Days had passed, over a week by the time they reached Haven. Anara felt even more out of place among the people of Haven once they reached the small town. Her time separated from her advisers and in the solitude of the Hinterlands made her adjustment much more difficult than she predicted.
She didn't want to go to Val Royeaux, despite what Giselle and Cassandra said, she didn't want to turn to the Templar's and she didn't want to turn to the Chantry for aid and support. Why should she? They were doing just fine earlier without either of them.
She had closed rifts, and established camps. She had stopped the rebel mages in the Hinterlands, and the Templar's that squatted there. They have done these things without the help of the Chantry or Templar support. So then why did she have to go and seek either now?
Since her arrival back she had become sullen, wanting little to do with the decisions of the inquisition. Everyone began to notice this, Cassandra stood at the war table, looking over the map.
" Where is the Herald?" She looked across the map at Leliana and Josephine, both huddled over her paperwork.
"It seems the Herald is, trying to adjust." Josephine spoke, writing on her paper with Leliana next to her.
"She has been seen leaving Haven more and more, where she goes and what she does, we do not know. All we know is, she respects her privacy." Leliana threw in, knowing full well that Cassandra wouldn't approve of the Spymasters words.
" Are you telling me that she LEAVES Haven, and neither of you know where she goes?"
Josephine shrugged to Cassandra, Leliana spoke, "She has...a tendency to fade step whenever she try to find her. She's becoming rather elusive to our attempts."
Cassandra didn't take the news well, holding them all accountable, " It would be better to have her back in Haven, where she can be observed."
Leliana looked back at her, pulling her attention away from Josephine's papers, " What exactly has she done Cassandra to warrant this reaction? What happened out there?" Cassandra huffed, not wanting to further explain herself. Again with the questions and the reasoning as to why she wanted what she wanted. She didn't have to explain herself, she was a Seeker, and an adviser to the Inquisition, why did she now and again have to explain her reasoning.
She pushed her way from the Chantry, the doors swinging open to the world outside, she turned her attention instead to a figure that she knew wouldn't question her motives.
"Commander" She came across Cullen who was training recruits on proper blocking.
" Yes Lady Cassandra?" He straightened as he looked at the warrior. Her face grimaced as she left the Chantry, walking towards him.
"I need you to do something for me." Cullen listened patiently to the woman as she made her case, "The Herald….Anara...Has been leaving Haven and no one knows where she goes."
Cullen looked at her, his eyebrows furrowing, " What exactly are you suggesting?"
" I am suggesting Commander that you follow her, ensure that she doesn't try anything suspicious."
Cullen felt himself tense up at the thought of it, he hated the idea of following her, herald or not. People deserved privacy, and that was a lesson he learned awhile ago.
" Why can't you trust this task to Solas? Or to a recruit?" Cullen interjected, suddenly wishing that this situation fell upon someone else.
"Because Solas could be aiding her, and a recruit cannot stop a mage, not one of her knowledge." Cassandra seemed so sure of his abilities, even though Cullen wasn't sure of his. She'd sense him from a mile away, just like she did all those times before. He wasn't a rogue, he wasn't sneaky, and he wasn't a spy of any kind. He was only a Templar, and only a man after all.
He nodded, to Cassandra understanding what she expected of him. She left him to his thoughts as he tried to figure out if this was another trap set up by the mages. it made him tense thinking about this situation, wanting nothing more than the truth in regards to this situation. He briskly walked to Adan's hut, looking at Solas standing there alone, staring off into the breach. Cullen made his way over to the elf, whose mind was elsewhere.
" Do not tell me that this is another one of your little tricks." Cullen looked at Solas, who pulled his stare from the breach.
" Whatever do you mean Commander?" Solas looked at him confused.
" Anara, wandering off into the woods at all manners of the day and night. I know it's a trick between you two to drag me out there. To scheme your little plots, you won't get me like last time." Cullen pointed his finger at the elf, almost threatening.
" You have it wrong Commander, Anara has been...Different since the Hinterlands." Solas stepped back from the Commanders pointed finger. " I honestly don't know how to make her feel better. I figured I should give her space, but when it comes to your peoples emotions it's...Harder to make sense of. "
Cullen was confused on Solas's observations of humanity, " You let yourselves stew and drown in your emotions. Something that I admire wholeheartedly. We elves live in our past, the Dalish live forever within it, searching for meaning among old ruins. City elves live in the past of slavery, forever defined by what society has for them. But you humans..."
He looked at Cullen, " You are unattainable in how you feel. You live in the past, the present and the future. You are not defined by society, but you instead break free from it. Nobles or peasants can be in the circle, or in the Chantry. You define your lives by your actions, not by your past." Solas turned his attention back to the fade, " I fear though, that she is too far gone in her past right now for me to be able to bring her back."
Cullen could feel his chest tighten at the words presented to him, "So this...Isn't a trap?"
Solas chuckled, " No Commander, it is not. If it was, it'd be a little more elaborate than this."
Cullen felt a wave of relief wash over him, hearing the reassurance from Solas. Finding it easier mentally to have to confront her at some point. He nodded in silence looking at Solas who seemed lost in his own mind again.
Cullen turned from the elf, taking back his suspicion of him. Deciding past his biased feelings, trying to think at this point, what was best for the Inquisition.
" Commander." He heard Solas speak behind him, " I understand your suspicion of us, as I understand your feelings for her. I would move the earth for her Commander, but don't think for a moment what I wouldn't do for her all over again if it meant bringing her back."
Cullen nodded, knowing well what Solas was placing upon him. The elf trusted him, if only a little bit. " Do you know where she is?" Cullen asked, his back still to Solas.
" She has been camping outside the town, across the lake. If she's still there, bring Ma Vhenan back."
Cullen moved, gripping the hilt of his sword as he walked past his men at the training grounds. Oh he hated the attention he seemed to be garnering from this excursion. Everyone seemed to have their own rumor mill to the whole situation, whispers among the commoners that wandered through the streets.
He was trying to leave as quickly as possible, trying to stop the escalation of the rumors that began to spread through the town like a plague. Some feared she had become possessed by a demon, some thought she went mad with blood magic, and others felt she was channeling Andraste herself. Whatever speculation that these people had, Cullen would have to get to the bottom of it without listening to the rumors.
He had made his way towards the gate, shouting his way through until he heard the voice of Varric, "Going somewhere Curly?"
Cullen obviously didn't have time for this, " Seeker Pentaghast sent me on an important missive, I am to retrieve the Herald for the Inquisition."
"So you're the errand boy then? I'd suggest to The Seeker not to rough up your prize winning pony, but then I think she'd just beat me." Varric slapped Cullen on the arm, "But I get it Curly, The Seekers an attractive lady, once you get past all that grimacing and frowning. But I have to say this, regardless of what the Seeker says, you should leave Anara alone. She's been through enough."
Cullen turned towards the dwarf, master of storytelling and a rogue, he should know more about the situation than anyone else in their group. "Tell me what you know Varric. What do you mean she's been through enough?"
Varric held up his hands almost defensively, " Whoa Curly don't jump to conclusions, all I know is what I heard Mother Giselle told her, remember I'm an occasional rogue. I heard the Chantry tried to garner peace between the sides with aides and lets just say, they were never seen again."
Cullen looked at Varric, confusion slipping into his face, why on earth would the Chantry upset her? She hated the Chantry from all that he gathered in his knowledge of her. She regularly spoke out against Chantry aid and Templar aid as well. He had guessed this was one of the things that he had to figure out as he looked for her. He sighed to himself as he looked over the dwarf, " Of course, thank you Varric for the enlightenment."
Cullen pushed towards the gate, seeing himself outside, he heard Varric shout back at him, " Of course Curly, anytime." He thought to himself how that was a lie. Varric didn't usually give away information for free, unless it was one of his tales. Cullen figured that Varric was internalizing a story in his mind about these events. Turning it into either a romance or an awful tragedy, which he didn't know.
Cullen walked outside the gates, the cold winter of Ferelden still ominous as grey clouds swirled in the distance. He had made his way across the small plain of snow, heading towards the
frozen lake that sat outside of Haven. Like a frozen Goliath reaching for the mountain, Cullen walked around the shore, his feet kicking at the frozen ice that fringed the edge of the water. What exactly was he expected to do? Wander about until he 'accidentally' ran into her? Make it known why he's there? Or just, stand there harsh and silent? No, he wasn't exactly that, he laughed to himself, knowing full well how ridiculous he sounded in his mind.
He shook his head, thinking of anything else then what he was to encounter at some point. Haven had been quiet since the group had left and even quieter when they got back. This was a predicament that he had to figure out, silence was never a good sign.
His feet stepped forward, one at a time closing distance to some unknown force until the ice around the lake gritted. He looked down to see piles of stones gathered about the edge, until he heard a loud smack ring through the air. He turned to see Anara standing nearby, throwing stones across a frozen lake.
He gathered his furs up closer to his face as he felt a small rush of wind. He approached the mage with caution, not knowing what her mood was exactly.
" Hello, Herald." Cullen spoke, trying his best to be nonchalant.
" Hello Knight-Captain." Cullen looked at her, her eyes staring off into the distance as she watched the rocks skid across the frozen wastes.
" I'm not that person anymore Herald, you know that."
" And I am not The Herald." She bit back, her words sticking like daggers.
A wave of silence overtook them as Cullen stood there, watching as she threw another rock across the ice. The sound rumbling through the air around them.
" Did you used to throw rocks?" Cullen was trying to grasp at a conversation topic to make this less awkward. He could sense her annoyance, the fuse to her temper had become short lately.
"Why…" She sighed, as she held a rock in her fingers. Looking at the smooth surface, "My brother and I used to when we were little, before I was sent to The Circle. " She smiled to herself as she launched the rock across the frozen lake, another ring in the air. " He always said I was cheating because I could skip them farther than him. He was right."
She looked at the ground with sad eyes, " I suppose you're here for a reason outside of my fondness for rock skipping Commander?"
Cullen looked at her, "Everyone is, worried you came back from the Hinterlands different."
"And I suppose you're here to determine if I'm a Maleficarum or possessed?" Cullen had no words for her, his mouth closing back to his silence.
She nodded to herself, looking forward, "Of course.."
She turned her eyes to the Commander, " Did they tell you what happened? What I did?"
Cullen shook his head, knowing full well that no one wanted to be a bearer of bad news.
She nodded, looking back across the lake, her mind wandering back to the Hinterlands.
They had cleared out a group of rebel mages within the Witchwood. Cassandra had their leader brought before her as the remaining mages fled, " Herald, what should we do with him?" Cassandra looked to her for a decision as the man in front of them laughed.
His voice was deep and bitter, his Freemarcher accent thick, as he spoke, "Herald Ey Sera?" He chuckled to himself, " Well, well Trevelyan; the horse that rides high." She felt her skin shiver as she heard her family's name, this was no mere coincidence anymore.
"She is the Herald, and you will address her as such." Cassandra held her blade to the mage, her powers suppressing his own as he laughed again,
" Trevelyan, modest in temper, bold in deed." He chuckled, Varric standing there with Bianca out,
"Why don't we just kill him? He's obviously the leader of the Witchwood. Stop him and we stop the mages."
" It's not that simple." Anara spoke, pushing Cassandras blade aside as she grabbed the leader by the cloak, " What do you know of me?" She spoke through gritted teeth, feeling Cassandras suppression inch back her magic.
The man smiled, a wicked and evil sneer as he thought to himself, " Who doesn't know about the Trevelyans? Chantry dogs the lot of you. No better than Starkhaven." He spat out, laughing to himself, "But where's the Chantry now? To save you Trevelyan's from the fires that burn. Where is your maker that gifted us as such." His words echoing through her, mocking her as she remembered Mother Giselle.
" A few of the Templar's remained loyal to the Chantry. Regardless of the accord, one of them named Tobias went missing weeks ago." She felt her pace quicken as the man laughed to himself as it increased in strength.
She could feel the itch of her magic moving, the feel of it as it fought with Cassandras abilities. "What was their names….oh their names…" He muttered to himself, his head lolling back and forth as he searched through the trees for their names.
" Thom...Thoma...Thomas? no, no..To..To..bias..Tobias…" She could feel her chest tighten as she heard the words leave his lips. Tobias
"You're lying." She gritted through her teeth as her grip tightened on the mages cloak. She heard him chuckle against her words.
"He came here thinking you had joined us. Do you know what he did in his last moments as we bled him dry?"
"No…" She huffed under her breath, her anger welling up inside of her as her magic threatened against Cassandras powers.
Cassandra could feel the sudden shift in magic as she tried to get a hold of Anara, "He's lying, don't listen to him."
He laughed, his voice serious and deep, " He cried to the Maker for help, begging for him to intervene as we bled him dry, anchoring him to a demon."
" You LIE!" She shoved the man onto the ground as his back hit the dirt she was on top of him. One arm grasping him by the collar the other clenched.
" He cried for his sister to save him. We wept, like a babe until all the life fled from him." Cassandra was losing control of the situation, her powers no longer strong enough for Anara's emotions.
Varric and Solas could feel it in the air like static that surrounded them. Solas ran to her, "Vhenan, it isn't worth it. It won't bring him back."
Her teeth clenched again, almost threatening to break as her emotions began to overflow her again. Pain met with anger me with shame that mingled to create something she had never felt before. She felt him laugh against her, his head tilting back as he shouted to the sky, " Modest in temper, BOLD IN DEED!"
She screamed loudly as her fist came across his face, knocking him into the ground, Cassandra rushed.
" Anara what are you doing? Stop this!" She tried to grab onto Anara but the flow of her magic almost burned her.
Anara pulled him back up from the ground, blood dripping from his mouth as he laughed, Her fist came up again, preparing for another strike as Solas shouted, " Ma Vhenan, Suledin!" She bared her teeth as it came down for another strike. His head flailing back into the ground.
He killed him, used blood magic, chained his blood to a demon. He did this, he killed him, Tobias; the Maker had no power, he couldn't save you, I couldn't save you.
Anara looked into the eyes of the mage, blood flowing freely from his broken nose. Still a chuckle coming from his lips as he looked at her, " Bold in deed.." He whispered one last time, a crooked smile coming to his face.
Her anger spilled out into the world as everything felt like it was crashing around her. Remembering her words last time she saw Tobias, "The Maker has no power here…"
She screamed, a mournful and pained scream that echoed through the area. Chilling them all to the bone as her body burned and lightning grew in her hand. Her fist made contact as she pulled him up. Cassandra had lost her power against the mage, her emotions too strong and powerful against her Seeker abilities.
Anara had lost herself in the feeling, in the emotions that she felt. She could feel the life leave him as he gave into his fate, but it wasn't enough. Her fist went raw and numb by the time she had stopped, tears streaming down her face, mixing with blood.
She had dropped his body on the ground, as she slumped her pain coming out for all to see. She wept for her loss as everyone stood there, silence rushing over them.
Varric was at a loss for words for once. Looking at the mage lose herself in the death of a loved one. What she had done was awful, but Varric could understand what she felt and why she did it. But it didn't alleviate the sickness in his stomach.
Cassandra stood there, a hand held up to her mouth at the sight before her. The man was a bloody mess, hardly recognizable anymore, his flesh was scorched from the magic in her body. Cassandra knew why mages were to be feared in this circumstance, and she briefly feared the Herald. Her magic overpowered her, and shut her down from suppressing her. Her magic flowed outward and over them as she lost herself in it. Here she feared what would become of the inquisition and in time the Herald.
But Solas. He stood there, with his hand on her shoulder, fearing her, but still loving her in her loss. "Vhenan. You will endure.." He could feel her body sway as she tried to push her magic back down, trying to recover from her violent outburst. Solas only feared for her safety now, hoping that Cassandra wouldn't cut her down on the spot. But he looked at Anara, her body slumped as she became silent.
"You should go...All of you.." She could feel her magic begin to well back up as she twitched, trying to still come to terms with the situation.
"We won't just leave.." Cassandra spoke, now becoming deathly serious to the situation at hand.
" I said, leave." She turned towards Cassandra, her eyes dead, free from emotion and cold as she looked over the group. Her legs moved as she stood up, turning towards the group.
She was covered in blood, her hair matted and disheveled as sweat gathered on her brow. The tears on her face leaving clean streaks down her face as she looked over them.
"Leave. Now." Her face remained neutral and passive. Her eyes looking over everyone with nothing behind them anymore.
Varric didn't overstay his welcome as he turned his back, " Don't kill yourself out here kid. It's not worth it." He turned from the mage, putting distance between them, not wanting to go against her wishes.
Cassandra was still unmoving, a shield wall to the world, " Promise you will make it back." She looked at Anara with fierce determination, pushing past all her prejudices. Anara nodded slowly, her eyes still seeing through them. Cassandra hesitated, pausing as she looked back at the elf who stood there.
Solas was the last to leave, his hands on her shoulder, his magic helping cool hers. " Anara, Ma'arlath Ma Vhenan." His fingers brushed against her cheek, wiping some of the blood away. " You will endure my love, Do not forget that."
Her eyes came across his, filled with grief and pain, hearing her sniffle as she tried to regain herself. His hand slipped from her cheek, feeling her magic come back fierce and burning. He walked away as Anara stood there, her body aching from what had happened. Her mind still foggy as she reconciled her feelings.
Solas had headed with the other two as they made their way back to camp, feeling the heat against his back of her magic as they all heard one more mournful cry split into the air, the sound reminding him of her harrowing.
She could feel her magic flow from her in a cloak of veilfire as it consumed everything around her. Burning the body to ashes, as she screamed one last time. All of her pain and regret welled up inside of her, unleashing like a demon released from the fade. It had consumed her and all that around her, a vortex of flame that burst forth from her body. She knew she couldn't be around her companions now, their fear of her would overtake them, just as her emotions took her over.
Her legs staggered as she walked forward, moving slowly, deeper into the Witchwood. The echoing roar that scorched the earth and ashes that blew in the wind were all that remained of the mage who spoke her name.
Varric sat next to the fire, looking over at Solas, "What does that mean, Vhenan?"
Solas looked at the ground trying to think of a concealable lie, "It's a word used for those of power."
Varric scoffed, "Then why don't you use it for The Seeker?"
"Because The Seeker is of her own power. She is a warrior, not a mage."
"So the words exclusive to mages only?" Varric seemed intrigued suddenly, Solas hoping he wasn't writing this for a book.
It had been two days since Anara had disappeared, Scout Harding had tried to look for her, but failed attempt after attempt. Solas knew in his heart that she would come back, But to Varric or Cassandra she might as well have abandoned them.
Cassandra sat there, sharpening her blade as they heard the sounds of the birds flee. Their cawing gaining the groups attention as they turned around, expecting an ambush from the Mages or Templar's that remained. The moments were tense as they waited, hearing the rustling of leaves and branches, Varric was about to shoot blindly into the woods until Solas held out his arm, sensing the magic that became all too familiar with his.
From the brush she stumbled through, her staff dropped to the ground as she made her way across the camp. Solas rose from his seat, "Vhenan?" He spoke, the woman that was with them a few days ago seemed long gone, some feral ghost remaining. She turned slowly towards Solas, her face was pale and streaked with dirt and blood. Her eyes were no longer filled with the grief that it once held, but instead with a rage that burned like flames.
Cassandra had stood up, her blade in her hands as she looked upon Anara. " Herald, where have you been?" she looked at the woman whose body was tired and shattered. Her knees gave way as he hit the ground, looking up at the sky.
"I had, to find him..the demon, anchored to his blood." Her head fell back as she breathed in the air around her, "And I killed them…" She looked across the camp, the dried blood on her face causing whispers among the soldiers. Her hair was wild in it's brown curls, her brown eyes grown dark from the emotions she felt, her knuckles were raw, her arms bruised, and cut.
" I killed them all…" She pulled her hand close to her, Solas noticing something in her grasp.
"Vhenan?" he approached slowly, his arm reaching out, knowing well her emotions were still like an open wound. His fingers touched her shoulder, she jerked quickly. Uncertain of what to do when he touched her, she was lost in a sea of emotions sweeping her away. Solas sat down on his knees, holding her hand, "Vhenan, what is it?"
She sobbed as he opened her hand, staring at a few small bones and a tooth in her palm. "It was all that was left of him…" She cried, pulling her hand back to her, closing his only remains to herself as her hair fell into her face.
Her magic had stemmed, and finally stopped flowing with her emotions as she cried freely. The open wound of her grief still visible for all to see. Solas pulled her close, as she wept, her tears staining Solas's clothes. But he stood strong for her, letting her lose herself completely to all that she had done, and all that had happened. Softly in her ear, he sang the same melody to her when she was asleep after the Breach.
Cullen stood there, looking at Anara who had told him the tale of what happened in the Hinterlands. Watching as tears came streaming down her cheeks, threatening to chill in the cold. " You killed all of those mages?" He didn't know what to say to her about all of this, but he had understood Cassandras need for him to watch her. She had feared her own Seeker abilities weren't strong enough to stop her. But she somehow felt his was.
" They bound his blood to a demon. They resorted to blood magic, and they dealt with demons. I had no pity for them, and I saved them no mercy."
He looked down at her hands, One still clenched tightly to the rock in her hand, "is that why you don't want to go to Val Royeaux?"
She turned, looking Cullen in the eyes, " I will not face a Chantry that lead my brother to his death. I will not support the Chantry, nor the Templar's, nor the Mages. "
Cullen closed in, his hand grabbing hers that clenched so tightly to the rock, "Your brother chose to fight for you...Do not waste his sacrifice."
Her body eased on it's tension as her head fell forward, her voice cracking as she spoke, " The last thing I told him was that the Maker wasn't real, that he had no power. I cannot face the Chantry like this. I couldn't find him." Tears began to flow freely as she tried to hide her face from Cullen.
" His remains weren't burned. He will never find his way to the Maker, to Andraste or to peace."
Cullen felt his stomach knot to her grief as he pulled her close, hiding her sobbing face into his shoulder. He felt her body quake as her cries were muffled by his shoulder. " The Maker will know of his sacrifice Anara, he lead himself to protect you. he was a Templar, the Maker will accept him regardless and he will know peace."
Cullen held her close as she cried, he could feel her magic within decline as he suppressed her power with his. In this moment Cullen could understand why everyone expected him to do this. He was an Ex-Templar, and if things got out of had he could suppress her magic long enough to bring her back. She sobbed against him, her body still weak and trembling, as her hands still clenched in anger to her emotions. Cullen reassured her, his hand stroking her hair as the other hugged her close, pushing back the feelings that he had for her, trying not to take advantage of her pain.
What felt like an eternity passed until Cullen felt her hands on his back, his touch finally bringing some comfort to her. Her hands twisted in the fur upon his shoulders as her sobs finally stopped, her hands slipping from the fur as she tried to step back.
Cullen grumbled internally as she moved, never wanting to let go of the mage. He looked her over, her eyes were red from crying as her nose desperately tried to breath in the mountain air. She wiped furiously at her eyes, trying to wish away her tears, trying to mask her pain from him.
" Hey...Don't.." His hands came up and grabbed hers as she tried to hide, "Don't hide."
She turned her head, her eyes looking confusingly at Cullen, "What?"
His hand stretched out, wiping the tears from her cheeks, " Don't hide, wear those tears with pride. You're the Herald of Andraste.."
She gave him the saddest, most heartbreaking smile he had ever seen across lips. His fingers moving the hair from her eyes, as he smiled back, " The dawn will come Herald…" His hands gathered up hers as he held them up to his lips, kissing her hands, " I promise you Anara, you will get through this. "
His lips left her hands and he couldn't tell if the red across her cheeks was a blush or from her crying. He couldn't tell, but he had enjoyed the reaction nonetheless.
His hands left hers slip from his grasp as she fumbled about with her words, not able to come up with anything. "Anara.." He spoke, looking at her as his hands cupped her face looking into her eyes,
" You have bewitched me.."
He slowly leaned in, his eyes closing as he inched closer, his body and heart willing to give her anything for her to be his. For her to smile again.