It was a few months before I could leave the hospital wing. My things were already sent home ahead of me, and no doubt I will go home soon. I will go home and my parents will see what a broken crippled craven failure I am.

I already read the notice of premature end-of-enlistment; saw what they said.

Name:Darius Althis

Age: 23

Years of Service: 7 (first enlistment)

Nature of Discharge: Honorable

Cause of Discharge: Physical disability acquired in combat

Other Information: Peacekeeper Darius Althis was attacked by an angry mob while defending his post. Even after his life was threatened, Darius Althis held his post.

It should have been me that died. Gale should have lived to be acquitted and I should have been the one who was hung from the lamppost.

Romulus Thread is saying something, but I am not really processing anything he is saying. I do not think I can process any information. If I had to guess, I would say he is speaking with his same monotone voice.

"In the five centuries that the Peacekeepers have existed, the Panem Medal of Honor has always been reserved for those who acted above and beyond the call of duty. In doing your duty, you risked life and sacrificed health. Therefore, Peacekeeper Darius Anthis, it is with great pride I award you this medal in recognition of your brave conduct and your determination in defending your post."

Thread pins the piece of metal to my uniform. He has to kneel to do this, as I am not standing at attention. I will never stand again.

They game me a medal.

My friend is dead, my body is crippled, and my promise is broken. And they gave me a fucking medal.

I just want Thread to go away so I can cry and shout and curse alone. Bit he does not leave yet. Instead he stands up, places his hand on my shoulder, and speaks some more. I only just register what he is saying, and even then it is in hindsight.

"Darius, I'm sorry it ended this way. When the trial began I had a hunch the boy was guilty; now, I am not so sure. Even if he was, he still deserved a fair trial and a conviction. That is justice, not what those men did the night they stormed the cell block. This lapse in security will not happen again; I already tripled the guards to the cell block door and I have plans drawn up to install sniper towers. I am sorry this happened, you didn't deserve this either."

I do not respond, so Thread leaves to go back to his business.

I roll myself down the hallway of the base to the hovercraft landing pad, where they will put me in and take me to District 2. As I roll past, I can take stock of the changes that overcame this district. The walls of the base are cleaned and the dirt washed out, but the peacekeepers no longer call out to you in the hallway. The weeds were pulled from the courtyard but there are no more pets or barbecues or bonfires at night. In the rest of the district, the changes were also rapid. Some were severe like Thread's reforms, but others were more subtle. Peeta and Delly getting sent to die in the arena, Mrs. Everdeen getting brained to death by a mugger, Katniss disappearing, and now Gale dying.

Everything only ever gets worse. Nothing is improving and I hate all of this.

As I wait for the hovercraft, I hear a familiar voice behind me.

"Darius."

I do not answer Purnia; I am too dead to the world to speak.

"Darius, I came to check up on you."

I keep staring at the sky silently, contemplating why life is torturous.

"I heard you got a medal."

That damn medal! It's not what I wanted; it will never bring Gale back.

Angrily, I rip the cursed thing off my chest. If it was made of a weaker metal, I would have crushed it in my hand by now. Since it is not, I just throw it on the ground at the side of my wheelchair.

"I don't want it. If it won't bring Gale back than I don't want it!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

Oh great, now I snapped at my friend for trying to make conversation. I really am human garbage, useless and craven and incompetent.

"You can keep it if you want, but I don't want it."

Knowing Purnia, she'll probably mail it to my parents under the thinking that I might change my mind later on and want a memory or some other bullshit. Ill probably just let my parents have it or throw it in a corner to best be forgotten.

"Darius, you did the best you could."

I will not sit here and be lied to.

"Go. Away."

With that, I roll away and leave myself alone. This is how we part after years of friendship.

I roll into the hovercraft and wait.

I could use a drink when I get back.