Authoress' Notes: Titles give away all sorts of things. And as far as the story goes, I'm still planning on stopping at Chapter 20, but it's still up in the air. Whatever my decision is, I'll make it by Chapter 15.

What Goes On

Chapter 12: Generic Plot Twist

25 hours, 15 minutes, and 83 random Towtow attacks later...

Sitting at their usual table, everyone looked around for Ness to show up. Lunch wouldn't be over for another hour, but all the other Smashers were already done eating and had left, leaving the room particularly empty. Finally, the last member emerged from... somewhere and took his seat.

("Well, it's about time you showed up,") scoffed Pikachu. ("We're already done eating, as is everybody else. What kept you? You're usually the first one to get here.")

Ness scowled. "It's those stupid R.O.B. lunch ladies. I swear, they are the slowest things on the planet! Took 'em a freakin' hour to make the specialty of the day." He pointed to a crazy, deformed, meat, ham, bacon, fish, mutton, and chicken sandwich dripping with every condiment known to man and several that weren't even on the map.

Lucas raised an eyebrow. "Is that the Double-Decker Triple-Meat Baconator Atomic Burger that's said to kill you if you're a weak Smasher?"

"Eww, that thing's disgusting!" grimaced Nana. "I'm surprised they still serve 'em after what happened at that eating contest last year..."

Kirby snorted, drinking orange juice. "Poor Falco. He was in a coma for weeks."

"Uh, maybe you should hold off on that," suggested Lucas. "You might kill yourself... again."

"Don't worry," he laughed. "As the leader and a great fighter, I should be able to handle this no problem."

Nana rolled her eyes. "That's what Falco said."

Pikachu was about to agree, when his ears perked up. ("Wait... Who ever said you were the leader?")

He scoffed. "Well, why not? I've got the coolest name, best looks, and strongest charisma. I'm the perfect leader for a ragtag group like this."

("Okay, you do have a cool name, but trust me, looks only get you so far. ...And, compared to me, you have next to no charisma.")

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He laughed. "Well, you're not exactly the cream of the crop when it comes to game sales, sadly. I'm the king there, so shouldn't we be going by that?")

"What?!"

"Plus, you're not even a main representative. Me and Kirby are, but since I had the best game sales, I should be the leader by default.")

Kirby frowned. "Now wait just a minute! Are you trying to say you're better than me?"

("Of course. Out of Mario, me, and Link, you're the lowest rep. You're probably only in there 'cause you've got connections with Sakurai.")

"Hey! I'm the main rep of the guys who paid for you to be here! Plus, I'm cute; therefore, I should be the leader!"

"Woah, woah, woah! What about us?" asked Nana, pointing at herself. "We're important, too!"

Everyone else laughed, even Popo, who was quickly slapped senseless by his partner.

"You guys? Important? Yeah, right! You're just here 'cause you make the rest of us look good!" laughed Ness.

The female scowled. "What?! That's not true! As a matter of fact, out of everyone in this group, our game got on the map first, therefore, we should be the leaders!"

Pikachu shook his head. ("No, no, no... Age has nothing to do with it. It's all about the money, the publicity, the fans! That's all that matters. None of you even come close to me!")

"Well, what about me?" said Lucas. "I'm important, too! I... I've got... uh... um..."

Crickets chirped as everyone stared at him like he'd lost it.

He pointed to his cowlick. "...Need I say more?"

Pikachu smirked evilly. ("Sure, but a little haircut could change that in a heartbeat!")

"Y-you wouldn't...!"

Popo slammed his hammer on the table. "Well, at least we climb mountains, which is more than what I can say for you, Ness!"

He gasped, mocking him. "Ooh, no! The scary mountain people are gonna get me! Ooh, watch out! They're gonna throw their ice climbing equipment at me! And there's no escape from their yellow snow attack!"

"Yeah, you'd better be scared!" Popo stuck his chest out, not realizing Ness' sarcasm.

"Well, then, take this, Mr. Funnyman!" Nana took one of Popo's shoes and threw it the laughing Ness. Seeing as the soles of their shoes were covered in sharp, 3-inch long spikes, perfect for ice climbing, the results were far from humorous... for Ness, anyway. As he rolled under the table in pain, everyone else busted out laughing.

"Hey, you can't do that to Ness!" defended Lucas, now threatened. "At least we're psychic! All you guys do is climb mountains so you can eat fruit! I mean, who grows fruit up there, anyway?! And why would you wanna climb a mountain just to eat it?!"

"..." For the first time ever, Nana didn't have the answer. And for the 1,849,059th time, Popo was just as clueless.

"Yeah! Besides, you guys are nowhere near as cute as me," Kirby smiled. "I'm so cute, my picture's in the dictionary under it!"

Pikachu waved a finger. ("Uh, no. Actually, I win in the cute department, too. But you got me on the whole 'pink is manly' thing... Yep, a lotta people are gonna think that when they see you...")

"Are you trying to say I'm... girly?"

("You said it first...")

"No way! Being cute isn't girly! The only ones here girly are Lucas and Nana, but she doesn't count, 'cause she is a girl!"

Lucas pounded his fists on the table. "I'm not girly!"

("Yeah, you are!") mocked the rodent. ("Saying you're not girly's like saying Ness isn't fat!")

Almost on cue, he sat up from under the table. "...What... did you just say?"

("What? Is it not true?")

He pounded a fist on the table, making everyone jump. "...What you just said! I dare you to say it again! C'mon, say it! I double dare you to say it again!"

Pikachu stuck his fingers in his mouth, stretching it out as a means of taunting. ("YOU, SIR, ARE EXTREMLY ROTUND.")

"...Okay, you've just crossed the point of no return." He pointed a threatening finger at him. "When the fat jokes hit the table, it's on!"

("What's the big deal? So you could stand to lose a few pounds; big whoop.")

"I'm not fat!"

"Well, actually, I think he's more of a husky..."

"Shut up, Kirby!" he hissed. "You're in the same boat!"

The puffball's mouth hit the table. "Oh, so just 'cause I'm round, you automatically think I'm fat?!"

"Well, that's pretty much the definition..."

"Screw you, Ness! I'm supposed to look like this! At least I'm not a midget like you and Luciana over there!" He turned to the Ice Climbers. "And the same goes for you, too! Are you guys even children?!"

Lucas frowned, then perked up as the insult hit home. "...Did you just call me Luciana?!"

"And we are too children!" Popo scratched his head. "...Uh, I think."

Pikachu chuckled. ("See? Such immaturity amongst the less-popular heroes. It's a shame you're all not as famous as me.")

Ness hurled Popo's shoe at him. "Shut up!"

The mouse easily dodged, smirking. ("Tsk tsk. Blaming your failures on me won't bring you more fans. RPGs aren't what they used to be, are they, Ness? Luciana?")

"Stop calling me that!"

Nana sneered. "Y'know, Pikachu... Aren't Pokémon owned by humans who command their every single move?"

He did a double take. ("Wh--?!")

"Yeah, it's not like you can do what you want, like most of us other people can..." Kirby smugly crossed his arms. "I actually feel sorry for you. No, wait, what's that other thing? Oh, yeah! No, I don't!"

("You're all just jealous! The humans don't do crap! I mean, just look at the Pokémon Trainer! The lazy bum!")

"Yep, he's the lazy bum working his Pokémon straight into the ground!" laughed Popo.

("That's not the way it works!")

"How do you know?!" demanded Nana. "You're a Pokémon!"

("So, you're saying that just 'cause I'm a Pokémon, I lack intelligence?!")

"Well, if all you guys can say is your name, you can't be that smart..."

He scoffed. ("So says the girl...")

"...What?"

("Oh? Did I step on nerve, princess?")

She gasped. "How dare you?! You jerk! That is totally bias!"

("Look who's calling the kettle black!")

"You know what?!" Ness pointed. "You're just a greedy, snot-nosed money hog! If you think you're so great, then why don't you just go hang out with other Pokémon?!"

"Probably 'cause they hate you just as much as we do!" Popo stuck his tongue out.

Pikachu was outraged. ("Where do you get off saying that to me, you freaky, incestuous loser?! You and Nana outta be ashamed of yourselves!")

Nana's mouth dropped open again. "WTF?! We're not related!"

"Of course you are!" added Kirby. "You're twins!"

"Who ever said that?!"

"The resemblance is uncanny..."

"Like you would know! You're so naive, Kirby! I bet you don't even know the difference between a boy and a girl!"

The Star Warrior was clearly taken aback. "...Is that some kind of a trick question?!"

Pikachu crossed his arms with a smirk. ("Where I come from, that kind of thing is frowned upon. You two would surely be killed for it.")

Ness waved his DS angrily. "Uh, News Flash: Pokémon inbreed all the time! Stop acting like you're so high and mighty!"

("IT'S BECAUSE YOU STUPID HUMANS KEEP MAKING US DO IT!")

"Look who's talking!" Nana put her hands to her hips. "You outta respect us for taking such good care of you! You and your Pokémon pals eat twice as much fatty over there! It's a wonder we can feed them all!"

"WHAT?!"

"Stop calling Ness fat!" spat Lucas. "He's very sensitive about his weight!"

"Yeah! And if I'm fat, we all are, SO THERE!"

"You can't tell us what we are or what we're not!" retorted Pikachu. "Besides, if I was fat, I'd be the 'ph' kind, which I indeed am."

"And we're wearing parkas!" claimed Nana. "We're not really this poofy!"

Lucas rubbed his stomach. "Actually, I'm kinda underweight... I really need to eat more."

"I'm, like, the lightest guy here!" growled Kirby. "There's no way you're telling me I'm fat!"

"Well, for a guy who freakin' eats everything he can get his grubby, little mitts on, you sure are full of yourself... Pun intended."

"...PISS OFF!" In a rage, the normally docile puffball tossed his orange juice across the table, inadvertently hitting Lucas square in the face.

"Why, you--!" Lucas retaliated by throwing Ness' Double-Decker Triple-Meat Baconator Atomic Burger at him, missing and splattering it all over Nana's face. Needless to say, she freaked.

"AUUUUGHHHHH! The blood of a thousand cows and pigs! It's... it's... ALL OVER MEEEEEEEE!"

"Ooh! Don't forget the grease!" stupidly added Popo. "That thing's just dripping in it."

Ness shot Lucas a glare of maniacal proportions. "WTF?! I was just about to eat that!"

"...Sorry?"

"That's not good enough!" With a growl, he picked up Lucas and threw him at Pikachu, causing him to shock him from his sudden launch across the table.

Nana picked up an eggplant from somewhere and jammed it into Ness' mouth. "Why don't you ever eat vegetables for once?! It'd do you some good!"

Popo and Kirby began a war of hammer and blade with each other, while Lucas struggled to get the statically-charged Pikachu detached from his hair.

Spitting the eggplant out, Ness grabbed Nana and did a piledriver on her. Quickly recovering, she attacked with a volley of vegetables that she pulled out of who-knows-where. Ness dove behind the table, turning it over and into a shield for the oncoming onslaught of healthy food. Grabbing a grease-soaked patty, a small part of what used to be his lunch, he threw it her, ducking back behind the table as a pumpkin flew overhead.

Afraid he'd somehow been permanently fused to his head by the static electricity, Lucas ran around the room, squealing and trying to get Pikachu out. The rodent gave him a good shock every now and again, making the situation even worse. Scared out of his mind, Lucas ran as fast as he could, bumping Pikachu into walls, slamming him into the floor, and occasionally hitting him with his conveniently-placed stick.

Kirby did a Final Cutter on Popo, but got it stuck in his retaliating hammer. This resulted in the two going into a never-ending loop of sword and hammer, pink and blue, and grunting and groaning as they tried to get away from each other.

Coming in through the front door, Toon Link blinked. Did he just see what he thought he did? Ness, Lucas, Nana, Popo, Pikachu, and even happy-go-lucky Kirby all declare their undying hate for one another through senseless fighting?! No way! Despite being beaten to a pulp by Lucas the other day, he decided to be the better man and try to make amends, but there seemed to be no reason to now. Everyone had broken up!

He rubbed his chin. Well, if he was already the good guy for coming back to them, he'd be the even cooler guy if he made them make up! Then, they'd make him leader! He smiled broadly. This was gonna be fun...

"Guys! Guys!" he pleaded, going over to stop the madness. "There's no need for this! C'mon, stop it already!"

He was ignored as Nana threw corn at Ness, missing and smacking Kirby upside the head.

"Guys!"

Lucas rammed Pikachu into the wall again, resulting in both of them getting shocked.

"Guys!"

Popo swung Kirby around with his hammer, pulling loose the blade, only for Kirby to regain control of it and stab him in the butt.

"GUYS!" Seeing his pleas go unheard, he pulled out his boomerang and tossed it around the room, eventually catching everyone and smashing them all together in a heap. Pikachu let loose one last jolt on everyone before falling out of Lucas' hair.

Popo frowned. "Um, ouch..."

"Hey, what's the big idea?!" growled Ness.

"Yeah!" added Kirby. "We're busy venting over here, so get lost!"

"Despite my horrific pummeling the other day, from what I remember, you guys were best friends!" He crossed his arms. "Now, you're fighting like you're the worst enemies on the planet!"

"I wouldn't be surprised if we were!" Nana retorted, readying to throw a Chinese cabbage.

"Yeah! We totally have nothing in common!" Lucas frantically began combing his hair down, only making it worse. "Besides, I thought I made it clear yesterday that you're not wanted here!"

Pikachu shooed him off. ("Wimpy Girl's right! Take a hike already!")

Nana rolled her eyes. "You're such a jerk, Pikachu! You need to wash your mouth out with soap! Most of the insults are comin' from you!"

("Aw, put a sock in it!") He threw a carrot at her, missing and thumping Kirby on the head.

"Why do you keep on hitting me with your stinkin' fruit?!" he roared. "I don't like it any more than Ness does!"

"Apparently, you've all gone and missed the point of you guys being together, and I've come to be the better man and make things right!"

"Good, then do us all a favor and kill him!" Ness glared at Pikachu, who glared back. "He won't stop calling me fat!"

("'Cause you are!")

"See?!"

Sighing, Toon Link stood between the two. "Regardless of his appearance, Ness is considered a lightweight Smasher, just like everyone else here, mind you, so calling him fat is not only immature, but just flat out wrong..."

He scoffed. ("Could've fooled me...")

"Ha! See?"

"But... that doesn't mean you should try to pin that on others, Ness. You were in the wrong, too."

"...Hey, I thought you were on my side!"

"Also," he went over to the Ice Climbers, "these two are more important than you might think. I mean, if it weren't for guys like them, games today would be nowhere near as good as they are now."

Nana sweatdropped. "Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence..."

"And Pikachu. You may be a main representative, but that doesn't make you any better than anyone else. No matter how popular or successful you are, Mario pwns you up and down in every single way possible, as he does to everyone in this tournament who is not him. Not to mention, he doesn't brag about it... as much."

("Yeah, well--!") He stopped, unable to retort to what was the truth.

"By the way, Kirby's not naive, Nana, just misunderstood. Considering where he comes from, is it any wonder he's not all there when it comes to knowing how to do certain things? Does it seem to be hampering his performance as a Smasher? I don't think so."

Kirby taunted. "Ha, take that!"

"And Kirby, who ever said Nana and Popo were related? Maybe everyone looks the way they do... wherever they come from..."

He stopped his taunts and sighed. "Aw, now I'm sad..."

"Finally, Lucas is not girly, period. He just craves attention, so he finds himself acting that way in order to get others to notice him. Maybe it is in his nature, but that's probably because you won't give him the time of day to prove otherwise. Ever thought of that?"

Lucas stuck his tongue out. "And I didn't say anything mean, so I'm the only one right!"

"Criticizing the motives of someone's game is considered very mean. Does it really matter why the Ice Climbers climb mountains to eat fruit?"

"...But it doesn't make sense..."

"...Does it have to?"

"..." Everyone just looked at each other, soaking in Toon Link's words. To make matters worse, he was right about it all.

Nana sighed. "Sorry I called you naive, Kirby. Guess that was a little bias..."

"Sorry for... uh... makin' fun of you guys," said Ness, obviously not used to apologizing.

Pikachu looked to Lucas. ("Sorry I called you Luciana...")

Lucas scratched his head. "I'm still not sure why I'm sorry, but I guess I am..."

"Sorry I said you were husky," apologized Kirby. "I really didn't mean anything by it..."

"Sorry I can't think of a better way to bring Schlemiel back from the dead," sighed Popo. "It's just... the ritual seemed like the only progress we've made and I just felt confident going with it..."

"There, see? Isn't that--" Toon Link did a double take. "Schlemiel's dead?!"

"Oh, great!" Nana threw her hands in the air. "Now he knows! We gotta let 'em join now!"

"B-but how...? And when?" He shuddered. "I just played with him a few days ago..."

"Yeah, then Marth had the privilege of doing him in..." Kirby lowered his head. "Sorry."

"So, you guys are trying to get a new Schlemiel? No one else knows, right?"

"Other than Marth, but I think his good looks made him forget. Otherwise, he would've told by now..." Ness shrugged. "And we're working on it, but we kinda keep getting sidetracked..."

"Then, I'm just the guy you need! I'm very good with productivity! I promise I'll do all I can to help!"

Nana grinned. "That's nice, but if you so much as breathe a word to anyone else, we'll kill you."

He smiled nervously, backing away. "Heh heh... Uh, c'mon now. No need to get violent... Still recovering from yesterday here..."

Kirby looked at Ness. "Then, it's official?"

He nodded. "It's official!"

"Toon Link had joined your team!" bellowed a voice from nowhere. Everyone looked around in confusion.

("Who the hell was that?!") demanded Pikachu.

Ness waved it off. "Eh, probably that narrator guy who announces all the fights and stuff. He... does that every now and again."

"Yeah..." Lucas looked around nervously. "I think that guy follows me into the bathroom sometimes..."

Kirby sweatdropped. "Lucas, he's a voice. He can't do anything other than talk."

"Then, you try using the toilet with some guy yelling, 'You've unzipped your pants!' behind you!"

...Crickets chirped two minutes straight until Pikachu half-scoffed, half-laughed. ("...Pussy.")

"HEY!"

Toon Link gritted his teeth. "What did I just get through telling you?!"

"Don't even bother with him, TL!" snorted Ness. "He's never gonna learn."

("So says Fatty McFattison over here.")

"WHAT?!"

"Guys, seriously, stop it!" pleaded Nana. "This has gone on long enough!"

("Stay out of this, Nana! Nobody cares!")

Popo frowned. "Hey, you can't talk to her that way! And she was right earlier; you're just a big, stupid, stuck-up jerk!"

("And what're you gonna do about it?!")

Nana slammed his head on the table. "Nothing! I'll be glad to do it!"

"Ha! That's showin' 'em what for!" laughed the dark-haired boy.

Pikachu threw Nana off. ("Shut up, Ness, you fat, bloated sack of--") He couldn't finish, a rogue baseball bat knocking him upside the head. He glared at the offender. ("Wow, you must be pretty desperate to use an illegitimate move like that.")

"So says Mr. Popular. You cheat all the time behind the scenes and you know it!"

("Exactly! That's why I'm more popular than you! If you walk into a room full of people you've never seen before and shout 'Pikachu!', you better bet they'll all react in some way or another! You walk into the same room and shout 'Ness!', they'll be like, 'What's with the random suffix?'")

"...You did not just make fun of my awesome name!"

("Yes, I did!")

Ness retorted by tackling Pikachu and slamming into the floor. Despite his current position beneath him, he laughed. ("Now I know why you and Porky used to be friends! You're both so freakin' fat!")

"Shut up!" He punched him in the face. Pikachu then grabbed his arms and threw him into the wall, knocking over Popo in the process.

"All right, that's it!" he declared. "It's all fun and games until you start throwing people into the wall, potentially severing their spine!"

He ran over to attack Pikachu, but a Thunder sent him flying into the wall with Ness, badly electrocuting them both. Nana looked on as Toon Link shook his head.

"Y'know what? You're all crazy! I guess Nana and I are the only mature ones here. Isn't that right?"

She smiled, waving her hammer about. "Right!"

"Oh, yeah! And this is for earlier!" Ness grabbed a discarded eggplant and smashed it into her face. Despite her expression covered by the vegetable, the sudden choking of Ness' neck proved she didn't find the surprise attack as funny as he did.

The younger Link sweatdropped, then crossed his arms. "Go figure... Well, just so you know, I'm not gonna be persuaded to--" He was cut off as Pikachu was thrown into him, a result of Ness' PK Fire. "All right! That does it! Who wants some?!"

Lucas and Kirby, the only ones not even remotely interested in fighting anymore, sweatdropped at the others knocking themselves silly.

Kirby looked at Lucas, pulling out several gaming tokens. "...30 Smash Coins on TL."

The blond smiled. "...You're on. Ness obviously has the upper hand..."

Authoress' Notes: Pikachu's theory about walking into a room, shouting his name, and getting feedback has to be the best show of arrogance ever, mostly 'cause it's true.