she was clenching her fist and trying her best to calm down. I gave her a moment before I continued.

I looked out the window and saw the leafless tree outside, cold, stiff, laden with snow and dirt – a couple of branches torn and crumpled…

Then I looked back at Rosalie and watched her sympathetically…Just like her. I looked up and remembered her image during the aftermath of Royce King's drunken stupor. She laid on the cold snow covered dark street illuminated by a solitary lamp post… her image was that of white, gold, black and red… her hair that was perfectly coifed before became strewn all over her – the golden tones faded that of dirty mop of yellow littered with blood, gravel, sweat, liquor and body fluids… her body barely covered by her tattered dress showed slivers of her white skin held patches of black and blue with dripping red… I couldn't even see her face as it kissed the ground… she was twitching…wheezing…waiting for me… she didn't even cry… she just laid there…waiting…cold…broken….

I decided to continue once she was calmer, "I bent down to make you sleep and ease the process… but before I could even touch you… you were whisked away."

She opened her eyes and looked at me with knowledge.

That was the time Carlisle carried me away.

I nodded. "I followed while trying to find a moment where I could send the prayer before you could be turned but no moment presented itself… so I watched you get turned."

She sighed then nodded.

I could get why this was hard to tell for you. I know I'm one of the most stubborn in this family and the one most quick to react. Any story involving Royce hits a nerve. Thank you for telling me though. But then you mentioned you remembered me when you sent someone to hell and frankly, I'm a bit worried…were you to send me there?

I shook my head, "My story is not yet done. Rosalie, I met you twice."

She looked at me confused.

What do you mean?

I looked directly at her, "I was called to send the people you've killed."

She smirked.

Oh.

I offered a half-smile. "Yes, oh. I should just leave it at that…"

Wait, you've seen it all, didn't you? You've seen how I murdered them.

I nodded. "That was a nice gown."

She smiled.

Thanks. Ah, well. At least I still got my vindication. But I am curious as to what happened to my angel…

"That I can't say."

I know. Thank you Bella, for letting me know. But can I ask and its okay if you don't answer… is Emmett's story a bad one or does this still top your list for today?

I smiled and shook my head. "My encounter with Emmett was brief and not as dramatic as yours but pretty sad all the same."

Then I thought for a while. "Oh, I guess I was wrong...I met you thrice..."

Okay. He's at the room next door. I'll come with you. The door's closed there.

"Thanks."

Then I walked beside her as she asked her teacher for a pass then we walked out of the room and she opened the door and asked for Emmett.

Emmett stepped outside and greeted me then he chatted with Rosalie a bit while I stared away to give them some privacy.

Who must, who mustn't
Who rests and who runs out
Don't ask that question
When your world's turned upside down
Oh when your world's turned upside down

There was a secret I can't tell… it involved the souls denied to me… and the blacken ones… and all boiled down to what I can do right now. Their union was looking more and more of fate rather than coincidence… we were all connected in a web. As I looked at them, I saw it. I could get the souls denied to me back… but at a price… and I could get Edward's chance at heaven back but that entails a sacrifice….and there was just one more thing…

I can it feel sink
I said I'd never do that again
Oh can you catch it now?
Oh like a bullet in your mouth
Like a balls and a ball of chain
Spark on another rain
Oh, can you hear that sound?
I can feel it in my mouth
Oh

"Coming Bella?" Emmett flashed me a grin bringing me back to reality. I smiled and nodded.

"See you all later," Rosalie said as she walked back to her room.

Emmett opened the door and let me in first then he walked over his seat at the back. I guess this was routine for them to sit at the back.

Wow, they can't see you! Can you do something for me?

I looked at him expectantly.

Can you hop on Reynolds' desk and wave your hand in front of him?

I didn't see the point but I decided to humor him. I perched on Blake Reynolds' desk, bent my knees and stared directly at him. I waved my hand in front of him and got no response.

Hmmm… interesting. He can't see you! Thanks for giving me that picture – ah if only he knew that death was staring at him in the face. Ha!

I smiled then sat on his desk, my feet swinging below me while my bells chimed. I didn't need to look at him – frankly he scares me a bit. He's so big and… too… full of life… this was too much for me right now.

"Emmett, I was called to send you the moment you were getting mauled by a bear but you know what happened. I'm sorry."

That's okay Bella. I love Rosalie and I love my life right now. So it's okay.

I beamed at him while I cocked my head to the side to face him, "Really?"

He flashed a smile. Really. Being a vamp is cool.

I chuckled.

He stretched and flexed his muscles and took a deep breath while he asked.

So when Rose carried me all the way to Carlisle, you were there?

I looked down and bit my lip. I remembered that scene and I remembered how I could've saved Emmett. Of all the souls I've sent, he was the one I could've saved. At that time I think I had a lapse of sympathy for Rosalie… at some time while she carried him, I could've said a hurried prayer, touched him and he could've gone to heaven… but when I saw Rosalie… her face when she looked at Emmett… deep down some force willed me to stop.

I didn't realize I was gazing off when I heard a soft thud and saw a pencil rolling towards my feet. I jerked back and saw Emmett bending down to pick it up.

He reached over me and stole a glance while he thought.

What's wrong Bella?

Once he was settled on his seat, twirling the pencil while casually drumming his fingers on his desk, I dropped off from Emmett's desk and sat on the floor in front of him, bringing my knees to my body. I wrapped my left arm around my knees while I traced patterns on the floor with my right index finger.

"It's just that Emmett… I could've saved you…there was an ample enough time to save you…" I trailed off then I looked at him and his eyebrows were raised.

"What?" I asked.

So you're saying, "Emmett, I'm sorry you didn't die?"

I blinked. I didn't know how to respond to that if that was a joke or not so I just continued.

"Emmett, you could've gone to heaven. That's what I'm saying."

He gave a short nod then a shrug. I know.

My brow puckered, "Do, you?"

He sighed. I know but Bella, I don't regret becoming what I am. Sure it gets boring but I'm with people I love and I get to do cool things. It's not such a bad life. I'm not saying that heaven is a bad thing, of course I would like to go there as much as anybody but if this is what life handed me then I'll take what I can get. But I am curious.

He eyed me.

"About what?"

Why didn't you send me then?

I unfurled my wings a bit then a solitary feather dropped and I caught it with my hand just before it reached the ground. A dropped feather from me could only mean one thing. The one who picked it up and kept it was going to die soon. Yes, a dropped feather could be seen.

I toyed with the feather and told Emmett what I witnessed.

"When I was waiting for the bear to kill you…gruesome I know… I saw Rosalie come out…it took a moment before I recognized her then…I saw her look at you… and with that look, I somehow knew that I was going to lose you…" I looked up at Emmett and saw him looking at me seriously.

"She looked at you with a face that bore confusion… and hope…just because I couldn't feel doesn't mean that I couldn't identify some emotions… emotions that I've felt before that is… anyway, after some deliberation I saw her determination. To be honest, at one point I thought she was going to drink your blood, but the moment she carried you and ran off with you, I knew she had other plans.

"You were slipping in and out of consciousness and it was only a matter of minutes until you died… I wanted to use your blackout as an opportunity to make you sleep and take you but looking at Rosalie… looking at her struggling to drag you to someplace… for some reason, I couldn't... the call was there but yet I couldn't… then I saw Carlisle and I knew at once that I had lost because I looked at Rosalie again and saw the pleading in her eyes… and…what I could only describe as blinding hope… so I let you… I let you go and watched your body die and the call waned and died completely when you were born again. Now tell me Emmett, tell me if what I did was wrong – tell me if I should've fought more for your shot at heaven, tell me –

He cut me off by shaking his head lightly then he faced me.

Bella, stop. I don't regret becoming what I am. I don't hold a grudge or any ill feelings for Rosalie's decision to turn me. Maybe, this was really what was supposed to happen. We can't really say now can we?

"I just feel really bad, you know. You have a damned life of night and of pretending…"

How about you? When you chose to hold on to Edward, you're life was damned as well and I don't see you regretting anything.

He raised a brow in challenge and I just stared at him open-mouthed with shock.

Just take it as it is, Bella and trust me when I say I'm not mad at you. I'm happy as I am. Thank you for giving me a little insight on Rosalie though. I know that of all of us, she struggles the most with our lifestyle. I know how hard it was for her to have to drag me while resisting her thirst. I know how she wanted to feel a little more human. But for you to tell me that she saw hope? That makes me want to prove to her more that she didn't make a mistake in turning me. For me she saved me. That's all I know and that's all I see.

I saw only truth and sincerity in his words that I just nodded at him.

Bella?

"Yes?"

What are you thinking?

"I'm just thinking how honest you are and how I see no trace of doubt in your words… but then… I find it bizarre that I became a witness of vital aspects of your life. I have yet to tell Esme's story but… I really do wonder why are we all connected… what will come out of this?"

He looked up and thought for awhile.

Well, maybe we're meant to find each other. Only, your and Edward's case is unique. Maybe the moment of waiting is over and your time has finally come. Anyway, your part of the family now.

"Really?"

He flashed a quick grin. Really.

I smiled and looked down at the feather I was holding. Then I felt a call. I sighed.

What is it?

I stood up and dusted my dress and stretched my wings.

"It seems I have work to do…"

He quirked his eyebrow at me.

Someone's dying? You mean you're still death?

I nodded. "I'm still death but only partially. I could still be called so it seems so I guess my replacement is busy at the moment…"

I am confused though about one thing.

"And that is?"

I thought that you could be seen already the moment Edward could see you.

"Oh I'm sorry if I didn't explain that well. Yes, I could be seen but again, only by those who are dying or those who are dead. If someone dying could see me right now then that would still cause a commotion."

No sooner than those words left my mouth when a gust flew my feather towards the hand of the person sleeping on his desk beside Emmett… I watched as that person groggily opened his eyes and saw the black feather fall to his pocket. I glanced at Emmett who didn't notice what I saw and when he felt my eyes on him, he looked at me in question.

"What is it?"

I didn't answer and went back to looking at Blake Reynolds. Unlike before when at a glance I could see his entire life before me and learn every thought he had, I only had his current thoughts.

That's odd. I thought I was holding something black in my hand? Huh. Must be a dream then. I think I'll ditch class – oh – the heck is Cullen staring at me for?

At that I looked at Emmett and the moment I faced him, I confirmed his silent question.

Reynolds?

I nodded blankly because… at this minute… I felt fear.

My breathing involuntarily picked up and I was trembling. I was suddenly afraid… afraid for Blake Reynolds…afraid for what awaits him…

How? Emmett asked.

How? I repeated in my mind. I didn't know. Before me stood a perfectly healthy eighteen year old who in any minute was going to die.

"I don't know Emmett. I just felt the pull…" my mind was racing…and I was afraid. I'm confused. This wasn't supposed to be difficult. I've sent countless souls already, how is this different? Why am I afraid for this one little soul? Why am I afraid of what awaits him?

Bella, are you okay?

Emmett asked concerned. I struggled to compose myself and gave a nod. Emmett was about to ask something more but I didn't hear it – any of it because at that moment, Blake Reynolds managed to sneak out of class.

Like a magnet, driven by instinct, I was walking after him.

Bella, Bella!

Emmett was calling out to me and I think I heard Rosalie and Jasper's voices in my head as well… Alice too I thought but they were only fuzzy static on my mind. The only voice that was clear to me was the boy I was following.

Aha! The window's open!

I flew double speed behind him and watched in terror as I knew what was going to happen. I watched as he poked his head outside the window and surveyed the area. Wait a minute? I thought I can be seen? I thought the dying could see me? Why can't he see me? I whirled in front of him and waved my hands in front of him - Nothing. Oh no, I guess only the dead can see me...

I watched as he shivered as the frosty ice cold air hit him and snow fell on his red short hair.

Whoa! It's cold and I could barely see but I'm positive that the ledge is right over there. But what if it's iced over? I might slip…

Yes, I thought. It's dangerous Blake. Don't push through, don't push through…

I watched and felt a little relief when he withdrew his head from the window and patted his hair. He changed his mind. So why is the pull still there? I was nervous. Very nervous and anxious… he was still doomed to die…

Then I saw him scan the hallway and his eyes lightened up as he spotted something. I followed his gaze and my eyes widened.

Fire escape!

Then in a flash he was sprinting towards the fire escape while in the background I heard the Cullen family debating on whether to follow me or not or something along that line of thought. I ignored them. What good could they get from this?

I flew quickly after Blake and worry coursed through me. Extreme worry. If I had a heart or if I were human I'd be running on adrenaline now.

I followed Blake my bells ringing erratically after me as I flew behind him. He kept going and going downstairs and my anticipation was rising.

I searched frantically below, above, sideways to see what danger could lie near. Is he going to trip? Is he going to fall? What danger awaits him?

Once he reached the last floor I saw him press his hands on his knees, bending, catching his breath.

"Blake, turn back, turn back, don't do this," I pleaded. A futile attempt but I can't just stand by and watch. I didn't even know what would happen to him. I've never felt so helpless.

I peeked at the small glass on the door and scanned the scene outside. Then my eyes grew in fright as I heard it… I heard it going fast and unstoppable.

I saw how Blake Reynolds was going to die.

I didn't even stop to think when I began yanking him by his jacket but no amount of force I exert would make a difference as he couldn't feel me. But I kept on trying. I even grabbed on to him, wrapping my arms around him while practically shouting at him.

"Stop, go back! Go back Blake! For the love of God, don't step outside! Stop! Please, Blake, please!"

He didn't even flinch. My panic grew when he finally caught his breath and placed his palm on the door.

I tried stepping in front of him but he just continued. I felt my vision blur as I felt tears welling in my eyes. Why was it so hard for me to let this soul go? What was wrong with me?

Then my world stopped when he pushed the door swung open and a flash of yellow light blinded me…then it happened.

Just like that it happened.

On the snow, red was coating white, cold to warm… and I watched as the ebony feather land on the crimson patches on the snowy ground…

Oh ten to the dozen
Who does, who doesn't
Who chooses who's chosen
Who must who mustn't
Who rests and who runs out
Don't ask that question
When my worlds turned upside down
No when your worlds turned upside down

Edward

I ran as fast as I could go at double speed while my mind was trained to that of making sure that the coast was clear, to my siblings' thoughts and Bella's bells.

Before anything I was just in class, not really listening to the lecture but listening to Bella's stories from the minds' of my siblings while twirling Bella's feather that I picked up when I first saw her. It's only been two hours that she left my side and already I felt incomplete. Now this…

The moment I saw in Emmett's mind that Bella was panicking, I knew I had to get to her. She was called…and she could feel.

This was bad, really bad.

I could've gone faster when a loud sound interrupted my thoughts and I heard skidding and sliding… not that far from here… it was getting louder and louder coming faster and faster.

Edward, you won't make it. I'm sorry.

I heard Alice's thoughts. Oh no, I was going to be too late.

Then I heard Bella's voice, pleading and begging for that idiot Reynolds to quit. I heard her desperation and knew that Jasper felt it. So she can't be seen by the dying now? Oh no, this was going to be harder than I thought.

Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper wanted to follow Bella but they knew that this was something beyond their control and something Bella should face. Alice also confirmed it. Reynolds was going to die and she showed me how. And I was right about the noise I heard.

I shook all that away then jumped out the window and ran outside. Bella needed me.

Then I saw it and no amount of speed without risk of getting caught could save Blake Reynolds.

Five minutes ago, a delivery truck going at a speed of 45 kilometers per hour unsuspectingly drove over black ice – ice that was most invisible to a driver's eyes on the road and upon impact, the driver lost control over the more than half a ton heavy truck that quickly gathered speed moving in erratic direction towards the east side of the school building…

It doesn't take a physicist to know that it was going to hit the building with a force so great, a dent would be the last thing that would happen. The damage would move towards a bigger scale. And then I watched in shock as I saw Blake emerge from the fire exit door with Bella crying frantically beside him – then – the moment Blake's face bearing a triumphant expression faced front outside – it was wiped off immediately and replaced with a too-late alarmed look as the glaring lights blinded him, the blasting horn deafened him then his body met with the hood of the truck.

It was like the world stood still. I didn't even hear the crash as Blake's body was thrown over to the side from impact, his bones crushing as he tumbled across the lot – his head banged on, his spine broken and I felt his rib puncturing his lungs… then with one last cough and wheeze… he was gone…I didn't hear the impact because they were overpowered by the sound of Bella's pained cry.

"No!"

Then there was silence for awhile before the only sound heard was the blaring horn.

I watched as Bella fell to her knees and placed her palm over Blake's bloody forehead. I couldn't move yet as there was so much blood. I had to control myself but found it easy because of my predominant concern over Bella.

I watched as she whispered something then drew her wings closer to her as she looked down on Blake's dead form. I watched as she wiped some blood off of his face and brushed a few strands then she lifted her eyes to look at me and I felt weak when I saw her look so vulnerable and in pain.

I heard Alice – the one who could resist the most from my siblings run to the truck driver's direction while thinking.

I already called an ambulance. The driver could still be saved. Emmett and Rose have Jasper. Take care of Bella. Take her someplace else. Quickly, you have one minute before people arrive.

I nodded at her and ran towards Bella.

"I couldn't - couldn't save him Edward – I just watched him die. How can someone just die? How can someone who woke up feeling that this was going to be a boring day only to find out too late that you woke up, to die? Edward – I couldn't… I – I…"

I wrapped my arms around her tightly as she cried on my chest. I stroked her hair and tried to soothe her.

"Shhh… Bella it was his time…it's not your fault…you just did your job…" I whispered.

"What's wrong with me, Edward? I've sent souls before and many died in a much more terrible way than this but why is this so different?"

"Because this time, Bella, you forgot… this time you could feel… feel it firsthand… feel like it's your first time…"

She looked up at me with sad eyes but I knew she understood. "You're right, Edward. But I'm scared. I don't want to go through this again… it's all too different… I felt so worried and scared when I heard his call…"

I wiped her tears and rubbed her back, "Bella, I can't promise that this won't happen again as I don't know if you're going to be called but you have six more days left. Just six more days and you won't be death anymore. I'll be there when it happens again. I'm here for you."

She relaxed a bit then she rested her head on my chest and I saw her close her eyes. "I thought I was going mad. Now I know the reason why I was numb when I was fully death before. I've never felt more helpless Edward. Never."

"It's okay to feel vulnerable at times, Bella. You're not alone anymore, remember that. You have me and you have the others as well. But now, let's get you out of here, okay?"

I put my finger under her chin and tilted her face up to me and looked into her eyes.

"Let go of Blake now. Come on. It's going to be alright. I'm here," I whispered while I smiled at her.

Bella

As I looked into Edward's eyes I saw nothing but care and sincerity. I was truly an imbecile to not have realized at once why I reacted as I did. Of course. It was because I could feel again… and Edward was right… it did feel like this was my first time…

He waited for me to collect myself.

I nodded at him and managed a quick smile, "Thank you Edward. I'm sorry. I'm ready to leave."

He smiled at me and gave a nod. I steadied myself and prepared to stand up when suddenly I was up in his arms and he was running.

This time, I didn't even argue.

Instead I closed my eyes, rested my head on his chest and just… held on to him… held on to his neck…

Right now, I just wanted this. I just wanted to be cared for. I wanted to be comforted. I wanted rest. I just wanted this. I wanted this – Edward with me.

No,

It was much more than that. I needed Edward and he's here.

He's here…

I looked up at him and saw him look down at me and he grinned at me.

I smiled at him before sleep took over.

Falling over this side
It feels so wrong it feels right
What it was and what it's not
Come and break it into
Pieces that begin to
What I was and what I'm not

AN: So there you have it, an extra long chapter for this story to make-up for the long update. I'll try to update as fast as I can but we have a week-long play for our college week that I co-wrote along with fellow representatives from each section of all third year psychology majors and being the scriptwriters we were also tasked to direct the play. I have to do a case study as well as plan for our group dynamics subject and finish our personality test construction but you don't need to know all that. Anyway, to sum it all up, it's going to be crazy so I don't really know when I could update so please please hang on.

If you read carefully, I gave away a few secrets of Bella's and one very vital detail in this story. Hope you got them. If not, then wait for the succeeding chapters. Things are getting very very interesting.

Tired of the long wait? I just updated my first try at comedy. It's an Alice & Jasper story. I don't expect much from it as it's written just for fun and for my sister the anime-lover. The story is based on the anime Lovely Complex. Alice is always the "tiny one" and Jasper the "tall one" right? Well in this story, Alice is called "Amazon" while Jasper, the "Shrimp." Shocking right? Anyway, they hate each other's guts and end up making a bet on who could find love first and thus prove that he/she doesn't have the worst "love complex." But could they see past their height differences and see sparks instead? I know, I know, it looks very impossible but it's my AU and I don't care I did this story for me and my sister, Love it or hate it.

For those who've been following my three-part White Lilies series, I'll be updating Part 3, Endless by tomorrow or the day after. I've started typing chapter 2 so hopefully I get to finish that soon.

That's all, thanks very much for the support, the suggestions, the critiques and the love!

Until next time...

Much love,

Margaux

Next song: The World Turned Upside down