CHAPTER TWELVE

Edward's POV

The cabin was completely silent when I climbed back through the window into my room. I undressed quietly in the darkness and slipped into bed, my heart racing as several minutes passed and it became clear that I hadn't been heard by my parents.

Despite the late hour, I found it difficult to relax enough to sleep. All I could think about was that in two days' time I would no longer be a virgin and that my first time was to be with a boy who loved me, a boy that I had dreamed of and longed for, imagining my wishes to be in vain. I wondered if he was lying awake thinking about the same things.

Eventually I slept, but when Mom knocked on the door to wake me, I felt as if I'd barely had time to close my eyes. I yawned discreetly all through breakfast, noticing Jasper's tired look and shadowed eyes when I glanced at him. We really needed to catch up on some sleep before Tuesday.

With Cassie and Frankie's family gone, there were some empty places around the table. The bachelors and the family with the four children were both there until the end of the week, but no new visitors were expected for a few days, which left Jasper and me together. Mom and Dad were getting along well with the other couple and because two of their kids were too young to be out for the day without their parents, Jasper wasn't required to help supervise anyone else.

We returned to the McCartys' deserted barn that day and managed to get an hour or two of sleep, then fell upon each other like starving animals. Jasper had brought the lube as usual and he took his time carefully stretching me with three fingers, whispering dirty words in my ear as he made me come. My nervousness about our first time was diminishing and instead I was excited, so much so that when I chatted to Ben that evening, I admitted what we were planning when he asked, 'Have you done the deed yet?' He expressed surprise at my answer, but I didn't elaborate or tell him I was in love with Jasper; I wanted to keep most things to myself.

Tuesday we rode out to the lake. We had decided not to risk playing out there again, but on this occasion we weren't intending to let things get heated between us, preferring to save it for the evening. Mick was planning on taking Marcie into Dublin after dinner for a rare night out, which meant it would be easy for Jasper to slip out of the house. I would simply leave the cabin after my parents had gone to bed.

I lay on top of my bed covers, my heart thudding loudly as I listened to the shower running and Mom's voice talking to Dad. Eventually they stopped moving around and I checked my phone for the time, wondering if Jasper was already outside waiting for me. It was only eleven o'clock and I left it another fifteen minutes until I could hear Dad's soft snoring before I rose silently and tiptoed, boots in hand, out of my room and left the cabin.

I met Jasper by the paddock gate where he waited with Sandy, it being clear he meant for us to ride her together as we had before. He didn't speak as I reached him, but kissed me warmly and then gave me a leg up onto the horse. When he climbed up behind me, he wrapped an arm tightly around me as we began to move and I leaned back against his chest, my head on his shoulder. His lips teased my ear and my neck as we rode and I could feel the hard pressure of his crotch against my butt. My cock stiffened, rising easily in the loose pants I was wearing and I groaned softly as Jasper's hand lowered and began to stroke me. I squirmed against him, desperate for more contact, but fearing it would all be over before it started if he continued. Reluctantly I grasped his hand and pulled it back up to my stomach.

"I'll come in my pants before we even get there," I sighed and he chuckled, warm breath fanning my neck.

"Maybe we should have fooled around earlier after all. We're both gonna last about a minute. I know I will when my cock feels what it's like inside you."

I moaned again, feeling myself tremble slightly. "If you come in my mouth first, you'll last longer," I suggested, my face warming at my words. I giggled at the sound of Jasper sucking his breath in sharply through his teeth. Even as little as a week ago I would never have said anything like that without dying of embarrassment, but with him it just didn't matter. It was becoming easier and more natural to me to just blurt out what was in my head without fearing an unfavourable reaction.

"Damn it, Edward, if you keep talking like that we're gonna have to stop so you can suck me right away."

We rode on, mostly in silence, both painfully aroused until at last the barn came into sight. The moon was fatter now, casting more light onto the earth and we could see easily enough as we slid down from Sandy's back and led her into the building. Jasper tethered her in a corner and removed the rug that had covered her, then spread it out in another corner for us to lie on. He emptied his pockets before he sat down, removing the lube from one and a large wad of tissues from the other.

I took my boots off and lowered myself to the ground, my heart now beginning to hammer with the nerves I thought had been left behind. My hands were shaking and I folded them together between my knees, trying to make myself relax again. Suddenly what I had imagined would be clumsily perfect had me fearing discomfort, maybe even complete failure to loosen up so that he couldn't even get in me. I raised one hand and dragged my fingers through my hair, then repeated the action with the other hand and chewed my lip.

"You haven't done that in a while." Jasper kicked off his boots, sat down and grasped both of my hands in his. "I'm nervous too, you know. I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm being stupid," I said.

"No, you're not. It's a big step. I think if we had met in different circumstances, where we could date properly and had as much time as we wanted, we wouldn't be rushing it the way we are."

"Yeah, I guess."

"We don't have to do it, you know."

"I want to. You're my wish come true, remember?" I laughed shakily. "What if this is the only chance we ever get?"

"It won't be. Somehow, some day we'll be together again, Edward. We have to be. Your wish came true; so will mine one day."

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too." He released my hands and slid his arms around me instead, his lips brushing gently over mine.

We spent a long time kissing, tentatively to begin with as if it were our first kiss all over again. Gradually pieces of clothing began to come off until we were lying on the rug naked, hands stroking over each other's bodies, tongues caressing, hearts pounding and Jasper's erection nudging impatiently against my stomach. I was only semi-hard, still anxious, and it concerned me a little. I let Jasper take my mind off of it, grasping his leaking cock in my hand and pushing him onto his back so that I could crouch over him and take it in my mouth.

He was already close, his body trembling as I squeezed his balls lightly in one hand, stroking the other up and down his shaft while I sucked firmly on the upper half. I circled the tip with my tongue and dipped into his slit, tasting pre-cum and making him moan loudly. His hands were clenched at his sides, his hips bucking slightly, thighs trembling as he attempted to delay things. The feel of him, the taste of him and his obvious pleasure drove away my fears and I felt my cock bump against my belly as it filled eagerly, now craving attention. When he came I swallowed and continued sucking gently until he was pushing at my head and begging me to stop, his body shaking with sensitivity and laughter. I released him and lay down beside him, pressing my lips to his and letting him taste himself.

We lay together in silence while Jasper came down from the high of his orgasm and then eventually he turned to face me and moved closer until our bodies touched, chest to chest, thigh to thigh, lower legs entwined. I could feel his heartbeat as rapid as my own, his cock beginning to grow again and nudge mine. I was still half hard and I did my best to stop over-thinking things the way I often did. It would be fine, I told myself, but as much as I tried, I couldn't make myself relax properly.

Jasper's hand stroked lightly down my back and then up again, raising goose bumps on my flesh along the length of my spine. I closed my eyes and tucked my face into his neck, holding onto him as his fingers glided down again and traced circles on my butt, then drifted to the backs of my thighs.

"You're so tense," he murmured. "It won't be any different to what we did yesterday to start with."

"I know, I can't help it." I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, cursing my wilting erection and wondering if it was like this for everyone the first time.

"I love you so much," Jasper whispered. "Please, tell me if you don't want to..."

"Don't you want to?"

"Yes, I do, more than anything. But I don't want to if you're not ready."

"I am. Sorry, it's just...nerves getting the better of me."

"You worried it'll hurt?"

"Yeah. Or that I won't come."

"You will, I'll make sure of it." His lips touched my ear, then my neck where it joined my shoulder. "I love touching you." His hand stroked up my back again and then down. "Remember the first time you touched me? I barely lasted any time at all, I was so turned on having your hands on me."

"You didn't even get the chance to do the same," I said. "I came in my pants. I was mortified."

"And I thought you just regretted getting your hands on me and didn't want me doing the same." His fingers dipped between my legs, teasing the sensitive flesh of my inner thighs. "Turn over. Let me touch you."

I rolled away from him, resting on my stomach with my head on my arms the way I had the first time we experimented with the lube. Jasper was amazing, I thought. He knew exactly how I was feeling even without me telling him and this was why I had wanted him to be my first. He wouldn't discount or scoff at my feelings, or carry on regardless so long as he got to enjoy himself. I breathed out slowly and felt my body loosen up, my heart still racing, but my limbs boneless. His hand returned to my lower back, stroking gently in circles before moving lower to my butt again. I heard the click of the lube and the wet sound of him coating his other hand and I continued to breathe slow and deep, trying not to let myself tense up again.

He guided my legs apart and I tilted my hips up to give him better access. A slippery finger touched my perineum and then trailed up my ass crack to my hole and back down, making me shiver. My soft cock twitched and I squirmed against the rug. Jasper's finger was circling my hole now, occasionally pausing to press against the puckered skin, the tip dipping just inside me, but not trying yet to enter me properly. I heard myself moan and I spread my legs open wider. Jasper shifted his position and kneeled between them, his free hand continuing to caress my butt as he pushed the one finger into me.

"This ok?" he asked.

"Yes...feels good."

"You're so hot in there, so tight and soft."

I groaned, his words having just as much effect on me as his touch although my cock was still determinedly flaccid. It quivered now and then, but nerves continued to prevent it filling. Jasper's finger pumped slowly in and out of me and after a moment he added a second. I grunted in appreciation, enjoying the feel of it even though my body wasn't reacting the way I wanted it to. After the number of times we had already done this, two fingers caused me no discomfort and merely felt good.

Jasper removed his other hand from me and I heard him squeezing out more lube. I opened my eyes and glanced over my shoulder to see him stroking himself, his cock about half hard, glistening with lube as he coated it. He continued pumping it slowly, teasing himself to full hardness while the two fingers moved within me at the same pace.

"God, Jasper," I groaned suddenly and his eyes flew to my face, an almost guilty look on his own.

"I can't keep my hands off any longer," he smirked. "You feel so good and seeing my fingers going in you...imagining it's my cock...is making me need to come again."

"I want you to come in me," I said.

"Are you sure, Edward?"

"Yes, I'm ok, I promise," I told him. I was, I realised. At last my erection was growing again, a combination of the feel of him touching me and the sight of him touching himself, knowing how much I was arousing him was doing the same to me. Nervousness was fading and I longed to feel him properly – not just his fingers, but his cock filling me.

"I'm gonna get more lube." He withdrew the two fingers for a moment and then slid them back in, wetter and more slippery, gradually adding a third and stretching me more. "Feel ok?"

"Yeah." It burned, but I stayed relaxed until the discomfort went away. "I'm ready," I whispered.

He continued for another minute or two, thrusting his fingers slowly in and out and I rubbed myself against the rug, my face hidden in my arms and eyes closed. At last he withdrew from me again and I listened to him move around, apply even more lube, presumably to his erection and then lower himself over me. His warm, slippery cock nudged me and his chest rested on my back, one forearm lying beside mine to support his weight. His lips touched the back of my neck and I turned my head so that he could reach the corner of my mouth, placing another soft kiss there.

"Breathe," he murmured suddenly and I realised I was holding my breath, my fists clenched and my body rigid. I exhaled slowly and relaxed again, shivering at the feel of Jasper's cock sliding along my ass crack. He grasped it firmly, his knuckles brushing me as he lined himself up and I felt the spongy head push against me. It suddenly seemed impossibly big and I flinched involuntarily, clenching myself tight.

"Fuck...sorry..." I muttered.

He shifted his position a little and tried again, this time managing to push the tip of his cock into me. I stretched open and he slid forward, past the ring of muscle which immediately tightened up in response to the invasion. Pain shot up my back and I whimpered helplessly.

"Jas...stop...sorry..." I gasped. "I can't. Sorry."

In a second he had pulled out and was turning me over, his face anxious as he cupped my chin and made me look at him, despite my reluctance to meet his eyes. He continued to rest on top of me, his knees between mine taking some of his weight.

"Stop saying you're sorry, baby, if it hurts we won't do it."

"I don't know why I can't relax. I want this so much," I sighed. My erection had subsided again and I knew it must be obvious to him; his own throbbing cock was resting against it.

"Do you want to try a different position?" he suggested. "Maybe if you sit on me, you'll be in control of it."

"No." I shook my head and reached out to snag the bottle of lube. "Try it like this."

"Ok, hold on a second." Jasper pulled himself away from me and sat back on his heels, grabbing his jeans. I watched as he rolled them up, quickly realising his intention and I lifted my butt off the rug so he could slip the sausage-shaped pillow under me. "Comfortable enough?"

"Yeah." I squeezed lube into my palm and reached out to coat his already well-slicked cock in it. "A friend of mine told me there's no such thing as too much lube."

"A friend? You mean your internet buddy, Ben?"

"Yes, he had his first time not too long ago."

"Is he a bottom?"

"Yes."

"He tell you anything else?"

"Relax." I snorted softly. "Fail."

"We've been here before, remember. First time we touched. You had to try with me first, you were so tense."

"Are you saying you want me to fuck you first?" I blurted.

"I wasn't, but you can if you want to."

I smiled and shook my head. He really would do anything for me. "I'm ok. Try again."

He lowered himself over me, gripping his cock firmly in one hand and supporting his weight with the other, his forearm tucked under my neck. I drew my knees up, letting them fall outwards and breathed deep as he guided himself. Despite my longing to close my eyes and hide my face, I kept looking at him, his teeth sinking into his lower lip, brows drawn slightly together as the head of his cock slid over my hole and then back the other way. Then suddenly it was inside me, slipping carefully past the tight inner ring before holding still.

"Is it ok?" he panted.

"Yeah." I slid my arms around his back, resting my hands on his butt and feeling the muscles there knotted with tension. He pushed forward a little more, slowly stretching me open to accommodate his size. It burned, but I breathed through it, fighting not to tense up. He stopped moving again, removing his hand from his cock now and resting the other arm beside my head.

"Fuck, you feel amazing," he whispered. "So hot and tight. I could come like this without even moving."

"You're not all the way in yet." I pressed my hands down on his butt and he slid in smoothly until his balls came to rest against me and his body shuddered, a deep groan rumbling up from his chest.

"Christ Almighty," he gasped. "Tell me how it feels for you."

"Tight," I said. "Full. Stretched, but it doesn't really hurt any more. You can move if you want."

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you."

He pulled back then, a couple inches at most before burying himself deep again.

"Jeez...fuck...so close already," he groaned.

"I'm ok, Jasper, just do it," I encouraged. "Fuck me."

He began to move, slowly at first, shallow thrusts back and forth, awkward and clumsy. I tried to move with him, pushing up under him and mainly only succeeding in upsetting his rhythm. I was still soft, but gradually it was beginning to feel good, the copious amounts of lube making the movement easy and the discomfort almost gone. I removed one hand from his back and slipped it between us, stroking my cock and urging it to respond. Jasper propped himself up a little more to give me room, changing the angle of his thrusts slightly and causing his shaft to drag over my prostate. It was exactly what was needed to send my blood rushing from my pounding heart to fill my cock and I hardened rapidly with a sudden gasp of pleasure.

"I'm gonna come," Jasper panted suddenly. "Sorry...feels too fucking...good!"

I felt it as he lost control, his cock jerking inside me, his body shaking and his hips moving awkwardly once or twice more. Then he was filling me with warm spurts of cum, a jumble of curses spilling from his mouth mixed in with my name. I moved my hand faster, desperate to catch up, wanting to finish before he slipped out of me.

"Don't move...please," I begged before he had a chance to move away. He grinned and stayed where he was, his still hard cock deep within me, warm breath fanning my cheek as he panted for breath.

"Make yourself come," he encouraged. "Come for me, Edward. Let me feel it."

"Almost there," I gasped. "So close."

"Could you feel it when I came?" he whispered.

"Yes...warm...wet...fuck!" I felt myself tighten around him as I finished, shooting my load between us onto his belly and my own. I took my hand away quickly and wiped it on the rug before I folded my arm around him again. This was it, our first time and as awkward and uncomfortable as it had been at first, it was just as I had assured him it would be when he had been worried about it – clumsy and perfect. Suddenly I was drowning in my feelings for him and the fact that I had given myself to him and I hugged him tighter, burying my face in his hair and shivering as I felt him slip from me and rest between my thighs.

"Edward?"

"Uh..." I couldn't speak, my throat tight with tears.

"What's wrong? Tell me," Jasper said anxiously.

"I...I just..." I choked. "Sorry...overcome, I guess."

"I kind of feel like that too." He pulled his head back and I forced my wet eyes open to meet his. "I love you, Edward. It's gonna kill me letting you go at the weekend."

"I know. Me too."

"I meant what I said earlier. Somehow I'll get away from here and be with you again. This is too important. I can't lose you."

"I'll wait for you," I told him. "No matter how long it takes."

We didn't speak for a little while then. Jasper sat up slowly, reluctantly almost, as I lay still, watching as he cleaned himself up with some of the tissues he had brought. He wadded them up afterwards and shoved them into one of the pockets of his jeans, then picked up the remainder.

"Let me?"

"Yeah."

He wiped the wet stickiness off of my belly and my cock, then between my legs, although I suspected I would leak more as soon as I sat up. When he was done he lay down again and slid his arms around me, his lips touching my ear.

"Do you dream about the future?" he asked softly.

"Sometimes."

"Ever think about a future with me?"

"All the time in the last few days," I admitted.

"Me too. I imagine us going to college together, going to sleep together like this every night..."

"...waking up together every morning," I put in. "Do you think it'll really happen? I mean, you'd have to leave everything behind. Your whole life."

"Don't you think I want to? What is there to keep me here, Edward? What do I have other than Sandy? My Dad would whip the skin off of me if he knew I'm in love with a boy. I don't think even Emmett would support me if he knew I'm gay. My future here is working on the ranch for the rest of my life, marrying some girl I could never love, every day longing for something else. I want you, Edward. There's nothing else as important to me as you."

"You're the most important thing to me too," I said at once. "My wish come true."

A/N - I was delighted to hear that "Torn" has been nominated for Top 10 Fics Completed in October at twifanfictionrecs dot com so if you read the story and enjoyed it, I'd be really grateful for your vote. Thank you :o)