Ready To Fall

Chapter 12: It's tearing up my heart

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It's tearing up my heart when I'm with you.

When we are apart I feel it too.

And no matter what I do I feel the pain

With or without you.

-'It's Tearing Up My Heart' by N'Sync-

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One week before that cold and empty night…

.

Tetsuya have heard the rumors.

.

Tetsuya have heard of the infamous Black Cat plaguing Mikan Sakura's dates. Although he had also heard how dangerous he is, he was never afraid of him.

Sure he could burn him alive. But he is strong, and not just because of his Alice. There are other ways to defeat an enemy—not that he was considering Natsume as an enemy. At least not yet.

He also somewhat understood the reason behind the Black Cat's actions. He was actually more worried of that than how easily he could turn him into dust.

"Shall we hear it then, Natsume?"

Natsume was taken aback when Kimura knew why he was there. For a minute he contemplated how he will hunt those pigs and burn them to roast, but Kimura's aura kept him focused on the situation at hand. Something about the red-head intrigued him. Natsume had known he was not like those other pigs who dated Mikan. He is smarter. He does not just think with his testosterone. Because if he did, he would have not been able to so much as lay a hand on Mikan, and much more kiss her.

This memory stirred the anger in Natsume's gut.

Although he was calm when he spoke, he could feel a dangerous fire building inside him.

"You have nerves, Kimura," his voice, contrary to the fire, was as cold as the eyes piercing through the red-head. "You dared force yourself on her."

"I did not force myself on her," he replied matter-of-factly knowing exactly who and what Natsume meant. He was also aware that trash bins don't ignite by themselves.

Tetsuya met his cold fiery eyes equally, "I didn't have to."

Natsume's right hand conjured the flame before he even realized it, "You're a dead man, Kimura."

Though he knew he was in danger, he did not flinch, nor did he show fear.

"I do not doubt your Alice," he replied in a serious tone. He was ready to fight if it would come to that, though he hoped it does not have to. "I know you're as dangerous as they say you are. I will tell you now that I know how to fight if I have to. I would not back out. But if I humor you now, I know Mikan would not be happy about it."

"You dare talk to me about Sakura's happiness," if Kimura thought that would make Natsume consider the situation, he better think again. Natsume's anger is nearing boiling point, and nothing could probably prevent it now."You know nothing about her. You think just because you took her out on a date you're an expert now on her happiness?"

"It wasn't just a date, Natsume, and you know that. It was the date," Tetsuya, changing tactic, smirked as he continued, "You look at the guys who ask Mikan out as cowards because they tremble just hearing you hiss. But in reality, you're the coward, Natsume."

His last statement caught the Black Cat's attention. Tetsuya Kimura has just called him a coward. No one has ever dared call him a coward—until now.

"What did you just say?" the flame on his hand was ready to strike. Just one wrong step from him and he's toast.

"Those guys," Kimura continued seeing his reaction as an opportunity instead. "They are actually brave. Probably braver than you could be. At least they took the chance. Even after hearing that dating Mikan also means receiving a threat from the feared Natsume Hyuuga, they still asked her out. They were brave enough to take a chance and get what they want."

Tetsuya, knowing victory was almost his, eyed him, "How about you?"

Natsume went from boiling to just simmering. Tetsuya knew he struck a chord in him, so he continued.

"You never asked her out. It pisses you off that they get to go out with her on dates, but you can't."

Natsume's flame completely died out, not just the one on his hand, but also the flame in his heart.

"You had your chance, Natsume," yes, victory is indeed his. "You had always had your chance, and you never took it. It's my chance now. You can fight me in that area if you want. I've already told you, I do not just back out."

Natsume had no reaction to that. No one has explained it to him like that. It pissed him off that he had to hear it from the irritating Kimura. And it pissed him even more that the red-head was completely right.

"Don't talk like you know me," nevertheless, he was not about to give Kimura the satisfaction.

They both turned their heads when they suddenly heard giggling girls approaching the fountain.

"Consider yourself lucky, Kimura," that was all and, like a cat, Hyuuga disappeared from the scene so quietly that the girls only saw Tetsuya Kimura looking serious by the fountain.

Kimura knew he won this battle, but there is still a war to fight.

.

He's a coward.

Who would have thought of that?

The infamous Black Cat. The feared Natsume Hyuuga. A coward.

He has fought so many battles working for the academy. He handled gun shots, car chases, abductions, and he handled those pretty well, especially for his age. But he has never handled anything that required him to pour his heart out. And that was his real problem.

Natsume was still pissed, as he sat under the Sakura tree, that it took a Tetsuya Kimura—an irritating red-head—to make him realize that.

He never really felt loved, so how would he know how to love somebody? It even took him five years to finally admit to himself that he is in love with Sakura. How many years, he wondered, would it take before he can admit it to Sakura herself?

It's not like he hasn't tried. In fact, he has tried for maybe a couple of times, but it was as if fate has a different plan for them.

Should I just let it go now? he asked himself. Should I just forget about loving her?

But how do you exactly make it stop?

Natsume has never been so confused in his life.

"Is there a switch somewhere I didn't know about?"

"What switch?" Natsume did not realize that he mouthed his question, nor did he realize he was no longer alone under the tree.

His eyes shot open realizing who his company was, and saw the object of his predicament eying him with concern written all over her face.

"Nothing," he automatically replied sounding annoyed out of habit.

Although Mikan was supposedly used to it, her own predicament caused her to stop in shock. Her eyes widened and, Natsume could swear, started to water. But she closed her eyes for a full second and breathed deeply. She stood straight and looked away from him.

He wanted to beat himself so hard for causing her almost-tears.

"Do you really want me to go away, Natsume?"

Her serious soft tone prevented him from replying something rude again.

What is she saying?

Trying to regain his façade, he smirked, "You wouldn't stay away even if I ask you to."

Oblivious to the Black Cat, Mikan's fists curled into a ball trying to keep herself composed. For some reason, his reply caused a twinge of pain in her heart. No, to say it was just a twinge was so wrong. It was like a hand actually held her heart and squeezed it with its might.

But she released another deep breath and sat next to him. She was mysteriously silent, just staring straight into the woods.

"That's it?" he asked. "No 'you stupid jerk', 'you pig'? I've never known you as one to give up easily."

She let out another breath.

"Have you been taking anger management classes lately?"

Still nothing.

Natsume found her behavior quite odd. He could not help but stare at her.

What is she thinking? the frustration was eating up on him that he was willing to trade his Alice for Yome's if he could.

She seemed so drowned in her thoughts that she even unconsciously pouted because of whatever she was contemplating on.

The pout did not escape the Black Cat's observant eyes. He was so sure her mouth gathered into a pout the same way a mouth behaves when leaning for a…

Rage burst in him as he remembered the dreadful sunset of Valentine's Day. Then almost right after, pain followed. Natsume grew silent and still himself.

So she's still thinking of that event. It has been two days.

Well, that's not particularly good, he told himself. This is killing me.

For the first time in my life, I care for someone like this. For the first time in my life, I have this longing to be close to someone. For the first time in my life, I want to share my heart to someone.

He shifted his gaze to the woods as he continued his thoughts, what do you do if they don't want to share theirs back? How does this go? Why do people even want to love if you have to feel this pain? I'm used to pain, but not this pain.

He ought to start getting some answers to all his questions or he just might go crazy.

"Haven't seen Kimura lately," not around her, at least. "Did he finally get tired of you?"

She let out yet another sigh, "He's giving me some space."

"Some space?"

"To think," she paused waiting for him to butt in, but when he didn't, she continued. "He told me… he has feelings for me."

Natsume's right hand curled into a fist.

Of course he did, he angrily thought remembering his confrontation with the red-head. It's so like him to be quite confident and profess his love to a girl he's just met a few months ago.

And that was why, to Kimura's opinion, Natsume is a coward.

"He'd like me to give an answer," she added. "If whether I have feelings for him, too."

"Oh, so he's demanding you for an answer now," the anger was starting to show in his voice.

"He's not demanding," she instinctively stepped into his defense, which added to his irritation. "He wants me to think about it."

"Are you thinking about it?" he asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"It's all I could think of," she confessed.

He was right, she has been thinking about it, and it was not sounding good for Natsume.

He thought the pain could not get any worse anyway, so he asked, "Do you have feelings for him, too?"

She sighed, then spoke in a very low voice, he could hardly hear, "I don't know."

He was wrong. It's the answers that would drive him insane.

But she doesn't know, he argued internally. That means she hasn't made up her mind yet. He still stands a chance.

If he fights for her now, he may still stand a chance.

But didn't she already admit she's in love with someone? He remembered her confession that night of her birthday. If that someone isn't Kimura, does that mean he has more rival in Mikan's heart?

Everything is driving him insane.

"I was hoping," she spoke, pulling him from his reverie. "I was hoping to hear your opinion."

"My opinion?"

"Yeah, you always have an opinion before. About how I dress, how I behave, my choice in boys."

Does she really want to know?

He wanted to grab her on both arms and shake her, tell her to dump him. Let her know that he was mad because some other guy kissed her. He wanted her to belong with him, and not with some jerk who is extremely annoying—who didn't even care to hide his feelings for her. He wanted her to choose him. To hell with Persona! To hell with the complications! He wants to be with her.

But does she want to? Does she want to be with him, too?

He heaved a sigh before answering calmly, "I can give you my opinion, because you can be so ignorant at times—a lot of times. But it wouldn't matter."

She looked at him, brows drawn together as she tried to understand.

"No one knows better how you feel than yourself. Other people—especially your friends—may give their opinion. They can even push those opinions to you. But in the end, you follow what you feel. In the end, you actually already know what you want."

Mikan was silent.

For the first time, he made sense to her. And she felt a little better as they drift into their old comfy silence.

As she shifted her gaze back into the woods, she already knew what to do. She has formed her decision.

.

It has been more than a week since Valentine's Day, and Mikan was feeling a lot better. Coming to a decision removed that chip on her shoulder that she has been carrying since that day.

She is actually back to her cheerful self now—well, almost—as she walked towards the Tea Garden.

What she was about to do is still not easy. She will be closing a door on someone—preventing any chances between them. She, instead, will be pursuing what she really wants—what she knows can make her truly happy.

"Who does Mikan Sakura think she is?" she stopped abruptly upon hearing her name.

She strained her ear to listen for the source. It was a girl's voice, and she was not alone.

She followed the voices from behind the trees. She was careful not to make any sudden noises.

There were three of them. High School girls, Mikan concluded upon seeing their uniform. She didn't know them at all. How could they be talking about her?

The tallest girl with long wavy hair, who mentioned her name, continued to speak, "If she didn't want to date those guys, why didn't she just say so? She doesn't have to send Natsume to do her dirty work for her."

Mikan froze, confused.

"But Aki said she's not aware of what Natsume was doing," the shorter girl butted in. "He said Natsume told them not to tell her about it, or they're dead."

"Please," the tall girl hissed. She seemed to be quite irritated of Mikan for some reason. "She probably was just playing innocent. I wouldn't be surprised if she gave him a love potion or something."

What are they saying?

The third girl spoke, "You're implying that it was Sakura who made Natsume scare Aki and the other guys during their dates?"

"Absolutely."

No, Mikan wasn't hearing this. These were all just her imagination.

It has to be, she convinced herself as she hurriedly ran away.

Next Chapter: I can feel the breeze... it's coming.

The cold and empty night has come...