I told myself I'd be good. I'd take her on dates. I'd hold her hand in public and open the car door for her. Everyone would know she's with me, she's mine. I'd woo her and make her melt and make her first time special.

But that didn't really happen.

Sometime after lunch, which consisted of grilled cheese sandwiches and Spaghetti-Os, I took her virginity on her lilac bedspread. Things just got carried away, and she didn't want me to stop and I didn't want to stop, so I just didn't stop.

"Charlie will be home for dinner. I usually start cooking around 5," she says. It was growing late, so I know she is giving me a heads-up. "Would you like to stay for dinner?" she asks sheepishly.

I do, but I don't. I don't think I can face her dad tonight after the day we've had. I'll try tomorrow, but there is something I need to talk about before I leave.

I clear my throat. "That wasn't my first time, you know?"

Bella looks up at me with her big brown eyes. We are still in her bed, wrapped in her purple sheets. Leaving is going to suck. I'm so content I could die.

"I know," she whispers shyly. "I kind of figured as much."

"No, I don't mean fu- being with you. I meant, you know, the other night. But it wasn't my first time for that either."

I watch as she licks her lips and hides her face in the crook of her arm. "I know, Edward. I know what you meant."

She knows. Of course she does. "I don't know what you must think of me. What kind of animal you must think I am."

She rolls over on her side to face me and props up her head with her arm.

"I've spent a lot of time with your family – with the Cullens. They talked about you a lot. More than I think I ever could, if I were in that situation. They'd talk about how rambunctious and how naturally curious you were. How you were always into something… making mischief. They talked about how fiercely you loved Emmett and Alice, even when you were angry with them. They'd imagine what you would be up to if you were still with them. What sports you might play – "

She takes a deep breath and sighs.

"I always tried to picture you, to merge the boy in the family photos with the boy they talked about. And I could totally see it. I get how that was their son, but there was something missing."

She drops onto her back and stares up at the ceiling. Her cheeks are pink and you can tell she's uncomfortable saying these things.

"When I met you that first time at the Cullen's, I finally saw you, Edward. You're smart, sure, but so much more than book smart. You're clever and cunning. You know what makes people tick and how to work each angle. Everything you do, you do so with a certain ease. You're so cool, calm and collected. I see how you act tough with Emmett, talk sports with him, b.s. about school. It's your way of bonding, and maybe even helping him through his guilt. And look how you act so brave for Alice, especially at school, so she thinks you're fine and that you've adjusted to it all. And you do it not to hide yourself from her, but to protect her. So, if you're worried that I think you're a monster, don't. You saved my life. I see you, Edward. I see all of you. I am not foolish enough to think someone can single-handedly take down three people like that, without some type of - I don't even know what I'm trying to say, but I was there – you saved me; you saved my life."

Her eyes have teared up, so I stroke her arm gently.

"You really think I'm cool?" I say playfully.

She moans and rolls onto her stomach to hide from me.

"Come on, Edward. You know what I mean," she mumbles.

I laugh and place my arms around her, hugging her from behind.

"I see you too, Bella," I whisper. I take a deep breath and exhale.

"For some reason I trust you. I feel like I can trust you with absolutely anything. More so than the Cullens, more so than… than Aro." I have to swallow the lump in my throat before I can continue.

"I was drawn to you from that very first day I saw you." I roll us so I'm spooning her instead of smothering her. She hadn't complained, but I want her to hear me and be comfortable. She snuggles into me. Her body is rubbing against me in the most delicious way, but I need to let her know how I feel.

"I tried. I really did try to stay away from you. I seem to ruin everything I touch."

"That's not true-," she tries to argue. She squirms in my arms, trying to face me, but I continue on and she settles again.

"To ruin you, to ruin the good in you… it would be the worst thing I'd ever do. And I've done some terrible things. I shouldn't even be here at all."

"Don't. Don't you dare start to…"she barks.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella." I interrupt. "I couldn't even if I tried." I let her out of my hold and she turns to face me.

She kisses me then. With lips and tongue. I respond by rolling on top of her and kissing her deep.

When I touch her between her thighs, she lets out a soft whimper and spreads her legs wider. I can't keep the smile off my face. Who would have thought my little Bella would be so assertive in bed?

ButI know I have to go. Even though I don't want to, I pull back. "I have to go," I say.

"Noooo," she whines. "No, no, no, stay." She grabs for my arms and tries to pull me closer. I kiss her cheek and her brow and pull back again.

"We really should go to school tomorrow. There is no way your dad will let you skip two days in a row."

"He won't notice," she says, while sitting up. She bends to grab her shirt from the side of the bed and throws it on. I take my time pulling on my pants.

She frowns when she sees me getting dressed.

"My sister will."

"Yeah, she's been texting me all day. I told her I'd see her tomorrow, but I think that just pissed her off."

"She knows I didn't go in either, so she's probably put two and two together. You're in for it tomorrow."

"Ugh!" she groans.

"I'll pick you up for school tomorrow."

I grab for my shirt and get fully dressed, and then snatch my wallet and keys from her dresser. She gets up and tugs her shirt down to cover her front as much as possible when I open the door to head downstairs.

"You'll pick me up?" she asks.

"Yeah, I'll be here in the morning."

We just stare awkwardly, so I turn to leave.

"Wait," she pleads. "Uh, are you sure you want to leave?" She blushes and looks around at the floor spotting her cotton shorts and then pulls them on.

"I got a paper to finish, or I would stay." I lie.

I walk towards her, kiss her gently, and then leave. I know if I look at her another second she'll convince me to stay.